Paranormal Activity – Unpublished Screenplay

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

OPEN ON:

EXT. SANTA ROSA. CALIFORNIA – DAY

A WOMAN drives into a DRIVEWAY in a CAR and steps out.

KATIE

Seriously?

MICAH

What?

KATIE

What? We have just bought this inexplicably gargantuan house that there’s no way we can possibly afford given that we are apparently unemployed, and now you have also purchased a Hollywood grade camera. And now you are pointing it at me.

MICAH

Yup.

KATIE

Why you do that?

MICAH

Well you know, it’s what all the kids are doing these days – filming pranks, shooting themselves eating tide pods, unwrapping toys, and uploading the clips to Instagram

KATIE

Insta-wha?

MICAH

Emm, oh right. What year is this again? 2007?

KATIE

It’s 2006, you dick.

MICAH

Really? Right. What about Youtube – is that a thing?

KATIE

Yes. Micah, you are behaving quite oddly today, and only marginally less annoying than you will be later.

MICAH

HA HA HA! Yes, it’s wonderful being young, white, and Middle Class in these United States! Nothing will ever go wrong!

INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT

KATIE is brushing her teeth. MICAH is grunting.

MICAH:

HEURRRRGH! RARRRRR! PLOP!

KATIE

Seriously? Do you really need to drop one off while I’m in here? It’s disgusting.

MICAH

HRRRRNNNGGAAA!

KATIE

And why on Earth are you filming this!?

MICAH

Gotta get dem likes and subcribes, boiii!

KATIE

Well, don’t get any ideas about bringing that thing into the bedroom tonight. I need my beauty sleep because my sister KRISTI and her husband DANIEL are coming, but not his daughter – our niece – ALI, or their son, HUNTER.

MICAH

HRRRYUUUNNNTERRRR! PLOP!

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

KATIE

Ahhh, I can’t wait to get into bed tonight, for a long and restful night without any funny or spooky busin- hey, what is that thing doing in here?

MICAH

Ugh. Why are you always com-plain-ing about EV-REE-THING? Look, it’s important that we document every pointless second of our worthless lives for future generations. You never know who might need it! Now stop your yapping and take off your bra.

KATIE

I will not!

MICAH begins stamping his foot in front of the CAMERA and mewling like a SPANKED INFANT.

MICAH

WHAAAAAAAA! WHAAAAAAAA!

KATIE

Stop that right now, you’re making the floor creak!

MICAH

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

MICAH stamps his FEET around the room until A DRESSING GOWN falls off the BEDROOM DOOR.

MICAH

What the!? Did you see that? The dressing gown just flew onto the ground as if possessed by an evil spirit! I think this house might be haunted! YIPPEE!

KATIE

Seriously?

INT. BEDROOM – LATER THAT NIGHT

KATIE and MICAH are in BED. They are sleeping. THE DRESSING GOWN lies on the floor where it fell earlier.

MICAH (mumbling in sleep)

Mmmy life is brrilllya. Mmylifeis mmmm. You’re beautifu-ul, it’s true!

Suddenly, the DRESSING GOWN stands up all on its own as if possessed by an evil spirit. It starts to MOONWALK in front of the CAMERA before sliding out of the door and out of sight.

DRESSING GOWN

WEEEEEEEE!

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

MICAH

Wowzers – look at this footage!

KATIE

What is it? Did you record any further ghostly sightings?

MICAH

No, somehow I missed those, but check out how cool the toilet looks when it flushes in HD!

KATIE

Ew, gross.

The DOORBELL RINGS.

KATIE

That’s probably my sister, KRISTI and her husband DANIEL.

MICAH

Cool! I can’t wait to show DANIEL my sweet setup.

KATIE

Hello KRISTI!

KRISTI

Hello KATIE!

KATIE

Where is your husband, DANIEL?

KRISTI

He couldn’t make it, he is busy setting up cameras around our house.

KATIE and MICAH together

Cameras? Really? Why?

KRISTI

Yeah, also he hasn’t been cast yet, and come to think of it, neither have I, but we can retcon those details in later.

MICAH

Let me give you some privacy so you can talk about WOMAN STUFF. I’ll just leave my camera here.

