The Nightman Scoring System (c) Music Review Master List!

Greetings, Glancers! I mentioned in my last post that I was going to go back and give my favourite albums, and anything else I’ve heard, the Get Rekt treatment. I completely forgot that when I’d been doing this for The Beatles that I was posting them under the Nightman Scoring System series instead. That works out nicely as it provides a neat differentiation between movies (Get Rekt) and music (Nightman Scoring System). Even though it’s basically the same approach – score using an unbiased system breaking a product into twenty equally weighted categories.

While it was easy to do this with movies, because I had already posted lists of my favourite movies of each year and had a ready-made master-list, I did not have anything similar for music. This post changes that. This post will similarly be updated with albums, scores, and links to reviews, the differences being that I’ll continue to update the music I review, and instead of going year by year, I’ll post alphabetically by artist. In the early days, there won’t be many artists, but as time goes on and my reviews batch up, you’ll see the array of artists expand.

If you’re interested in any of the artists and albums below, or my thoughts on them, please have a look around and share your own thoughts. Enjoy!

Bad Bunny – YHLQMDLG – 58

Biffy Clyro – A Celebration Of Endings – 63

Bob Dylan – Rough And Rowdy Ways – 64

Chloe X Halle – Ungodly Hour – 68

Code Orange – Underneath – 61

Deftones – Ohms – 60

Dua Lipa – Future Nostalgia – 74

Enter Shikari – Nothing Is True & Everything Is Possible – 57

Fiona Apple – Fetch The Bolt Cutters – 67

Ghostmane – Anti-Icon – 54

Jessie Ware – What’s Your Pleasure – 58

Lady Gaga – Chromatica – 74

Lil Baby – My Turn – 51

Lil Uzi Vert – Eternal Atake: 63

Perfume Genius – Set My Heart On Fire Immediately: 64

Phoebe Bridges – Punisher: 71

Pop Smoke – Shoot For The Moon: 60

Roisin Murphy – Roisin Machine: 58

Run The Jewels – RTJ 4: 67

The Beatles – Please Please Me – 81

The Beatles – With The Beatles – 71

The Beatles – A Hard Day’s Night – 92

The Beatles – For Sale – 80

The Beatles – Help! – 93

The Beatles – Rubber Soul – 90

The Beatles – Revolver – 95

The Beatles – Sgt Pepper – 96

The Beatles – The White Album: 79

All Reviews A-Z

Here is a thing which I will plan to update each time I add a new review. This should make it easy for anyone who is sufficiently depraved enough to enjoy what I write and craves more. There isn’t a huge amount yet, but I do have a tonne of reviews written years ago for IMDB which I haven’t posted here yet, along with all my other Album reviews for Amazon. This list will grow. For now, click on anything you like!

