Christmas At Castle Hart

Top of the morning to ya, and other things us Irish folk don’t actually say. Who knows, maybe those weirdos down South of the border do, but up here you’re more likely to get a side-eyed glance followed by a rapid fire WHATABOUTYEBIGLAWDWHATAREYAAFTER? Yes, you are correct; Lacey Chabert has finally brought her Hallmark movies to Ireland!

Lacey and her sister work together as (I want to say…) waitresses, but are fired for making fun of their boss while their boss is standing behind them. Christmas is coming, the girls have nothing better to do, so they decide to fly off to a small village in Ireland to look into their family routes. It’s all very charming and quaint and the locals take the girls Americanisms with good spirits, and before long they’re snooping around the local Castle. Screwball misunderstandings occur, and Lacey and her sister finds themselves pretending to be high class event planners so that they can help the local Earl (Stuart Townsend) run a Christmas party at the Castle. As the girls plan for Christmas, they become more entangled in the myth they’ve created, become closer to the men and women of the town, start developing romantic feelings for some of them, and grown guilty about living this lie.

It’s standard Hallmark fair – festive, light romance, pretty people, a harmless plot and cast, gentle humour, and it is all wrapped up neatly with a bow for a heart-warming ending. The positives are Lacey and the rest of the cast, the novelty of having the film somewhat close to me, and having the film set outside one of the major US cities. It’s something which these kinds of movies have been doing ore of recently – taking familiar stories and giving them a very slight cultural twist by situating them in another Country and showing off some of the scenery. This being Ireland… we don’t get a lot of snow, so it was amusing seeing the fake frosting and snow covering the streets and houses on screen, and most of the Irishisms which are made are done are responded to in a withering fashion by others in the cast. These films never feel super-Christmasy, but they have become a festive tradition in themselves and gives me and the missus a break from the usual Die Hards and Rare Exports.

Let us know in the comments what you think of Christmas At Castle Hart!

Christmas In Rome!

Welcome back to our annual Lacey-thon. As another year winds down to oblivion, I skim my channels and streaming services in search of an unseen, Christmas, Lacey Chabert vehicle. Recently, she seems to have been doing quite a few on location films, set in Italy, or Africa, or Ireland, though you can be fairly certain they’ll still have a Christmas or romantic theme. No prizes for guessing that Christmas In Rome is set in Italy.

Which is why this one feels a little less festive than others. Most of these Christmas movies are clearly filmed in the Summer, with obviously fake snow and cinema magic to trick you. In this one, we don’t even get the fake snow (because it’s Rome) and the overall Christmas vibe isn’t really there. It’s still set in the run up to Christmas, there are presents, there’s a Christmas tree… but really it could be set at any other time of the year.

Lacey stars as a tour guide for a Company in Rome who is fired in December for refusing to follow the plan/going off grid/being incompetent. In the opening scenes we think she’s going to be one of those stock rom-com incompetent yet loveable disasters, but it turns out she’s actually very good at her job and that the Company has been holding her back. She’d love to start her own Company for bespoke, non-Tourist trap movies but doesn’t have any money or experience. Meanwhile, in the US a hot-shot pretty boy who seems too smug and smarmy and possibly Patrick Bateman-esque to love, has been tasked with travelling to Rome to seal a big deal for his firm. It is revealed that he is pretty bumbling and unaware that other cultures exist (which is strange given it is later related that her did some art courses at university, so you’d expect he’d know something), and before long he bumps into Lacey. Antics ensue, he offers her a week job as her personal tour guide so that he can quickly learn enough to charm the pants off Franco Nero and buy his Company. Love blossoms etc.

Beyond the lack of festive spirit and outside of the inconsistent character writing… it’s fine. It’s cool to see the locations, there are some interesting cast surprises, Lacey is her usual self, and you know you’ll get a happy ending. There’s quite a bit of ‘well actually, in Italy people do this’ preaching which is a little silly, but it’s not a film you come to for sparkling dialogue or shocking revelations. It’s a Christmas romance, set in Rome, where it doesn’t feel very Christmasy, where everyone gets to live happily ever after.

Let us know in the comments what you think of Christmas In Rome!