MICAH leaves and KATIE and KRISTIE sit down

KRISTI

So why do you have a camera now? I hope you haven’t encountered any spooky goings-on? Going-ons? Whatever.

KATIE

Well, now that you mention it, I did think I heard some chilling noises last night, and ever since we’ve moved here I think I keep seeing a shadow standing at the bottom of my bed. And one time I thought I saw a Mexican running through my kitchen, but that seems unlikely.

KRISTI

Oh ho ho, I’m sure it’s probably nothing. La la la, lets talk about something else.

KATIE

Wait a second, I’m remembering more things – things I had forgotten about. Things from our childhood.

KRISTI

Yeah, our childhood was great. Nothing weird ever happened. Apart from that time our parents were gruesomely and mysteriously murdered and our Grandmother had to take care of us.

KATIE

WHAT!? I had forgotten that – I thought they died in a totally accidental housefire! But who cares, what’s important is that I remember I had a friend called Toby. You all thought he was imaginary, but he was really real! Wouldn’t it be cool if he came back?

KRISTI

No?

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

MICAH and KATIE are sleeping again, the lazy BASTARDS. Suddenly, the DOOR creaks open. It’s really quiet, but out of nowhere A LOUD NOISE MAKES A LOUD NOISE!

MICAH

Jesus, do that in the bathroom will you?

KATIE

I’m like literally terrified. I think this house really is cursed! I want to move out!

MICAH slaps her face. Twice.

MICAH

Silence woman, you are being hysterical. The only thing cursed in this house is your infernal mouth.

KATIE

I’m so sorry, sweetie, I’ll be good.

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

KATIE is literally on the TELEPHONE. Not literally.

KATIE

Come on, come on, pick up. Oh! Yes, hello! Is this the Priest’s hotline? Oh, thank goodness. Tell you what it is, I recently moved into a new house and I think it might be haunted – possibly by my imaginary childhood friend, TOBY. Uh huh. Uh huh. Mmm. That’s right. Uh huh. Mmm. A crucifix, yes. Uh huh. Got it. Mmm. Uh huh. Oh – you’ll send someone over right away? That’s fantastic! I’ll be here!

EXT. DRIVEWAY – DAY

A PRIEST arrives on a BICYCLE. You know he is a PRIEST because he is carrying a BIBLE, a set of BEADS, a LARGE FLASK with ‘HOLY WATER’ written on the side, and one of those things around his NECK.

PRIEST

Hello, you must be KATIE, and I must be a PRIEST.

KATIE

You are correct on both counts. Do come in.

PRIEST

Ah, before we enter, I would like to say a quick prayer in LATIN, if you don’t mind.

KATIE

Go ahead, that’s what I’m paying you for.

PRIEST

Semper ubi, sub ubi. AMEN.

KATIE

I don’t think that means what you think it means, but whatever.

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

The PRIEST is looking up at the ceiling, as if he can see something only he can see. He SHIVERS.

PRIEST

This place is…. evil. This room…. this house…. that lamp…. evil.

KATIE

Oh woe! Is there nothing you can do!? Why will no one help us poor, defenceless millenials!?

PRIEST

This rug…. that wall… evil.

Suddenly, ANOTHER REALLY LOUD BANG GOES BANG, and the EVIL LAMP wooshes across the room and smashes behind the PRIEST.

PRIEST

What the fuck! That lamp almost got me! I’m getting out of here!

KATIE

But what should I do?

PRIEST

Contact your Rabbi!

INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT

KATIE is in the shower. The CAMERA is watching every CREVICE. Uh oh! The DRESSING GOWN is moving again!

DRESSING GOWN

Now’s my chance. BOW-CHIKA-WOW-WOW!

The DRESSING GOWN steps into the SHOWER with KATIE.

KATIE

What the – OH NO! HELP!

For a moment it looks like they are struggling, but eventually the DRESSING GOWN wraps around KATIE and begins to squeeze her.

KATIE

OWW! OWWW! OOOOH! Ooooh, I like that. Mmmm, come here baby.

They kiss and the CAMERA SOMEHOW FADES TO BLACK.

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

KATIE is already in BED.

MICAH (OS):

Honey, I’m home! Where are you?

