My Blog – November 2019 (Horrorathon Round-up)

Well, Halloween came and went as it usually seems to, and it’s now the run in to Christmas. Here at The Spac Hole we don’t care about Thanksgiving or New Year’s, so we’ll just gloss right on over those. I saw my very first Christmas advert on the first of November and the local shops have already cleared away the gruesome for the garish, with Chocolate Santas and feline Advent Calendars already lining the aisles. That’s the way we roll nowadays, from Holiday to Holiday with all the accoutrements to get us there in style and for a fraction of the price.

At the arse end of September I posted about my futile desire to complete one of those ‘watch x number of movies in a month’ dealies that us bloggers are always keen to espouse. Look at me, we scream, I have no other responsibilities and value everyone else so little that I can plough through 50 movies a month to the extent that I now hate all film! Settle down there, son, it’s not that bad. There was never any change of me getting through 1 film every day for a month what with 3 hours travel 5 days a week and crap train wifi, to having a family in desperate need of whatever it is I’m supposed to provide them with. I actually didn’t do too badly and of course had a lot of fun doing it. Here is the list of movies I originally hoped to watch, with those in red being the ones I got to see. Of course, I watched some others that I hadn’t posted about originally, so I’ve added those in blue, and there were non-horror movies too which I didn’t include.

At some point I’ll put up reviews of each, but for now here are my hilarious mini-thoughts:

Ghost Stories: Why aren’t The League Of Gentlemen in this?

Freehold          Aaron’s Blood          The Laplace’s Demon

The House With A Clock In Its Walls          Take Shelter          Poltergeist Remake

Thirteen Ghosts: I lost count

Halloween (Original): You know it

Halloween 2018: It’s Halloween Jim, but not as you know it

Deadtime Stories        Body Count       They Remain          Ghost Ship

The Phoenix Tapes 97          Ouija        Love           Would You Rather

The Perfection: I saw vomit like that once

The Purge: Also known as Belfast: The Movie

It Comes At Night: Can it come a little quicker – I’m getting hungry

Trick R Treat: It’s still lovely

The Girl With All The Gifts: I wish she had the gift of abstinence – from human flesh.

The Divide: Michael Biehn, in a bunker, with a pile of dicks.

Silent House Remake            House            Cube Zero                The Love Witch

Pet                Crawl                 Goosebumps 2

Bordello Of Blood: An Oscar worthy script.

Inferno: I’ve seen this several times and still don’t know what the fuck is going on. Ania Pieroni though.                

It Chapter 2: More of the same. Which I liked.

Dead Of Night (both): Two anthologies, related in name only, one old, one older, both good.    

Hell Fest: A slasher for the (whatever this generation is) generation. More movies in theme parks please.

Children Of The Corn: Sarah Conner before she grew a pair.

Creepshow 2: One good segment. Yes, that one.

The Dead Room (Short): Why aren’t The League Of Gentlemen in this?

Jaws: Made my kids watch it. They ‘didn’t like the blood’.

Doctor Sleep: Mike Flanagan is the best Horror Director in the world right now.

The Stuff: Larry Cohen tells us not to buy stuff while Michael Moriarty does Michael Moriarty stuff.         

The Lair Of The White Worm: Ken Russell likes boobs.

The Purge 2: Also known as USA: The Movie

Did you attempt one of these dreadful challenges? How did you get on? I won’t be doing anything so exhausting in November, but I will be posting some more bits about music and movies. Coming up will be some of the aforementioned horror movie reviews, a series about why lyrics are so crap in pop music these days, more of my favourite songs will get the adoration they deserve, and of course more lists and Oscars posts. Won’t that be fun?

Reminder on blog links:

A-Z Reviews: This category is a single post with links to all my movie, music, and book reviews. It’s the best place to start and you can check it via THIS LINK. I try to update it regularly.

Amazon Vine: I’m a member of Amazon Vine, a program where Amazon’s best reviewers are provided with free products for reviewing purposes in order to drum up publicity before the product is released to the general public. You can find links to the Products I have received here.

Book Reviews: Something I don’t really do anymore, even though I still read plenty. I need to get back into this, but movies are so much easier to review. Maybe I’ll come up with a different format.

Blogging: A new category! This is where I’m going to put this exact post, and the others like it to follow.

Changing The Past: This category is where I go back through every Oscars since 1960 and pick my winners from almost every category. I pick my winners from the official choices, and then I add my own personal list of who I feel should have been nominated. It’s based on personal preference, but it’s also not based on any of the usual Academy political nonsense and I bypass most of their archaic rules. It’s not quite me just picking my favourite films, but it’s close.

DVD Reviews: I should probably just change this to Movie Reviews. It’s what you would expect – reviews of the movies I’ve watched. I’m not a big fan of reviewing every new film which comes out – there are a billion other blogs out there all doing the same thing. I don’t often watch new movies as they release, unless they’re streaming, so instead you’ll be getting reviews of those films a few years later, once I get around to them. Here you will find horror, actions, classics, foreign, indie, sci-fi, comedy, drama – everything. A word of warning – I frequently post reviews that I wrote almost twenty years ago when I didn’t have a clue – they’re crap, but I add them here in all of their badly written glory.

Essential Movies: I’ve only published an intro post for this category, but I have written some other posts for the future. I’m basically questioning what actually makes a film Essential, because it cannot be a definitive statement. What’s essential for you, may not be for me, so I’ve broken down the definition into a few generic user types, then gone through some lists of the best movies of each year to see which ones are essential for each viewer. It’s pretty boring, and I already regret starting it, but that’s me.

Foreign Cinema Introduction: This category hasn’t been published yet, but once again it exists and I’ve written a bunch of posts for the future. The idea came from my many years of hearing people I know IRL or on the internet dismissing anything not mass-produced by Hollywood. If you only watch movies made in the USA – you’re not a movie fan, it’s as simple as that. I follow a few Facebook fan pages and blogs on WordPress which completely dismiss foreign movies – it’s ridiculous as you are missing out on many of the best films ever made. More than that, you are missing out on films which I know for a fact you will adore. So, this is me breaking down all that bullshit about subtitles, about foreign stuff being boring and every other excuse you’ve ever heard, while giving some very basic thoughts and introductions of the various countries of the world from a film perspective.

Lists: Here I post lists – some with comments, some without. All sorts of lists – from monthly previews of the year’s upcoming movies, to my favourite movies by actor or director, to best horror anthologies, best Christmas songs and TV shows, best movies for Halloween, my favourite episodes of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, my ranking of Bond movies, songs, and girls, my favourite albums by decade, my favourite songs by artist, bands I’ve seen live etc. I love lists.

Manic Street Preachers Song By Song: One of the first reasons I started this blog was to try to spread the Gospel of my favourite band, especially as they are not well known outside of Britain. Defo not in the US. Then I found out there were other blogs doing it too. Ah well. These are my thoughts on each song. Don’t know them? They are a Welsh rock band who have been around since the late 80s, early 90s. They are highly political and intelligent, on the left wing, and they are probably the finest lyricists in the world. Their main lyricist suffered from various addictions and mental health issues and disappeared in 1995 – although there have been sightings, nobody has ever confirmed they have seen him and no body has ever been found, though the band, fans, and family are still looking. After three albums with him, they suddenly became commercially successful after his disappearance. If you like rock music… if you like music in general, please give them a try.

Music Reviews: This is the same as movies, except for music. Reviews of albums I’ve always loved, as reviews of albums as I’m listening as a virgin. I take a look at the Top Ten UK Charts from a random month in each year and review each song, while giving my own alternative ten songs from the same year, I am reviewing albums that I’ve never heard by artists I am familiar with – filling the gaps in those discographies. I’m listening to spin-offs of my favourite bands, I’m reviewing the Disney soundtracks. I was a metal and grunge kid, but also had a love for the best in 80 pop when I was young, so I like to listen to anything though since around the mid-noughties chart music has gone from extremely bad to entirely worthless.

The Nightman Scoring System ©: This is something I truly love, but something which nobody really pays attention to. You’ll notice in my reviews I don’t give a score. I just talk about the thing I’m reviewing. Scores are arbitrary and when given, people jump to the score and form a conclusion and a bias. If they read the content of the review, there will be a better discussion. That made me think, in a very unprofessional, semi-scientific, ill-examined way, to come up with a fair, universal scoring system which tries to avoid personal and systematic bias as much as possible. If you look at sites like Rotten Tomatoes which are stupidly becoming reference points for quality or to convince you to watch something, or used by advertisers, it’s a completely flawed system. Anyone can post whatever they like, and drag down or push up an average. The same used to happen on IMDb. There are a lot of posts online recently about the disparity between Critical and Audience consensus on RT and it leads to more worthless arguments, because if there’s something the world needs more of these days, it’s people fighting online about pointless stuff.

I devised two scoring systems – one for movies and one for music. To use it, you have to follow the guidelines and be honest. If you’re not honest, it will be obvious, and your review won’t be valid. For both music and and movies, I break down the scoring into twenty different categories of equal weighting – out of five, for a total out of 100. Categories include acting, directing, sales; or for music – charts, influence, musical ability etc. Say you hate the Marvel movies or The Beatles. You can’t score them a 1 out of five in the Sales category because both of those were factually monster hits – they can really only be 5 out of five. In other words, some of what is opinion and bias is removed from the equation. In the same vein, the disparity between critics and audiences is reduced – typically you may think that a movie or music critic care more about how arty or original or influential something is, while the audience might care how many boobs are seen or how catchy the melody is. I’m making sweeping assumptions – but you get the idea – each category is equally weighted so that influence is only worth five points, chart performance is only worth five points, directing, advertising, whatever – each is five points. I’d love to see people use this, and I’d love to run an experiment where a group of people each use the system to score the same thing, and see how similar or different the results are. I’m positive the average would be a more true reflection than anything on RT or IMDB or anywhere else. The only issue with it is, it’s more suited to scoring once something has been out there for a while rather than a pre-release or first week review.

Nightman’s Favourite Films By Year: Self-explanatory. I list my favourite ten films from every year since 1950, with no comment. Then I give a list of my top films from each decade once I’ve done each year, but this time share some comments. There’s also some stats in there, such as how many films I picked which were nominated for the Best Picture Oscar, which were top ten grossing movies etc.

Top 1000 Albums Of All Time: A journalist called Colin Larkin made several of those popular ‘Top 1000 Albums Ever’ books. I grabbed one of them, I removed the ones I had already heard, and in this series I go through the ones that I haven’t heard, give my virgin thoughts, and whether I think it deserves to be called one of the best ever. I want to sync up my Nightman Scoring System © with these. Just one word of warning – I don’t plan or put any thought into these ‘reviews’. I literally listen and type at the same time. Not the best way to give thoughts I know, but that’s the format.

The Shrine: People die. Famous people die. But they live on, in our hearts and minds and in the work they left behind. Here I offer the chance to remember and offer thanks.

The Spac Hole: Each Monday I post a random lyric from a random song. Every so often I write something which doesn’t fit in any other category. Usually it’s weird. That stuff all goes here. There are more semi-regular pieces like those posts where I use Google translate to change the lyrics of (s)hit songs or dreadful imaginings like what I would do if I owned my own Cinema.

The Spac Reviews: Carlos Nightman is my alter ego. Derek Carpet is his alter ego. He is an idiot. He likes movies. These are his reviews. They are…. different.

