Greetings, Glancers and what the balls is this!? Lets not beat around the bush here – I have no clue what this is. Is this literally a string band? Or is it some proto-hipster name? Dear Lord, I have visions of some marching band monstrosity. I’ve never heard of the album, I’ve never heard of the artist…. I… I don’t have high hopes for this one. Prove me wrong boys/girls/strings… prove me WRONG.
‘Koeeoaddi There’: Arggh, instant vocals. Wavering all over the place. Wicker Man. Guitar. Sitar. What’s going on? Hippies. Didgeridoo? Too many things. Can’t focus on the lyrics as there’s other stuff happening. Loose structure. Now some sort of bells. Loose. Freestyle. Feels like a bunch of boys playing whatever the hell pops into their head in one take with no previous planning. Odd accent. People. Now trying Bollywood vocals. Lots of words. Other voices. Claps and clicks. Fish on a dish. Means?
‘The Minotaur’s Song’: Piano. More singing. Sounds Irish (yes, I know it’s Scottish) so that instantly puts me off. Still, it’s pretty funny though I’ve no idea if that is intentional. Lots of emphasis on certain words to give more comedy theatrical parts. Backing voices. This one has a more traditional structure, I guess. Jaunty. One of those songs I’d stick in a playlist for a party – once everyone is lulled into a false sense of security by other songs, this pops on and generates a collective ‘WTF’. Funny high pitched ‘can’. Claps. End.
‘Witch’s Hat’: Guitar. Minor. Major. Certainly. Clearly Wicker Man. Spooky. Flute jump scare. La la la. Monkey. One for drugs. The Witch’s Hat part is cool. I’m not a fan of the wavering vocals though. More la la las. Clearly taking the piss. End.
‘A Very Cellular Song’: Thirteen minutes, oh goody. Strings and things. Parts. Nice bit. Catchy bit. Goodnight refrain. They should play this in Church instead of, you know, ‘New born baby you’re a sinner and you’re fucked’ or whatever they actually play. Actually, that sounds pretty cool too. Too many goodnights. Silence. Michael Jackson. Who would Bruce? Hilarious mess. Kazoo. Saying things. Prancing hippies. Scratchy violin. Organ. More guitar mandolin stuff. Who would mouse? Burn some into muffins, chomp, 20 minutes later, and you’re on your back with your feet in a box reciting whatever random fragments pop into your head. Then laughing because someone said ‘Thierry Henry’. Voices. Talking. It’s not great guys, lets be honest. Slithering and squelching. I’ve recorded this sort of thing before and I’m fairly certain anyone with the slightest musical ability, drugs, and a 4 track has done the it to. Yeah, it goes on for a few more minutes.
‘Mercy I Cry City’: Falling bits. Guitars, flutey stuff, yeah, more of the same chaos. Snakes. Yeah, pollution, that’s bad. Litter, that’s bad. Neon, that’s… bad? Yeah, everything’s bad. Apart from drugs. And shitty countryside, freezing cold, cattle-corpse stained pastures where only pneumonia and desolation lies – that’s great though. Fools.
‘Waltz of the New Moon’: Singing. Wavering. Harp or something. Music fine, vocals ridiculous. Man it just keeps going and going until you buck the cd out of the car. There’s a fire king’s daughter – there’s always a fire king’s daughter.
‘The Water Song’: Someone failing in their attempt to flush an enormous dump. Wicker Man again. Praising the little brook while sacrificing a Christian child. God made a song when the world was new. It certainly wasn’t this shite. I need a slash.
‘Three Is a Green Crown’: Starts brilliantly. Then the vocals start and it falls to shit. Beatles. This is probably the best song so far, ominous. But sort out those vocals, jeebus. Right, wrap it up, 5 minutes was plenty.
‘Swift As The Wind’: Guitar. Plant voice. Sex noise. Slapping. Again it would be nicer with some regular vocals, but that ain’t the point. Chant the demons away. Repeat.
‘Nightfall‘: Voice. Sitar. Nightfall. It would be lovely if it wasn’t so crap. Some nice string bits. End.
What Did I Learn: Nothing really, aside from who the band are and what it sounds like. If someone says ‘Stoned hippy poets with too many instruments make music’ then you already know exactly what this will sound like without listening.
Does It Deserve A Place In The Top 1000 Albums Ever: Once again I’ll have to defer and assume that this was influential. Indeed I can hear later bands who were possibly influenced by this. But does that mean it’s actually good? Good then and good now? No. The answer is no. I appreciate it for what it is, and I like the loose feeling. But it’s mostly junk that I have no doubt anyone else could record with similar results. By all means make the music, absolutely make it, that’s what it’s for… but best ever? Ha. HA!
Colin Larkin’s Ranking – 408
The Spac Hole 