Send Away The Tigers

Generic Ratings: 1: Crap. 2: Okay. 3: Good. 4: Great

If any fans were put off by the experimental, electronic sounds of Lifeblood, then the opening track of Send Away The Tigers should see those fans sighing in relief. They play a little trick with a false organ start, but the opening guitar attack sets the tone for the album – a more streamlined, old fashioned rock sound with guitars, drums, bass, and vocals all unhindered by studio jiggerypokery. It’s a terrific opening riff, and the melodies and musical strength shines through the three and a half minutes, not allowing any spare seconds for additional nonsense – the point is made, and we can leave it at that. Lyrically, Wire seems to be on better form, and although the old themes of regret and nostalgia are prevalent there is a freshness to proceedings after the sleepy nature of the last album which makes you sit up and listen – and that chorus is bound to stay in your head for hours.

Send Away The Tigers: 3/Good (Patrick Jones video)

Misheard Lyrics:

  1. There’s no hope in the counties
  2. Faces on whores
  3. Same noise death and destroy
  4. Look at me I’m modest and free

Actual Lyrics:

  1. There’s no hope in the colonies
  2. Fixing some holes
  3. Same noise left to destroy
  4. Look at me I’m honest and free

Nightman Listens To – Roxette – Joyride!

Greetings, Glancers! In 1990, the pressure was on Roxette to release a follow-up to their multi-million selling second album. Momentum was on their side with that previous album seeing a number of hit singles as well as the re-release of their biggest hit It Must Have Been Love being played around the world thanks to Pretty Woman. The band were at their creative and commercial peak and the new album would prove to be an even bigger success. Like I mentioned in my previous Roxette post, this album was on regular rotation during car trips. For some perspective, we would spend most holidays at a caravan park on a beach near to where my mother grew up and the car journey from my house to our destination was roughly 90 minutes. Sometimes at weekends I would come home for a day with my dad, before returning the following morning. So there was a lot of time listening to songs from this album, along with other favourites of my youth. I’m sure there are a few I’ve forgotten about here, but overall it’s an album I know well.

Joyride. A great intro to the album with one of their biggest singles. You’d be forgiven in thinking this was the lead in to a concept album what with the artwork and the spoken intro. It ain’t. Roxette have this habit of including multiple great hooks in certain songs – this one has a tonne – the whistling part, the pre-chorus ‘magic friends’, the chorus itself, certain guitar parts – each is addictive and will gnaw away at you. If you like some of the weirder stuff on this site you’ll be please to know I actually did one of my delightful remixes to this song years ago, but I never uploaded it. I must get around to that.

Hotblooded. This comes in heavy, a little cheesy but we can forgive that. Mostly. I’d mostly forgotten the verse but the chorus is another one with fangs. Lots of raunchy lyrics, a fast pace, a harmonica solo, guitar solo, it’s pretty simple but with a decent rock flavour. Good vocals from Marie.

Fading Like A Flower. This was always one of my favourites, but then you know how I love the ballads. This is a power ballad following the 80s template. We have a piano lead in, a lot of atmosphere and emotion, a surge into a crunching chorus. It’s actually heavier than I remember it, more emphasis on the power than the ballad with plenty of guitar to drive things. It also has a greater pace and shorter running time than I remember, but it’s still just as good and gives me nostalgic chills.

Knockin’ On Every Door. This starts with some dated drum sounds before pulling out a very funky verse – lots of riffs and weird sounds along with Per’s fast paced vocals. It’s not very exciting but the chorus is another decent one. Things get weirder in the second verse with stranger vocals and a few interesting musical choices. It could do with a little trimming.

Spending My Time. I feel the same about this one as I do about Fading Like A Flower. It’s another power ballad, but this time the focus is more on ballad than power. It opens with just Marie and an acoustic guitar, very lonesome and atmospheric – especially when the synth and twinkles come in. Then the chorus drops, terrific vocals, nostalgic synth, pure 80s stuff even though this was 1990/1991. Downer lyrics, defiant guitars, massive chorus. It’s perfect power pop.

I Remember You. This opens with some didgeridoo sound before stabilizing. Riffs, decent pace, rock infused pop. The chorus has that annoying Def Leppard feel. The verses aren’t that interesting and the chorus is merely okay, making this the weakest one so far. Still, there is enough here that it is still worth hearing.

Watercolours In The Rain. Another acoustic opening, reminds me a little of Led Zep’s Tangerine. It’s very soft and sweet. This one is unusual in that the chorus doesn’t live up to the verse. It feels like a song that strives for greatness but doesn’t quite reach it.