TV Reviews: I sometimes review TV too. I talk about my current shows and my all time favourites.

Unpublished Screenplays: Derek Carpet sometimes likes to pretend he’s a writer too. Here are some of his original works, based on other movies and TV shows.

Videogame Reviews: I do these sometimes too. Usually retro. Usually with a humourous bent.

Walk Of Fame: Hollywood has a Walk Of Fame. I have one too. Mine’s better, except I don’t update it anymore. Not only do my inductees get a star, but they get a statue too! And, in each post one lucky soul gets a special building concerning their work or life dedicated to them!

Nightman’s 31 Days Of Horror For 2019

(Note – I wrote this on August 15th 2019)

Greetings, Glancers! I’m going to call this at the outset – I probably won’t complete this mission. Contrary to the four billion or so posts I write every week about movies and music, I don’t watch as many movies as I used to – at least not on a regular basis. So much of my time outside of work and family stuff is taken up by gaming and TV, reading and writing and hunting tramps – that I don’t have the luxury to watch a movie a day. I wanted to give it a shot, and if I can rope in the kids and wife to help out it will make things easier. Therefore, the post below actually contains more than 31 films – some will be family friendly, some will be more thriller based to rope my wife in, some are classics I’ve already seen and try to watch every Halloween, but most will be films I haven’t seen yet or haven’t watched in a long time.

That’s about it – I know many of my fellow bloggers and horror movie fan friends will be doing something similar. If I get through 10 of these I’ll be happy, but whatever I don’t cover I’ll aim to finish by the end of the year. Reviews will come at some point. I’ve picked movies which are currently on/should be on Amazon, Netflix, Now TV, or I have recorded at some point off TV. Here we go:

Ghost Stories          Freehold          Aaron’s Blood          The Laplace’s Demon

The House With A Clock In Its Walls            Thirteen Ghosts

Take Shelter          Poltergeist Remake          Halloween (Original)

Halloween 2018     Deadtime Stories      Body Count

They Remain          Ghost Ship         The Phoenix Tapes 97          Ouija

The Perfection       The Purge          It Comes At Night          Trick R Treat

The Girl With All The Gifts             Love           Would You Rather

The Divide            Silent House Remake          House

Cube Zero             The Love Witch          Pet          Bordello Of Blood

Inferno                 Crawl                 Goosebumps 2

It Chapter 2         Dead Of Night (both)    Hell Fest

Let me know in the comments if you’re undertaking a similar challenge. If you’re not that brave, feel free to share any of the scary movies you plan to watch in October and those you watch each Halloween!

Horror Anthologies You May Have Missed

Greetings, Glancers! Here in The Spac Hole, a place of ambiguous terror and self-disgust, Halloween is our favourite time of the year. What could be better than lighting fireworks inside your neighbour’s house, waiting for them to run outside, and launching a live Alligator at them? It’s all in the festive spirit I’m sure you’ll agree. I admit it’s getting tiresome trying to think of interesting things to post about at this time of the year, beyond the usual lists I’ve already published and more and more horror movie reviews. I was listening to an old episode of the Shock Waves Podcast recently (it’s a podcast by four mega horror fans within the movie industry and features regular special guests) in which they discussed building the perfect horror anthology from existing movies. Each presenter picked five segments and a wraparound, and hijinks were had. At the end of the episode, they talked about possibly doing the same, but with Horror TV instead of movies.

That got me thinking about may of the shows I used to watch and continue to watch. The anthology series, even ones concerning scares, have been around since the 1950s and continue to this day. We all have our favourites, and there are many obvious ones – The Twilight Zone, The Outer Limits, Masters Of Horror, Are You Afraid Of The Dark, Goosebumps etc. Many of these are excellent introductions to the wider genre for kids or newbs, while others are surely catered towards the hardcore fan. Today, we have the likes of The Terror, Black Mirror, Channel Zero, and (if you’re stretching the terminology) American Horror Story, but what about the shows which may have escaped your clutches? Us horror fans are always looking for the next thrill, the next scare, and it shouldn’t matter if this involves looking across the oceans, or back in time.

As a non-American, I have been exposed to some shows which many of my readers may not be aware of, but all that is about to change. Check out the list below, or even better, find and watch the shows. Then tell your friends. Spread the disease. There’s something here for everyone – for kids and newbs, for hardcore fans, for those who love the supernatural, those who prefer their horror with a touch of realism, and those looking for something more… out there. Give them a shot.

Out There (2001-2002)

See what I did there? Almost certainly no-one outside of Britain will be aware of this, and almost certainly only about twelve people watched it – myself included (religiously). I’m cheating considerably with this entry, but it’s nevertheless a show I’d love more people to see. It is essentially a 30 minute clip show, showcasing snippets of gore, sex, and weirdness from movies and TV shows from around the world, all hosted in a non-narrative by the gorgeous animal lover Anneka Svenska and later, all round horror bad-ass Emily Booth. It was a British Elvira, but much much weirder. It was one of those shows that had me grabbing the pen and paper, taking notes of all the weird shit I had seen, then trying to hunt done the source material online the next day. There’s sadly very little of the show to be found online now, but those of us who saw it can consider ourselves both very very lucky, and quite badly scarred.

Beyond The Walls (2015)

Over to France now, for a nifty little show I believe you can catch now on Shudder. I’m being loose with the definition of Anthology again, but there you have it. It’s really a Haunted House mini-series – three episodes, meaning you can get through the whole thing in no time. And it would be a good use of your time, because aside from the interesting story (which follows Lisa – a lonely woman who inherits a house from a man who she has never met, and who has been dead for thirty years), it looks stunning and packs in a lot of ideas in its short running time.

Chiller (1995)

One of the first British anthology shows I remember watching, Chiller ran for a single series and featured a mere five episodes. Luckily, each of them is strong and feature the likes of ghost babies, curses, not so imaginary friends, and serial killers. My memories of the first two episodes – Prophecy and Toby are the strongest – not bad for shows I haven’t seen in over twenty years. In Prophecy, a group of friends perform a seance and each receive a prophecy, which then start coming true in deadly fashion, while in Toby a woman loses her unborn son in a car accident but continues to display signs of a phantom pregnancy, all the way up to birth. The show features British stalwarts like Martin Clunes (Men Behaving Badly), Nigel Havers (Chariots Of Fire), Sophie Ward (Return To Oz), John Simm (Life On Mars), and Peter Egan (Downton Abbey). You can buy the series on DVD and catch some of them on Youtube. Incidentally, the BBC had a similar show around the same time called Ghosts, but I don’t recall it and will have to track it down.

Dr Terrible’s House Of Horrible (2001)

Once you get past the horrible, terrible name, this is a decent show. Obviously, the name is a spoof and once you realise that this is a Steve Coogan vehicle, you’ll understand we’re firmly in the comedy realm. It’s another show which only ran for one series, starring Steve Coogan as Dr Terrible (and others) who presents each tale in the vein of the Cryptkeeper. Each episode is a loving, spoofing riff on British anthology classics from the likes of Hammer and Amicus and each features actors from those classic productions, as well as modern fans like Mark Gatiss and Simon Pegg. It’s a who’s who of the last 100 years of British Cult Cinema. While it rarely gets scary or disturbing, it’s a must for horror fans – especially of those films being spoofed – the love is authentic, and the laughs are hearty.

Eerie, Indiana (1991-1992)

So, I’m guessing most of you know this. It’s ostensibly a show for kids – I watched it upon release and have loved it ever since – but there are enough knowing nods to classics for adults and experienced horror fans to enjoy. For my money, it was one of the first kids shows to also appeal to adults. Look at Cinema and TV now – almost everything is catered to such a wide audience. It’s a shame the original series didn’t run for more series – you know the writers were setting things up for future shows – recurring guest stars, expanding mythology, but sadly it was all abandoned for an ill-advised follow up series a few years later. Joe Dante’s creative touch is all over it, there are a myriad of in-jokes and guest stars you’ll recognise, but most importantly – the stories are unique, varied, entertaining, and spooky enough for kids without treating kids like idiots. We have kids being sucked into TVs, dogs trying to take over the world, sentient cash machines, other dimensions, commercialist zombies, tornado chasers, lonely artistic kids, and ghost organ transplants. Great performances all around too – a rarity for a show like this.

Fear Itself (2008)

Masters Of Horror is one of the modern titans of the Anthology with a terrific idea – take some of the world’s most renowned directors within the genre and give them free reign to create their own mini-movie. It lasted for two seasons and the DVD boxsets are some of the finest examples of the craft. It was unfortunate when the show ended (it’s surely time for a revamp now that horror on TV is more prevalent and we have a new crop of young Masters to get involved), but series creator and horror icon Mick Garris wasn’t ready to let it die yet. Fear Itself is basically the third Season of Masters Of Horror, with returning and new masters contributing again. While the quality isn’t as strong, it’s still a damn good show, pushing the envelope with what can be done with the medium and showcasing a tonne of gore and scares. For whatever reason, it wasn’t as successful as its older brother and only lasted for thirteen episodes – five of which ended up not being shown in the US. Luckily you can buy the boxset on DVD and dive back in. It’s a lot of fun, some episodes are more comedy based, some are psychological, while others go right for the jugular.

Hammer House Of Horror (1980)

Hammer is one of the most renowned producers of Horror in film history and at the end of the peak of their powers they branched into Television. It’s another show which only lasted 1 Season – thirteen episodes (what is it about that number?) – but those episodes are exactly what you would expect from the Company – sex and violence and creepy old mansions. A lot of British stars of the time show up in stories concerning time-travelling witches, Nazi experiments, upper class cannibals, human sacrifice, Pierce Brosnan, and of course, staples (Satan – one for older readers, that wee joke). There have been various DVD and Blu Ray releases, the Horror Channel in the UK shows them every so often, and a few episodes can be found lurking on Youtube, so there’s no excuse not to indulge in some classic creaky horror.

Inside No. 9 (2014 -)

I’ve spoken about this one before (in this best Christmas episodes post) but it’s a show that is still not widely seen. It’s always something which has irked me when inferior British shows get widespread publicity across the seas and stuff like this is overlooked. It’s a thirty minute anthology show – different stories each episode but with some overlapping cast members, with a focus on intelligent writing, horror, humour, and an interesting setting. The set up is that each story should be set in or based around the Number 9 – as in House #9, or train carriage #9 etc. So far there have been four seasons, and there is an upcoming Halloween Special this year – given the writers’ and performers’ love of horror and skill within the genre, it’s one to look forward to. Guest stars include – Gemma Arterton, Sheridan Smith, Jack Whitehall, Tamsin Greig, David Warner, Rory Kinnear, Kevin Eldon, Jane Horrocks, Danny Baker, Peter Kay, and many many more. While most of the stories are heavily influenced by the macabre – a dying child’s last wish, a silent episode featuring bungling burglars and murder, child abuse exposed during a game of sardines, crumbling relationships – it’s the overt horror stories which horror fans will be most interested. Here you will find stories based around snuff movies, witch trials, devil worship, suicide support lines, seance, torture rooms, and Final Destination esque games of fate. If you like your humour dark and your horror original, then you have no excuse to not watch these now.