Movie Reviews

#Alive – Il Cho

11/22/63 – Bridget Carpenter

2001 Maniacs – Tim Sullivan

300: Rise Of An Empire – Noam Murro

A Dark Song – Liam Gavin

A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night – Ana Lily Amirpour

A Quiet Place – John Krasinski

A Hard Day – Kim Seong Hun

A Mighty Wind – Christopher Guest

A Nightmare On Elm Street – Wes Craven

A Tale Of Two Sisters – Kim Ji Woon

A Wish For Christmas – Christie Will Wolf

Aftermath – Elliott Lester

After Midnight – Jeremy Gardner/Christian Stella

After The Silence – Fred Gerber

Airwolf – Donald Bellisario

Akira – Katsuhiro Otomo

Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa – Declan Lowney

Alien – Ridley Scott

Aliens – James Cameron

Alien 3 – David Fincher

Annihilation – Alex Garland

Arachnophobia – Frank Marshall

Assault On Precinct 13 – John Carpenter

Attack Of The Adult Babies – Dominic Brunt

August Rush – Kirsten Sheridan

AWOL – Sheldon Lettich

Bad Lieutenant – Abel Ferrara

Bait – Kimble Rendall

Bangkok Dangerous – The Pang Brothers

Baskin – Can Evrenol

Battle Royale – Kinji Fukasaku

Beavis And Butthead – Mike Judge

Beetlejuice – Tim Burton

Bedevilled – Jang Cheol-soo

Benny And Joon – Jeremiah S Chechik

Big Driver – Mikael Salomon

Big Trouble In Little China – John Carpenter

Bill And Ted’s Bogus Journey – Peter Hewitt

Bill And Ted’s Excellent Adventure – Stephen Herek

Bill And Ted Face The Music – Dean Parisot

Birdy – Alan Parker

Black Coal, Thin Ice – Diao Yinan

Blair Witch – Adam Wingard

Blood Father – Jean Francois Richet

Blood Fest – Owen Egerton

Bloodsport – Newt Arnold

Bodyguards And Assassins – Teddy Chan

Body Shots – Michael Christofer

Body Snatchers – Abel Ferrara

Bordello Of Blood – Gilbert Adler

Braindead – Peter Jackson

Brooklyn Rules – Michael Corrente

Brother – Takeshi Kitano

Bruiser – George A Romero

Cam – Daneil Goldhaber

Cannibal – Manuel Martin Cuenca

Captain America: The First Avenger – Joe Johnston

Carne – Gaspar Noe

Cell – Tod Williams

Chasing Amy – Kevin Smith

Chasing Sleep – Michael Walker

Children Of The Corn – Fritz Kiersch

Christmas At Castle Hart – Stefan Scaini

Christmas In Rome – Ernie Barbarash

Cockneys Vs Zombies – Matthias Hoene

Come And See – Elem Kilmov

Commando – Mark L Lester

Conan The Barbarian – John Milius

Creepshow 2 – Michael Gornick

Cronos – Guillermo Del Toro

Cursed – Wes Craven

Cyborg – Albert Pyun

Dark City – Alex Proyas

Dark Tide – John Stockwell

Darlin – Pollyanna Macintosh

Dawn Of The Dead – Zack Snyder

Day of The Dead – George A Romero

Daylight – Rob Cohen

Dead Of Night (1977) – Dan Curtis

Dead Snow – Tommy Wirkola

Death Sentence – James Wan

Death Wish 2 – Michael Winner

Demons – Lamberto Bava

Desperado – Robert Rodriguez

Dial M For Murder – Alfred Hitchcock

Die Another Day – Lee Tamahori

Dirty Pretty Things – Stephen Frears

Disenchanted – Adam Shankman

Disturbia – D.J. Caruso

Dobermann – Jan Kounen

Dogma – Kevin Smith

Donnie Brasco – Mike Newell

Don’t Blink – Travis Oates

Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead – Stephen Herek

Double Impact – Sheldon Lettich

Dr No – Terence Young

Dream Warriors – Chuck Russell

Drug War – Johnie To

Dumb And Dumber – The Farrelly Bros

Dumplin‘ – Anne Fletcher

Eaten Alive – Tobe Hooper

El Mariachi – Robert Rodriguez

Escape From Sobibor – Jack Gold

Escape Plan – Mikael Hafstrom

Escape Room – Adam Robitel

Embodiment Of Evil – Jose Marins

Everyone’s Hero – Christopher Reeve, Colin Brady, Daniel St. Pierre

Evil Dead – Fede Alvarez

Excision – Richard Bates Jr

Extinction – Miguel Angel Vivas

Family For Christmas – Amanda Tapping

Fanboys – Kyle Newman

February – Oz Perkins

Final Destination – James Wong

Final Destination 2 – David R Ellis

First Blood – Ted Kotcheff

Fist Of Fury – Bruce Lee

For Your Eyes Only – John Glen

Freddy’s Dead – Rachel Talalay

Freddy’s Revenge – Jack Sholder

Freddy Vs Jason – Ronny Yu

Frenzy – Alfred Hitchcock

Frenzy – Jose Montesinos

Friend Request – Simon Verhoeven

From Russia With Love – Terence Young

Game of Death – Bruce Lee/Robert Clouse

Game Night – John Francis Daley/Jonathan Goldstein

Girls Against Boys – Austin Chick

God Bless America – Bobcat Goldthwaite

Goldeneye – Martin Campbell

Goldfinger – Guy Hamilton

Goodnight Mommy – Veronika Franz/Severin Fiala

Grave Encounters – The Vicious Brothers

Grave Encounters 2 – John Poliquin

Gravity – Alfonso Cuaron

Halloween – John Carpenter

Halloween 2 and 3 – Rick Rosenthal/Tommy Lee Wallace

Halloween 4 – Dwight H Little

Halloween 5 – Dominique Othenin Gerard

Hard-Boiled – John Woo

Hard Target – John Woo

Hansel And Gretal – Yim Phil-Sung

Heartbreakers – David Mirkin

Heli – Amat Escalante

Hellboy – Guillermo Del Toro

Hellions – Bruce Macdonald

Home Alone – Chris Columbus

Honor And Glory – Godfrey Ho

Horrible Bosses – Seth Gordon

Ichi – Fumihiko Sori

Ichi The Killer – Takashi Miike

I Am The Pretty Thing That Lives In The House – Oz Perkins

I’m Not A Serial Killer – Billy O’Brien

Inoperable – Christopher Laurence Chapman

Into The Mirror – Kim Sung Ho

I Really Hate My Job – Oliver Parker

It Comes At Night – Trey Edward Shults

It’s All About Love – Thomas Vinterberg

Jaws – Steven Spielberg

Jaws 2 – Jeannot Szwarc

Jaws 3 – Joe Alvez

Jaws 4 – Joseph Sargent

John Wick – Chad Stahelski/David Leitch

Jurassic Park – Steven Spielberg

Ju-On Black Ghost – Mari Asato

Ju-On White Ghost – Ryuta Miyake

Kickboxer – Mark DiSalle/David Worth

Kids – Larry Clark

Kill Bill Vol 1 – Quentin Tarantino

King Kong – Merian C Cooper/Ernest B Schoedsack

Kingdom Of Heaven – Ridley Scott

Knock Knock – Eli Roth

Lady Bird – Greta Gerwig

Leatherface – Maury & Bustillo

Leon – Luc Besson

Lifeboat – Alfred Hitchcock

Last Action Hero – John McTiernan

Life – Daniel Espinosa

Live And Let Die – Guy Hamilton

Loaded – Alan Pao

Lost Highway – David Lynch

Love On Safari – Leif Bristow

Macbeth – Orson Welles

Manuscripts Don’t Burn – Mohammed Rousalof

Megan Is Missing – Michael Goi

Milius – Joey Figuero

Mortal Kombat – Simon McQoid

Mother’s Day – Darren Lynn Bousman

Mouth To Mouth – Alison Murray

Mr And Mrs Smith – Alfred Hitchcock

My Soul To Take – Wes Craven

Never Sleep Again – Daniel Farrands/Andrew Kach

Night Of The Demons – Kevin S Tenney

Night Of The Living Dead – George A Romero

Nowhere To Run – Robert Harmon

On The Road – Walter Salles

Origin: Spirits Of The Past – Keichi Sugiyama

Outrage – Takeshi Kitano

Out Of The Furnace – Scott Cooper

P2 – Frank Khalfoun

Pandorum – Christian Alvart

Peacock – Michael Lander

Perdita Durango – Alex de la Iglesia

Perlasca – Alberto Negrin

Pieta – Kim Ki Duk

Police Academy 1-7 – Various

Pontypool – Bruce McDonald

Predator 2 – Stephen Hopkins

Priceless – Pierre Salvadori

Pride, Prejudice, And Mistletoe – Don McBrearty

Problem Child – Dennis Dugan

Project X – Nima Nourizadeh

Pyewacket – Adam Macdonald

Q: The Winged Serpent – Larry Cohen

Radius – Caroline Labreche/Steeve Leonard

Raw Deal – John Irvin

Ready Or Not – Radio Silence

Rear Window – Alfred Hitchcock

Re:born – Yuji Shimomura

Red Heat – Walter Hill

Red Sonja – Richard Fleischer

Resident Evil – Paul WS Anderson

Resident Evil 2 – Alexander Witt

Return To Oz – Walter Murch

Rhapsody In August – Akira Kurosawa

Ring – Hideo Nakata

Ring 2 – Hideo Nakata

Ring 0 – Norio Tsuruta

Rings – F.Javier Gutierrez

Rogue – Greg McLean

Room – Lenny Abrahamson

Room 237 – Rodney Ascher

Rope – Alfred Hitchcock

Rosewood Lane – Victor Salva

Rubber – Quentin Dupeiux

Rust And Bone – Jacques Audiard

Sabotage – David Ayer

Sanctum – Alister Grierson

Sator – Jordan Graham

Scream – Wes Craven

Scream 3 – Wes Craven

Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World – Lorene Scafaria

Seul Contre Tous – Gaspar Noe

Seven Samurai – Akira Kurosawa

Shanghai Kiss – David Ren/Ken Kernwiser

Shark Attack – Jared Cohn

She Dies Tomorrow – Amy Seimetz

Signs – M Night Shyamalan

Society – Brian Yuzna

Someone’s Watching Me – John Carpenter

Sophie Scholl – The Final Days – Marc Rothemond

Spiderman 2 – Sam Raimi

Staunton Hill – Cameron Romero

Still Walking – Hirokazu Koreeda

Street Trash – Jim Munro

Stripes – Ivan Reitman

Street Hawk – Virgil W Vogel

Suicide Club – Sion Sono

Sukiyaki Western Django – Takeshi Miike

Survive Style 5 + – Gen Sekiguchi

Swim – Jared Cohn

Tag – Sion Sono

Tears Of The Sun – Antoine Fuqua

Ted – Seth MacFarlane

The 39 Steps – Alfred Hitchcock

The Art Of War – Christian Deguay

Thelma And Louise – Ridley Scott

The Birds – Alfred Hitchcock

The Blair Witch Project – Daniel Myrick, Eduardo Sanchez

The Boss Of It All – Lars Von Trier

The Clovehitch Killer – Duncan Skilies

The Craft – Andrew Fleming

The Crow – Alex Proyas

The Detective – Oxide Pang

The Devil’s Rain – Robert Fuest

The Divide – Xavier Gens

The Driver – Walter Hill

The Empress And The Warriors – Ching Siu Tung

The Evil Dead – Sam Raimi

The Evil Dead 2 – Sam Raimi

The Fifth Element – Luc Besson

The First Men In The Moon – Nathan Juran

The Forest Of Love – Sion Sono

The Ghost And The Darkness – Stephen Hopkins

The Gate – Tibor Takacs

The Gift – Joel Edgerton

The Girl With All The Gifts – Colm McCarthy

The Girl Who Leapt Through Time – Mamoru Hosoda

The Green Inferno – Eli Roth

The Grudge – Takashi Shimazu

The Guest – Adam Wingard

The Happiness Of The Katakuris – Takashi Miike

The Haunting Of Goodnight Lane – Alin Bijan

The Hitcher – Robert Harmon

The House Of The Devil – Ti West

The Idiots – Lars Von Trier

The Innkeepers – Ti West

The Isle – Kim Ki Duk

The Kings Of Summer – Jordan Vogt Roberts

The Last Boy Scout – Tony Scott

The Last Exorcism – Daniel Stamm

The Last Exorcism 2 – Ed Gass-Donnelly

The Last House On The Left – Wes Craven

The Lifeguard – Liz W Garcia

The Lure – Agnieszka Smoczynska

The Man From Earth – Richard Schenkman

The Man Who Knew Too Much – Alfred Hitchcock

The Mannsfield 12 – Craig Ross Jr

The Night Eats The World – Dominique Rocher

The Pact – Nicholas McCarthy

The Password Is Courage – Andrew L Stone

The Perfection – Richard Shepard

The Poughkeepsie Tapes – John Erick Dowdle

The Predator – Shane Black

The Red Squirrel – Julio Medem

The Sand – Isaac Gabaeff

The Secret Life Of Pets – Chris Renaud

The Slumber Party Massacre – Amy Holden Jones

The Storm Warriors – The Pang Brothers

The Stranger – Robert Lieberman

The Stuff – Larry Cohen

The Tortured – Robert Lieberman

The Visit – M Night Shyamalan

The Wailing – Na Hong-jin

The Wisdom Of Crocodiles – Po Chih Leong

The Wisher (Spliced) – Gavin Wilding

The Witch – Robert Eggers

The Windmill Massacre – Nick Jongerius

Train To Busan – Yeon Sang-ho

Triangle – Hark Tsui/Ringo Lam

Trilogy Of Terror – Dan Curtis

Troy: The Odyssey – Tekin Girgin

Tusk – Kevin Smith

Twins – Ivan Reitman

Unbreakable – M Night Shyamalan

Universal Soldier – Roland Emmerich

USS Indianapolis – Mario Van Peebles

V/H/S – Various

V/H/S 2 – Various

Visitor Q – Takashi Miike

Wake In Fright – Ted Kotcheff

Wake Wood – David Keating

Way Of The Dragon – Bruce Lee

We Are What We Are – Jim Mickle

We Are Still Here – Ted Geoghagen

Wes Craven’s New Nightmare – Wes Craven

Winter Soldier – Winterfilm Collective

Wolfcop – Lowell Dean

X – Ti West

Yellowbrickroad – Jessie Holland/Andy Mitton

You Were Never Really Here – Lynne Ramsey

Zombie Creeping Flesh – Bruno Mattei

Zombieland – Ruben Fleischer

TV Reviews

Are You Afraid Of The Dark

Back To School At 35

Breaking Bad

Friends

Game Of Thrones

Gladiators

Neighbours

Saved By The Bell

Strike It Lucky

The League Of Gentlemen

The Walking Dead

Wolf Creek

Wreslemania 34

Music Reviews

11 – Bryan Adams

101 Dalmations – Disney

2020 – Bon Jovi

18 Till I Die – Bryan Adams

3 Feet High And Rising – De La Soul

7800 Farenheit – Bon Jovi

A Celebration Of Endings – Biffy Clyro

A Hard Day’s Night – The Beatles

A Love Supreme – John Coltrane

A Night At The Opera – Queen

Abbey Road – The Beatles

Accessories – The Gathering

Aftermath – The Rolling Stones

Afterwords – The Gathering

Air – Agua De Annique

Aladdin Sane – David Bowie

Alice In Wonderland – Disney

All Things Must Pass – George Harrison

American Life – Madonna

Anti-Icon – Ghostmane

Ascension – John Coltrane

Atomic Jones – Tom Jones

Balls To Picasso – Bruce Dickinson

Beaucoup Of Blues – Ringo Starr

Bedtime Stories – Madonna

Between The Buttons – Rolling Stones

Black Sabbath – Black Sabbath

Black Saint & The Sinner Lady – Charles Mingus

Black Tie White Noise – David Bowie

Blaze Of Glory – Bon Jovi

Blizzard Of Ozz – Ozzy Osbourne

Blood On The Tracks – Bob Dylan

Blood, Sweat, And Tears – Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Blue – Joni Mitchell