We hear FOOTSTEPS approaching and assume it is MICAH ascending the stairs. We are correct.

MICAH

Oh, there you are. Sorry I’m late, it’s just, you know what the guys are like when they’ve had a few. I missed you so much.

MICAH stops talking into the CAMERA and turns to see KATIE sitting up in bed and STARING at NOTHING.

MICAH

Oh, hi, I ah, didn’t see you there. Are you keeping well?

KATIE says nothing. In fact, she doesn’t say anything at all.

MICAH

Ohhh-kayyy.

INT. BEDROOM – LATER THAT NIGHT

KATIE and MICAH are sleeping. SOMETHING bumps the CAMERA and KATIE stirs.

KATIE

Ugh, what a weird dream. I dreamed that I was… never mind. Back to sleep we go.

KATIE lies down again, but is suddenly grabbed by an unseen force and dragged out of the BEDROOM feet first.

KATIE

MICAH! Help meeeeeee!

MICAH

In a minute.

KATIE (OS)

No, please don’t kill me, I’ll do anything! TOBY? MICAH!

MICAH finally wakes up, STARTLED.

MICAH

Katie? KATIE!

MICAH runs out of the room. OS we hear various screams and grunts and demonic CACKLES. There is one final yelp, and then a loud SNAP. Then silence. Eventually FOOTSTEPS come up the stairs and we assume it is KATIE or MICAH or DANIEL. We are only half right! KATIE crawls disconcertingly into the room and her face is all weird and messed up in a spooky way. She suddenly lunges at the CAMERA.

CUT TO: BLACK

A TITLE CARD READS:

Five days later, after being alerted by a neighbor concerned by a foul smell, a local Constable found the body of Micah with his head twisted all the way around. This footage was taken as evidence. Katie’s whereabouts are unknown.

POST CREDITS SCENE – INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

The Dressing Gown is doing THE THRILLER DANCE in front of the CAMERA.

MICAH (OS):

Keep it down up there, some of us are trying to rest in peace!

It is unclear if this section took place before or after MICAH’S death, but is ironic either way.

THE END

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The Invention Of Everything Else – Samantha Hunt

*Originally written in 2008 based on a free copy provided by Amazon

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Samantha Hunt’s debut shows an assured talent in the making, a writer unafraid to take the reader on a journey with few answers, focusing instead on fragments of history and moments of daunting emotion. Her style will clearly infuriate some readers – the time frame, the narrative, and indeed the narrator leap from one chapter to the next without warning to the extent that it may take a few paragraphs of a new chapter before you work out who is speaking; A forewarning then to anyone expecting a light read. If you are interested in the subject, in science, in biographies (even fictional ones), or in Tesla himself, then this is a no doubt intelligent and thought-provoking book which you will get enjoyment from, although much of that enjoyment will be drawn from the relief of trawling through some startling problems just to reach a passage of interest.

The Invention Of Everything Else is a semi-fictional history of Tesla, one of the greatest minds the world has ever known, and the people he comes into contact with at various points in his life. We witness his successes and failures, his emergence and withdrawal, his youth, his old age, and some sort of ending. Wrapped around this is the tale of Louisa and Walter- a father and daughter team whose own losses and inspirations have a way of mirroring Tesla’s. Most of the story is based in reality, which is always more fantastic than magic and myth as Tesla alludes to at several points, before twisting this notion on it’s head and introducing an element of time-travel towards the end. Presumably the point is that if Tesla brought the mystical and the impossible into reality via science a hundred years ago, why not in the modern age should we refuse to accept the possibility of time travel? Of course, nothing is straight-forward here as Tesla is presented as a man of limitless invention and foresight, but whose ideas sometimes failed disastrously; add to this some lesser known inventors and crazies and we get the impression that while many things may be possible in the future, a mind like Tesla’s is unique.

There are some brilliant characters here, screaming to get off the pages but unfortunately many of them are treated too sharply and shortly that we never truly get a grasp upon them, their thoughts, their motivations. We get within touching distance of these people but they are thrust away from us just before we make a genuine connection. If I was reading between the lines I might say that this was intentional, that it reflects the true nature of these characters’ lives in that they too are left cold and uncertain by the people they meet- but there isn’t enough evidence to prove that Hunt intended this.