Mr Biffo’s Found Footage (2017)

You may not be prepared for this. In fact, I know for a fact that you are not. I’m going to give a link to the first one – they’re all on YouTube – and you can decide for yourself if it’s for you. It’s definitely for me, but unfortunately that means only about twelve other people will find it ‘suitable’. No spoilers – just watch.

Night Gallery (1969 – 1973)

I’ll again assume that most people reading this actually know this one, but it’s still not as well or widely known as The Twilight Zone, even though it’s essentially a sequel to that grandest of shows. While it wasn’t as successful or as culturally significant, it still lasted for three seasons and featured Rod Serling presenting more stories to keep you awake at night. While still morality and twist based, Night Gallery tended towards a horror slant while The Twilight Zone’s scary episodes were sporadic. As you would expect, the prolific Serling wrote many of the stories but it also featured adaptations of Lovecraft, Bloch, and Matheson. There’s a great selection of tales here, expertly acted out by many familiar faces like Edward G Robinson, Carl Reiner, John Carradine, Leslie Nielsen, David McCallum, Adam West, and other big names of the time. While time has proven that the stories may not be as immediately terrifying as they once were, they’re perfect for cuddling up on the sofa for family viewing to introduce a younger audience to the genre’s classics.

Shockers (1999-2000)

Full disclosure – this entry is the main reason for writing this post. As I was listening to the Shock Waves podcast earlier (along with others, and blogs, and discussions) I remembered this show – and one episode in particular. I think when it comes to anthologies, we all have that one entry which sucks us in and makes us lifelong fans of the format, whether that be Burgess Meredith breaking his glasses in The Twilight Zone, Karen Black being terrorized by a dummy in Trilogy Of Terror, or even the monkey’s paw from The Simpsons. I was a fan of the format long before I saw Shockers, but it was the episode named Parent’s Night which has stayed with me perhaps more than any other segment I’ve ever seen. If there’s any purpose to this post, it’s a hope that someone will go online and watch this episode – consider it my seal of approval, but also beware that it may fuck you up.

Shockers is a show you never hear of or read about in any anthology discussions. While none of the episodes are on par with Parent’s Night, a few of them are very good and all are watchable. There isn’t any linking or central theme or premise behind the stories, aside from them all being set in a modern, realistic Britain and them being presented as written by future stars. As for the cast – you’ll recognise a few of them – Daniel Craig, Lennie James, Kerry Fox, Ashley Walters, and a host of other British familar faces. As far as I can tell, there were only six episodes – if you live in the UK you can catch them all on Demand 4, if you’re outside of the UK some of them are on YouTube, including (most importantly) Parent’s Night. As there’s only six, I can give a a rundown of each:

In Cyclops, a prisoner has a camera implanted in his eye upon release to watch his every move. In The Visitor, a charismatic stranger turns up at the house of a couple and their friend, while in The Dance a widower falls for a younger woman at a dance class who may not be what she seems. Deja Vu is about a husband and wife who lost their son in a car crash, but then another car crash changes things, while Ibiza sees a typical lads holiday to the island turn to a deadly game of mystery and murder. Yet it is Parent’s Night that I want everyone who reads this to watch. It’s…. I don’t want to give too much away, but it was released when I was still in school and when certain recent school shootings were still in the public eye. It’s a vital piece of art which is sadly all the more powerful now, especially in the US. Although the climates and cultures of our two nations are very different, bullying and anger are universal. In my country, we have several groups who have no issue, at least historically, in blowing each other to hell yet thankfully guns in schools are not really a problem. We may live in a warzone, but at least we don’t go that far. Still, when I watched Parent’s Night, I was blown away and it remains the only time I’ve ever stood up and applauded something I’ve seen on TV. I hadn’t seen it in 17 or 18 years – since it was released, but in preparation for this post I watched it again, and it is still as haunting, stomach-churning, horrible, and sadly realistic as ever. It’s a near perfect view of what School could sometimes be like. I should stop prattling on about it – if you’ve ever valued my opinion on TV or Movies, then when I say it’s one of the best things I’ve ever seen, you should know to check it out. Click right here to watch on YouTube.

The Nightmare Room/The Haunting Hour (2001 – 2014)

We need something to calm us down after that. When I was a kid in the 90s we had Goosebumps and Are You Afraid Of The Dark? It turns out R.L Stine kept ’em coming, and in The Nightmare Room he made a follow-up series. It only lasted one season, but its thirteen (of course) episodes feature many a big name – Shia Labeouf, Frankie Muniz, Robert Englund, Angus Scrimm, Ken Foree, Josh Zuckerman, Amanda Bynes, and um… Allison Mack. Not content, Stine returned with The Haunting Hour which was more successful and ran for four seasons. The cool thing about The Haunting Hour is that it is much darker and graphic than the other two – it’s still for kids, older kids, but it definitely has an edge. Once again, a bunch of pretty teens who have gone on, or are currently on the hunt for greater fame, make an appearance, but I’m not as au fais with this bunch.

Thriller (US and UK 1960s and 1970s)

Two unrelated shows here, and neither have anything to do with Michael Jackson prancing his way up into yo’ bidness. The US show was a response to The Twilight Zone and saw Boris Karloff in the Serling role. While it’s not as strong as TTZ, it thankfully does feature stories written on directed by Ida Lupino, Robert Bloch, Arthur Hiller, Richard Matheson, and has many of the biggest stars of the time and the future (past) such as Shatner and other TTZ stalwarts. The British show came around a decade later and ran for six seasons. As with almost all these shows, it has a semi-iconic intro theme and title sequence. This show focused less on the supernatural and more on murder and mystery with people such as Robert Powell, Dennis Waterman, Helen Mirren, Haley Mills, Jenny Agutter, Francesca Annis, Stephen Rea, Denholm Elliot, Bob Hoskins, and many many others popping up.

Urban Gothic (2000)

My final choice popped up around the same time as Shockers – this being Channel 5’s attempt at late night anthology horror. The problem with the show was always that the running time didn’t allow the ideas to be fully fleshed – some ideas seemed ripe for either better writing or a 60 minute show instead of the 30 given. The cool thing about some of the stories though was that they had sequels or featured overlapping characters – it would have been nice to see this expanded beyond the two seasons which we ended up with. Once again you can catch these on DVD or some on YouTube to find out for yourself. Some highlights include Ingrid Pitt playing herself, Dirty Den essentially playing himself, necromancy, vampires, gangsters, zombies, serial killers in reality shows, all set in a by and large realistic view of British City life. My person favourite was always Be Movie, in which a group of school kids in detention find themselves stalked by a killer, yet if they try to leave the school… their heads explode. Just like my school then.

Which of these are you going to check out? Are there any forgotten anthology shows you want to raise awareness on? Which shows and episodes are your favourites? Let us know in the comments!

Halloween II and III

*Originally written like 2001 or roundabouts when I had no clue what I was doing. Spoiler Alert – I still don’t. These are crappy reviews so I’ve stuck them both together for a double dose of pain.

Halloween II

After the smash of Halloween it seemed inevitable that there would be a sequel. Carpenter’s films have a habit of ending with a cliffhanger, and fans wanted to see whether Michael would return. He does, just as Laurie is taken to a nearby hospital. Loomis is still on the prowl, and Michael follows Laurie to hospital intent on finishing his work, killing any unfortunate doctors, nurses or patients who get in his way. Once again Laurie and Michael are alone to chase and fight to the death.

Unfortunately this for the most part feels like a cash-in, and is a much inferior sequel complete with weaker performances and more elaborate deaths. There are good points though, Curtis and Pleasance are still great, while the setting is quite atmospheric. Many of the original cast come back for a short while, helping to keep us interested with the plot, and there are plenty of kills. However, much of the film lacks the tension which Carpenter can easily create, and we do not care about any of the new characters. Michael now seems to be entirely unstoppable which further distances us from the reality of the first film. This is okay, and definitely worth watching if you’re a fan of the first.

Halloween III

Firstly, yes this has little or nothing to do with the other Halloween films, and it is the worst so far. To gave it credit though it must be said that Carpenter wanted to take the series in this direction, telling a different story in a different film each Halloween. This was an ambitious and exciting idea which had potential, even if that potential was limited. Unfortunately this film is a mess, and flopped, ending Carpenter’s idea. Viewers were expecting more Myers mayhem and were disappointed by the complete change of direction here.

An evil toy maker decides to kill millions of children via his Halloween masks. He is the owner of the company Silver Shamrock, and infuses all the masks with black magic which will burn any child who wears it on Halloween night when a special jingle is played. After a successful advertisement campaign it seems that his mask is a massive hit, and his plan will be complete. Only Doctor Challis and Ellie can stop the evil, but will they?

This was the first Halloween movie I saw, when I was very young, and a few moments have stayed with me since then-  Cochran’s goons on patrol, killing anyone who gets in their way, and the jingle which is admittedly creepy, though a familiar tune. The idea is good, but it falls on its face through a combination of bad acting and poor storytelling, and in the end little makes sense. The shock ending is still good though, but its potential impact is decreased by the fact that we don’t care for the characters, that we don’t really meet any kids, and that we have become bored by the end. Little is explained, most of the deaths are bizarre, while sufficiently bloody. Plus the whole thing looks cheap and doesn’t have enough scares. If there had been a better cast, more thought with the story, and better direction it could have been a lot better. It even could have become an effective satire on Commercialism, especially during the holidays. For fans of the series, watch it once, but don’t expect much.

Let me know in the comments what you thought of the first Halloween sequels and their place in the series!

Hellions

I clicked on this one after meandering through my newly added Amazon horror movies for a while. I hadn’t heard of it, and I wasn’t aware of the talent involved being the camera. In all honesty it was a case of ‘the cover looks cool, the idea sounds okay without being too taxing, and Robert Patrick is in it’. It wasn’t until after watching that I realised it was directed by Bruce McDonald, whose Pontypool I had thoroughly enjoyed. There is a clear visual style at work in Hellions, a style which ensures that you will likely only remember this film for its look and presentation rather than its plot, cast, or what it is trying to say.

Fun fact – I wrote the above intro several months after watching the movie – and I am writing the rest of the review at least 6 months after writing the intro. Surprise surprise, I don’t really remember many details of the plot but I can remember clearly certain moments and how they looked. It’s weird being right. After reminding myself on IMDB of what the plot is – Hellions follows an annoyingly ‘don’t give a fuck’ teenage girl called Dora who has found out that she is inexplicably pregnant on Halloween night. As she waits at home for her boyfriend to visit she is harangued by children in creepy costumes who become increasingly insistent and violent and soon reality and fantasy bleed into each other until no-one has any idea what is going on.

Normally I would love this sort of film – I certainly appreciate the experimental style and the drive to create something unique, but it never comes across as scary or innovative or interesting. It’s essentially a home invasion movie on acid, but everything feels pretentious and the deliberate incoherence is too distracting. Every experiment needs a point, otherwise you’re just blindly pouring chemicals into a bowl and wondering why no-one cares. Is the point to show through image and noise how terrifying it can be to be pregnant at a young age? If so, why not have a more sympathetic lead? Is it all a dream? Is there any point? I’ll leave it up to you but it’s a difficult one to recommend – if you like trying to unravel visual puzzles or films which abandon plot for non-linear storytelling and visual flair then give it a shot. I don’t think your typical horror fan will get much out of this.

Have you seen Hellions? Did you enjoy it more than I did? Let us know in the comments!

