Amazon Vine Freebies – June 2016

Right, time to catch up with my Amazon Freebies. Like being jealous? Enjoy feeling envy? Look below and click the things to see the treats Amazon bestowed upon me in June of last year. In lieu of screenshots I’ve written some ‘hilarious’ Led Zep ‘associations’.

Ultrasport Women’s Jacket (White)Ultrasport Women’s Jacket (White)

Wearing and Tearing

GreenPan Non-Stick Casserole Pot

Custard Pie

Garnier Ambre Solaire Suncream For Kids

Down By The Seaside

Scott Of The Antarctic

White Summer/Black Mountain Side

Star Wars Workbooks – Reading 6/7

Battle Of Evermore

Command Purely Purple Hooks

Gallow’s Pole



Amazon Vine – April 2016

After a rough start to the year, where the Vine Gods sought to abandon me in the wilderness for 90 days and nights with only Staplers to keep me company, April rolled around and brought with it fresh hope and new items to clasp around my self.

Philips FC6168/62 2-in-1 Upright and Hand Held Cordless Vacuum Cleaner, Pet Hair and Anti-Allergen


It sucks up pet hair… and Allergens!



A book about Witches and Dutch people and stupid people. It’s pretty good.

Kazooloo DMX Board Game


An Augmented Reality game not starring everyone’s favourite rapper turned ex-rapper DMX, Kazooloo is really rather terrible.

Lux High Protein Flapjack


They taste exactly like you’d imagine – like the suddenly prolapsed sphincter of a sleeve-tattoo adorned try-hard who spends more time looking in the mirror than a Wicked Fairytale Queen.

Thoughts? Share!

Amazon Vine Freebies – January – March 2016

Lean post-Christmas months I’m afeard, so not much to show. Just look at this balls – three months and only two free things! This is possibly the worst thing to have ever happened in the history of the human race. Anyway – have a gander.

We’re In The Wrong Book


A couple of kids bend space, time, and reality by getting sucked out of one book and into several others. Help them! Help them now!

Rexel JOY Magazine Rack


Oh Joy! A magazine rack!

Amazon Vine Freebies – December 2015

….and may all your Christmases be shiiiittteee! I hope everyone has roasted their nuts suitably and are waiting to put their hand’s on Santa’s sack! Here meanwhile, I was provided with these lovely festive extras.

Maybelline SuperStay24H Dual Ended Lipstick 170 Crystal Shock Amber 9ml


It’s lipstick. Shocking!

Maybelline Lasting Drama Gel Eyeliner 01 Black


It’s eyeliner. Lasting!

Buzz Bee Toys Ultra Master Tek Blaster


It’s a gun. Blasting!

L’Oreal Paris Volume Million Lashes Waterproof Mascara Black 9ml


It’s mascara. Waterproofing!

Amazon Vine Freebies – November 2015

Remember remember, the something November. What was it again? Who knows, who cares! All you care about it wishing you had such awesome freebies as these!

Wahl ZX902 James Martin Food Processor with Blender, 2 Litre, 800 W

Hurrah! You too can imagine pushing James Martin’s (or any of your other favourite celebrity food warlocks) face into this snazzy blender and watching it swirl to pulp. Remove his stump, try a different blade, and throw in his foot for bonus points!81NpOLxr-3L._SL1500_.jpg

Oxford First Rhyming Dictionary (Children’s Dictionary)

Finally! Teach your children how to be the next dead gangsta rapper by locking them in the basement with this book and not letting them out until they have composed a sick rhyme. ‘Why mummy/Why Daddy/Why won’t you let me out? Bitches be callin’/Parents be stallin/I think my nuts have gout’.


Orchard Toys Giant Road Jigsaw

Rejoice! You too can imagine what it’s like to be a cyclops or a God(zilla) by erecting this miniature town puzzle and stamping your merry way from the Butcher’s to the School. Just don’t let the Missus see you – she might swoon!


Amazon Vine – September Freebies

Back to school and back to bonanza:

Vicks VH750 Warm Mist Humidifier


Great for ridding your face of snots.

Toni & Guy TGST2998 X-Large Wide Plate Salon Professional Straightener


Great for ridding your hair of knots.

Seek Thermal Compact Thermal Imaging Camera with Lightning Connector and Protective Waterproof Case for Apple iOS Devices – Black


Great for ridding your night vision of dots?

Honeywell HH-503E1 Heavy Duty Heater


Great for ridding your garage of cold spots