The Big L. I remember this one feeling heavy. There’s a little bit of guitar there and it’s quick, but it isn’t heavy. We have dual vocals and the melodies are fine throughout. It does have terrible hand claps though, you know I hate those. It’s catchy but it’s one I would have liked much more as a child. This one goes on a bit too long too.

Soul Deep. It’s a rip off of (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction but it’s still good. Marie yelps and howls, the drums are solid, and it’s upbeat. Not much else to say.

(Do You Get) Excited? A synth one which feels more in tune with the direction 90s pop was going. The synth also feels like any number of John Carpenter movies. It suddenly bursts into life for the second verse with a loud guitar riff, but the song doesn’t continue in that vein – the verses are still plain. The chorus is good but not as strong as the big ones here.

Church of Your Heart. This one is interesting – it’s another which tries to be a power ballad but just lacks that certain something. I think this one is too upbeat, for some reason I always treat power ballads as ones which come from a place of pain or sadness. This is just happy and though it has the same trademarks as those ballads it doesn’t strike the same chord with me. I still like it, just isn’t essential.

Small Talk. This is a weird song. It’s all drums and synth bass and strange spoken parts and little acoustic jingles. The chorus is okay. It feels very similar to Hotblooded but a less sexy version. A strange mixture, yet it mostly works.

Physical Fascination. Another weird one, or at least a weird intro. Lots of strange 80s sounds and funk stuff. It’s a bit all over the place but I do remember there were a bunch of songs like this – throw in as many instruments and sounds as possible and see if a song pops out the other end. A song usually does, but it’s almost always crap.

Things Will Never Be The Same Again. Ah yes, I always loved this one. I’m sure you can guess why. Somber intro. Sudden big synth and guitars. Atmosphere. Downbeat. You got it, it’s another power ballad. The verse melodies here aren’t as good as others but the pre-chorus and chorus are both great. It’s not as good as I remember, certainly not as good as the biggies, but still one of the better ones here.

Perfect Day. The closing song is another good one. Good verse, good chorus. This one doesn’t rely on silly sounds and production balls – just melody, vocals, idea. The album ends on a strong note.

It didn’t long before my brother started chopping songs from albums to make his own mix tapes fro car journeys, so quite a few of these didn’t make the grade. I also made my mix tapes and the only two songs I remember taking from this album were Fading Like A Flower and Spending My Time. My opinions haven’t really changed – those are the two clear best songs here, with three or four close behind. The rest of the album I can take or leave – there’s really only one crappy one and the rest are average album fare. What about you? Do you have any specific memories of this album or any of its songs? Let us know in the comments!

Nightman Listens To – Madonna – Music!

Greetings, Glancers! It’s Madonna time again and an album released back in 2000, a simpler, less stressful time some would say. Not me though – I was in the middle of my A-Level preparations, I was 17, drinkin’ and a druggin’ and a womenin’. As you’ll have read in my previous post, Ray Of Light had been a massive hit with me and some of my friends, but in the few years between these albums we had started to see Madonna in a less favourable light. She had a lot of stuff going on which made her a prime candidate for ridicule, not that she’d care, and her release of American Pie was met with general laughter. To many of us it seemed she had lost it. I don’t know how much, if any, this contributed to me not paying much attention to the album but Music is not one I know much about, outside of some vague memories of the singles.

The album seems like it could be short and brisk – only ten songs and the only one I can clearly recall is the title track, and that’s a song I wasn’t a fan of. William Orbit did an awesome job on Ray Of Light so presumably the same will be said for this, although I think this album has a more general dance music flavour with less focus on atmosphere and rock. There’s no point guessing, lets just get into it.

‘Music’ was the first single from the album, and I didn’t like it from the first moment I heard it – much too much focus on quirks and production than, you know, actual music. The video likely influenced me too, what with its apparent love of celeb culture and lifestyle. Lyrically of course the song is supposed to be about the power of music to bring people together and overcome… something, but when the music is mostly dire the message falls flat. I appreciate the creativity and the production, but the style is not for me, the vocals are too whiny, and the melodies grating.

‘Impressive Instant’ is… well, my instant impression is that I’ll never want to listen to this again. It seems to be like another irritating dance song, entirely manufactured in the studio with nothing tangible. The vocals are annoying, the music is repetitive, the lyrics are garbage… unless you’re into dance music there’s nothing good here.

Runaway Lover‘ is a more traditional dance track. As a general rule I’m not a fan of dance music in most of its guises, but there are exceptions. This, I don’t mind. It could be any style of song, they just happened to make it dance – take away the beats and replace them with guitars or generic pop stuff and you’ll have a decent rock or pop track. Some of the noises and drums stuff annoys me, but it moves swiftly with a tidy energy and some decent melodies.