Top Ten Tuesdays – Top 10 John Carpenter Movies

In this new series of posts I’m going to list ten of my favourite films by some of my most loved directors and actors. While I may not have seen everything that they have done, I’ll catch up to them eventually. For some of the posts, I’ll be adding films I’m not as keen on to ensure a list of ten so be on the look out for your favourites. The ordering of most of these posts will not be strict and in most cases there will not be too much difference between my number 1 pick and my number 5 pick.

John Carpenter is my favourite director. A master of many a genre, he’s the director who’s films appear most regularly in my favourite films of all time, and while it’s clear to most movie fans that his best work was in the 70s and 80s, he has enjoyed a career spanning six decades. Incredibly influential, you only have to look at the number of remakes of his franchises which have been plaguing our screens for years, yet failing spectacularly to recapture the quality of his original vision.

10. Starman.

Carpenter’s only full blown love story (sorry, Christine fans) is a well-acted heartwarming story about an alien coming to earth in the guise of a widow’s dead husband, while devious military and government types try to claim him for their own. As with most Carpenter films, this has an excellent score and main theme (although not written by Carpenter himself). Criminally, this is the only Carpenter film to receive an Oscar nomination – Jeff Bridges for best Actor.

9. The Ward. 

I’m a fairly vocal defender of the more recent Carpenter films – this and Ghosts Of Mars had their issues, but they are still wildly entertaining movies, with The Ward offering a bit more in terms of plot. While in many ways this doesn’t feel like a Carpenter film it is chock full of jump-scares and good performances. It’s taut, crafted and executed strongly, and while the twist is hardly surprising, it is great nevertheless to see the great man on the director’s chair again.

8.  In The Mouth Of Madness. 

Like many of Carpenter’s films, this was overlooked by fans at critics at the time, and even now it isn’t well-known – we’re still waiting for a Region 2 DVD or Blu Ray release. It is a cult favourite though, and remains one of the finest, most accurate film depictions of Lovecraftian horror. It’s one of Carpenter’s most thickly layered films and each viewing uncovers new themes.

7. Escape From New York. 

If Snake Plissken isn’t the single most cool character in movie history then I’ve clearly been watching the wrong movies. When this is eventually remade, you just know it;s going to be a shambles – no-one else but Russell and Carpenter could take a story like this, filled with characters like Plissken and not only make it work, but make it one of the quintessential action movies of the decade. With stellar action and effects, a blending of genres, an apocalyptic wit, and once again a superb score, this is Carpenter to the core.

6. The Fog

Unfairly seen as Halloween’s vastly inferior little brother, this should more accurately be described as Halloween as told to you by your creepy, drunk uncle. It’s the perfect campfire ghost story, with murderous vengeful pirates laying siege to a picturesque coastal town on the anniversary of their tragedy. Although the ending may be a cop-out, everything before hand is remarkably atmospheric, spooky, and the perfect movie for a dark evening alone.

5. Prince Of Darkness

I’d class this as Carpenter’s most underrated film, one with more scares than any of his other films, and arguably his most difficult film to describe or explain. Ostensibly, like most Carpenter movies it’s a siege movie, with a bunch of characters trapped with some powerful external force picking them off one by one. To make things more interesting, not only is there a horde of baddies outside the building which our heroes are trapped in, but the main evil is coming from within that very same building, and our heroes may have unleashed it. Throw in some time-travelling, parallel universe, God versus Satan, zombie, Alice Cooper mumbo jumbo, and we have a dense, terrifying film well worth watching.

4. Big Trouble In Little China

For a kid growing up in the 80s, this was the most awesome movie ever. It had over the top action and violence, guns, martial arts, Gods, monsters, mystery, comedy, and yet none of it was too graphic or scary so it was suitable to watch with our parents. Filled with epic one-liners and moments, this genre-bender is as timeless as it is 80s, and is a film you can’t imagine being made today.

3. Halloween

The biggie, and the one that started it all, kicking off Carpenter’s career in earnest and launching one of the most revered horror franchises. As the name suggests, there is no better film for Halloween, not only is it set during the period, depicting a suburbia which many of us will be familiar with, it pits a group of shell-shocked kids against a seemingly unstoppable killer. It churns out scare after scare like a fairground attraction, making you jump and squeal in equal measure, but more than that it features excellent direction and some wonderful performances. And again, there’s an exquisite score.

2. Assault On Precinct 13

I think I first saw this when I was around 14, and even though I knew who John Carpenter was, this was around the time I was beginning to understand what being a director was, and that this guy just happened to have made all these other films I treasured. It’s the perfect ‘modern’ siege movie with a well-worn approach which hasn’t been bettered since. The stark low-budget feel gives an earnest, off-putting realism, and when coupled with the cast of unknowns and the largely faceless enemy there is a sense of this thing being all too possible. As with later Carpenter movies we get an awesome anti-hero, a strong leading lady, and a mashup of other multi-dimensional characters from opposing backgrounds thrown together in a fight for survival. There is also a brilliant sense of hopelessness as the sun begins to go down on this desolate, soon to be rubble part of town. With strong, straight-forward action, gripping tension, and one of the greatest shock moments in cinema history, this is an undoubted classic. And guess what – epic score.

1. The Thing.  

Well, it couldn’t really be anything else, could it (sorry, They Live fans). Carpenter’s remake is more of a complete overhaul, and remains one of the finest horror films ever made. Most of you reading this should know it, and for anyone who hasn’t especially you young cubs, go watch it now. Some of the most jaw-dropping special effects, wiping the floor with today’s CGI, alongside a stellar all-male cast leads to paranoia, gore, fear, and a timeless ending. It’s a flawless movie in all departments, yet failed miserably at the box office. All the remake/prequel was a fine standalone film, it isn’t a patch on this beast, a film as vital now as it was upon release.

There we go, folks. Let us know in the comments what your favourite John Carpenter films are, and what you think of my selections above!

The 31 Days Of Halloween (Part 3)

Even more Alternatively:

The Birds: Hitchcock’s thriller may not pack the punch that it used to but thanks some great ideas, strong performances, and inspired set pieces it can still work for an early Halloween viewing. Classic Halloween Scene: Tippi Hedren goes into the attic when every person watching knows she shouldn’t.

Black Christmas: The film generally believed to have started the slasher genre was fairly well critically received and features a host of well-known actors facing down a serial killer with a knife. It’s an interesting alternative to Halloween and one which follows similar lines, although the killer isn’t a superman behemoth. Not as scary today thanks to everything which has come since, but still something other than the usual fare. Classic Halloween Scene:  Any of the phone calls, or the ending- who dunnit!?

Braindead: If you’re tired of watching The Evil Dead every year, why not go Down Under for an equally fun alternative. Before Peter Jackson took off his shoes and began prancing around The Shire he enjoyed putting zombie babies into blenders and running people over with lawn-mowers. If you want laughs, vomit inducing and filled scenes of orgy, cheesy music and acting, and more blood than has been spilled in New Zealand’s history, then Braindead (also known as Dead Alive) is for you. Classic Halloween Scene: We enter sitcom mode as Lionel tries host a perfectly normal social event while his dead/dying/zombifying mother attempts to eat her own ear.

Basket Case: Another 80s cult classic now, particularly potent if your sick of Evil Dead, The Thing, and Repo Man. Basket Case has a similar vibe and wonderfully shlocky effects that you just don’t see anymore. It was low-budget but successful enough to get 2 sequels. This tale of brotherly love deserves a viewing at Halloween. Classic Halloween Scene: When Belial visits Sharon for a mouth gift.

Cat People: This old timey hit is stool highly regarded by critics as one of the few horror movies which genuine artistic merit. But what do they know, we want to see blood and freaks, right? Basically telling us that foreigners and sex are evil, and that sex with foreigners is just about the worst thing you coul inflict upon yourself, this has an innate ability to make the flesh crawl. Classic Halloween Scene: The Swimming Pool

Carnival Of Souls: A glorious mix of sphincter tightening music, terrifying ideas and scenes (which were an influence on Romero and Lynch), and low-budget desire. This has more invention than many of the bigger films of the era and has only recently garnered some cult recognition. Classic Halloween Scene: The Man’s reflection.

Cube: Before Saw came Cube, a low-budget movie which spawned a host of sequels and centered on the idea of a maniacal genius who tortures a group of seemingly unrelated people with a host of insane devices. This never got the recognition it deserved, both as a precursor, but also as an excellent film. The fact that these people wake up trapped with no reason and no knowledge of how to escape (and soon no shoes) makes for effectively scary viewing in a Kafka-esque fashion. Classic Halloween Scene: The first death- we now know that everyone else is dire straits and death could come at any second.

Curse Of The Demon: A British, non Hammer film from the mid 20th Century. Not exactly a rarity, but rare in that it’s very good. Satanic weirdos, posh weirdos, witchcraft, prophecy, and enough quotes and imagery to make up an Iron Maiden album. Glorious black and white, eerie soundtrack, and potential madness lurking in the shadows. Classic Halloween Scene: Jumping through a window has never had as much impact.

Dead Of Night: An even Earlier British horror and notable both for being one of the first horror anthologies and for being kick ass. A mad ventriloquist sets the tone and is the archetypal version of the story. Ghost golfers, haunted mirrors, and even a festive Christmas tale all add up to a film for the whole family to huddle round the fire to. Classic Halloween Scene: When everything comes together.

Dead And Buried: A twisting video nasty with shocks, surprises, and some unexpected spins on the zombie sub genre. We deal with a number of violent murders (graphically shown) in a small town, mob justice, and Robert Englund. One that has slipped from the radar and should be brought kicking ad screaming into the modern living room. Classic Halloween Scene: A photographer meets a grisly end in the opening moments.

The Eyes Of Laura Mars: Probably the finest US Giallo film, this forgotten 1970s Carpenter penned thriller is full of twists and cheats, but it is the source material which get under the skin- a photographer whose violent images seem to lead to her witnessing the brutal slayings of people she knows. It’s a B-Movie idea but one which is played straight thanks to a tight script, great casting, and a clever director. It’s definitely a product of the 70s but if you can get your hands on it is sure to raise both nostalgic giggles and the hairs on your neck. Classic Halloween scene: When we see that the killer has come for Laura.

The Hitcher: One of the great underrated cult hits from the 80s, The Hitcher has scares, thrills, ambiguities, excellent pacing acting, and writing and some of the best car stunts ever filmed. Aside from the possible supernatural undertones this is a realistic tale of what could happen if you decide to be a good Samaritan on a dark, wet night. Rutger Hauer is the man here, commanding every scene he is in, but ably backed up by Leigh and Howell. There are gripping moments and that great hallmark of horror where you put yourself in the shaking boots of the tortured characters and ask what you would do, or wonder why the hell those on-screen are doing what they do. Classic Halloween Scene: The entire truck-girlfriend-snap scene is a wonderfully tense, brilliantly acted few minutes.

Henry; Portrait Of A Serial Killer: From one portrait of a maniac to another, but this time there are no stunts, no supernatural elements, no love, no humour, and certainly no happy endings. Henry is a serial killer, rapist, and well, that’s all you need to know. Any time you think there is a glimmer of humanity, it is ripped away by another cruel scene. McNaughton’s directing is assured, Rooker gives supreme portrayal, and the whole thing is so bleak, grim, and dirty that it will not make pleasant viewing- one to show for those ‘friends’ you don’t want to see again. Classic Halloween Scene: Although the entire film will leave you feeling dirty and ill, it’s that ‘pack your suitcase’ ending which really sticks in the memory.