Blur – Blur

Bookends – Simon & Garfunkel

Bounce – Bon Jovi

Brave (Part One) – Marillion

Brave (Part Two) – Marillion

British Steel – Judas Priest

Bryan Adams – Bryan Adams

Burning Bridges – Bon Jovi

Cinderella – Disney

Charm School – Roxette

Chromatica – Lady Gaga

Closer – Joy Division

Crying Time – Ray Charles

Clutching At Straws (2) – Marillion

Clutching At Straws (1) – Marillion

Conan The Barbarian Soundtrack – Basil Poledouris

Conan The Destroyer Soundtrack – Basil Poledouris

Confessions On The Dancefloor – Madonna

Crash! Boom! Bang! – Roxette

Crush – Bon Jovi

Destination Anywhere – Bon Jovi

Diamond Dogs – David Bowie

Disclosure – The Gathering

Dumb And Dumber Soundtrack – Various

Electronic Sounds – George Harrison

Entroducing – DJ Shadow

Erotica – Madonna

Eternal Atake – Lil Uzi Vert

Everything Is Changing – Anneke Van Giersbergen

Evita – Madonna

Fetch The Bolt Cutters – Fiona Apple

Five O’Clock World – The Vogues

For Sale – The Beatles

Fugazi (1) – Marillion

Fugazi (2) – Marillion

Fulfillingness’ First Finale – Stevie Wonder

Fun And Fancy Free – Disney

Future Nostalgia – Dua Lipa

Genius + Soul = Jazz – Ray Charles

Get Up – Bryan Adams

Hangman’s Beautiful Daughter – Incredible String Band

Hard Candy – Madonna

Harvest Moon – Neil Young

Have A Nice Day – Bon Jovi

Have A Nice Day – Roxette

Heaven And Hell – Black Sabbath

Heaven Or Las Vegas – Cocteau Twins

Head On – Samson

Help! – The Beatles

“Heroes” – David Bowie

Hey Stoopid – Alice Cooper

High Roller – Urchin

Highway To Hell – ACDC

Holy Diver – Dio

Home – The Gathering

Holidays In Eden (1) – Marillion

Holidays In Eden (2) – Marillion

How To Measure A Planet? – The Gathering

Hunky Dory – David Bowie

I’m Breathless – Madonna

I Hear A Symphony – The Supremes

Imagine – John Lennon

Into The Fair – Bryan Adams

In Your Room – Anneke Van Giersbergen

Jagged Little Pill – Alanis Morissette

Jazz Samba – Stan Getz

Jealous Heart – Connie Francis

Joyride – Roxette

Just Like Us – Paul Revere And The Raiders

Keep The Faith – Bon jovi

Ladies Of The Canyon – Joni Mitchell

Lady And The Tramp – Disney

Lazer Guided Melodies – Spiritualized

Leftism – Leftfield

Less Is More – Marillion

Let It Be – The Beatles

Lets Dance – David Bowie

Life’s Rich Pageant – REM

Lightfoot – Gordon Lightfoot

Like A Prayer – Madonna

Like A Virgin – Madonna

Little Deuce Coupe – The Beach Boys

Live In Europe – Anneke Van Giersbergen

Lodger – David Bowie

Look Sharp – Roxette

Lost Highway – Bon Jovi

Low – David Bowie

Machine Head – Deep Purple

Madame X – Madonna

Madonna – Madonna

Magical Mystery Tour – The Beatles

Mandylion – The Gathering

Manic Street Preachers Live In Belfast – Manic Street Preachers

Master Of Reality – Black Sabbath

McCartney – Paul McCartney

MDNA – Madonna

Melody Time – Disney

Miles Of Aisles – Joni Mitchell

Misplaced Childhood (1) – Marillion

Misplaced Childhood (2) – Marillion

Music! – Madonna

My Fair Lady Soundtrack – Various

My Turn – Lil Baby

Never Let Me Down – David Bowie

New Jersey – Bon Jovi

Nighttime Birds – The Gathering

Night On My Side – Gemma Hayes

Nothing Is True And Everything Is Possible – Enter Shikari

Ohms – Deftones

On A Day Like Today – Bryan Adams

Operation Mindcrime – Queensryche

Out Of Our Heads – The Rolling Stones

Our Favourite Shop – The Style Council

Outside – David Bowie

Painkiller – Judas Priest

Pearls Of Passion – Roxette

Peter Pan – Disney

Please Please Me – The Beatles

Pin Ups – David Bowie

Pretender – Jackson Browne

Punisher – Phoebe Bridges

Pure Air – Agua De Annique

Ram – Paul McCartney

Rarities – Madonna

Ray Of Light – Madonna

Rebel Heart – Madonna

Restless And Wild – Accept

Revolver – The Beatles

Roisin Machine – Roisin Murphy

Rolling Stones – The Rolling Stones

Rolling Stones 2 – The Rolling Stones

Roll Out The Red Carpet – Buck Owens

Room Service – Roxette

Room Service – Bryan Adams

Rough & Rowdy Ways – Bob Dylan

Rubber Soul – The Beatles

Saludos Amigos – Disney

Satin Pillows & Careless – Bobby Vinton

Savage – Eurythmics

Scary Monsters – David Bowie

Screaming For Vengeance – Judas Priest

Script For A Jester’s Tear (1) – Marillion

Script For A Jester’s Tear (2) – Marillion

Seasons End (2) – Marillion

Seasons End (1) – Marillion

Second Coming – The Stone Roses

Sentimental Journey – Ringo Starr

Set My Heart On Fire Immediately – Perfume Genius

Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band – The Beatles

Shine A Light – Bryan Adams

Shoot For The Moon – Pop Smoke

Shout At The Devil – Motley Crue

Shut Down Vol 2: The Beach Boys

Silver & Gold – ASAP

Sleeping Beauty – Disney

Sleepy Buildings – The Gathering

Slippery When Wet – Bon Jovi

Some Time In New York City – John Lennon

Song To A Seagull – Joni Mitchell

Sounds Of Silence – Simon & Garfunkel

Souvenirs – The Gathering

Space Oddity – David Bowie

Speaking In Tongues – Talking Heads

Spirit – Bryan Adams

State Of Mind – Psycho Motel

Station To Station – David Bowie

Surfer Girl – The Beach Boys

Surfin Safari – The Beach Boys

Surfin USA – The Beach Boys

Tattooed Millionaire – Bruce Dickinson

The Adventures Of Ichabod & Mr Toad – Disney

The Buddha Of Suburbia – David Bowie

The Circle – Bon Jovi

The Orbison Way – Roy Orbison

The Sky Is Crying – Stevie Ray Vaughn

Them Again – Them

These Days – Bon Jovi

This House Is Not For Sale – Bon Jovi

The Man Who Sold The World – David Bowie

The Marshall Mathers LP – Eminem

The Plastic Ono Band – John Lennon

The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust – David Bowie

The Roads Don’t Love You – Gemma Hayes

The Royal Scam – Steely Dan

The Second Album – The Spencer Davis Group

The Sword In The Stone – Disney

The West Pole – The Gathering

The White Album – The Beatles

Tin Machine – David Bowie/Tin Machine

Tin Machine II – Bowie

Tonight – David Bowie

Tori Amos Live In Belfast – Tori Amos

Transformer – Lou Reed

Tracy Chapman – Tracy Chapman

Travelling – Roxette

True Blue – Madonna

Tubular Bells – Mike Oldfield

Underneath – Code Orange

Ungodly Hour – Chloe X Halle

Urban Hymns – The Verve

Van Halen – Van Halen

Violent Femmes – Violent Femmes

Vulgar Display Of Power – Pantera

Waking Up The Neighbours – Bryan Adams

Wild Life – Wings

With The Beatles – The Beatles

What About Now – Bon Jovi

What’s Going On – Marvin Gaye

What’s Your Pleasure – Jessie Ware

White Spirit – White Spirit

Wonderwall Music – George Harrison

Yellow Submarine – The Beatles

YHLQMDLG – Bad Bunny

You Want It You Got It – Bryan Adams

Young Americans – David Bowie

Youth Novels – Lykke Li

Book Reviews

1000 Zombies – Alex Cox

Atmospheric Disturbances – Rivka Galchen

Catching Fire – Suzanne Collins

Dinosaurs – Navigators

Fang Of The Vampire – Scream Street

Japan Day By Day – Frommers

London 2008 – Time Out

London Free And Dirt Cheap – Frommers

Paris 2009 – Time Out

Play With Colours – The Happets

The Art Of Racing In The Rain – Garth Stein

The Devouring – Simon Holt

The Gargoyle – Andrew Davidson

The Hunger Games – Suzanne Collins

The Invention Of Everything Else – Samantha Hunt

The Mayan Prophecies – Gerald Benedict

The Maze Runner – James Dashner

Undead – Kirsty Mckay

Best Stunt Work – 1985

My Nominations: Back To The Future. First Blood Part 2. The Jewel Of The Nile. The Goonies. A View To A Kill. Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Silverado. Commando. Runaway Train. Police Story.

I have a tendency to go overboard with this category – especially in the 70s to 90s period because there are so many movies with a focus on stunts as a spectacle. I could just as easily have added more entries to this category as cut down what I have here, but I’ll leave it as is with a round number.

I’ll start, as I seem to be doing more often these days, with the films which stood a genuine chance of being nominated if this were an official category. I think four of my picks would have been nominated for real, starting with Back To The Future. It was a box office smash, and it was an Academy contender. Outside of that, it has some chase scenes and a thrilling climax involving a zipline which made every kid growing up in the 80s want to climb the nearest clock tower with a length of string to recreate – not advised. The Jewel Of The Nile was a smash too, but was not a critical or awards success – but it still has plenty of stunts, from hanging of trains and falling off buildings, to arsing about in stolen jets. Given that Runaway Train was featured heavily elsewhere in The Oscars, I suspect it would have been the winner in this category. More train antics, as the name suggests, most notably a big crash and some fantastic helicopter interactions. The main competition for the official vote likely would have been A View To A Kill. It’s Bond, so we know there will be stunts aplenty. Although it’s a generally maligned entry in the series, I love it, and it has some memorable set pieces, from the jump off the Eiffel Tower, to the Golden Gate Bridge climax, and another pre-credits ski chase.

Jumping over to the films which had little or no chance of being nominated, a couple of my all time favourites. Commando is just silly, 80s fun from start to finish. It requires no effort to watch, and it’s just a vehicle for Arnie to absolutely wreck everyone as he tries to save his daughter from kidnappers. Standard fisticuffs, swinging around a Mall, huge gunfights, and a big knife fight to finish. Goonies is a lighter film, but is packed with 80s action – booby traps, water slides, and bike rides.

Beyond Thunderdome is the least stunt heavy, least enjoyable movie in the Mad Max series, but it has a few moments inside and outside the Thunderdome which almost get you out of your seat, while Silverado is the Western I selected from this year to feature in this category – namely because of its classic shoot-outs (in varying degrees of undress). Then we have First Blood Part 2 which ups the ante from the first film in terms of carnage and excess, even if the stunts aren’t any more visually impressive. The river boat fight and explosion is a highlight.

Finally, my winner comes from Hong Kong, where Jackie Chan retreated after failing to make the waves in the US that he expected to. Constrained by Hollywood, he unleashed Police Story with seemingly zero regard for his own health or anyone else involved. Taking some cues from the Bond series, those wacky Chinese guys proceed to set up and destroy a cliffside village by driving cars through the middle, as dozens of extras leap out of the way while Chan swings off a bus with an umbrella, gets thrown through tables and windows, and leaps off the top floor of a mall only to slide down a pole and through a glass ceiling. It’s one for the ages.

My Winner: Police Story

Let us know in the comments which film you would pick as winner!

Hell House LLC 2 – The Abaddon Hotel

Stephen Cognetti’s Hell House LLC was a fun addition to the Found Footage genre, rubbing its filthy, carney gloves all over of the shots and tricks and scares you’ve seen before, tossing them into a familiar formula, and plopping its characters in a suitably creepy locale. The film was both successful enough, acclaimed enough, and intriguing enough that people queued up to see and make a follow-up. Three years later, we return to The Abaddon Hotel.

Hell House LLC 2 works well as a sequel in terms of expanding the lore of the world, answering lingering questions from the original, and continuing the wider arc. We learn more about the hotel’s haunted history and the aftermath of the events of the first film, and the story is presented in a similar way to Part 1, as two separate groups run media stories on Hell House and the tragedy in the hotel. We continue the cutaways to commenters, we dive into additional recovered footage from various events, we witness a Television Panel show discussing the tragedy, and we meet a new group of filmmakers attempting to ‘find the truth’.