The narrative is at times too jarring to make this as comfortable a read as it should and could have been. Like previously mentioned, we are made to work for our rewards- a fact which some readers will not respond to, while others may relish. There is an interesting tale here of the varieties and charms of human nature, of the toils and triumphs one can achieve, and of the irony that the human brain may not yet be powerful enough to house equal amounts of perfection in knowledge, humour, confidence, social skills, and that human culture may not yet be developed enough to accept brilliance readily, innocently, without envy, and as something we should all aspire to. Hunt is a reader to look out for and with a little more refinement and polish her next novel could be something to make an aspiring world proud of.

Have you read this book, or are you interested in Tesla or the genre? Let us know in the comments!

Amazon Vine Freebies – February 2015

Slim Pickings this month folks, have a jook!

Monster High Haunted Getting Ghostly Twyla: Yet another Monster High Doll for my girls to play with, and flawlessly designed once again

Ultrasport Tennis Tape Grip – White: As I don’t watch tennis I’m not really sure what this is for, I assume it’s some sort of lasso to swing and catch your opponent as you try to win a touchdown. My wife and her sister are both tennis champions so maybe they can use it to score as many holes in one as possible!

91Xc4dVUUQL._SL1500_Do you like free stuff? Get writing for Amazon and maybe you can get some freebies too!

Top 10 Tuesdays – Sad TV and Movie Themes

Warning – if you don’t want to cry today, turn away now.

You all know the sound
You all know the sound

Indulge me. Grief is the great equalizer; Everyone will experience it, and all of us will hate it. We are all born, and we all die. Years from now everyone who ever knew your name will be dust, forgotten and unspoken. Yet, if we all realized the absurdity of the needless causes of grief – murder, war, hatred, then grief itself would recoil and become less of a leather-winged, human-condition encompassing wound, and instead be a mere arbitrary necessity. When we hurt, others hurt. When we kill, we kill ourselves. If we can truly empathize, then we will learn to avoid all causes of grief. If we all knew sadness every day, then there would be no more pain; if we were all depressed, maybe then we’d all be happy.

Nothing makes me so overwhelmingly sad as hearing music which evokes memories both beautiful, happy, and tragic. As much as I love listening to songs, writing songs, it’s always instrumental music from TV and movies which destroy me the most. I have deeply rooted issues with the passing of time, with not doing the things I used to do, and most importantly not being with the people I used to be with, as I suspect many of you reading this do. Listening to any of the pieces below (and many more besides) is always a heartbreaking experience for me, but it’s also cathartic – sometimes we need to scream and hurt or curl up in a ball. So, just for a change from my usual silly posts and ‘comedy-based’ musings, here are some pieces of music which are extremely important in my life, and which also happen to be some of the most beautiful, touching pieces I have ever heard – I may do a second list some time because there are so many. One final note – there will be SPOILERS below so if you haven’t completed and of the films or shows listed below, you may want to skip those entries.

Departures

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I got the list down to twelve, but I couldn’t get it any lower than eleven, so here we are. Departures won the Oscar for best Foreign Film at the 2009 Academy Awards, but didn’t pick up a nomination for Best Music. Composer/God Joe Hisaishi creates a stunning soundtrack based heavily around the cello (which is an important instrument within the story), with several recurring motifs that recall several fragile moments from the film – love, grief, aging, guilt, loss are all covered in the story, and while the music evokes similar feelings it veers towards a more hopeful tone.The twinkling pianos, the swell of strings, and the lonesome cello in tracks such as Goodbye Cello, Shine Of Snow 1 and 2, and in the best example Beautiful Dead 1 and 2 tend to make me feel warm inside, but when watched alongside the movie never fail to cause tears to well up. Like most, if not all of the pieces on this list, they work perfectly as wonderful standalone pieces, but are all the more powerful if you’ve seen the movie/show. Here’s a link to Beautiful Dead 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TCpeGf3U58&index=10&list=PL93A4C925ACB5984C