Halloween V: Myers, Loomis, and Harris return after the shock ending of the previous film this is as direct a sequel as you’ll find in this series so could be considered as a double feature for your party. Ostensibly it’s the same old Michael vs teens with some sort of main girl chase plot thrown in, but thanks the performance of the young Harris, this is again raised above par. Yes there are plenty of kills to keep your group happy and just for a change we get another shock ending. We also interestingly, though perhaps pointlessly get further background for why Michael is the way he is which in itself provides some interesting discussion but at the end of the night this is 80s standard stabbing fare of higher quality than most.

The Hunger: Bowie is always scary on-screen, so that is reason enough to include any of his movies on an alternative horror movie marathon. The Hunger though is exclusively in the horror genre, but at the bottom is a sensual love story between a couple of aging vampires and a mortal sleep doctor. Like all good romance stories there is betrayal, hatred, sexual tension, and reliance. As Tony Scott’s first film it is highly stylized but lacks some finesse in the plot. Few vampire films have looked so good though, and few are so raw in their violent, honest depictions. Classic Halloween Scene: The Opening scene sets the tone of love, death, murder mingling together as we see how the couple stalk their prey.

The Innocents: Henry James’s The Turn Of The Screw is one of the most filmed novels of horror fiction, if not directly, then many elements of his story have been adapted. The Innocents is a fairly faithful re-telling of the story and one of the most successful. It may lack the punch which a modern audience is looking for, but if you like your horror filled with long corridors, big old houses, dark corners, and freaky children then this is for you. Thanks to a good lead performance from Kerr and an unsettling soundtrack, this still has its moments. Classic Halloween Scare: When we see the face of the antagonist appearing in the window- a stunt used in many films since but rarely bettered.

In The Mouth Of Madness: The nineties were not a great time for Carpenter- the undisputed Master of 70s and 80s horror seemed to hit a slump both critically and commercially. Never big with the critics, his fans deserted him as it appeared he was making more and more lackluster films- sequels, remakes, comedies. In The Mouth Of Madness is the best of his output this decade. Classic Halloween Scene: On the bus, look around when you wake up…

IT: It’s a long one, but a good one. If you plan to watch a movie a day rather than packing several into one party, then IT is a good choice, ideal for breaking up over a couple of days. Superbly acted by both young and adult casts and packed with some revolting moments which have stood the test of time so far, IT is the story of an evil force living in an all American town which rises up every 30 years to gorge on children. Our story focuses on a band of outcast kids who are being tormented by this creature which adults can’t see, and rather than waiting to be picked off they decide to go after it and destroy it. The story shows us in wonderfully nostalgic detail how the friends met and became a powerful group to face this evil, and how 30 years later when the disappearances start happening again, they reform to return home and finish what they started. Say what you will about that ending, but everything else here is a joy, from the music to the acting, to the adapted screenplay. This remains one of the best King adaptations. Classic Halloween Scene: Out of many, lets go for the rain-soaked opener with Georgie- once seen, never forgotten.

Jigoku: A visual feast, and one of the most extreme and well realised visions of Hell ever filmed. This isn’t the easiest to watch but is brimming with ideas and offers an opposing view to most Asian horror movies of today. Classic Halloween Scene: Any of the technicolour visions of hell are still nausiating and nightmare inducing.

Kwaidan: Another Japanese classic, this one ranking amongst the most highly regarded. The modern slow burning Asian horror movie pretty much stems from here, we have drawn out shots packed with tension, ghosts, long-haired freaks, and tonnes of foreboding. No horror marathon should be complete without an anthology tale. If you like J-Horror this should be top of the list. Classic Halloween Scene: All of the Snow Woman segment.

Land Of The Dead: Romero returns to the genre he invented and perfected with a big budget, all action zombie jamboree. The zombies have already seemingly overrun the world, while a group of survivors scratch out an existence in Pittsburgh. The rich live the high life whilst the poor live like rats on the streets, with some embarking outside the city on scavenger hunts. It’s a Rich vs Poor tale, but all the while the zombies are watching and learning. Good effects, good action, good gore, and a decent alternative to Romero’s earlier classics: Classic Halloween Scene: The Zombies coming out of the water and heading for the city is a cracker- you know someone’s about to have their intestinal cavity evacuated.

Misery: Yet another Stephen King tale, this one relying more on suspense and drama than gore and psychic weirdos. Almost like a Play, most of the action takes place between two characters in a couple of rooms although thanks to those actors, that story, and a strong director at the helm much of the horror is as immediate as a car crash. You know the story- writer gets hurt and is ‘rescued’ by biggest fan who just happens to be a murderous psychopath. It has held up well and neither the scares nor the plot have lost any of their power. Classic Halloween Scene: Its gots to be the sledgehammer scene.

Maniac Cop: This was always one which scared and intrigued me as a child- simply by looking at the VHS cover in my local store. Something about the name, the cover, the tagline, and the raft of sequels around it scared several bejeebuses out of me. I regard it more as an interesting twist on the action genre now but it’s still a nice one to pull out every so often as alternative Bruce film. Classic Halloween Scene: Maniac Cop pulls another victim through a window, 80s unstoppable killer style.

Phantasm: A series obsessed with death begins with the 1979 original featuring a young musicians investigations into a tonne of local deaths which leads him to the unsung horror icon The Tall Man. And his balls. Coscarelli’s film is inventive with its story, visuals, and gore, but it is the blending of fantasy and reality which makes us doubt what we see as real. Classic Halloween Scene: Entering the Mausoleum

Repulsion: The second Deneuve film on the list is arguably her finest moment as she plays a paranoid woman whose haunted memories and current paranoid delusions lead to withdrawal and murder. In career defining moments from Deneuve and Polanski, Replusion is the finest example of the psychological horror sub genre whose dream sequences are alarming and whose death scenes are still shocking. Classic Halloween Scene: The hand corridor.

Return Of The Living Dead: Another classic 80s mish mash featuring zombies, scares, laughs, punks, and BRAAAIIINNSS. Taking a more lighthearted approach, O’Bannon’s film follows most of the Romero rules but makes this a largely teen affair with the emphasis on fun. A big hit in the 80s the impact has been lessened by the many sequels. As horror comedies go though, this is at the top of the list. Classic Halloween Scene: A rainy graveyard, a girl, zombies.

Ring 2: A very good sequel although it does get bogged down with some science and explanation. With more jump scares than the first and another fingernail pulling finale, this sequel does justice to the original and expands on the mythology in often confusing ways. It’s great to see bit players in the first film take centre stage and even better to see most of the original cast make returns. The film largely focuses on Yoichi, the son of our heroes in the first film and his apparent psychic abilities. It seems his life is starting to mirror that of Sadako’s, and that the malevolent spirit has her eyes/mind set on him. Some great scares make this powerful viewing. Classic Halloween Scene: A traitorous journalist gets what’s coming to him.

Rosemary’s Baby: A good one for mum and dad to watch before bed, especially if either mum or dad has  been ‘away’ recently more often than they usually are. What could they be doing? Working late? Out with friends? Having an affair? No, the most likely answer is that they’ve joined a Satanic cult and are harvesting your ovaries for the purpose of bringing about hell on earth. Watching this now there are actually some very funny moments- the more I think about it, the more I think Polanski did these on purpose. Polanski knows all about cults and their deadly seductive power- here they are portrayed as benevolent, wealthy, influential, and unavoidable, setting in motion that great cliché that ‘everybody’s in on  it’. Farrow gives an unsteady performance which only begins to shine in the second half of the movie, while Cassavetes is his usually rampant, joking self. The old people next door are exactly as they should be. The dread, paranoia, and unease builds to the climax which starts off as unsettling, booms at the crib, and then becomes steadily more ridiculous. Thankfully the score helps to keep things grounded and nasty. Classic Halloween Scare: When Rosemary sees her baby for the first time. It’s all in the eyes.

The Ugly: Nothing says Halloween like murderous freaks butchering their way through an asylum. New Zealand continues its impressive horror output with this 1997 outing, which offers thrills both visceral and psychological. With lots of chat and lots of black blood, it’s an interesting alternative to throw out there to the more open-minded audience. Classic Halloween Scene: A few uncertain moments where Simon considers killing but doesn’t, but the best scene is likely when he is stalking his victim in a bathroom.

Zombie Flesh Eaters: Well, why not? If you can’t have some eye-gouging, zombie-chomping fun at Halloween, then you may as well be dead. This not-sequel to Dawn Of The Dead is a vastly inferior film, but still vastly enjoyable, and has enough gore, bad-acting, and boobs to yank guffaws from every drunken Halloween guest. And we even get the voodoo explanation for the outbreak, as well as seeing the various stages of zombiefication. Classic Halloween Scene: Any of the lovely kills of course, or the nicely dark ending, or of course the ever-popular splinter-to-eye scene. But for the sheer novelty of it, you have to appreciate the zombie versus shark scene.

Drag Me To Hell: Raimi returns to the genre where he first made his name, giving the fans an old-fashioned dose of scares, guts, and laughs. We see cultures collide as uppidy young Americans clash with decrepid old gypsy types, and a young woman has to contend with the fact that a curse on her head is growing more powerful, frightening, and deadly by the day. If she can’t lift the curse in a few days she will be dragged to hell. There are nice performances here but rather than the all out raucous joy of the Evil Dead series this is at times more camp, something which I cannot abide. There is an over-abundance of things going in or coming out of mouths, but the effects are wonderfully slimy and the sounds are booming enough to keep you on edge. It is the sudden bursts of energy which make this effective, all the while in the background that clock is steadily ticking down to the end. Classic Halloween Scene: Girl fight in a parking lot.

The 31 Days Of Halloween (For Kids)- Part 2

Ween’s-A-Coming

Alternatively:

The Abominable Dr Phibes: This is a nice bridge between the Monster movies of the pre- 60s era and the more intense stuff of the 70s onwards. Price is at his hammy best, chewing up the dialogue and relishing the inventive plot. It’s all about the kills and atmosphere here so older kids will appreciate the varying, often funny death scenes based on the biblical plagues. Some of it may be a bit too shocking for younger kids so make sure you are there if it gets too much. Classic Halloween Scene: The locust kill is hard to beat.

The Birds: Hitchcock’s thriller may not pack the punch that it used to for adults but thanks some great ideas, strong performances, and inspired set pieces it can still work for an early Halloween viewing. The kids will love it and it may make them think twice about chasing a flock of pigeons in the park. Classic Halloween Scene: Tippi Hedren goes into the attic when every person watching knows she shouldn’t.

The Blob: You could really go for either the 50s or 80s version as both are harmless products of their time, yet the story of some giant, unstoppable thing killing everything in its path retains its power to absorb the viewer. Both have aged horribly but therefore they make for interesting and humourous viewing for adults, but kids will be able to look past the funny hair as they wonder who will get eaten next. Obviously the modern version has the darker content with gore, swearing, and a more threatening nature. The 50s one though has Steve McQueen. Classic Halloween Scene: I’ll go for the kitchen sink scene in the 80s remake.