Where the film succeeds is, much like the first, in those bitesize scare scenarios which follow a side or central character experiencing something spooky. Where the film falls on its arse somewhat, is with the performances. While the first film was low-budget and featured a cast of unknowns – it was perfectly serviceable and true to character and plot. Here it’s the same deal, except the cast feels like a downgrade in places. The actors portraying Jessica and Molly – two more intrepid truth-seekers – are simply not convincing in these roles, which is a shame given they are among the central characters. One of the panel guests, Arnold Tasselman, is a little better but given his key role, the actor playing this part does not give the level of performance I’d like to have seen. On the flip side, that actor playing the off-camera Mitchell from LLC 1 – here a major on-screen character – gives one of the most assured and convincing performances of the series.

LLC 2 has been largely derided by fans and reviewers of the series. Outside of some of the performances (which aren’t baaad, just not what they needed to be) and possibly outside of the film feeling a little like a remake due to the identikit formula and scares, it’s another enjoyable entry. Your enjoyment will depend on how much mileage you get out of Found Footage – I’m more willing than most to look past what others cannot.

I feel like the film shows too much of its hand by the end – I love the snippets of lore which can potentially lead you down a rabbit hole and send the series off in a hundred directions – but by the end of the film we go too far in what is shown and what is answered. This sets up nicely for LLC 3, but maybe there should have been a LLC 2.5 in there, or this film needed an extra fifteen minutes on its run time. It’s a minor personal quibble, but it certainly felt to me like they unnecessarily shovelled the entire end game and history into the final moments.

The film opens with an as yet unfinished (I think) potential thread – an old home video showing a child, seemingly in a trance, playing a familiar tune on his keyboard and saying something ominous. Flash forward decades and the boy has grown, has a streaming channel, and films himself sneaking into The Abaddon only to encounter something spooky before going missing. We switch to present day and a TV panel show focusing on the history of The Abaddon. Joining the host is Mitchell, the only survivor from the group who interviewed ‘Sara’ in the first movie and released their controversial documentary. He is unhappy with the second guest, a lawyer/representative of Abaddon the town and Hotel who has been doing his part to downplay anything sinister and push back against the wave of conspiracies and visitors to the town – Mitchell feels he is burying the truth. The final guest is a popular ‘professional’ TV ghost hunter who is very curious about the case and would love to film an episode in the hotel. This panel discusses a series of events, peppered with snippets of recent unnerving events featuring people breaking in to the hotel.

Watching the show are whistleblowing journalists Jessica and Molly, who have recently received some information encouraging them to run their own investigation on what really happened. Being intrepid truth-seekers, they conspire to get in touch with Mitchell in the hopes of breaking in to The Abaddon and making sure the public learns what they deserve to know. Mitchell is reluctant, yet oddly calm – he wants to know what happened to his friends as much as anyone, but understands the dangers of entering the hotel. They are joined by the Ghost Hunter and his cameraman, and once more we enter The Abaddon for another round of Spot The Spook.

From this point on, the movie doesn’t let up. We continue to intersperse the story with clips of past events, with revealing outtakes from the TV Panel show, and police footage showing that something terrible has happened and that Jessica seems to be the sole survivor. The scares in these moments are solid, but may be seen as re-treads from the first movie; sudden creepy characters, clowns, glitches etc, but they work. We get a huge dump of lore towards the end which feels like it could have been drip-fed more evenly, but perhaps the film-makers didn’t know if they’d get the chance to make a sequel so wanted to close off as much of the plot as possible, while leaving a few chinks of an opening for a potential third part.

The Abaddon Hotel is seen as the weakest of the series so far, but outside of some casting choices it’s another solid found-footage film and isn’t obviously weaker or stronger than the other three films. It’s a lot of fun, it doesn’t ask for much effort to watch, and it provides those pieces of lore which can make the genre engaging for immediate and repeated viewing.

Let us know in the comments what you think of The Abaddon Hotel!

Best Visual Effects – 1985

Official Nominations: Cocoon. Return To Oz. Young Sherlock Holmes.

As with this year’s Best Makeup category, The Academy just couldn’t help itself from falling into bad habits. They give the win to the guy who should have won one in the past, for a lesser work and kick the can down the road by ensuring that the true winner didn’t get the vote. How Return To Oz doesn’t get the win this year is anyone’s guess. Those claymation style effects still look excellent today, effectively creepy and gooey. Cocoon is fine… lots of…. lights, but no, Return To Oz is an effects bonanza. Young Sherlock Holmes deserves the second spot for how pioneering it was – that stained glass knight looks janky now, but it was ground-breaking and must have looked great at the time.

My Winner: Return To Oz

My Nominations: Return To Oz. Young Sherlock Holmes. Back To The Future. Day Of The Dead. Weird Science. Re-animator. Santa Clause The Movie. Brazil.

I bring over two official choices, and add the usual group of snubs and unrealistic ‘should-haves’. Several of my choices perhaps depend on your distinction between Visual Effects and Makeup; where do you draw the line? Re-animator for example uses both, but we’re attuned these days to Visual Effects meaning elaborate CG or camera trickery. Day Of The Dead goes even further, but it would be argued that it falls more closely in the Makeup camp than Visual Effects.

Falling decidely into the Visuals camp are a couple of major snubs, considering they had nominations elsewhere. Back To The Future has a flying car and lots of zany time-travel fireworks, while Brazil takes a more unhinged approach to creating its unique world. Both of these should have been in the Official category, taking the group up to five. Weird Science and Santa Claus The Movie were not well-received upon release, but a generation or two of kids have grown up with both and have given the films their dues – and both use a host of visual effects to enhance their story, from sleigh and reindeer effects, to wall climbing ladies and in-house space rockets.

My Winner: Return To Oz

Let us know your winner in the comments!

The Nightman Scoring System Reviews – Let It Be!

Remember the Nightman Scoring System ©? My system for reviewing music as fairly as possible, an attempt to remove as much inherent bias as possible? That system where I break up an album into twenty evenly weighted categories so that when you score each one out of five, trying to base the score as much on fact as on opinion, you get a fair total out of 100? It’s the best scoring system in the world and you should use it. So should I in fact, hence this post. Anyway, if you want to read the rules about the system click this link and it will reveal all. There’s one for movies too, at this link. Check them both out – I say with absolutely no hyperbole that it will unquestionably change your life, make you an astonishingly brilliant human being, and also get you the ladies (regardless of your gender or orientation).

Sales: 5. Another smash hit.

Chart: 5. Another smash hit.

Critical: 5. If you’re not the biggest Beatles fan in the world, maybe you could use some evidence here to fit your bias in that the album wasn’t well-reviewed upon release, at least not universally. I think the criticism over the decades since release are positive to sweep that aside. Even so, I don’t think you can go lower than 4 here.

Originality: 4. It’s a back to basics approach for the album. The haters among you may go as low as 2 – there isn’t anything startling or ground-breaking when compared with past efforts, but there are enough moments of innovation in the song-writing and production to push it higher. 3 seems like the reasonable middle ground, but I’m going 4.

Influence: 5. A very influential album, even if you don’t consider some of the individual songs. The recording, the idea, the rooftop concert etc – it’s one of the few albums from this period that has been aped within an inch of its life, with outsiders enjoying a race access inside. Thinking of the songs themselves – the title track alone has influenced a multitude, but then throw in Get Back, Across The Universe, and The Long And Winding Road and it’s clear this is a 5.

Musical Ability: 4. Maybe it’s a 5, I’ll go with a 4.

Lyrics: 4. Some choice and beautiful lines – Across The Universe alone deserves a 5 – while elsewhere they riff on Blues standards.

Melody: 5. I originally had a 4 here – but that’s my own bias in not being a fan of certain songs. Taken as a whole, almost every song here can have its title whispered to a random person on the street and they’ll be able to whistle a piece.

Emotion: 4. Like the previous album, there’s a sense of closure in the air, but outside of a few tracks many of the songs are fairly jovial or light-hearted. The happiness isn’t all-consuming, tempered by a weariness, both physical and of the world.

Resilience/Lastibility: 5. It’s one of the most famous albums of all time. It’ll still be bought and played long after we’re all in the ground.

Vocals: 4. Good stuff as always, but some silly voices.

Coherence: 4. Like many of these categories, this depends on which version you listen to. Generally speaking, there are the Blues and Rockers, and the ballads. I don’t find the Harrison songs particularly strong, I don’t like the short pieces, and feel like those spoil the overall feel. I will concede that these moments are true to the live nature of the recording.

Mood: 4. Weariness, fraught, and with a sense of the group pulling in different directions. But again, the Blues songs and Bluesy, the ballads are soothing.

Production: 4. Good stuff, depending on the many versions.

Effort: 5. It’s clear from history, and from the Get Back series just how much of an effort this was, especially given the various tensions and pressures from within and without the band’s camp.

Relationship: 4. I hold a couple of the songs very dearly, a couple of others are obvious classics, while several are mere passing nods for me. It could be a 3, but the two big songs pull up the score for me.

Genre Relation: 4. Blues rock was just at the cusp of a renaissance, but this sounds more old-fashioned versus what else was coming out. The non-Blues tracks are the ones which seem to look forward and stand out as Beatles originals and as a sign of where the band could have gone had they continued.

Authenticity: 5. While lips are pursed in front of the mic, and to some extent on the paper, everything the band was feeling at the time was put on the record. The conflicts would continue to pour out in later solo efforts, but here there was still just enough magic and togetherness to allow one more album to be shared with us mere mortals.

Personal: 4. Like I mentioned above, it’s the select highs which bring this up to a 4 for me. It’ll never be a 5 because there aren’t enough consistent highs, and the likes of I Me Mine, For You Blue, One After 909, and I’ve Got A Feeling are too middling.

Miscellaneous: 5. A rooftop concert, a film, and decades later one of the most invaluable documentaries you’ll ever see.

Total: 89/100

Let us (be) know in the comments what you think of Let It Be and how you would score the album!

Chart Music Through The Years – 1952!

Greetings, Glancers! I’d honestly forgotten I was doing these posts until I happened to see the category in my WordPress panel. Turns out I have many other years to cover, so here are are. 1952 was the year that the charts officially began in the UK. As popular chart music was in its infancy, I don’t have high hopes for the quality of songs I’ll have to listen to for this post. Was there even a Top 40 in October in 1952? I guess we’ll find out. Regardless, I’m only listening to the Top Ten. Assuming there was ten (looks on Google). Ha! The chart only arrived in November, so I guess we’ll just go with that. The first ever top ten. Isn’t that cool?

