Right, time to catch up with my Amazon Freebies. Like being jealous? Enjoy feeling envy? Look below and click the things to see the treats Amazon bestowed upon me in June of last year. In lieu of screenshots I’ve written some ‘hilarious’ Led Zep ‘associations’.
Ultrasport Women’s Jacket (White)Ultrasport Women’s Jacket (White)
Wearing and Tearing
GreenPan Non-Stick Casserole Pot
Garnier Ambre Solaire Suncream For Kids
Down By The Seaside
Scott Of The Antarctic
White Summer/Black Mountain Side
Star Wars Workbooks – Reading 6/7
Battle Of Evermore
Command Purely Purple Hooks
Mayhap it is and mayhap it ain’t. Who knows? Definitehap I received two freebies in May, and here they are.
LUX High Protein Bars
Transformers Sideswipe Figure
That’s all folks!
After a rough start to the year, where the Vine Gods sought to abandon me in the wilderness for 90 days and nights with only Staplers to keep me company, April rolled around and brought with it fresh hope and new items to clasp around my self.
Philips FC6168/62 2-in-1 Upright and Hand Held Cordless Vacuum Cleaner, Pet Hair and Anti-Allergen
It sucks up pet hair… and Allergens!
A book about Witches and Dutch people and stupid people. It’s pretty good.
Kazooloo DMX Board Game
An Augmented Reality game not starring everyone’s favourite rapper turned ex-rapper DMX, Kazooloo is really rather terrible.
Lux High Protein Flapjack
They taste exactly like you’d imagine – like the suddenly prolapsed sphincter of a sleeve-tattoo adorned try-hard who spends more time looking in the mirror than a Wicked Fairytale Queen.
Lean post-Christmas months I’m afeard, so not much to show. Just look at this balls – three months and only two free things! This is possibly the worst thing to have ever happened in the history of the human race. Anyway – have a gander.
We’re In The Wrong Book
A couple of kids bend space, time, and reality by getting sucked out of one book and into several others. Help them! Help them now!
Rexel JOY Magazine Rack
Oh Joy! A magazine rack!
….and may all your Christmases be shiiiittteee! I hope everyone has roasted their nuts suitably and are waiting to put their hand’s on Santa’s sack! Here meanwhile, I was provided with these lovely festive extras.
Maybelline SuperStay24H Dual Ended Lipstick 170 Crystal Shock Amber 9ml
It’s lipstick. Shocking!
Maybelline Lasting Drama Gel Eyeliner 01 Black
It’s eyeliner. Lasting!
Buzz Bee Toys Ultra Master Tek Blaster
It’s a gun. Blasting!
L’Oreal Paris Volume Million Lashes Waterproof Mascara Black 9ml
It’s mascara. Waterproofing!
Remember remember, the something November. What was it again? Who knows, who cares! All you care about it wishing you had such awesome freebies as these!
Wahl ZX902 James Martin Food Processor with Blender, 2 Litre, 800 W
Hurrah! You too can imagine pushing James Martin’s (or any of your other favourite celebrity food warlocks) face into this snazzy blender and watching it swirl to pulp. Remove his stump, try a different blade, and throw in his foot for bonus points!
Oxford First Rhyming Dictionary (Children’s Dictionary)
Finally! Teach your children how to be the next dead gangsta rapper by locking them in the basement with this book and not letting them out until they have composed a sick rhyme. ‘Why mummy/Why Daddy/Why won’t you let me out? Bitches be callin’/Parents be stallin/I think my nuts have gout’.
Orchard Toys Giant Road Jigsaw
Rejoice! You too can imagine what it’s like to be a cyclops or a God(zilla) by erecting this miniature town puzzle and stamping your merry way from the Butcher’s to the School. Just don’t let the Missus see you – she might swoon!