Bride Of Frankenstein: James Whales most famous masterpiece is one which has kept audiences scared for 7 decades now, thanks to its creaky old atmosphere and timeless creations. Although obviously watered down with each passing decade, this is still a good introduction to scary movies for kids who will learn that the evil which lurks in the shadows can sometimes come stumbling out to get you. Classic Halloween Scene: When we first learn that The Monster has survived the fire from the first films and begins another rampage, killing two characters in quick succession.

The Black Cat: Keeping with the oldies you can choose either the 30s original or 40s follow-up; both feature Legosi, and both are greats of the genre, although the 40s version of Poe’s story focuses more on humour while the original’s psychological and Satanic slant has ensured that it still has power today. Pairing Karloff and Legosi for the first time, your kids will be introduced to the first horror superstars and will get sucked in by the dark tale of rituals and creepy castles. Classic Halloween Scene: The basement ritual.

The Black Cat

The Fly: I wouldn’t advice letting your kids anywhere near Cronenberg’s vision- they’ll get to it eventually on their own time. For now you can let them learn everything they need to know about Science here (don’t mess with it). The story of a man splicing himself with a fly to create both a fly-man and a man-fly sounds utterly ridiculous but there are moments of brilliance here which make you forget all about the plot and watch the characters fight for survival. Classic Halloween Scene: For any spider haters out there, one scene here will stay in your head for weeks.

The Fog: One of the great campfire spook stories, The Fog is still sadly underrated. Carpenter creates a wonderful atmosphere here which suits the season perfectly; even better if you’re near the sea or if there is fog around. Classic Halloween Scene: The introduction with the wizened old sailor sets the tone for the rest of the show, and should set the tone for your night.

Ghost: Settle down, the kids won’t even remember the pottery scene, they’ll be too busy talking about and recovering from the scenes where the things come to claim the souls of the recently departed; the effects may be dated but the sounds, screams, and general idea remain terrifying. The girls and boys will both get wrapped up in the plot, whether it be the romance from beyond the grave or the revenge plot, while parents will revel in the genuine performances from all concerned. Classic Halloween Scene: When the spirits come for Willie.

Ghostbusters 2: The first film may have the more obvious jump scares, but the sequel has Vigo The Carpathian who is creepy just by being a static painting. Classic Halloween Scene: The Titanic returns.

House On Haunted Hill: Gimmick king William Castle teams up with Vincent Price to deliver a camp horror classic. In many ways the plot mirror’s Castle’s own style with Price’s weirdo millionaire offering obscene incentives to gain an audience. The story is a nice twist on the ‘stay overnight in a haunted house’ archetype and there are enough old fashioned scares to please the family. Classic Halloween Scene: The skeleton coming out of the acid- for your Halloween party buy your own skeleton and try a bit of Castle gimmickry yourself.

House On Haunted HIll

The Invisible Man: One of the best Universal Horror films, albeit one which has not had the same impact/amount of remakes as the more famous Monster films. Claude Rains ‘stars’ as a deranged scientist who goes on a rampage after discovering the key to invisibility. Strong effects and a creepy atmosphere ensure this is still strong watching today. Classic Halloween Scene: When the Doctor takes of his clothes and first reveals his gift to the locals. Ooh-er.

The Mummy: Keeping with the Universal theme, why not make it a double with Karl Freund’s dusty, creaking classic. Or you could go with the modern, action packed Brendan Fraser effort, though it is more of an adventure film than horror. Classic Halloween Scene: Imhotep’s awakening.

The Nightmare Before Christmas: I saw this at the cinema when it was first released, and quite a few families had to leave with their younger kids as it must have been too scary. In truth, I think it was the showing of Vincent at the start of the movie which freaked most out. The film itself pulls together everything festive about Halloween and Christmas and presents them with both childish wonder and Poe-esque darkness. The story, songs, and characters meld into an animation which kids of all ages should love. Classic Halloween Scene: When Oogie shows that he’s just a pile of bugs.

The Old Dark House: Few films have a more traditionally Halloween title, story and feel than James Whale’s early hit. The story of a group of travellers seeking shelter in a creepy mansion, the dark, rain covered, dreary setting, the mysterious residents, all create a superb, festive tone and the scares come thick and fast towards the end. Early jokes help to lighten the mood and make the film something of an oddity. Classic Halloween Scene: You just know that the deranged, locked up brother will escape

The Pit And The Pendulum: Arguably the best of the Corman/Poe productions, The Pit And The Pendulum has heaps of atmosphere, plenty of invention, and a top rate Price performance. Taking extreme liberties with the original tale, the film follows a man in search of his lost sister, a search which leads him to a foreboding mansion filled with torture devices, mystery, and strange characters. This one has plenty of shocks and a fair amount of genuine scares, so maybe keep the younger kids away. Classic Halloween Scene: When the ‘corpse’ of Elizabeth is first uncovered or the tense ending as the pendulum falls.

The Pit And The Pendulum

Stir Of Echoes: Continuing with the Richard Matheson stories, Stir Of Echoes is a supernatural thriller which stars Kevin Bacon as a man who gains the ability to experience visions of the past, and his son who is able to speak to the dead. This is a good one for older kids and while low on obvious jump scares, it has an interesting plot and is more like a detective story with ghost elements rather than an all out horror movie. Strong performances, ghostly visions, great script, and watching Bacon’s slow descent into madness all increase the chill factor. Classic Halloween Scene: When the son is talking to his mum about the babysitter and he goes a little odd.

The Thing From Another World: Carpenter’s remake is one of my favourite movies of all time and is the epitome of sci-fi/horror crossover. Due to it’s horrific nature though, it is not suitable for kids. For the same basic tale of paranoia, claustrophobia, and shadowy, alien evil, Howard Hawks’ original will do the job for kids at Halloween. The stark visuals, small cast, and threatening tone ensure this is still a classic. Classic Halloween Scene: When the team set The Thing on fire- great scare, awesome stunt work.

The Wolf Man: Lets return to The Universal Monsters once again and visit the hit werewolf tragedy. Although neither the first Werewolf film by Hollywood or Universal, this was the first of Chaney’s installments and is probably still the best. Again, Universal strike a perfect balance between focus on the Monster and the human side, all filmed in glorious B and W. Classic Halloween Scene: When Chaney attacks the Gravedigger, his first victim.

Wallace And Gromit- The Curse Of The Were Rabbit: After many succesful adventures (which are usually shown every Christmas in Britain) Wallace and Gromit enter the Halloween market with their take on werewolves, albeit changing to were-rabbits here. The film was a huge financial and critical success, picking up the Best Animated Film Oscar. Retaining the unique English charm of previous adventures, this is nevertheless accessible to all with its clever humour, fast pace, strong sight gags and set pieces, and strong voice cast. This is a gentle introduction to scares for the youngest children, but there is enough action and wit to please the whole family. Classic Halloween Scene: When the Reverend is attacked by the were-rabbit.

The Monster Squad: This is another one of those films whose VHS cover freaked me out when I was young. This is more of an action comedy with horror elements which succeeds due to yet another brilliant Shane Black script and because of the love for the genre it spins. It’s another quintessential 80s movie featuring a group of savvy kids on an adventure, this time battling famous monsters like Dracula, The Mummy, and The Wolf Man. This retains a cult following, but wasn’t a smash on Goonies/Gremlins/Stand By Me levels. It’s another strong introduction to horror for kids of all ages, with plenty of gentle scares and a lot of action and laughs. Classic Halloween Scene: Any scene with Dracula’s ‘Daughters’ has a high freak-out quota.

The Monster Squad

The Halloween Tree: What better introduction into the world of horror, and of Halloween, than this festive animated treat. Although lacking the big budget style of Disney/Dreamworks/Pixar type films, the film relies heavily on its script, backed up by a decent voice cast featuring Spock and writer Ray Bradbury. The story is set at Halloween, features a quartet of friends Trick Or Treating, and discusses the origins of Halloween and its traditions. Kids will love the spooky costumes and settings and older viewers will appreciate the Scooby Doo nods. Classic Halloween Scene: Nimoy’s poetic description of the tree.

The Sixth Sense: It may be too wordy and dramatic for younger kids, but the series of stand out scares will surely live on long in their imagination. The same should apply for older kids who will appreciate the plot, the performances, and the twists. Classic Halloween Scene: Under the table.

Pan’s Labyrinth: Frequently described as a fairy tale for adults, I don’t see why kids can’t get in on the act; the film is gorgeous and depicts an all too realistic nightmarish world which their young minds will thrive upon, while the story will teach them that sometimes it is the people around us we should fear as well as the demons. Classic Halloween Scene: The Banquet table chase.

Twilight Zone: The Movie: Spielberg, Landis, Dante, and Miller get together to make this homage to Rod Sterling’s classic series. Featuring 3 remakes and 1 original story, the focus is more on horror than the original series was, but the twists and ironic lessons are still in place. Each sequence is stronger than the one before, but each has its own charms and chills. Classic Halloween Scene: Miller’s final segment is a great remake of the original and packs some big punches (as well as having the always excellent John Lithgow).

Salem’s Lot: Well, hello. This is probably the first film which led me on the depraved path to horror geekdom. It scarred me at the time, but they best way I could deal with it was by telling all of my friends and neighbours about it. Through this catharsis I realised that this horror stuff was pretty cool and my friends and I began to seek out more scares. For people of a certain age, this one will still have an impact. As far as realistic vampire movies go, there are few to beat this nasty one. Classic Halloween Scene: There are tonnes to choose from which darkened my dreams for many a night, but it’s difficult to top the first- Ralphie Glick comes-a-scratching at the window of his brother.

Salem’s Lot

The Gate: This frequently bizarre horror movie has plenty of 80s hallmarks- cool creature effects, heavy metal music, evil books, kids battling demons etc etc. A group of friends inadvertently raise a host of demons and subsequently have to do battle with them. This is a darker version of The Lost Boys but this cult hit is still waiting to be rediscovered by a new generation. Why don’t they make horror films with kids anymore?Classic Halloween Scene: When Al almost gets pulled under the bed by monstrous arms- bed scare scenes always get me good, dagnammit.

Night Of The Living Dead: Few horror films have had such a long-lasting impact as Romero’s original. This is a must for all horror nuts and acts as a good gateway into the genre for viewers of any age; it’s smart, it’s terrifying, it’s brilliant. For younger kids this will be too much, but from around the age of 10 this is ideal Halloween viewing. The bleak setting, the black and white colouring adding to the tone, the isolated group dynamic which the imaginative child will link to their present situation, it’s all good. Spice things up by adding zombie make-up to the group. Classic Halloween Scene: The entire opening, from first second until Barb reaches the house.

Silent Hill: Perhaps a bit too complex and horrifying for younger viewers, this should satisfy younger teens. There are some spectacular visuals on display, the night scenes are powerful, and there are plenty of big scares on offer. It’s just a pity the plot is quite messy. The dark depiction of the town should make your kids ventures outside at Halloween more interesting as they question the noises and shadows surrounding them. Classic Halloween Scene: Pyramid Head’s first appearance.

Psycho: Why not break your children by subjecting them to the movie which broke the genre? Hitchcock’s mutha-luvin, lady-hatin, stabby creepfest has enough big scares involving scary houses, knives, and weirdos that all viewers will find something to be freaked out about. It’s one of the original behind-the-sofa watches, and 60 years on the power is still potent. Classic Halloween Scene: The shot of ‘mother’ strutting out of one of the upstairs rooms to claim another victim.

