Bordello Of Blood

At some point in the early 90s, British terrestrial TV began showing the Tales From The Cryptkeeper cartoon. Monsters, horror, twisty gruesome stories? What more could I want from a cartoon? In truth, I don’t remember much about it now. It was my knowledge of that series though which alerted me to a Tales From The Crypt movie one night a few years later – that movie was Demon Knight. I can’t recall what I expected from it, but I do remember watching it in bed and being disappointed that it wasn’t scarier. Knowing what I do now about the whole franchise, it was foolish for me to expect anything other than a camp mixture of slapstick gore and comedy. Flash-forward a few more years and I found out that another movie had been made – Bordello Of Blood – and that it starred Corey Feldman, who I was a fan of, and Erika Eleniak who I knew from Baywatch and emerging topless from a cake. Flash-forward one final time a decade or so further and I finally had the opportunity to see Bordello Of Blood.

It’s a hoot. The film has an unexpectedly hilarious script – offensive 90’s material delivered in sardonic 1940’s PI style by Dennis Miller. I had no idea who Miller was – I had to search to find that he was a stand-up comedian – and that makes sense for is performance here. The plot isn’t important – an ancient vampire is holed up with her brethren in a brothel, trapping horny men inside for a feeding frenzy. Corey Feldman is one such horn-dog, and after a fight with his chaste older sister (Eleniak), he finds himself in the brothel. The rest of the film sees Eleniak trying to find her missing brother with the help of an asshole Private Detective (Miller), and them uncovering the centuries old vampire mystery. It’s all dumb fun, and an excuse for the cast and writers to drop as many one-liners as they can in the midst of a lot of boobs and blood.

And really, what more do you need for a late night Friday movie when you’ve had a sucky week of customers or managers or people getting all up in yo shit? Feldman doesn’t appear as much as I would  have liked – he’s really only a supporting characters in the opening and closing moments, but the parade of familiar faces is entertaining if you grew up during the decade of grunge. Chris Sarandon is back to his slimy best, and people like Phil Fondacaro, Whoopi Goldberg, Bill Sadler, and Aubrey Morris all pop up. Nowadays it seems to me that the film has an innocent charm, even though it is sleazy and offensive, but maybe I feel that way because it’s comforting discovering a 90’s movie which takes you back through the years. I wouldn’t go as far as calling it a must see for horror fans because it does fit into a nostalgic niche, and I don’t see many non-horror fans getting anything out of it beyond a series of eye rolls, but if you were a kid of the 80s or 90s and enjoy the sort of silly humour and gore which the Cryptkeeper franchise delivers, then you’re bound to get a kick out of it.

Let us know in the comments what you think of Bordello Of Blood!