Airwolf

People forget what a poignant show (and movie) Airwolf was. Lumped in with other successful action shows of the 80s such as Knightrider, The A-Team, Streethawk, etc it by far had the most heart and depth of storytelling. It’s a show about a man who believes that everyone he ever gets close too emotionally will die, and the series seems to suggest it’s all true – his parents died when he was young, his first real girlfriend died in a car crash, and then he lost his brother in Vietnam (MIA). The movie shows Stringfellow as a tragic figure, capable only of distancing himself from people and sometimes serenading the local wildlife from his cabin in the middle of nowhere, but when he falls for Gabrielle we know it isn’t going to end well. Sylvester Levay wrote the kick-ass theme music we all know, but he also created Gabrielle’s Theme, a piece so sad that it doesn’t even need us to remember her final scenes and death. It’s a piece that will strike a chord with anyone who has ever lost someone they love – it’s incredibly simple, short, and while many will balk at the synth original, if you can find yourself an orchestral version you’ll spend the rest of the day looking for hugs. Here’s a decent version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lm1npa_2DhI 

The Simpsons

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Jesus, just reading the comments on the YouTube videos for this post is hurting me. A few of you may be thinking ‘when was The Simpsons ever emotional, but any hardcore fans will know the piece of music I’m about to talk about – one so tender and simple and fitting to the episode it ends. I have a looping of this track on as I write, but I have to keep stopping to think, remember, or wipe away a tear. It’s the specially written end credits for the episode Mother Simpson where Homer finally gets his mother back, only to lose her again. The episode explains much of Homer’s childlike character, and that final shot of him sitting on his car watching the stars while this music plays is one of the all time great Simpsons moments – it’s all the more tragic now that the show has become so butchered over the last decade and more that moments like this are forgotten. If the show had ended here, it would have gone down in history as one of the finest Television endings: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6su0Jgwhb4

James Bond

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I’ll cheat a little here and include a few entries from a few films. I’ve always maintained (I may be the only one) that 007 is a tragic figure, not the misogynist killer, womanizing sociopath many think he is. There are a few moments throughout the Bond canon which highlight the fact that he wants to quit, to put it all away and think about himself and the person he loves, but the nature of his work and life will never allow him any stability or lasting relationship. My favourite Bond films feature these moments – For Your Eyes Only, Goldeneye, You Only Live Twice, Casino Royale to name a few. In Goldeneye we see this revelation quite clearly, with Eric Serra’s aptly named That’s What Keeps You Alone – named after Natalya’s response to James’s stoic ‘That’s what keeps me alive’. For a film that has a lot of metallic and industrial sounds in its soundtrack, this piece is a standout, shocking in its richness. Haunting in its honesty rather than any sentimental soaring of strings, it’s a brilliant, thought-provoking piece never far from my mind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ebtj1hjFoYI&list=PLBYN0G9h_13HeGW1sFbrc2mvDMzdyZjQF&index=12 (nerd bonus – I always used to listen to this in tandem with the Resident Evil 2 game end credits theme as they felt very similar to me)

Perhaps even more obvious from a tragic standpoint is Casino Royale, which sees Bond lose someone he cares deeply about, like he did previously in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. David Arnold gives us old school Bond tones with a harder 21st Century edge, offsetting the melodic mystery of tracks like Solange with the painful piano and string hooks of Vesper and of course Death Of Vesper. This one doesn’t give me as many real life feels as others in this post, but it brings me back immediately to Vesper’s sacrifice and Bond yet again covering up his pain. When contrasted with the gorgeous City Of Lovers, those softer moments are brutal – such potential, hope, and love, crushed in a few inevitable moments. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upamEEDq2XM&list=PLIVs6sKfvkuQP6znMZFux3OF2g2gtRuix&index=14

My final Bond track is from Tomorrow Never Dies – not a film which is remembered for being all that sad, but Teri Hatcher’s character is another who pays the ultimate price for getting too close to the man we’re all supposed to want to be. The Last Goodbye, but particularly the swell in Paris And Bond (by David Arnold again) are both effectively tearjerking pieces which remind us of our own painful memories. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_s4S6ynvcg&index=5&list=PL3CD06F1ABB7B659C