Tideland: Terry Gilliam’s massively polarizing film remains essentially unknown outside of the critical circle. For such a demented movie it is criminal that it made barely half a million at the box office- there is surely an audience out there for another twisted fairy tale, so it makes an ideal experiment for kids at a Halloween party. It may not make a lot of sense to them, but as is expected from a Gilliam film, the visuals are like nothing you will have experienced before with an invention sorely lacking in films of most genres today. Classic Halloween Scene: Any scene with Noah’s decaying corpse is both ghastly and tragic.

Tideland

The Omega Man: We end the list with another Matheson tale. Based roughly on his classic I Am Legend, this sees Chartlon Heston battling groovy hooded freaks rather than the terrifying and pitiful vampires of the novel. Heston was obviously a huge star and is able to carry the film on his own, but once the love interest is introduced things get messy. I’m still waiting on the definitive version of the story, but for an action packed siege film this has plenty of nice scares and no gore or swearing, so is suitable for all ages. Classic Halloween Scene: The wine cellar attack.

As always, feel free to leave your comments: what did you think of my list- are some of the films too extreme for kids? Which films would you choose for Halloween family viewing, and which films haunted your youth?

Hally Happoween!

The 31 Days Of Halloween (Part 2)

Halloween Is Fun For All

Alternatively:

Audition: A treat for the uninitiated; draw them in with a quiet (if a little odd) love story, then tear their face off with bizarre twists, sights, and an ending to make even the most hardcore horror fan twitch uncomfortably. Fairly ‘straight’ for a Miike film, fairly unconventional for a horror film, this will cut into your flesh and into your brain, staying with you for many Halloweens to come. Classic Halloween Scene: Kiri kiri.

A Tale Of Two Sisters: The past couple of decades have been good for Asian horror and this is one of the best. It stinks of quality from the first frame and is beautiful, sad, and horrific at every turn. It is one of the most eye pleasing horror movies ever, but also one of the most well acted and interesting. Naturally it wouldn’t be on the list without some scares and while this follows the slow burning style of the most popular Asian horror movies there are some quality frights. It’s a mind bender and will torture your thoughts as you struggle to remain calm and sane with your friends at the rest of the party. Classic Halloween Scene: The girls get a nasty bedroom visitor.

The Amityville Horror: For such a common and well known horro staple, the Haunted House movie doesn’t have too many great films. Then again, as horror sub genres go, it seems to be one which brings the most critically acclaimed films- The Shining, Poltergeist, Paranormal Activity. The Amityville Horror was fairly well received but was a commercial hit. Using the good old ‘based on true events’- something which is of no consequence to me as I’ve never understood why something which may have happened would draw people to watch a horror movie about it. Anyway, as Haunted House movies go, this one is up there- plenty of shocks, decent acting, and a creepy atmosphere throughout. It’s sure to get everyone talking about the ghostly experiences they may have had in their own homes. Classic Halloween Scene: She was shot in the head!

Bodysnatchers: If you don’t fancy the Sutherand version, bring things more up to date with Abel Ferrara’s excellent re-telling. Cold, angry, mistrustful like all of Ferrara’s best works this one condenses the countrywide paranoia of previous versions and makes it a family tale. Dad gets a new wife and job, daughter gets a new mum, brother, and home. On a military base. Mum and daughter don’t get along. Some of the soldiers on the base begin to act rather strangely and before long the family are trapped on the base surrounded by pod people. But who in the family isn’t who they say they are? This is an effective revamp and just as worthy as the past 2 versions thanks to some great effects and powerful performances. Classic Halloween Scene: Where you gonna run? Where you gonna hide? Nowhere. Cos there’s no-one like you left….WAAAAAAAA!

Cemetary Man: A twisted love story of the highest order, pretty much everyone missed this first and second time round. An Italian horror movie about zombies- fair enough. An Italian zombie movie from the nineties with American and English actors… maybe not. It is low budget, but it is one of those films which is packed full of strong ideas and fun that any money constraints fade into the background. We have the interesting twist of Everett playing a zombie killer, the interesting take on the genre- that he works at a cemetary performing his normal duties, but also acting as a reluctant chosen defender of the world; the cemetary is cursed in that every week some of the corpses are brought back to life and go hunting. Everett puts them down in a never ending cycle. After a brief romance and tragedy, the caretaker’s life takes on an even more bizarre twist. Classic Halloween Scene: The husband comes back.

The Company Of Wolves: One for a more sophisticated party- discussions of politics and Bergman movies accompanied by Mozart and a few glasses of the finest virgin blood. This dark/adult/buck nuts fairy tale is a twist on Little Red Riding Hood and is filled with metaphor and artistry. Plus you get to see Murder She Wrote’s head slapped off her shoulders- literally. Classic Halloween Scene: Though the entirely movie is filled with an inescapable nightmarish dread, some of Granny’s stories up the chill factor and give an anthology feel. But the ending bursts through the windows will live long in your memory.

The Company Of Wolves

Children Of The Corn: Even the poorest Stephen King adaptation is worth watching at least once. COTC is not the worst, bad it isn’t a classic. However, it is a great idea for a movie and some of the early scenes are effective at raising those neck hairs. Whilst not as spooky or funny as Wacky Molestation Adventure, there are plenty of chases, jumps, and 80s pyro joys. Classic Halloween Scene: One kid is prepared for meeting He Who Walks.

Dark Water: With Ringu alone, Hideo Nakata has cemented his name in horror folklore, but when you follow it up with another critical and commercial hit then you enter the realms of superfandom reserved only for the giants of the genre. Dark Water is much more personal film and retains both the scares, tone, and tragedy of the Ring series. it’s one thing to be terrified by the antagonist, but to empathise with them too helps to raise the character above standard horror fare. One to put the heebies and jeebies up any single parent, anyone who has recently moved house, and anyone else who happens to be alive. It may be slow, and not have the whoop-ass pay off final of Ringu, but each superbly acted and directed scene drips with unnerving tension whilst the conclusion of gripping and upsetting. Classic Halloween Scene: What is it about horror movies and bathtubs?

Dawn Of The Dead Remake: This movie single handedly kick started the resurrgence of zombies in popular culture, astounding considering it is only a remake. Even more astounding is the fact that it takes the greatest zombie movie ever, sticks it in a blender, chews on the rules of the genre, and spits out a movie which is almost as good as Romero’s Bible. Heart pounding from the outset, refusing to pander to the gore police, and filled with interesting dialogue, fresh ideas, and realistic characters, this is a film for any audience. Classic Halloween Scene: Hello little girl. It’s a bit early to be in my house, don’t you think? What are yo- wait, what’s up with your face? Are you o- aggh, arrgghh ARRRRGGHHH!

Dracula (1958): Christopher Lee steps into the role as the Dark Prince and single handedly re-invents the 20th Century perception of vampires. While it may not have aged as well as some other films on this list it stands out for the strength of the preformances and for the fact that we have a pile of grissled old men battling it out to save our soles rather and a bunch of fresh/pale face teens. Lee doesn’t sparkle, he owns, pwns, and kicks every shade of ass imaginable. Classic Halloween Scene: Harker descends into the crypt to make his final Stand with the Count. There’s still an hour of movie left so you know this won’t end well…

The Evil Dead 2: There aren’t as many genuine scares here when compared with the first movie, but we get a bigger budget, more laughs, more gore, and what we’re left with is possibly the most entertaining horror movie ever made. Have this in your party and the cheers of the nerds will be drowned out only by the laughs of the uninitiated. Classic Halloween Scene: What the balls is that coming through the front door!

The Fly (80s): David Cronenberg was already known for his movies depicting the horrors of disease and transformations which can sometimes invade the human body. What better film for him to make then than one about a man slowly mutating into a human-fly hybrid. Wonderful ideas, great acting from Davis and Goldblum, and some astounding and vomit inducing special effects. There aren’t many shock moments here outside of the gore, just the nasty feeling that something horrible is probably making a host of your own body as you watch. Classic Halloween Scene: The best arm wrestling movie moment ever.

The Fly

Fright Night: Cinemagoers’ love for the creatures of the night continued to flourish into the 80s, while in the seventies Vampires were seen as seductive enchanters, and in the nineties they became any post-modern type you could imagine, in the decade that everything forgot they were nothing but cool. From Lost Boys to Near Dark, this was the decade that we relaised that Vampires kicked ass, and Fright Night added considerably to that belief. This traverses the lines between horror, comedy, and entertainment successfully with plenty of jokes, in jokes, homages, scares,  and smarts to keep any fan happy. Calling back to Rear Window we see through the eyes of a teen who believes that a vampire has moved in next door. And as only teens mattered in the 80s we find out he was right. It’s down to him and his misfits to destroy the evil. Classic Halloween Scene: Evil Ed in a red wig, that’s scary, right?

Halloween II: This had the potential of being a great sequel with most of the surviving cast members from the original returning and the film following directly on from the closing moments of the first. Unfortunately, Senior Carpenter jumped ship and the film descended into a titty fest with cheap gore and cheaper characters. It’s still good fun, but it sure ain’t great. Nevertheless, if you tire of watching the original every year (weirdo) then this will do fine as an alternative and simultaneously remind you to stick with what you know the follwing year. Laurie is recovering in hospital after her antics with Michael, but wouldn’t you know that boy just won’t stay dead. Soon he’s off to the hospital to pick off more horny nurses and chumps before the final chase and massacre. Hospitals are always good for atmosphere and jump scares and we get some of both here. Classic Halloween Scene: Laurie breaking down as she realises Michael can’t be stopped and that this nightmare may never end, but Loomis gives her a gun and hope. Inevitable doom is one of the most frightening things in all of horror.

Halloween IV: If the first sequel doesn’t take your fancy, then how about the third? The world is introduced to the young Danielle Harris- a horror Goddess from the outset and whose performance alone carries the dead weight of the other lowly cast members. Pleasance is still flogging the life out of the franchise, presumably to put food on the table, or possibly because by this late stage in his life he believed he had become Dr. Loomis. Homestly, this is the best sequel of the bunch, highly entertaining and with plenty of fun kills to appease the gore hounds. There’s even a nice twist at the end which is even more shocking than certain events of the first film. The Druid links from the second film start to take fruition here but don’t really come into play until the next film, also starring Her Royal Highness, Lady Harris.

The Hills Have Eyes Remake: Although Craven’s shocker is a classic in it’s own right this remake does the unimaginable (especially in a time when 99 out of 100 remakes are utter balls) and improves upon the original in every way- better acting, better plot, better characters, and a sow’s stomach full of blood and trauma. The crazy mutant sub genre has served us fans well since the turn of the century and Aja’s take on it is surely the best. A lovely American family are travelling cross country for some reason, complete with subserviant mom, Rambo/scout/stars’n’stripes loving dad, emo son, hot Australian daughter, inappropriately femanine son-in-law etc. As is inevitably the case, they get a little lost and before you can say ‘why do have an arm growing out of your head’ a bunch of crazy cannibals are making merry sport with our innocent suberbians. Will they lie back and get picked off one by one, or will they unleash their inner Neolithic? This packs a punch and a boot and will add a spark to any gathering. Classic Halloween Scene: Son In Law wakes up in a terrible place only to find himself in an even more terrible place.