But what else was happening in 1952, you may ask? Well, my mum didn’t exist yet, and my dad… maybe? I can’t keep track of these things when I barely know what age I am. Outside of the aforementioned Chart gubbins, Sun Records dropped its first release, the first major Rock concert was held – known as the Moondog Coronation Ball, and I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus was released. Going beyond music, The Queen became The Queen, General Batista reclaimed power in Cuba, Anne Frank’s Diary is published in English, Evita died, and the first Hydrogen bomb was detonated. In film, The Greatest Show On Earth was the top grossing movie of the year, Gary Cooper once Best Actor for High Noon, Kurosawa released Ikiru, and Jane Asher, Anne Bancroft, Brigitte Bardot, and Lee Van Cleef made their big screen debuts.

We were still in a largely pre-Rock music world in spite of the above, with Elvis still a couple of years away from dropping his first song. I don’t have high hopes for any of these, but let’s give them a chance.

10. Auf Wiederseh’n Sweetheart – Vera Lynn

The first of several Vera Lynn songs on the list, for anyone here who remembers her. It’s precisely what I imagine a song from 1952 to sound like; slow, weepy, depressing strings, bad backing vocals, and a big lead vocal. Vera is crisp, clear, and this is a great performance, but the song’s too dull for my tastes. Bland, inoffensive, your typical pre-rock fare.

9. The Homing Waltz – Vera Lynn

Seriously, read my previous entry. Aside from a slightly different vocal melody and lyrics, this is the same. As basic as music gets. It’s under three minutes, but inside 30 seconds I’m begging for it to end.

8. Blue Tango – Ray Martin

This thankfully has a bit more bounce and life, but as you’d imagine, it’s an instrumental. It’s very simple, it’s designed for dancing, but let’s face it; it’s not very good.

8b. Sugarbush – Doris Day & Frankie Laine

To entertain myself, I’m going to assume that title is a euphemism. It’s a faster song, which is good. But it has hand claps, which is bad. It’s painfully twee and sickeningly innocent. I suppose it’s almost catchy, but no more so than the most irritating vacuum cleaning commercial you can think of.

7. Forget Me Not – Vera Lynn

Vera again, and this time we don’t start with a chorus of male backing vocals. Aside from that, it’s another standard Vera song – slow, well sung, non-eventful, non-essential accompanying music. I can just about imagine this one being more of a tear-jerker and can see it being a popular funeral song for people of a certain generation. Then the backing vocals come in towards the end and crap all over it.

7b. High Noon – Do Not Forsake Me

If you’ve seen High Noon, you’ll know this tune. This Frankie Laine version is slightly smoother, less Country oriented. It’s the same idea, but I suppose this one is more to my tastes given I’m not a Country guy.

6. Half As Much – Rosemary Clooney

It’s just like the Vera Lynn songs above, without the backing vocals. It’s more tolerable.

5. Feet Up (Pat Him On The Po-po) – Guy Mitchell

Pat him on the what? I assume that’s not the current usage of ‘po-po’. Maybe it means ‘pee-pee’, which could be disturbing or hilarious. What sort of guy writes a song with that name in 1952? Guy Mitchell, right. It’s a silly song, but it’s endearing and fun. It’s exactly the sort of nonsense I make up on the spur when I was potty training my kids, reminiscent of drinking songs or sea-shanties. People were less discerning in 1952.

4. The Isle Of Innisfree – Bing Crosby

At least I’ve heard of this one. Out of all the crooners, I don’t mind Bing Crosby. It’s still dull and requires little effort to perform, but his voice is less annoying to me. The song is nothing.

3. Somewhere Along The Way – Nat King Cole

Nat King Cole was a merry old soul, and a merry old soul was he. That’s a top tier joke, but this is a mid tier song. More weepy violins, another plain vocal, dreary melody, little effort. But the vocal tone is good so I can’t complain much. Instantly forgettable.

2. You Belong To Me – Jo Stafford

Same as the Vera Lynn songs, but with a Jazz slant. Slow, dull, good vocal.

1. Here In My Heart – Al Martino

Massive vocal, but just because you sing loudly and with conviction, doesn’t mean the song is any good. Yet more hateful, doleful strings, the melody is unadventurous, and the surrounding music is dull and slow.

That’s that then. Precious little here I would ever want to revisit under any circumstances, but rather than being from an entirely different generation, this music feels like it’s from another time and place completely. I understand that it’s music, but it has no relationship to what I think of when I consider music. It’s all so bland and cookie cutter, in theme and in sound. But let me know what you think of this batch in the comments!

Nightman Listens To – Marillion – Sounds That Can’t Be Made (Part 3)!

Greetings, Glancers! We continue our coverage of STCBM by picking up with Montreal. I can’t recall from previous episodes whether or not Paul and/or Sanja named Montreal as a personal favourite. I don’t expect it’s a song either of them would label a steamer, but maybe it’s one they’ve highlighted as a toilet break candidate? It’s a song I went in expecting to love, but came away underwhelmed. It undoubtedly has some great musical moments, some of the vocal melodies remind me of my favourite Radiohead song, Black Star, but it meanders all over the place and doesn’t do enough to justify it’s fourteen minutes. There’s an entire middle section I would rip out if I were to be installed as the World’s First Musical Dictator, while there are moments which deserve to be repeated or built upon. And then there’s the lyrics.

I think I’ve worked out why Marillion have never been considered cool. Montreal contains the repeated line ‘Down in the Sports Bar, the ice hockey never ends’. That’s not great by any stretch, but raising it to feeling like it was aged for 18 months in a mustard cask levels of cheese is the fact that the line is given pride of place in a peak musical moment. It would be like me writing some epic song called London, and having the peak emotional moment, that point at which the crowd holds their hands aloft in ecstasy, be accompanied by me singing ‘I went to the shops and the grocer had some carrots’. Over and over.

Just as the iconic coolness of James Dean transcends time, so to must the lack of cool on display here. Marillion were not seen as cool in the 80s because everyone somehow knew then, that decades in the future the band would write this song, containing that lyric. It’s the most egregious example of many throughout the song. I get that the lyric is supposed to be conversational, or a recounting of a trip to highlight his love for the city, but it rushes past the border of what is acceptable for an epistolary, and feels more like Judith Chalmers recalling her favourite episode of Wish You Were Here.

The mundane aspects of the lyric, I found, did not mesh with the intended scope of the music. No Dunciad is this – there’s no humour or apparent playing with the conventions of what a Prog epic lyric is supposed to be, but now that I’ve thought about this I’m wondering (and am sure someone already has) made a Mock Prog Epic which makes fun of the genre’s more ludicrous moments by crafting an overblown song with all the prog musical elements, but with self-aware lyrics poking fun at itself and the wider genre. Like This Is Spinal Tap, but in album form, for Prog.

It’s not clanger after clanger – the dreamy introduction fits the lyrics perfectly, and vice versa. The lyrics and music set the scene, and it strikes the tone of that half-awake state, not quite knowing where you are and vaguely noticing snapshot details. I don’t mind the name-dropping of famous people and places, rather that everything begins to stack upon itself and it departs from what we expect a Marillion lyric to be.

Returning to the music, those opening minutes are as atmospheric as anything the band has done, weaving neatly along while building and effectively telling its story until the five minute mark. At this point, there’s an overly sudden split off into a lengthy instrumental. I actually like this instrumental – I just don’t think it works as part of the song. Not as a transition out of, or into, the next section. It isn’t seamless, and even if it were, it doesn’t fit. The second instrumental piece is much more successful, taking us from ‘see you soon’ into ‘we were invited to the circus’ by effortlessly growing and shifting from one tone to another. That first instrumental, and even the entire ‘skype home’ section… I’d drop out and pick up the song from the second instrumental. Don’t hurt me.

It’s by no means a bad song, but it won’t make my Marillion playlist. The lyrics, the length, the crowd-noise moments… it has too many personal irritants keeping me from choosing to put it on over most of the other songs on the album. I’d fully understand if it is a fan favourite, if it’s a band favourite, because it’s quite sweet and it’s quite personal. While it’s not an ode to the fans, I can see it feeling like it is, and those are always warm and snuggly.

The first time I listened to Montreal, I felt it was somewhat dreary. The first time I listened to Invisible Ink, with its minimalist vocal and lone keyboard tap intro, I was fully expecting it to be even more dreary and that it would be a six minute slog. Imagine my surprise when pianos joined the fray and the song moved in a completely different direction. Imagine my delight when the direction the song took was magnificent. That little vocal run, that pre-chorus melody – it’s one of the most gorgeous moments in the band’s history and in a single listen it became lodged in my head. To the point of annoyance. To the point that I’ve found myself singing it while making breakfast, sitting on the bog, wandering around Tesco, or all at the same time.

Like Power before it, Invisible Ink also nails the chorus. It’s often incredibly difficult to have a really great pre-chorus and a chorus without one taking the attention away from the other, but in these two songs the guys get it exactly right. Both pre-chorus and chorus are exceptional, and the band doesn’t rest on its laurels by simply repeating each. They build upon each, pumping up the volume, changing the percussion, adding something extra in the mix, and H has more vitality as it proceeds. Hell, he even does a little squeak in the final chorus, not even a ‘woo’, but an ‘AAAH!’. His vocals are in danger of breaking completely towards the end, something I always appreciate in a performance. It’s in these moments where singers become more like athletes to me, truly embodying the spirit of being a performer. They’re putting their body on the line, not only for us, maybe not even for us at all, but because they need to hit that mark, they need to exorcise that feeling or achieve that high. Such moments are few and far between, especially on studio recordings.

With such a performance, surely the lyrics must be of critical performance. I didn’t pay the slightest bit of notice to the lyrics in my first listens because I was enjoying the music so much. Outside of the words in the pre-chorus, he could have been singing about his favourite shoe shop and I wouldn’t have known any better. They certainly sound important to the writer, and outside of the opening section there’s little poetry as such pretty words seem to give way to desperation and pleading. The suggestion seems to be that the writer of these little notes wants to express his feelings, but is afraid of what might happen should they ever be read. Therefore, they’re disguised in invisible ink – he gets to express his thoughts, but he gets to protect himself too. Haven’t we all felt like that?

All of this led me down the path of assuming these notes were not literal. I know my wife wouldn’t be best impressed to find pieces of paper in the bed, and would likely assume my dandruff had evolved to a higher plane. Instead, my Sanja-take (Snake?) is that these little notes are merely thoughts. Thoughts whispered, but essentially unspoken. Is it possible for a person to throw away the unspoken thoughts of someone else? Or does the throwing away only come into play when those thoughts have been vocalized, but are then dismissed by the listener. No matter how the lyrics are taken or how they were meant – notes, thoughts, gestures – the meaning is the same; we never truly know how someone will feel when we tell them how we feel, and it’s an armour-less act which can bring togetherness or destruction, love or fear.