The Stand

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King’s opus is probably my favourite book and adaptation, packed with characters you will fall in love with and whose deaths will leave a hole which will never be filled. WG Snuffy Walden’s guitar-laden, folksy, all American soundtrack is superb from start to finish, with perfect journey music – many of the tracks instantly fill my head if I am heading out for a walk when there is no-one else around, when the streets are empty. There’s that sense of swinging a bag over your shoulder and lighting out, of not looking back, but never forgetting. Moreover, we know the road ahead will be nigh-on impossible, that we, all of us as individuals, as a species, are ill-equipped to deal with what we are dealt, that there will be unforgivable, unimaginable anguish, grief upon grief, and joy so unspeakable that words become absurd – there will be a future we don’t want, we know that, but when it comes we do not give up, we do not break, we overcome, and we stand. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCYb3lX9g4g&list=PLAsfPvIbzO_sKDnDkI13NG9Zxg7dG-COD&index=12

Twin Peaks

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Twin Peaks to me has always been a show based on horror, featuring some of the most frightening and upsetting scenes I’ve ever witnessed. Much of the show is rooted in comedy and in ironically twisting the over the top sentimentality of the TV soaps of the time, but in the real moments of sadness there is frustration, sadness, anger, fear, and perhaps most of all, confusion and detachment – two feelings that most people who have not been near death for a while, or ever, overlook. When someone dies, or even when someone leaves, our actions and the actions of those around us seem bizarre and alien, ghostly and purposeless. In these moments it is utterly impossible for the person suffering, or those on the sidelines to understand the loss, because none of us truly understand mortality. Badalamenti’s jazzy score is dreamlike, airy, slow, and soft and while it pulls at the heartstrings as well as any weepie, it is the understanding of the confusion – the understanding that we cannot grasp what has happened, that makes it stand out. There is a void, a literal, sickening void, and we can do nothing about it aside from skirt the rim and vaguely feel aware that the abyss beyond is somewhere we should not be. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQg5WUhMP90&list=PL413F2BBFBCDD6C43&index=2

Conan The Barbarian

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If you know me via this blog, or if you know me in reality (whatever that is) then you must be aware of my love for both Arnie, and for Conan, more specifically the Conan the Barbarian soundtrack which is so obviously the greatest movie soundtrack ever made that any argument otherwise is akin to arguing with a bullet. While Poledouris fills every scene with bombastic, thunderous epicness, he creates a number of more emotional tracks, from Funeral Pyre to The Leaving to Orphans Of Doom. I think the most impactful for me, from a darker place, is Wifeing – even though it’s the love theme of the movie, it is rent with doom and blackened with inevitability. When we all finally give ourselves up to the dust, and when Crom decides he is finished with us, it would be the utmost reward to have a piece such as this played to our memory. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMxamoHkAbY&list=PL6559658E698E288D&index=15

T1/T2

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Inevitable, eh? Brad Fiedel’s score for both T1 and T2 are distinct from other movies of their period, and from each other, though both stem from an industrial, darkly technological place. While we all know and love the main themes, which deserve to top any movie music list. Instead, I’m going to pick two other pieces, a piano track from The Terminator which is arguably the track which set me out on this path at an early age, and the intro from T2, the true intro. Yes yes yes, the piano track is basically the main theme readjusted for piano, and yes yes yes it’s a sex scene, but it’s essentially the reason for the story existing – a love story and a story of survival, survival of a couple who barely know each other but are already deeply in love, and the survival of our species. The way the track, and the scene start out, with Reese admitting his feelings (a struggle for a man who only knows pain and death), the realisation that he travelled through time to be with Sarah, and the soft, single piano notes slowing morphing, liquid metal like into melodies, until Sarah joins Reese by the window as the familiar theme comes into view and they tumble into pain. Sometimes I think I’ve never heard a more perfect piece of music, especially when played to that scene. It hurts every single time I hear it, and my love of it only grows. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaUomynGeao&list=PL5C555376D7A573AD&index=13