I Deserve It’ seems familiar somehow. I’m almost certain I’ve never head it, but I’ve shared many a set of earphones with many a person, so possibly… This one rambles along never quite reaching any sort of point or peak, though based on the lyrics that in itself is possibly the point. There are moments of potential where I thought it was going to build into something more, but then it didn’t.

Amazing‘ starts with manufactured bird-like noises and bell type sounds. Before long a beat that’s unusually similar to Beautiful Stranger takes the song further along. The song has more of a rock vibe like some of the songs from Ray of Light, though in a completely different style.

Nobody’s Perfect’ begins with something that sounds like ‘I am wet when I am with you’ which seems a little inappropriate even for Madonna. This is annoying because I do like the melodies here, but they are largely ruined by the auto-tuning nonsense. The drum sounds feel too weak in places, but I do like all the robotic laser stuff going on. This would be great if it had a traditional vocal throughout, but even with the nonsense I can’t help but like it and I think it could become one of my favourites over time.

Don’t Tell Me‘ is one I’d forgotten about. I like the disjointed nature and I remember this one had fairly heavy rotation when I was in the University Student’s Union bar anytime Kerrang wasn’t being shown. It’s a decent single but clearly I’d forgotten it for a reason, gets annoying before long.

What It Feels Like For A Girl’ begins with experimental sounds, some annoying English accented speaking, lyrics about androgyny etc. I have a feeling I have heard this before. The good qualities here are buried under the production – the melodies and the backing sounds don’t go together at all, making the whole affair feel like two completed different songs which got mashed together accidentally.

Paradise (Not For Me)’ is a song that mostly goes nowhere until the second minute where a very John Carpenter piece emerges followed by a much stronger vocal (though still downgraded by auto-tune). It’s clearly an attempt at an epic and it doesn’t quite get there, though I appreciate the effort. I love the strings which join the mess near the third minute, but the opening two minutes are too uneventful – a better melody lifting towards that middle section would have improved things drastically. The final couple of minutes repeat variously the good and bad without offering a final distinct section – aimed for the stars and scraped the clouds or something.

Gone‘ begins as an unusually streamlined and simple song – only voice and acoustic guitar. I love the melodies, the vocals and lyrics are plaintive, and the chorus is great. Given what has come before I keep waiting for the big production to come blasting out of the speakers. It does come, kind of, but it’s not as intrusive or all encompassing as elsewhere on the album. This is good stuff, and a great ending – another song I wasn’t aware of that I already look forward to hearing again.

For me this was an ambitious yet disjointed album. As a sequel to Ray Of Light it tries a host of new ideas but it doesn’t have the impact, musically or emotionally, which that album had. Where one felt urgent and inventive, this one feels at times like a joke or more accurately that the people involved were just having fun without caring about the quality of the end product, while at other times it feels as if they are throwing as much sound and technique into the mix in the hope that some of it will come good. The best moments are those where the simple tune is allowed to speak for itself – some of the songs are bogged down by production to the point where the melody is drowned, while in others the production fails to disguise the dull core. There are still some great moments here, and a few songs that I’ll add to my regular rotation, but as a sequel to a great, it falls below expectation.

Nightman Listens To – The Rolling Stones and The Beach Boys

Greetings, Glancers. As I near the end of my adventures with Bon Jovi, Bryan Adams, David Bowie, and Madonna (I’ve only started with Roxette) I’m already looking forward to which artists I should cover next. Fair enough, Bowie will take some time to finish and the Roxette posts will go on for a while – I’m also looking at the Iron Maiden solo input and Disney Soundtracks, God help me.

Ideally I want to cover those artists that I’ve always kind of liked, but whose albums I’ve never heard. The Beach Boys are a band you just can’t avoid. You hear there songs at an early age – certain songs are simply part of Western or even World culture – you’ll hear them in movies, on TV shows, on adverts, or of course on the radio (or whatever passes for radio these days). I want to cover artists who have been around for a while – those who have had more than 5 albums – ideally more than 10. They should be people I know with a few songs I know, but who for whatever reason I have just never got into. I thought about Bob Dylan, but then I’ve never heard a Dylan song (performed by him) that I’ve really liked (I’ll admit to only hearing a tiny amount). I thought about Elvis, but Elvis is too much of a cover artist. I pondered over ABBA and The Bee Gees, but I’m not convinced on their credentials on having great albums – they’re always seen as Singles bands, right?