I Know What You Did Last Summer: Scream was awesome, bringing horror quicking and screaming out of the silly, campy 80s, and into the wiser, sarcastic 90s. Due to it’s massive success both in scaring audiences pants off and pulling them off thanks to a cast of outrageously hot performers, every other studio wanted in on the action. How hard could it be? Make an 80s slasher movie with updated hair and fashion (but simultaneously mock that decade so that no-one notices the plagarism/similarities), and throw in some hot young ass and some new ideas written by the guys who grew up on the aforementioned movies. IKWYDLS (a Soviet Vodka) was successful too and at its heart has strong performances, decent scares, and a decent idea brought into the modern age. People have probably forgotten this one by now so it may offer some nice surprises. Classic Halloween Scene: Run, Buffy, Run!

I Know What You Did Last Summer

Jaws: If you haven’t seen this by now you’re either a new-born or a Shopping Channel enthusiast. Sure the shark looks like it was brought forth into existence by Wallace and Gromit and we all know every single second of what is coming, ,but half the fun of an annual party is in the familiarity and tradition. Everyone can gather round and watch while Brody and co are terrorized by the giant shark and whilst some will break off into chattering sub groups and others will venture into the cold for a fag, most will come bag just to see Quint get a good old fashioned chomping. Classic Halloween Scene: A young boy shows America just how much blood he has, and how far into the air he can spew it with the help of a little fish.

Last House On The Left: Craven was mentioned earlier on this list and upstaged by a young pretender to his throne who dared to make a superior version of one of his own films. The recent remake of this was decent, but it didn’t come close to touching the gritty, nasty realism of Craven’s beast. Horror films are a product now and have the power to make us laugh, to get our pulses racing, and sometimes make us think. But real horror should have the power to stop your heart dead, to make you luagh only because your respitory system has to make some sort of noise, and leave us reeling into the early hours, trapping our thoughts in an inescapable circular vault of panic. True horror should make you feel like you have suffered an ordeal and come out the other side scarred forever. Last House On The Left can make you feel all those things and when you see the bumbling, shambolic police scenes complete with capering music, you can feel your soul eating tself just so that it doesn’t have to endure another second of madness. Classic Halloween Scene: Take your pick; for me it’s the sight of a teenage girl sinking into a swamp with a dead eyed stare and the life that might have been disappearing forever into the murky depths.

Martin: Content that he had re-invented the zombie genre, Romero set his sights on vampires and damn nearly pulled off the same trick. John Amplas plays an awkward young man who believes he is a reincarnated vampire- in other words he’s crazy. Then again, Romero shows us several scenes which show that Martin may well be correct. Regardless of whether those scenes are real or imagined, Martin is a troubled young man, you know- the sort you see in every school, on every street corner, possibly dating your youngest now. This is psychological, real horror at it’s best, and though the budget and some of the acting leave a lot to be desired, the idea of a kid with a razor blade stalking women for blood is not the stuff of nightmares, but of weekly news reports. Classic Halloween Scene: The opener on the train tells us all we need to know- Martin is a killer, reluctant and enthusiastic, possibly a rapist, and that he can get at you very easily.

Near Dark: This has been going through a resurrgence over the past few years due to a love of 80s retro (i’m sure a remake will be on the way), a love of all things fangsome, and because Miss Bigelow finally received some acclaim via The Oscars. Near Dark is a sensual, beautifully pictured vampire film with fascinating characters and ideas, some memorable performances, and a healthy helping of the red stuff. And it’s heart it’s a love story based around a moral quandary; how far would you go to be with the one you love? Bringing together some James Cameron favourites we get wonderful cinematography enveloping spraying jugulars and murderous stares. Classic Halloween Scene: The bar scene, where Paxton kicks ass. Funny, scary, bloody, and a delight to behold.

Pumpkinhead: Stan Winston makes a foray into directing after spending years designing the things of nightmares, and what he made is an entertaining, cheesy romp of a B-Movie which is much better than it has any right to be. The effects are very 80s and low budget, but raised by the skilful touch of Winston. There aren’t many decent Scarecrow type horror films- this one is probably the best. Classic Halloween Scene: When we first hear Pumpkinhead’s voice beckoning one of the girls outside.

Pet Semetary: This is the stuff of nightmares. Like Last House On The Left above, this one is not to be taken lightly, althouth the movie treatments so far have not come close to the horror and tragedy of the book. That may be for the best. Depending on how you view it, this is either another cheesy, gore filled romp, or a desperately sad, creepy tale. I see it as a mix of both thanks to some decent special effects and an excellent performance from Miko Hughes. It does threaten to become a by the numbers horror film, but the tru horror lies in the calamity of losing a child and the maddening, unimaginable terror and grief it could bring. Classic Halloween Scene: There are quite a few to choose from, Gage waiting for Jud under the bed ticks all the boxes.

Pet Semetary

Re- Animator: Like Evil Dead this is a classic due to some wonderful humour and some of the best man made bloody effects ever seen. Inspired use of violence and make up films like this never fail to charm or impress and always go down well with a group of boozed up boys. Classic Halloween Scene: When the first corpse comes back and goes on a rampage.

Ring 0: Many people automatically assume that the Ring sequels aren’t good. Wrong they be, goblins be thine. Ring 0 has one of the most spine-chilling endings in recent history with a chase scene which will stretch your nerves beyond previously known realms until the shocking climax breaks your heart. This is a prequel focussing on the life of Sadako- the malevolant spirit crawling about in the first film. Rather than be a cheap expose or rip off, this lovingly delves into the characters and mythology of the series and turns a dimensional character into a fully formed person who we get deeply attached to. In places this evokes memories if Carrie, but if anything this is the classier tale- terrifying, yet ultimately tragic. Yukie Nakama gives an outstanding performance. Classic Halloween Scene: When Sadako feels herself slipping away, the screen turns a turgid sepia, and all those who deserve to get what’s coming to them prepare to get what’s coming to them. Watch behind the trees for hidden Sadako fun…

Ring 0

Shaun Of The Dead: If there are any hipsters at your party, or if there aren’t as many of your closest nerds in attendance then something like Shaun Of The Dead is the way to go- funny, throwaway if you want it to be, bloody in places, and entertaining enough for all types of people. This is easy viewing and isn’t likely to offend anyone. Classic Halloween Scene: Peter Serafinowicz in the shower. It could have been worse- it could have been Brian Butterfield.

Session 9: Haunted house, torture, ghosts, slasher, thriller, this one covers a lot of ground and is without doubt one of the sharpest, scariest, and most interesting horror films of the new millenium. The less said about it the better, but if you and your friends don’t mind a bit of subtitling (and why would you?) then add this to your list. Classic Halloween Scene: Going back for some coins.

Suspiria: Finely traversing the line between cheese and classic, Argento’s most famous work is juxtoposition brought to life- poor acting here, superb in other places, cheap gore placed against some of the best and most outrageous death scenes in history, haunting music set against trippy cinematography (and vice versa). Set in a girl’s school (another horror film standard) we have slasher chases, jump scenes, uber-violence, and of course some witchcraft. It is a girl’s school after all. Classic Halloween Scene: Room of wire.

PA2: A few sequels recently have been proving the old ‘sequels are rubbish’ rule wrong. PA2 is both a sequal, a prequel, and a remake and out of any other horror film i find it has most in common with Evil Dead 2. Both films are essentially bigger budget remakes of the original with similar themes, scenes, and styles, but both also act as sequels and standalones. On top of that, PA2 is also a prequel as it largely sets up the events of the first film whilst revelaing it’s details and reasons with deliberate slowness. It’s also one of the best group watching experiences I’ve ever had, with people screaming, laughing, clapping, and crying all around me. Some of the best jump scares of all time, some excruciating tension, and much more likeable characters than those jerks from the first movie. Classic Halloween Scene: Never sit in a kitchen on your own.

The Grudge: Take your pick- The TV version, the japanese movie, the american remake- they’re all good and pretty much identical. There are some narrative differences regarding the time-jumping, and some of the scenes will be modified slightly, but overall this is the same story- a tragic murder leads to a house being stained by a curse. ANyone who comes into contact with that house or anyone in it is also tainted and soon picked off by an evil cat/boy/long haired lady in increasingly scary ways. Great performances and terrific use of sound, and a good mix of traditional japanese slow burning fear and hollywood style BOO(!)s. Classic Halloween Scene: You’re not even safe in bed.

Insidious: The boys behind Saw strike gold again with this eerie haunted house horror. The set up and opening 2 thirds of the movie  switch up the tension to excessive levels before it rapidly becomes a confused psychological mess of dream logic and twists. Having said that, the film from start to finish is a highly fun experience and packs in as many jumps scares per minute as any pic you could name. The film revolves around a young family being seemingly stalked by various ghosts and demons before calling in a trio of crazy investigators to try to find the route of the problem and rip out the evil. Classic Halloween Scene: Having been using a baby monitor quite a lot recently, any scene with creepy voices coming through or freaks standing over cribs is sure to send my balls cavorting up into my stomach.

Insidious

As always, feel free to comment on my list: Have I missed any classics? Let me know what you plan on watching this Halloween.

Scream Steet: Fang Of The Vampire

Scream Street

Tommy Donbavand’s Fang Of The Vampire is Part One of his Scream Street series- a horror series which is aimed at children approaching ten years old. In some parts this is gruesome and graphic, but parents need not worry- it is done in a Roald Dahl style which is humourous and harmless. Book One is fast paced througout, introduces our hero in a mysterious fashion, and brings the other characters into play early on. The key is that each character is an archetypal monster- Luke is a Werewolf, his first friend is a vampire, his second a mummy. Along the way, usually as a cliffhanger to each short chapter, we meet witches, zombies etc. It is a nice way to introduce children to classic villians and their traits, but showing them here to be good guys or outcasts. Every child enjoys a few gentle scares and while this may not frighten even the softest kid, it will give them something too chew on before they make their way to fleshier stories.

The story follows Luke- a boy who has recently found out he is a werewolf. Monsters can have no place in civilised human society, and therefore must be taken away. However, as monsters are not monsters, they are given a civilised home of their own- Scream Street- where they all can live in supposed harmony. Built by the founding fathers of monsters- a vampire, a werewolf etc, hundreds of years before, Scream Street is both scary and intriguing for Luke. Luke’s parents though as normal, and as such do not fit in. He wants to find a way to return them to their own world, but this is unheard of. Only a secret book has the power to reveal any such escape plan, but it is held by the hateful and insane boss of Scream Street, Sir Otto. Luke and his gang set out on the quest to find the secrets of Scream Street.

There are a few potential flaws with the book which are entirely subjective- It is quite brief and simple, with not much back story, a very easy plot, few surprises and basic characterisation. Perhaps the book could be aimed at a younger audience- then again such ratings are also subjective and usually meaningless. When i was 7-9 i would have liked something a bit more challenging. I was a strange kid however, and at that age I was reading Homer’s Odyssey. This easily makes good bedtime reading for a child on their own, or from parent too child. Each chapter is carefully laid out, so that one or two before bedtime will keep the child entertained, but thirsty for more the next night. As an introduction the book is fine, and there is plenty of room in the books following to build up back story and character. A good start, and with good intentions- we all need a few vampires, ghosts, and zombies in our lives.