On to Lucky Man, the classic blues rocker of the album. Given the band has fared well, very well, on the album so far with their more commercial facing songs, I was disappointed by Lucky Man. It’s just a bit normal. Regular. Routine. Nothing exciting, nothing offensive. It’s an album track people won’t tend to remember over the singles or the epics. Plus, it’s called Lucky Man, which  makes think of The Verve song of the same name. My main issue with it may simply be that it’s almost seven minutes long. Shave that down to four or five minutes and I likely wouldn’t have any complaints because I like its Grunge-like intro, it’s drifting verses, and the semi-explosive chorus. It’s one of those songs which admirably tries a lot, but which slightly misses the target.  H gets to show off a range of styles, from gruff low notes, to soaring highs and subtle falsettos. I don’t particularly mind that it’s a slow song – on some of my listens I felt like it plodded, while on other listens I appreciated the detail and the shifting styles.

In complaining about it being as long as it is, I don’t know what you could meaningfully cut. I was tempted to say that the song should end immediately after the Rothers solo, but the pre-chorus which comes directly after it is sufficiently different from the others that it deserves its place. Even if the band were to somehow wrap up at that point, that’s still six minutes. Maybe that’s the cut off. Maybe I’m talking out of my arse.

Unless I’m completely missing something, the song’s meaning can basically be condensed to the lyrics of the chorus. H is happy with life and sees himself as lucky for having everything he wants. By comparison – all of those wants and desires listed out in the verses are either things he no longer needs or has ever needed. I imagine there’s a bit of the auto-biographical in some of those lines – to be a rockstar, to have the freedom to cheat, to want gold – these are somewhat universal, but feel personal too. Those wants and needs are succinctly fitted to the music and delivered with a range – from semi-talking to almost screaming. They’re not so unique as you won’t have heard them called out in songs with a similar subject matter, but they’re not as plainly put as you may find in such songs. Going back to my first point – nothing exciting, nothing offensive.

We close with another epic – because two songs over ten minutes on an eight track album is never enough. Thankfully, Sky Above The Rain is lovely. For my money, it features one of H’s best performances. The first thing that struck me was that the ‘strings’, which I assume are simply keyboards, actually sound like real violins in places. I’m a big advocate of having organic sounds on your album, unless you’re chasing a particular sound, and I’m generally of the opinion that slapping a string section onto any song makes it better. Usually when the string sound is mimicked through synth or keyboards, it doesn’t sound right and often doesn’t sound good. Here it’s great, along with almost everything else.

Me being an arsey fella, I’d have argued for portions of the last couple of minutes to be cut. I know I’ve mentioned cutting a few songs down on this album, and I know its personal preference, but I have to call it like I hear it. Take it with various grains of your preferred condiment. When that’s my only criticism, you should have a fair idea of what I think of the song as a whole. It’s an excellent closer, it’s an excellent standalone epic which does all of the things I like to see in a song of this type; it begins in one place and ends somewhere completely different, taking us down multiple different paths on its journey. It’s packed with incident, it holds our attention, and it (mostly) avoids padding. It does all of this while maintaining the basics of melody and emotion, and it tells a story at the same time. I’m going to guess it’s a fan favourite, but I’ve been wrong at such guesses in the past. It feels like it should be.

On that note about the song unravelling like a journey, essentially every song on Sounds Which Can’t Be Made features multiple musical and tonal changes. None of them flow simply from A to B. While the band has had technically complex and emotionally challenging songs and albums before, this is the first album that feels consistently challenging, the first that requires a dedicated, concentrated listen to fully absorb everything, the first which feels like a puzzle to be unlocked. They’ve always been a band of layers, but I never felt like I needed to kick the family out of the house, draw the curtains, and cuff myself to the best set of headphones money can buy so that I can weasel around every corner of every song until this album. While I didn’t love every song, I wanted to return to each either for the sheer enjoyment, or to dissect and rifle through the guts to understand why I may not have enjoyed something.

The Sky Above The Rain, in grand musical tradition, starts out timidly and ends on a crescendo of bravado, outside of some plinky plonky piano bookends. The opening moments made me think of – and it’s going to get a little silly here – a beaten romantic lying atop a hill, peering beyond the rolling greens which stretch out below like his inescapable memories of lost loves, picking petals from a daisy while uttering the old rhyme ‘she loves me, she loves me not’. The lyrics have that back and forth quality, tinged with a sadness and reminiscence which the music echoes. The central piano riff rolls on and on in plaintive, unending fashion. At times it’s the lead, at others it’s almost drowned out by the other instruments which swell and fade at the right times. At times the riff changes subtly – a key lower, a note switched here and there, like the rising and falling of a fragmented, distracted journey down memory lane. It feels like when you’re trying to recall an important moment of your life – perhaps one you’ve thought about many times before, but the details begin to warp. Some pieces fall away, others are replaced by your imagination, until eventually more of that past moment is invention rather than reality. It’s telling then that the music swells and switches at a crucial moment in the experience – he resents her, the one who loves him ends the opening sweet sounding section, and when the piano and the swell drops away to a sole, forlorn guitar playing an A minor to E Minor refrain we start with they said they’d never lie.

Marillion has never been a band to shy away from looking back at heartache, at owning past mistakes or otherwise casting skewed angry glances backwards. In The Sky Above The Rain,  the lyric is very matter of fact. There’s little room for flowery turns of phrase when you’re in the mundane mire of memory, and in the moment a simple question can be more devastating than a unique creative couplet. There’s denial, acceptance, truth, and lies in that short opening verse which is really all that needs to be said. I love a confounding, painstakingly personal lyric as much as the next sad boy, but sometimes simplicity says it best. I’ve said that one of my favourite lyrics of the past few years is, on paper, very simple and easy to dismiss. Anneke Van Giersbergen’s acceptance that her marriage may be over when she sings in The End – ‘I loved you forever, at least for a while’. That makes me tear up every single time. Of course it helps when you sing in such an honest, sweet manner like both she and H do in their respective tragedies, but consider any break-up you may have been through yourself. In that moment of realisation, as you kid yourself, as your stomach churns and heart shatters, you don’t admit it’s over with poetry; you whisper it with shame. Fear, relief, anger – that’s if you’re lucky enough to be articulate at all in the moment.

None of this should suggest that the lyric and the music is devoid of poetry. Rather than writing the song from his own experience, H makes the chief narrator a woman in the first half, and we get that clash of personalities from start to finish, sandwiched between the conflict of past and present feelings. The mater of fact feelings manifest, the ugliness becomes real, and both people search for the pain to end, whether that be in a separation or with the two connecting once more and finding their way through the storm to the sky above the rain. Does it say anything that woman’s section starts out more plaintive and bright, harmonious and grows to a crescendo, while the man’s part starts out in a traditionally darker musical place, before growing to a similar crescendo as that piano joins in once more? Does it say anything that the climax sounds a little brighter when the lyrics speak of a potential reconciliation, coming after a period of piano led calm? How come I’m praising this lyrics and not Montreal? Answers in the comments.

An AI generated BYAMPOD poster

BYAMPOD is back (baby)! It has been months since I wrote whatever I wrote above, and quite a few songs from this album have been doing the rounds in my car journeys. Of course when it only takes five minutes to get from the house to the school, then another five to the other school, then another five back…. you don’t have much time to listen to more than a single Marillion song. I dread to think about what sort of car journey I’d need to go on to listen to the latest BYAMPOD episode, as it’s a whopper at almost two hours! Luckily, I can listen as I work from home, and occasionally jot down a commentator’s note on what Paul and Sanja are talking about.

We kick off with some exciting news – Pedanthony and H shared a snack! I did that with Brendan Fraser once. It was weird. Meanwhile, Sanja and Paul went to Waitrose to get White Pepper. We don’t have any of those in Northern Ireland. Or Morrisons. We’re tramps, you see. Paul would like to NOT receive essays on the album from the BYAMTCHES for a letters episode… good luck reading this post!

We kick off with Montreal, which Paul tells us was designed to be a dedication to the place. Unsurprisingly it’s a place which the band is very fond of, and has a special relationship with. Paul says the song has been accused by some as being a prime example of a cut and paste job, which I take to mean disparate parts uncovered through jamming (I hear the band writes by jamming) and woven together to make a whole. I feel the same way about the second half of Abbey Road – the good bits are too short. Paul himself doesn’t feel it’s the worst offender, and each of the respective parts is giving due care and time. Sanja is even more positive, saying the gap between her original listens and re-listens for this episode have made her heart grow fonder. It’s one of her favourites, and both compare it to Ocean Cloud. Apparently it’s not a favourite across the fandom and rarely gets played outside of Canada. They feel that it keeps you engaged, that the transitions are fluid, and it gives that sense of wanderlust.

We go on a traditional tangent about when the guys went to the US – the overall feeling of woozy, jetlag, traveling to new places they experienced is what they feel the song gets across. Paul doesn’t find much emotion in the lyrics, while Sanja says the song is aptly Canadian – friendly, relaxed, not aggressive. She also adds ‘the music envelops H’s voice like a blanket’. I hope it’s not one of those blankets infested by bed bugs. My wife is terrified about going to Spain this year (every year) in case there are bed bugs. Sanja feels the song is taking something mundane and making it poetic, while Paul is less impressed. There have been plenty of songs over the years about how mundane touring and the rock star stuff is – I suppose as exciting as something my seem from the outside, anything can become boring and routine. Sanja would like a 10-minute Marillion epic about H’s day going from shop to shop, trying on different shoes. Scroll to the bottom of this post if you would like to read what ChatGPT makes of such an idea…

We dive right in to Invisible Ink with the revelation that it is one of Paul and Sanja’s all time favourite Marillion songs. Snap! It may even be Sanja’s favourite out of them all. Apparently it never gets played live, at all, which is bizarre to me. Sounds like it could have been a single to me. Paul says it’s both very commercial, but very unusual, with one of H’s most interesting vocals. Sanja gets a bit over-excited expressing her love for the song and kicks over the laptop/cat, but goes on to say the song feels like those early feelings you get when you have a crush. I guess those vocal gymnastics could be classes as the gushings of a giddy school girl. But as sweet as innocent as it is, there’s more passion and fear and gut punches in there. Sanja says that H expresses confidence as the song progresses, but I felt it somewhat closer to desperation and terror. I can’t remember what I wrote above, and I’m not scrolling all the way back up there to find out.