Anyway, I’ll probably get to those guys some day, and maybe some of their albums are covered in my Top 1000 Albums Quest. For now, I’ve picked two bands who have stood the test of time – emerging in the 1960s and still playing and recording today (sort of). It’s time to be honest – I’ve never listened to a single Beach Boys Album. I know a tonne of their songs, even ones that weren’t singles to my knowledge, but I’ve never stuck on an album and listened from start to finish. The Rolling Stones however, I have listened to many of their albums, around the same time I started properly listening to The Beatles. At that time, to my mind, there was no comparison – The Beatles were smart, funny, talented, innovative, while The Rolling Stones seemed to be playing the same old blues songs over and over with the odd exception. It’s time to go back and listen again.

Both bands have written some of my favourite songs ever, but still I’ve never been fully sucked in. It’ll be interesting to see if I find any new favourites or a new appreciation. Everyone else loves them, so it’s about time I gave them their due respect. Why not join me on my adventure and share your thoughts and memories of their albums and songs? Because you don’t like me or my musical taste? I suppose that’s fair enough….

Nightman Listens To – David Bowie – Let’s Dance!

Greetings, Glancers! Ugh, I’ve been dreading this one. Not for any understandable reason you know, but I’ve still been dreading it. Like when you went to a school disco when you were a kid and you got all concerned and sweaty even though you’d be seeing the same friends and classmates you’d seen a few hours earlier? I don’t know. Maybe it’s the title of the album that’s had me wary, along with the fact that we’re now well into the 80s – the decade when good musicians forget how to make good music. I’ve never liked the Let’s Dance song either, and I’ve been concerned the rest of the album will be similar. China Girl sounds familiar, but other than that I don’t recognise any of the songs listed. We’ve been hear many times before, but let’s dance once more.

Modern Love: Well, it starts with guitar at least, so that’s good. Uh oh, repetitive and crappy drums. Talking with accent. Garth Marenghi. Better singing, and I like the minor stuff. Neat melodies. There was this terrible pop song a few years ago which had a very similar beat and rhythm to this and now that I’m hearing this it’s clear the pop song ripped this off. It was this overplayed twee mess with… were there two singers? Thankfully I’ve put it mostly out of my memory, but did it have someone singing ‘infatuation’ over and over? Something like that. The guitar is mostly gone now, leaving jagged piano and prodding brass. It’s very poppy, but it’s good.

China Girl: Okay yes, obviously I know this one. I quite liked the main riff but the song doesn’t really lift off for me until Bowie belts out the vocals after the halfway point. It feels like a curious one-off pop single till that point – I like it, though not a favourite.

Let’s Dance: Ugh, I never liked this one. It just sounded too 80s cheese, mixed with a faux 50s rock swagger and disco sound. It’s not a bad song or anything and I like the parts of the song outside the main ‘Let’s Dance’ vocal and riff. I find it quite overplayed too.

Without You: So, this is a new one on me yet it feels familiar. I like these unassuming songs which don’t try to show off or be some big hit yet quietly do a better job. Like the previous two songs there is a prominent repeating riff, and as this is new for me it doesn’t feel annoying or overplayed. The vocals are gentle, the song is short, and it has an unexpected finish.

Ricochet: Clapping and jungle beats – two of my least favourite things. A stuttering beat and near spoken vocals. It’s certainly doing its best to not endear itself to me. Smokey jazz horns play over dissonant sounds and soundbites. It’s a bit of an experimental mess. I know what he’s going for here, but it’s nowhere near interesting enough for me to be anything more than a one time curio.

Criminal World: Another new one for me, but wait, isn’t this just China Girl again? That riff is very similar. It’s lucky the verse is slow otherwise it would have been nearly identical. There’s some deep bass funking along, the vocals are quiet. The chorus speeds up and brings the melody. Rinse and repeat, though I liked this one.

Cat People: Ah yes. I saw the remake when I was in my early teens and liked it okay if it has boobs and blood when you’re that age, it automatically gets a thumbs up. It starts with simple cymbal snaps, then a growing synth purrs its way into view. Bowie does his best deep voice – it’s all very slow and somber, like a proto-industrial piece. The build up is slow, then there’s an explosion of vocals and sound to take us into the second phase of the song – basically a heavier take on the first with added energy and drums. It’s great. We follow this with a funky instrumental section before the vocals return – this is one of Bowie’s better vocals for me. We end on a nice synthetic guitar solo and choir rendition of the chorus.

Shake It: Umm… Prince? This is very 80s and the lyrics seem like the sort of silly stuff you got back then. It’s not quite New Wave pop, but it has that vibe, tone, and sound and feels like it could have been recorded by any number of 80s groups. That’s not always a bad thing – it’s fun and it would probably be catchy after a couple of listens, but on this first hearing it doesn’t have enough to pull me in.

