That was a mouthful. Here comes another. You know, one of the things which most terrifies me about music today – and it is absolutely happening right now – is how today’s singers are basically nameless voices for someone else music. Everybody is singing everybody else’s stuff, everything features someone else, and most songs are written by the same handful of people behind the curtain. It’s getting to the point where it is almost exactly like it was pre-The Beatles. Back then, you had a handful of singers, male and female, and they all put out the exact same songs on the same types of albums each year. Every so often there would be ‘a new voice’ (read – a younger pretty face) and that new voice would have one or two songs written specifically for them. Then everyone else would cover that song and the whole shit cycle would continue. Maybe a new movie would come out, or there would be a novelty hit – the same thing would happen – everybody would have a go at it. There was almost no variance in the charts and you’re preference was either ‘I like that guy with the black hair in the suit’ or ‘nah, that guy with the brown hair and shirt is much better’. Everyone was a clone of everyone else and the entire system was controlled so that the same type of performer would get famous and the same few people would get richer. This is exactly where we’re getting to again.
Now, we do have the internet which allows anyone to put their music out there. You have to know how to make it and record it, but you can, and you have billions of listeners at your fingertips. Of course, no-one will ever hear it because the system is stacked against you and is designed to block creativity and push back against anything that isn’t conforming to the party line. But as long as we have access to the actual good music, then people will continue to be influenced by it and make their own, right? Welllll… where do you get your music from now? Hard copies? Those sales are waaay down and you may notice it’s harder and harder to buy physical copies of the stuff you like. You’re almost forced to go digital. As much as illegal sharing is still rampant, people are also in control of what gets shared online – the same people who don’t want you to listen to the stuff outside of the party line. What happens when they decide one day to simply stop offering the good music? You can’t buy a physical copy anymore and the digital stuff is gone forever. You can’t chat to your friends about it because they haven’t heard of your crazy bands and only listen to what they’re told to listen to. Very quickly and easily that circle of goodness shudders, shrinks, and the swarm of content, the same shitty shared content that everyone already knows, that everyone is sharing, that everyone is copying and adding nothing new to, is entirely surrounding you and everyone else, and soon that’s all there is.
That’s an extremist viewpoint. Tongue in cheek. But it’s possible. And honestly, as much as it is a nightmare for us, it would be a dream come true for those in control. Thankfully, people are resourceful and creative and wonderful, and there will always be someone who pushes back. But right now, we are undoubtedly on a regressive path when it comes to music, especially from a commercial standpoint. When was the last time you heard something new in the charts – truly original, genuinely fresh? It is out there, it’s just never going to make it widespread. But we’re talking about Bobby Vinton or something. He was one of those guys with hair and a suit. He sang other people’s songs, just like everyone else did, and appealed to young girls with his boyish smile and forbidden shlong. The interesting thing about Bobby is, that he is actually an accomplished musician and a decent songwriter himself. Of course, his songwriting talents largely went to waste and most of his career was covering the hits of others. Sure, if it’s making you money and getting you ladies, why the hell wouldn’t you? I’ve probably heard some of these songs, there’s only ten of them, most will be short, so this shouldn’t be too painful. Thankfully in 1966 this sort of thing wasn’t as popular as in earlier years, but if I start seeing too many albums like this and too many crossovers, I’m going to skip them.
Petticoat White: This starts exactly as you’d expect it to with a name like that. Vinton has always had a sweeter, more childlike voice when compared with other crooners of the age. His delivery and pronunciation of several words and sounds is so over the top it must have been a joke. If you had a grandmother in 1966, this is probably what she listened to.
Bitter Teardrops: Is that a Theremin or someone singing? There’s a touch of country and Caribbean. This one is actually quite nice and I like the quick switch to the high notes. Vocals are sweet, the music is sad, and the delivery is sorrowful. Melodies aren’t the best but it works. A nice little treat.
All The King’s Horses: Feels like a 50s ballad. It’s all very sweet. Even though the lyrics speak of some sort of mishap and breakup. More unusual pronunciation. Pleasant. Forgettable.
Careless: More of the same shimmering guitar. This is just weird. The lyrics are terrible and the melody is like something they would have forced on me at Sunday School.
You Own My Heart: At least this has some sullen jazz piano to mix things up. It’s another tale of lost love. It reminds me of Bond soundtracks. It’s not very good.
Satin Pillows: Jeepers, this guy likes to cry a lot. Almost every song so far has had something about crying or tears. It’s another country song with the trappings removed. I feel like you could choose one song from the album and discard the rest – they’re almost identical.
Two Purple Shadows: More of the same. At least this one reminds me of Christmas. I swear the vocal melodies in all of these songs are the same.
Everyone’s Gone To The Moon: This one is more tuneful. Still, not that different from everything else. Lyrics are more interesting, it spices things up with violin and backing vocals.
Going Steady With A Heartache: Marginally more up tempo. Then it slows to the same beat as the rest. Same pauses and accentuation. Same old words about love ending. Someone get this guy a prostitute.
Someday: Boo hoo. Who’s idea was it to make an album which entirely consists of some kid’s moping? It comes across as an incel in the making. Dear Lord.
Well, that was almost unbearable. At least each song was short and there wasn’t many of them. But seriously, they’re all the same – lyrics, melodies, vocals – there’s barely an idea between the lot of them. Beware, this is the musical landscape we’re heading back to. Everyone’s gone to the moon, indeed. Most definitely a relic of the past even when it was released over 50 years ago, so what does that make it now? Not good, that’s what.
Let us know in the comments what you think of this – even though I’m certain you’ve never heard it.
Nightman’s Playlist Picks: Bitter Teardrops, I guess?
The Spac Hole 