Paul relates very strongly to the lyric, and it reminds him of when he met Sanja – those feelings of nerves, of not wanting to make the first step a step to far. In these situations, you’re on a tightrope, even though all the people around you can see that the rope is only half a foot off the ground. I was terrified when (in school) I got the phone number of the girl I liked and called her. What if she’s not interested? What do I even say? Hi uhh, duhh… do you wanna be my girlfriend? What if her mum answers!? I remember the fear, but I don’t remember the actual conversation we had on the phone. Meeting my wife was the complete opposite – it was at a mutual friend’s birthday party and my body was filled with various substances. We spent the night together – not like that – as I told her the entire plot of Beauty And The Beast and explained The Trojan War to her. That’s romance, incels!

Paul’s not much of a fan of Lucky Man, while Sanja is. Paul likes the chorus, hates the guitar tone, Sanja finds the music somewhat coarse but loves the lyrics. Paul says that it’s a good example of a song which largely doesn’t fit H’s voice – those mid-tempo rockers. Do any of the other guys sing? On occasion, some bands will switch out their main vocalist for one of the other guys if the song doesn’t suit the main guy’s voice. Obligatory Manic Street Preachers shout-out, but sometimes on their slower, softer, more meandering songs Nicky takes up the vocal duties. And we all cover our ears. Sometimes Duff takes over from Axl in the odd Guns n Roses song. Stick Rothers in there to sing, although you might get a bridge about butter slapped in the middle.

Sanja likes the call-back to previous songs through the use of the word ‘cage’. With the help of AI, it turns out H has a bit of a thing for cages. Except that AI has done an April Fool’s bit for Sanja and none of these songs or lyrics actually exist. I wonder if my AI H Shoe Song down below mention’s cages. You’ll have to scroll down to find out. We jump into Sky Above The Rain, which Paul describes as ‘the perfect Marillion song’. I like it, I don’t know if I’d go that far, but then I’m just some guy. He says it is so restrained in the early moments that the later explosion is a great pay-off. This accentuates the withheld emotions of the lyrics and subject matter. Paul says that the lyric is one of the most brutally honest he’s ever written. I think I wrote quite a bit about the lyrics, but found them matter of fact. Again, don’t remember. Look, I wrote all that stuff above months ago! It’s another personal lyric, and another which Paul has found spoke to him very intimately. It’s an accurate depiction of a broken relationship, not necessarily because of some grand soap opera incident.

Paul feels like the song has been written with some distance, with some perspective – it’s not speaking about something immediate, instead looking back at a relationship from a few years before. Which makes sense, but I don’t think I felt that during my listens. It’s a song we can all project on, assuming you’ve been in a relationship which has come to, or threatened to come to and end. Musically, Paul thinks the songs owes a debt to Rufus Wainwright. Not someone I am familiar with, outside of one or two songs. He also calls out the fact that the annoying guitar tone makes an appearance – I remember wondering if Paul would bring that up. Maybe the song is so good that it succeeds in spite of that sound, but that the song might even better had a different effect been used.

The guys close up by summing up the entire album. Paul says it was a turning point – I don’t know what comes next, but I remember Happiness Is The Road. This was the band consolidating their strengths, and they must keep in that vein while building upon it in the next rather than making any drastic changes. H’s lyrics become more outward looking than inward. If H does take on AI in the next album, he could do worse than reading what ChatGPT says about shoes below. Before we get there, I still have two albums to catch up on. If they’re on par with or an improvement over this, I’ll be in for a treat. Why not write in the the guys and have your name ridiculed in front of the millions of listeners! I’ve written enough. My fingers have become stumps. Like King Charlie’s.

Sole to Sole

In the dim corner of a forgotten shop,
Beneath the signs, dust tells its age.
Leather, laced with stories untold,
Huddled ranks on an ancient stage.

Shadows dance in the afternoon,
Flickering lights whisper in faded gold,
Silent sentinels in broken rows,
Each one a story, waiting, sold.

(Chorus)

Try them on, step in,
New paths await, begin.
A journey starts, sole to sole,
Within these shoes, play your role.

Here’s a pair, worn thin with dreams,
Echoes of footsteps, in distant lands.
They’ve seen the roads, from silk to sand,
Held the weight of weary plans.

Softly now, I slip inside,
The leather grips, a gentle hold.
A stranger’s dance, now mine to mold,
In each step, a new tale told.

(Chorus)
Try them on, step in,
New paths await, begin.
A journey starts, sole to sole,
Within these shoes, play your role.

Underneath, the soles they bend,
With every move, messages they send.
Tales of miles, of smiles and tears,
A footstep’s weight, the passing years.

The mirror sees, reflects my gaze,
A thousand roads converge in haze.
These shoes, they know the turns to take,
With every step, a new world I make.

(Chorus)
Try them on, step in,
New paths await, begin.
A journey starts, sole to sole,
Within these shoes, play your role.

In this small shop, a universe expands,
Every choice held within my hands.
New shoes to choose, old paths to roam,
Each step a story, leading home.

ChatGPT is going to ruin us all. Let us know your thoughts in the comments!

Best Make-Up – 1985

Official Nominations: Mask. The Color Purple. Remo Williams – The Adventure Begins.

This category has a tendency to be quite frustrating. Firstly, it took so damn long for the category to be added, a shame given the excellence of the people who had been created make-up for decades, and given its importance to the product. Secondly, rather than using the category as a springboard for films and people who don’t tend to be nominated, it was used as an add-on to already established winners. Plus – three nominees? What’s that about?

There’s no need whatsoever to nominate The Color Purple this year. It’s solid work, but it’s not outstanding, it’s not what you remember from the film, and there are a host of far more deserving films. Of all the genre films to choose from this year, it’s equally bizarre that Remo Williams got the nod. Not a film you think of when you think of Best Make-up. At least the winner was a worthy one. It makes it even more of a nonsense that The Elephant Man wasn’t given anything but Mask was, but this (and the category as a whole) can be seen as an award for the work done in The Elephant Man. Mask is the only choice here.

My Winner: Mask

My Nominations: Mask. Day Of The Dead. The Goonies. The Company Of Wolves. Return To Oz. Fright Night. The Return Of The Living Dead. Re-Animator. Freddy’s Revenge. Legend. Brazil.

There are so many strong contenders this year that I had to cut back on my list – sorry The Mutilator, Phenomena, Lifeforce, Ghoulies etc! Even if you ignore my rant, and ignore the extraordinary work in some of the horror movies, there are still a number of notable snubs which deserved a spot over, or alongside the Official Nominations. I’d say that maybe three of my choices should have been in with a genuine chance of nomination, given what The Academy’s biases are, though none of them are strong enough to get my win.

Starting with Legend – established star and director, along with some up and comers. The make-up work on Tim Curry is, well, legendary, and I see no reason why it was not one of the official nominees – either taking a spot from one of the lesser official picks, or being added to the list. Brazil already had form in the awards while being overlooked in most places where it should not have been – make-up being another example of this. Of the final genuine picks, this would have been a great category to give The Company Of Wolves some recognition. They were never going to pick a ‘real’ werewolf movie, but they could have gone with this more ethereal, boundary blurring piece. Possibly you could argue that either (or both) of The Goonies or Return To Oz should have been given a nod. One has The Wheelers and talking heads, and the other has Sloth – both great picks.

With those out of the way, we get into the more interesting films. Those which are known for breaking new ground or which may be remembered for their make-up if for nothing else. Freddy’s Revenge is a generally maligned entry in the Elm Street series, even if it has gone through something of a re-evaluation. While it deserves credit for doing something different, it’s the make-up effects where the movie shines. Freddy himself has had a bit of a make-over (as he does in each film) and delights in stripping off layers of his own flesh to show pulsating boils beneath. When he’s not admiring his own decaying body, he’s birthing himself out of teenage boys, slashing other teenage boys in the guts, and then repaying the favour by having a teenage boy birth from him after combusting.

Fright Night is a fun, light vampire movie with one of those VHS covers which caught my eye back in the day. This being a vampire movie in the 80s, we get some cool transformation scenes – Chris Sarandon, Evil Ed, and perhaps most famously, Amy’s part-completed turn. What that mouth do, as they say. Return Of The Living Dead is a peak example of how horror and comedy and a teen audience was blended in the 80s, throwing in sex, music, scares, and gore in equal measure. While it’s influential in starting the whole ‘Braiiiiinnns’ thing for zombies, it’s those make-up and visual effects which are most memorable. Tarman alone is enough for a nomination, but we have a host of zombies with more individual looks and styles than we’d ever seen before, with more detail on their shambling, gooey corpses. And they bite and scrurry and chomp and talk.

Re-Animator is an 80s take on Frankenstein, and as such we have all manner of re-animated animals and people, resulting in hacking, sawing, and one very horny decapitated head. But we close, as we must, with the undisputed winner and one of the most outrageous snubs in The Academy’s history. Day Of The Dead is incredible from the makeup perspective. Think what you will of the movie, but there’s no way any serious person can deny the quality, the potency, and the ground-breaking nature of the makeup effects which have barely been equalled or bettered to this day. Hundreds of zombies, many seen in great detail up close, lots of ridiculous violence to an extreme level, and buckets of gore. The gunshots are especially grim versus other movies of the time, and the zombie kills at the climax are a technical marvel, with modern shows such as The Walking Dead being clearly inspired and attempting to match Tom Savini’s brutal work. It’s the winner, no question.

My Winner: Day Of The Dead

Let us know your winner in the comments!

The Nightman Scoring System Reviews – Abbey Road

Remember the Nightman Scoring System ©? My system for reviewing music as fairly as possible, an attempt to remove as much inherent bias as possible? That system where I break up an album into twenty evenly weighted categories so that when you score each one out of five, trying to base the score as much on fact as on opinion, you get a fair total out of 100? It’s the best scoring system in the world and you should use it. So should I in fact, hence this post. Anyway, if you want to read the rules about the system click this link and it will reveal all. There’s one for movies too, at this link. Check them both out – I say with absolutely no hyperbole that it will unquestionably change your life, make you an astonishingly brilliant human being, and also get you the ladies (regardless of your gender or orientation).

Sales: 5. No doubt

Chart: 5. Back up to a 5 score, with the album topping UK, US, and a bunch of other places.

Critical: 5. An interesting one because the album was not lauded by all at release, and faced some significant criticism. Much of that has since been swept away and it is widely seen as one of the best albums of all time. Perhaps that will switch again in the future.

Originality: 4. A bit of a mixture – the intent being that the band went back to basics… but then they also have a bulk of the second half being taken up with a medley and some experimentation scattered throughout. While it’s stripped back, it’s infused with everything they’ve learned.