A mixed bag then – some good ones, some I knew, some new ones. There aren’t any songs I didn’t like, title track notwithstanding as I knew it already, but there are a couple which I didn’t care for. Mostly on the positive side then – maybe a couple I’d choose to listen to again and which would potentially be added to my playlist, but nothing immediately jumped out at me and landed on the playlist. What are your thoughts on Lets Dance? Is this the best of Bowie’s 80s offerings, or does he get better through the decade while his peers suffered? Let us know in the comments!

Fantasy Festival Line Up – Day Three

It’s our last day – lets make it a good one. That stranger you spent the night with… I’m sorry to say that you won’t keep in contact with them, but that’s fine – just let it be a beautiful 24 hour romance and long may it remain in your memory.

10 – 11: John Carpenter

I think this one could be a possibility given John’s recent touring and focus on music. I’d love to see the great man live and while I feel that an indoor, night time setting would suit his music better, there’s no way he’s going to headline here and a morning blast of Halloween or some of his Lost Tracks would be superb.

Number Of Times Seen Live: 0

11 – 12: Lovebites

My favourite recent band, there’s no reason why Lovebites shouldn’t be huge. Well, people are idiots, so that’s the main reason they won’t be as successful as they should be. They are a Japanese metal band, but get this – they’re all girls – shock! And double shock, they’re amazing musicians, playing face-melting power metal! I jest of course, but the focus on the band is usually that they are female. Regardless, this is an injection of pure adrenaline and delight, a throwback to the glory days with a renewed sense of fun and exuberance.

Number Of Times Seen Live: 0

12 – 2: Natalie Imbruglia

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again here – Natalie Imbruglia is the finest pop star of her generation, to the extent that pop star is too cheap a term for her. She has a huge array of hits released and otherwise, and is an intelligent writer and performer who doesn’t get any of the credit she deserves. A sunny lunchtime outdoor gig would be perfect for her blend of angst anthems and melancholic pop.

Number Of Times Seen Live: 0

2 – 4: The Delays

While we’re on the subject of pop perfection, The Delays are another band who came out at the same time as all of the other ‘The’ bands, but surpass them all in terms of sheer melody. The Delays see one of the finest vocalists in the business – Greg Gilbert – lending his incredible falsetto to some of the most infectious hooks you’ll ever hear. Imagine The Beach Boys crossed with Nirvana and you’re somewhere close to the mark. Unfortunately the band hasn’t released anything in 9 years due to family commitments followed by Greg getting cancer. He’s still fighting, and I’m holding out for a glorious return.

Number Of Times Seen Live: 0

4 – 6: Joni Mitchell

Maybe the greatest living singer songwriter, Joni Mitchell has had her (un)fair share of health issues in the last years but in her early years everything she touched was gold. I’m a much bigger fan of her folk stuff than her later jazz and blues stuff, but a late afternoon 2 hour set from this Goddess would strike the hippy chord which all festivals need.

Number Of Times Seen Live: 0

6 – 8: The Gathering

I mentioned Natalie Imbruglia being an underrated pop star – The Gathering are the best unknown band in the world, an incredible collection of artists who change with each release and can variously be called a metal band, an atmospheric rock band, post-prog, shoegaze etc. I’ve reviewed most of their stuff on this blog already and every music fan should definitely check them out. The band has had line-up changes over the years but for the purposes of this festival I’d love to have Anneke Van Giersbergen and Silje Wergeland on stage together like at their 25th anniversary show. They are definitely a band to enjoy in the dark, so this time of the day should suit them perfectly.

Number Of Times Seen Live: 1

8 – 10: The Beatles

What is this? The Beatles, not headlining? Blasphemy! Well, yes, but I rate my headliner higher and would want to see them more than the Fab Four. The Beatles stopped performing live just as they were hitting their peak in musical releases meaning a tonne of their best songs were never performed by the original band together. But this is fantasy, so my show will see The Beatles alive, well, and together, playing songs from their entire catalogue with no technical concerns. Surely that is the Holy Grail of all music fans?

Number Of Times Seen Live: 0

10 – 12: Michael Jackson

There was never going to be anyone else to close my original festival. Jackson is the greatest and to me personally had the biggest impact on me musically. It’s rare a day passes that I don’t either listen to or play one of his songs in my head. He was a born headliner and he was cruelly taken just before what was sure to be a glorious tour. Here he is free to play whatever the hell he wants with as huge a stage show as he wants, and there’s no-one else in the history of music I’d want to see live more.

Number Of Times Seen Live: 0

Let us know in the comments who else you would add to you festival line-up!