My pick from T2 is difficult to describe and difficult to find as it doesn’t appear on the movie soundtrack. In the link below it starts at around 23 seconds. When I say it’s the intro scene, people will likely think of Sarah’s monologue over the future war scene, before the glorious, fire-scorched title sequence begins (God, even typing that makes me want to scream ‘T2 is the best film ever’ and watch it again). That’s not what I’m talking about – before that, the very first scene, of traffic heading in and out of LA, and kids playing on swings – it’s roughly 30 seconds long, and the music takes up slightly less than that. The music is basically six notes, and can barely be called music, but it is awesome – I must have listened to it hundreds of times, and watched those 30 seconds over and over, to the point that I often see those cars when I close my eyes. It seems like a throwaway scene, but to me it conveys a billion feelings – one of which is the loss of civilization and humanity. There’s something more otherworldly about those cars than there is in the juxtaposed image of a skeleton sitting in a nuked shell of a car which comes moments later. The message is obvious, showing the before and after effects of war, but it may be the most poignant example of this ever filmed, and those dreadful, plodding six notes, are so dark and bleak that Fiedel and Cameron seem to be saying that there’s no hope for us. Obviously the rest of the film is one big hope-fest, but that opening minute or so it absolutely crushing to me. When that scene eventually merges with the title sequence, I get shivers every time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4hY9BdG6SA

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The Incredible Hulk

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No list such as this would be complete without The Lonely Man by Joe Harnell, possibly the SADDEST piece of music ever written. Now, I’ve loved this theme my whole life, long before Family Guy ripped the arse out of it. The original Hulk series and the accompanying movies with Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno were a massive part of my childhood, and I already have my girls watching them (they may call it ‘Greenboy’ instead of ‘The Incredible Hulk’ but they get it). Hulk will always be David Banner to me, and Banner will always be Bixby. This piece is so haunting and soul-rending that only a crab would fail to tear-up while listening to it. It’s all the more effective now, knowing about Bixby’s life and feeding your own experiences into the notes; it isn’t just about a man who can never possibly fit in, and will never be able to love or escape his demon, but it’s about all of us, the roads we travel, and the people we must leave behind whether we choose to or not.

Lost

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Shannon. Boone. Ana Lucia. Charlie. Locke. Rousseau. Alex. Michael. Daniel. Juliet. Sayid. Sun. Jin. Jack. Repeat those names while listening to Life And Death by Michael Giacchino. Remember what they did, the good and the bad. Remember the smiles they gave each other and the ones you unashamedly gave in response. Replace those names with the friends and family you lost. Never forget. This track, and its variations are all extremely evocative for those who watched the show from start to finish, but as a standalone piece of music it blends all of the feelings and responses we endure from the point of life slipping away, through all of the memories and the shock, and finally into the acceptance and acquiescence where the pain is never dulled but where we may learn to smile on occasion rather than hollow ourselves. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twHXrNtG-7c

Buffy

Throughout his run on Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Christophe Beck wove some spectacular music to chart the battlefield of adolescence and the tribulations of adulthood. Each episode is packed with music, incidental and otherwise, and while most of the music showcases and enhances the comedic and action scenes, it is his reflective and emotional creations which do the most damage. In Season 2, the Buffy and Angel love theme would pop up infrequently during a particularly romantic moment, always sounding haunting and in hindsight so gut-churning that it’s a wonder none of us knew at that point that so much would end in heartache. Once it gets the full rendition as Close Your Eyes in the Season Finale, anyone who isn’t a quivering mess on the floor must have fallen asleep during I, Robot…You, Jane and never emerged again. But before we get there, lets recall some of the other tracks which I listen to at least once a week as a punishment and cleansing. Waking Willow (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rhg8WOy3Csalso appears in the Season 2 Finale (possibly the greatest two-parter in TV history) and is strong enough on its own to be the main tearjerker theme for any series with its lilting piano seguing into string middle. Move immediately from that to Remembering Jenny (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NjXEDyzFskand I lose all power to type until the track has ended. It’s such a simple piece, made all the better (worse?) by the fact that Anthony Head provides the male vocals. It’s the sound of a funeral, the funeral of a life stolen, with all the bitterness and hopelessness one would assume to find. I’ve always said that, had Buffy ended at The Gift then it would have been a perfect, apt place to finish. Then again I’ve said the same about Graduation Day. Sacrifice (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMktTe3VlE0), which sees the return of Christophe Beck, closes the final episode of Season 5 (again I’ve listened to it twice already while trying to type this) is a flawless piece of music and another flawless example of how music can mirror and enhance what is happening on-screen as Buffy gives a final speech, hugs her sister goodbye, and leaps to her death to save the world.