Influence: 5. One of those albums which has influenced everyone who wants to start a band.

Musical Ability: 5. Much of the album represents a stripped back, live approach, with the lads relying on their innate ability. This time around they added Billy Preston to the line up, adding some much needed energy.

Lyrics: 4. If I was being excessively strict I could put a 3 here, but I think there’s enough creativity to warrant the 4. There’s still some whimsey and nonsensical wordplay amidst the scatting and the ballads, but it retains a sense of the real world rather than leading us to drug-fuelled lands of the imagination.

Melody: 4. Weaker than their mid-career heyday, but still on par or better than most other artists. Even the throwaway material have memorable moments, but on the big hitters like Here Comes The Sun and Come Together they can still craft a tune for the ages.

Emotion: 4. Much of the emotion seems to come from the joy of playing and the sense that things were drawing to a close. And from Harrison, whose own skills were speeding up just as those of his pals seemed to be slowing down.

Resilience/Lastibility: 5. It’s never not going to be a 5.

Vocals: 4. Go 5 if you really love the band and their voices. It feels like a 4 for me.

Coherence: 4. It’s a strange one as usually an album which has the bulk of its second half acting like a single suite of songs would get a higher mark from me, but those songs feel more like bits of different material sewn together just so there’s something to show for the effort. Elsewhere, it’s mostly a stripped back Blues rock album, but thn again you have Octopus Garden which could have been on Yellow Submarine, and a couple of ballads. 3-4 seems like the limit.

Mood: 4. Like in the emotion category, the mood may come from me listening to the album decades after the fact, knowing what was around the corner. It’s bittersweet.

Production: 4. The live nature of the album is great, but some of the overdubs and effects feel cheesy and date the final product.

Effort: 5. I’m good with a 5 here, equally good with the 4, but knowing the pressure and the limited timeframe to put it all together, the fact that they were able to, again, and have it not be shit, again, is remarkable.

Relationship: 3. It’s not my favourite Beatles album, and there’s maybe only six songs I’d willingly listen to now. I prefer my Beatles on the lighter side.

Genre Relation: 4. Both something of a throwback to their own beginnings, their own early influences, and a reaction to the heavier music around them at the time. It’s part of that late 60s, early 70s rock zeitgeist.

Authenticity: 4. They were going for it, but you get the sense that not everyone’s heart was all in at all times.

Personal: 4. I’ll be honest; if this were just a one-off album by some random band who never did anything else, I’d probably give this a 3. I’m close to giving it that score now, but given that it’s not some nobody band and given its level of sustained influence, it tips into a 4. If I were doing a straight scored ranking of the Beatles’ albums, I’d maybe go a 3 with this.

Miscellaneous: 4. The Get Back series is great – as I will also say for Let It Be.

Total: 86/100

It’s still a massive score when you see how other albums compare. Not as high as other Beatles albums, and that seems fair enough. Let us know in the comments what you think of Abbey Road!

Best Cast – 1985

My Nominations: The Plague Dogs. The Breakfast Club. Into The Night. The Purple Rose Of Cairo. The Goonies. St Elmo’s Fire. Back To The Future. Silverado. After Hours. Marie. Agnes Of God. Spies Like Us. The Color Purple. Revolution.

A mammoth set of nominations this year. If and when they eventually create this category officially, it’ll be interesting to see what criteria they use to strip the field down to five or ten nominees. Doesn’t matter to me and my blog, as I just chuck everything in. Case in point – John Landis made two movies this year, largely by throwing as many of his famous mates into the casts as possible. In Into The Night, Jeff Goldblum and Michelle Pfeiffer zip about the country with stolen Iranian jewels in their possession, and the cast is rounded out by Dan Aykroyd, Richard Farnsworth, Paul Mazursky, Irena Papas, and Vera Miles. However, playing key roles are also Clu Gulager, Roger Vadim, David Bowie, Carl Perkins, and Bruce McGill. That’s before we get to the cameos, including (takes breath) David Cronenberg, Carmen Argenziano, Art Evans, Rick Baker, Jim Henson, Jack Arnold, Jonathan Demme, Amy Hecklering, Don Siegel, Lawrence Kasdan, Carl Gottleib and many many others. It’s like a feature length version of Liberian Girl, but with behind the scenes types. In Spies Like Us, Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd are bumbling spies roped into a secret mission, meeting along the way Bob Hope, Bruce Davison, Donna Dixon, Frank Oz, Terry Gilliam, Ray Harryhausen, Costa Gavras, BB King, Joel Coen, Sam Raimi, Martin Brest, Larry Cohen…. it’s another who’s who of sorts.

Keeping with the ensemble nature of those films, The Plague Dogs is a somehow even darker cousin to Watership Down, its voice cast featuring John Hurt, Christopher Benjamin, Nigel Hawthorne, Judy Geeson, Bill Maynard, Patrick Stewart, James Bolam, Warren Mitchell, and other familiar English voices. The Purple Rose Of Cairo is a more American affair, with Mia Farrow, Jeff Daniels, Danny Aiello, Dianne Wiest, and Edward Herrmann featuring.

As it was the 80s, another batch of Brat Pack movies appear – St Elmo’s Fire bringing together Rob Lowe, Emilio Estevez, Demi Moore, Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy, Andie MacDowell, Andrew McCarthy, and Jenny Wright alongside Martin Balsam, Mare Winningham, and Joyce Van Patten, while The Breakfast Club featured Judd, Sheedy, Estevez, Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall, and Paul Gleason.

The Goonies saw an even younger cast making names for themselves – Corey Feldman, Sean Astin, Josh Brolin, Ke Huy Quan, Kerri Green, Martha Plimpton, Jeff Cohen, along with Robert Davi, Joe Pantoliano, and Anne Ramsey. Back To The Future made stars out of Michael J Fox and Christopher Lloyd, but also featured Crispin Glover, Lea Thompson, James Tolkan, Thomas F Wilson, Billy Zane, and Marc McClure.

Lawrence Kasdan’s Western Silverado features Kevin Costner, Kevin Cline, John Cleese, Rosanna Arquette, Brian Dennehy, Danny Glover, Jeff Goldblum, Scott Glenn, Linda Hunt, Jeff Fahey, and Amanda Wyss, while Martin Scorsese’s comedy After Hours has Arquette, Griffin Dunne, Linda Fiorentino, Teri Garr, Dick Miller, Catherine O’Hara, John Heard, Cheech & Chong, and Will Patton.

Marie is a largely forgotten political biography starring Sissy Spacek, along with Morgan Freeman, Jeff Daniels, Keith Szarabajka, and Lisa Banes, while Agnes Of God has Meg Tilly, Jane Fonda, Anne Bancroft, and Anne Pitoniak. The Color Purple is made up of the likes of Danny Glover, Whoopi Goldberg, Rae Dawn Chong, Oprah Winfrey, Lawrence Fishburne, and Adolph Caesar, while Revolution is an underseen Al Pacino vehicle also featuring Donald Sutherland, Nastassja Kinski, Joan Plowright, Dexter Fletcher, Steven Berkoff, Robbie Coltrane, and for some reason Sid Owen, Annie Lennox, and Richard O’Brien.

My Winner: Back To The Future

The Nightman Scoring System © Reviews – Yellow Submarine!

Remember the Nightman Scoring System ©? My system for reviewing music as fairly as possible, an attempt to remove as much inherent bias as possible? That system where I break up an album into twenty evenly weighted categories so that when you score each one out of five, trying to base the score as much on fact as on opinion, you get a fair total out of 100? It’s the best scoring system in the world and you should use it. So should I in fact, hence this post. Anyway, if you want to read the rules about the system click this link and it will reveal all. There’s one for movies too, at this link. Check them both out – I say with absolutely no hyperbole that it will unquestionably change your life, make you an astonishingly brilliant human being, and also get you the ladies (regardless of your gender or orientation).

Sales: 5. It’s The Beatles, so it’s an automatic 5.

Chart: 4. It didn’t get to Number 1 in the UK or the US, but was Top 5 in both territories.

Critical: 3. Probably the least well-received Beatles album, due in part to the fact that there’s very little original Beatles material on there – the second half consisting of George Martin’s instrumental shenanigans. Even with that, both contemporary and modern reviews are mostly positive.

Originality: 3. It could be said that the bulk of originality is found on Martin’s whimsical soundscapes. The Beatles songs found them also delving into whimsy, their flights of fancy coinciding with increased drug intake and jaded outlook. It’s more of the swirling, effects-laden stylings of their previous couple of albums, without much progression.

Influence: 4. I can’t quite convince myself to go lower than 3, because it’s still The Beatles. It’s not their most influential work, but anyone listening at the time or since likely borrowed something from it.

Musical Ability: 4. Sure.

Lyrics: 4. A more rounded release, with Harrison contributing two of the six Beatles originals. From the nonsense of the title track, to Harrison’s scathing torching of his relationship to the band’s songs, to the sincerity of the closing track, there’s something for everyone.

Melody: 4. On one hand, you have a few of the more meandering, less tuneful Beatles songs on this album. On the other, you have All You Need Is Love and the title track, which have timeless melodies.

Emotion: 3. The overriding feeling I get from this album is that it’s just a bit of faffy, contractual bollocks, coming at a time when the band was writing any old nonsense. Outside of a couple of tracks, there’s not much high emotion.

Resilience/Lastibility: 4. I could easily go 5 here, and maybe I should, but I think it’s the handful of Beatles songs people remember and revisit rather than the album. I don’t know what that means to you, but for me and this category, I must drop a point.

Vocals: 4. It’s all good, and it may even feature Ringo’s best vocal.

Coherence: 4. I could go 3 with this one given it’s an album of two halves, but even with that distinction, it does hold together as this wacky adventure.

Mood: 4. See above.

Production: 5. It’s excellent, including the Martin tracks.

Effort: 3. I’ll go lower here, because there’s only a few new Beatles tracks. Go higher if you feel that the fact they were able to put out anything given their schedule is a miracle.

Relationship: 3. A bit too much of the ‘caught in time, zany 60s’ for me to fully relate to, but a couple of the main tracks remain universal.

Genre Relation: 3. It’s certainly out there for a major band, even as other artists were pushing creative boundaries.

Authenticity: 3. Harrison is trying to get his voice heard, but the other songs feel like they’re ripping the arse out of things.

Personal: 3. Not my favourite Beatles album. If this had been a dual release – soundtrack separate – and if they’d included some of their unreleased tracks from this period, or updated a few of their older unreleased songs with the psychedelic approach, this could have been higher.

Miscellaneous: 4. Great artwork, an associated movie.

Total: 74/100