Chart Music Through The Years – 1994

Nineteen and ninety four. A year of change, for me and for the world. It was my first year in big school, meeting all these new weirdos and saw me trying to find some new people with similar tastes in music and movies. Most of my closest friends did not pass the good old 11+ exam (a British transfer test which miraculously ensures whether you get into a good school or crap school, though many could cheat and pay for the privilege) and those were the friends that I listened to Guns’n’Roses, Nirvana, and Alice Cooper with. Luckily I met a few like-minded folks, but in April Kurt Cobain decided to kill himself. After that, music sort of seemed shit. Even music I had previously loved. I went through a bit of a faff, listening to nothing, or more accurately I listened to stuff but felt no connection. Naturally that didn’t last and I fell back in love with music again.

The charts of 1994 were an odd place – we had the grunge from the US, the tail-end of 80s rock still hanging on to relevance, europop, boy bands, the continuing emergence of homegrown bedroom DJs and lady singer-songwriters singing about their lady problems. It was a wonderful diverse world away from today’s chart of Tosspot Feat. Wanker taking up every position. There was good and bad, as it should be. Elsewhere in the music world, Blur released Parklife and Oasis released Definitely Maybe, Tupak went to jail, Michael Jackson married a Presley, Jeff Buckley released Grace,  and Woodstock 94 happened. In the rest of the world, Clinton and Yeltsin made sure no nukes would be flying, Lillehammer had some Olympics, Ayrton Senna crashed and burned, The Channel Tunnel opened, and a bunch of my favourite movies were released. What of October’s Top Ten Singles?

1: Pato Banton: Baby Come Back

This is one of those one hit wonders that was everywhere this year, and another which is almost entirely self contained within the year of its release. To add to the annoyance, it was a cover too, of a song from twenty years earlier. Make things worse by throwing in people from UB40 – one of my most hated bands ever. If there’s one thing I can’t stand in music, it’s anyone who isn’t Bob Marley doing reggae. So you get all these British guys adopting this culture and accent that they may or may not have anything to do with, and making shitty sub-standard knock offs with faux accents. In short – this is terrible. The only good thing about this is that I still will randomly shout ‘but a bye bye bye bye, bada bye bye by bye’.

2: Whigfield: Saturday Night

This was a beast when it arrived, a one-hit wonder which transcended that odious nomenclature and permeated into pop culture. As a pop song it’s still perplexing as to why it became such a monster, but these are questions we’ll never find answers to. I suspect it had something to do with ecstasy. And yet, it’s a perfectly good pop/dance song. It’s repetitive as hell but there’s a cheery likeability to it, no doubt partly due to Whigfield’s smiling Scandinavian otherness. You can usually gauge a song’s true quality in direct relation to how much young girls dance to it – I have clear memories of roaming the streets near my house with my friends shortly after this was released and stumbling upon a group of girls from my school dancing and ‘doing makeup’ to it in their living room. Zoe – I’m looking at you. Somehow it remains both dreadful and not bad at the same time.

3: Bon Jovi: Always

I’ve been going through the Bon Jovi albums elsewhere on this blog and this was always one of my favourites. I loved it upon release and I happily defend it now. Yes it’s cheesy and yes it’s Bon Jovi, but as far as well written effective rock ballads go, there are few better.

4: Take That: Sure

I mean, I avoided Take That as much as I possibly could back in the day, so looking at that song name I don’t have any memory of what this is. Watching the video in the link above for the first time presents a rather creepy introduction, with the lads swarming around a child and asking if she’s ready for bed. Why in God’s name is it seven minutes long? Was this the group trying to channel Michael or Madonna and make a video which was something more than an excuse to smile and unbutton their shirts? I’m gonna have to skip forward because this is painful. Oh fuck, here comes Robbie. Three minutes and still nothing has happened. Finally the song begins and what the balls is this? What in the name of all that is holy went wrong in peoples’ lives that made anyone this happen? Arguably the most bland song I’ve ever heard – and I’ve heard Dido.

5. Michelle Gayle: Sweetness

The 80s gets all the credit for being a decade of WTF, but with stuff like this you’d be forgiven in thinking the 90s should take the hotspot. Michelle Gayle was an actress in Eastenders who had a brief series of hits after leaving the soap. That kind of thing used to happen a lot, but to her credit at least she had more than one. I never liked this, but ironically I find myself singing the chorus every so often. The weird thing is that I don’t really remember the verses and when I sing the chorus I always do it with a strange accent and a faster pace which makes me think it must have been parodied somewhere and I’m doing that version instead. Otherwise I created my own parody when it came out and that’s what’s stayed with me. It’s not very good, just your typical slice of British 90s R’n’B – read – standard pop but with a black singer instead of white.