But back to Season 2’s Close Your Eyes (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5C92qy7mX8). My words to describe my feelings for this are futile. Is it the best piece of instrumental music I’ve ever heard? Probably. Does it reduce me to tears at the slightest provocation? Yes. It will always kill me and I’ll always come back for more. All of the many dark moments in this silly thing we call entertainment I recall with this track in my mind, and many of dark moments I’ve experienced in reality are sombered (unborn words are the best), purified, increased, and beaten back by it. It’s a piece that deserves to be heard by millions more than those who know it, but it is of course best experienced by watching Buffy to get the full impact.

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Let us know in the comments below which pieces of instrumental music break your heart, and which tracks have brought you through tough times. Remember folks, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me.

Frommer’s London Free And Dirt Cheap – Book Review

*Note – Review originally written in 2010 based on a free (and dirt cheap) copy provided by Amazon
The Frommer’s Guide To Living Free And Dirt Cheap in London is based on a simple and useful principal- to explain how you can cut corners, save time and money, and experience many of the sights and sensations of one of the World’s most expensive cities without breaking the bank. Being an infrequent visitor to London means I like to pack as much into each visit as possible, and this lightweight and inexpensive book provides many tips, offers much advice, and suggests some alternatives that you may not have thought of. Basically the guide is a more informal and reader friendly version of the Time Out and Lonely Planet guides and offers the same information in a more digestible manner while also telling us of some of the lesser known museums, hotels, bars, and attractions. Of course all the main sights are here- those places which you cannot afford to miss but offers some simple ways to cut costs, although the main focus is on free galleries and sights which will also be less busy. In that sense this book is great for those who have seen all the A-List attractions and now wish to explore the lesser known monuments of history and more curious corners of the massive city.
The book is split into simple sections such as Sleeping, Eating, and Shopping, and into sub-sections like Hostels and Car Boot sales. Well written and informative this also contains useful maps of the various areas of London, opening times for many attractions, and a few itineraries to follow if you are short on inspiration. Although most will continue to go for the big, reliable tourist brands this is an interesting and handy guide for the more adventurous.

Catching Fire – The Hunger Games

*Note – Review Originally written in 2009 based on a free copy draft provided by Amazon

Catching Fire (Part 2 in The Hunger Games Trilogy) picks up soon after the first book’s cliffhanger; Katniss has survived the brutal combat of The Hunger Games- a star-studded TV show similar to that from Japanese Classic Battle Royale where a group of people from the divided nation are pitted against each other to the death. Typically when this happens the survivor is free to live a life of luxury with all the food, clothes, and money they could ever want- they become a celebrity throughout the land and can put the Games and ill-treatment (if not the nightmares) behind them. Things are not so easy for Katniss- through a simple gesture in the Games she has gone against the tyrannical Capitol, making them look weak and marking herself as a rebel figurehead to a part of the population who just need such a spark to ignite them. Fearing once again for the safety of those she loves- her mother, her sister, and her maybe boyfriend, as well as the boy she saved from the games, she tries to act as the model citizen. However, it soon becomes clear that no matter what she does now the fire has already started- news of rebellion, riots, and murder reach her, and security is tightened severely on her and her home. The turning point comes halfway through the story as it is revealed that The Capitol and The Games have not finished with Katniss yet.

Catching Fire is just as exciting, fast-paced, and entertaining as the first story. Many characters are expanded on including, thankfully, many of those who had been on the fringe. There are plenty of twists and the bad guys now have a face with President Snow- an old-fashioned ‘Boo!’ as loud as you like bad guy, a devious, intelligent, and murderous leader. The book never insults the reader’s intelligence but stimulates with notions of freedom and politics which are all too invisible from teen media nowadays. The central plot is standard sequel fare; expand on the ideas which made the first succesful and throw in some interesting twists. Again most chapters end on a cliffhanger enticing you to read just one more before turning the light off. We learn more about Katniss, her past, and the history of her world. My only qualm is that this is possibly overlong, although Collins ensures that it is a fast read regardless of length. As with the first book we eagerly wait the next part.