6: R Kelly: She’s Got That Vibe

Well. I’m not sure what we can really say about R Kelly these days. If I’m honest, I don’t remember him being all that relevant before Space Jam. Or after. I didn’t know that’s who did this song. Your typical light, commercial rap bollocks. Give it credit for a catchy chorus, but keeping things honest – it’s balls.

7: Cyndi Lauper: Hey Now

I like Cyndi Lauper. This is her basically remaking her best known song Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, but with added ‘hey nows’ and a slower pace and more annoying production.

8: Snap: Welcome To Tomorrow

Snap. Is that who I’m thinking of? No. No it’s not. And once again, what the balls is this? Look at the state of that video! Even in 94 this looked worse that Liza Minelli’s feces. There aren’t strong enough words to describe how bad this is – musically, visually. I don’t remember this at all, thank fuck, and I hope by tomorrow I’ve forgotten it again. Ladies and Gentleman, may I present to you, the Human Race. Yes, this actually happened. Someone wrote this, someone made this, and people actually paid money to own it. Looking at the comments, people still enjoy it. Reasons we should get nuked #42319877. The only positive thing I can say about this is ‘hey look, that lady has her legs spread’.

9: Sting: When We Dance

Sting was apparently still alive in the 90s. Who woulda known? I do remember this one. It was okay then and it’s okay now. Still bland and uneventful, but then it is Sting.

10: Lisa Loeb: Stay

Finally, one I actually liked at the time. What’s not to like, for younger me? A hot girl with that not-quite grunge look looking at the camera and singing sweetly. It’s not great or anything, but it does have that 90s grrl charm which bled into other artists and shows I enjoyed more.

That’s definitely a snapshot of parts of my childhood right there, and definitely a look at what was popular on these shores. It’s not a great depiction of what was actually good in 1994 though – it was genuinely an excellent year for music – so here’s my alternative playlist.

1: Alice In Chains – Nutshell

2: Green Day – Basket Case

3: Oasis – Live Forever

4: Jeff Buckley – Lover, You Should Have Come Over

5: Portishead – Roads

6: Soundgarden – The Day I Tried To Live

7: Mariah Carey – All I Want For Christmas Is You

8: Tori Amos – Baker, Baker

9: Pantera – 5 Minutes Alone

10: Pink Floyd – Lost For Words

What are your favourite songs and memories of 1994? Let us know in the comments!

Nightman Listens To – Maiden Solo/Other Output

Greetings, Glancers! As many of you may know, I’ve always been a bit of a metal fan and rank Iron Maiden as one of my favourite bands. One thing I’ve never actually bothered to do though is listen to the other work by the various band members – solo or with other bands. And why the hell not? It’s probably crap, as is usually the way with these things, but I’m going to do it anyway, and you can come along for the ride. Oh yeah, I’m not going to bother with the Blaze Bailey or Paul Di’Anno stuff. I can’t be arsed. Maybe one day. For now, here’s a handy list of the albums I’ll be covering:

Bruce Dickinson: Tattooed Millionaire. Balls To Picasso. Skunkworks. Accident Of Birth. The Chemical Wedding. Tyranny Of Souls.

Samson: Survivors. Head On. Shock Tactics.

Steve Harris: British Lion. Calm Before The Storm.

Urchin: Black Leather Fantasy. She’s A Roller.

ASAP: Silver And Gold

Psycho Motel: State Of Mind. Welcome To The World.

Primal Rock Rebellion: Awoken Broken.

Streetwalkers: Downtown Flyers. Red Card.

Fish: Vigil In A Wilderness Of Mirrors

Gillan: Double Trouble. Magic. Gillan’s Inn.

Any favourites, let me know!

The Nightman Scoring System © – With The Beatles!

 

As it’s my music month, I’m going to post a few of these. Remember the Nightman Scoring System ©? My system for reviewing music as fairly as possible, an attempt to remove as much inherent bias as possible? That system where I break up an album into twenty evenly weighted categories so that when you score each one out of five, trying to base the score as much on fact as on opinion, you get a fair total out of 100? It’s the best scoring system in the world and you should use it. So should I in fact, hence this post. Anyway, if you want to read the rules about the system click this link and it will reveal all. There’s one for movies too, at this link. Check them both out – I say with absolutely no hyperbole that it will unquestionably change your life, make you an astonishingly brilliant human being, and also get you the ladies (regardless of your gender or orientation).

I continue going back over The Beatles’ albums, again, with their second UK release With The Beatles. Click this link for my original review. It’s not my favourite album of their’s – the weaker rushed out cousin to the first, but it’s still the bloody Beatles. Check out my scores below.

Sales: 5 (Like all of their albums, this was a smash hit).

Chart: 5 (Like all of their albums, this was a smash hit).

Critical: 5 (Like all of their albums, this was highly praised at the time, and is still voted as being one of the best albums of all time today. Retrospective reviews have been less positive so some people could go 4 or even 3 on this. I’m tempted to go 4, but I’ll leave it).

Originality: 3 (This is really more of the same after Please Please Me, hardly surprising when it was recorded 4 months after their debut. There isn’t any progression, which couldn’t really be expected, but even so I have to give a more average score in this category. The more lenient may go with 4 but 3 seems like the best choice).

Influence: 3 (Similar to their debut, but again the impact is decreased simply by virtue of the fact that Please Please Me was recorded first. If you’re being extra nice go 4, but I think 3 is most accurate).

Musical Ability: 4 (Again, there can’t be much progression in playing in four months, but here they solidify their various styles and ability to play together).

Lyrics: 3 (Like their debut, there isn’t a lot to speak of here for the eight original songs – another collection of love songs, this time with more focus on the darker side. They fit the music, they rhyme when they need to, and do everything else expected of simple pop tracks, and verge close at times to being much too cliche).

Melody: 3 (The original tracks here don’t quite match up to those on the debut, though there are still plenty of wonderful moments, but the covers are hit and miss. 3 -5 is the range here, but the lower ebb seems more reasonable).

Emotion: 3 (The tracks are given the full Beatles energetic treatment, and again the tracks are mostly pleasant without truly gripping us in a vice grip of emotion – no highs or lows, just playing for the love of playing).

Resilience: 5 (Again, 50 years on this is still being discussed, although the covers are not seen as definitive and the originals are not as strong as on other albums. Can’t go lower than a 3, surely).

Vocals: 4 (Lennon has stronger output here than the others, McCartney getting minus points for Till There Was You, Harrison does a good job in his first solo performance, while Ringo does a great job on his lead performance).

Coherence: 3 (This one does suffer from sounding more like a random collection of hits, although most of the tracks fit together in a gentle rock style rather than the full on energetic blast of the debut).

Mood: 3 (The mood is less distinct here than in the debut, with less of the spirit of the time coming through, and less of the japes of being a band made clear to the listener).

Production: 3 (For some reason this one sounds a little more tinny, twangy, cheaper than the debut, although every part is clear).

Effort: 3 (Not as high a score as the debut as many of these tracks were leftovers or basic covers of already oft covered hits, but by and large the band give it their all in the playing).

Relationship: 3 (The songs here don’t clasp on to the listener as firmly as those on the debut, although this does sound like the slightly uglier twin of Please Please Me and fits well with the early set of Beatles records).

Genre Relation: 4 (More of the same, with the band treading familiar water to other bands of the time, yet not truly striking out on their own).

Authenticity: 3 (Unlike the debut, this sounds and feels more like a cash in on recent success rather than a true Beatles album, although there are enough twists and moments to prevent it from sounding like any other band or a band at odds with themselves).

Personal: 3 (It’s not a great album in any respect in my eyes, with much less punch than the debut, less ideas, less passion, but still plenty of strong songs. Hardcore fans will go 4 or 5, I can understand the 4 but 5 seems like a lie. Only haters will give less than a 3).

Miscellaneous: 3 (Nice cover work again, not much else to say here. As always, this will range from 1-5 for the individual).

Total: 71/100

A lesser album in my eyes than the original, and the overall score reflects that, knocking it down to a mid-B grade if we’re talking more traditional scoring. I should have said in the previous post that some people will disagree with the 20% per grade scoring. Usually I wouldn’t do things that way either, and most schools etc don’t follow that pattern, but that opens a different can of worms;  Should A grade only be 90-100, or 85-100? Should it fall like 0-30 is an E, 31-45 is a D, 46-69 is a C, 70-84 is a B? Who knows? What I will say is that you can’t give a 0 in any category, so even if you score 1 in each category, you still score 20/100. That’s the lowest possible, and I can’t see anyone getting it so maybe an E grade should be 30? Regardless, that’s not what we’re here for – I’m just giving a score out of 100 so I’ll leave any grading to your personal tastes. Once I’ve scores a few more albums, you’ll see a pattern emerge between them.

In any case, this score seems okay. If I wasn’t using these categories and was asked to give a score out of 100 for this album, depending on the day I think I’d give anywhere between high 60s and high 70s. I don’t think I’d ever go 80 or above. Let us know in the comments how you would score the album based on the system – I’m curious to see how other scores fit and if any patterns emerge.