A Wish For Christmas

It’s that time of the year again. What time of the year, you ask? Lacey time! Yes, each Christmas my wife and I sit down with various bottles of booze and watch a succession of Lacey Chabert festive movies between all the traditional TV treats. This year it has been difficult to find time to do this, between work and daughters who want to stay up and play Roblox in the same room, and a son who refuses to sleep. I’m sure a few of you regulars will have noticed my movie review output has been decreased recently – my music content too. In truth, I haven’t felt much desire to write about anything in the last few months, but that happens me every so often. It’s not the end of the blog or anything, just more important stuff has taken precedent, and few of the movies I’ve watched have interested me enough to write a full blown post about them. Before we get to Lacey, here’s a snapshot of what I’ve been watching recently:

Doctor Sleep

Hide And Seek (Korean)

Castlevania Season 3

You Season something or other (wife likes it)

Tiger King Season 2

Thirteen Ghosts

Doctor Strange

Crawl

The Promised Neverland

The Devil Next Door

Get Back

Hopefully I’ll get my mojo back next year, but I don’t have any push to write anything about anything above. On the other hand, I’ll always gladly write about any Lacey Christmas movie because they’re easy to talk about, easy to enjoy, easy to ridicule. And they’re just as much a festive tradition as avoiding your family, getting drunk and falling on your ass, and buying all of your presents in the Pharmacy on Christmas Eve.

Lacey is a single woman with some sort of big city career – she’s a web designer, maybe? What’s important is that she is somewhat timid, a bit of an overly kind pushover who allows herself to be trampled on by friends and co-workers alike. Yet she’s full of ideas and hopes and dreams, without the knack for putting those across to the boys up the ladder. When her latest idea is stolen by her boss, who then gets public credit, attention, and plaudits for it, she throws in the towel and storms out of her office’s Christmas party. Fortuitously, jolly old Saint Santa has been observing all of this and allows her to make a special wish (which will only last a few days). She wishes that she could be brave, confident, and just like that she sasses her way back into the party, confronts her boss about his IP theft, and mic drops her ass outta there. All of this makes an impression on the Company Director and the two embark on a cross country jaunt of self discovery and forgiveness while trying to secure some business deal and maybe, just maybe falling in love.

Like Lacey’s other Christmas movies, this is silly throwaway stuff with an extra side of forced giggles on her character’s part, but it’s also perfectly pleasant and charming. There are even some genuine laughs to be found, as Lacey’s amusing attempts to assert herself are part Planes, Trains, & Automobiles, part Housewives Of Some Shitty City, and part The Standup Comedy Stylings Of Lacey Chabert. The rest of the cast are largely insignificant – there to do a job, do it well, and go off to the next thing, but even with that there are some unusual attempts at creating humour – the dude with the mistletoe – and some interesting veterans and unfamiliar faces, from Mark Brandon to Donna Benedicto.

It’s not going to change your world. It isn’t going to interest your friends. You’re not going to watch it again. But it might help get you in the Christmas spirit and it might warm your cockles if watched with a like mind and a couple of bubbly drinks while the snow threatens to swarm outside the window.

Family For Christmas

Another day, another Lacey Christmas movie. Family For Christmas surprised me. It takes a turn I wasn’t expecting, and it is directed by Samantha Carter herself (Amanda Tapping). It’s still very much in that Hallmark space, but there’s a little touch of extra quality, and enough silly humour I hadn’t planned for that I found myself laughing along.

As is par for the course, Lacey Chabert stars as a successful career woman who faces a challenge at Christmas. When the film opens, she is a young woman just setting off to the big city and leaving her boyfriend behind, promising she’ll think of him every day and that their relationship is built to last. Flashforward ten years and all thoughts of her boyfriend and suburban upbringing are gone. She is now a hard-hitting, award winning reporter, entirely career driven and not particularly keen on Christmas, kids, romance, or family. She’s not a Scrooge or a Grinch – she simply has her own goals and priorities. At her office Christmas party, she is briefly reminded of her old boyfriend and wonders what he’s up to. Enter a strange and mystic-speak Santa who offers some cryptic pleasantries for her to ponder on. The next morning, she wakes up only to find herself in a new bed, in a new house, with a ring on her finger, a husband, two kids, and a list of soccer mom tasks to complete. WTF?

There is an odd tradition of Christmas movies and stories flipping into other dimensions and possible timelines from A Christmas Carol to It’s A Wonderful Life to Groundhog Day. We follow in this vein, as Lacey finds herself trying to figure out why she is now married to her old flame, why her old job has been taken by one of her subordinates, why none of her colleagues recognize her, and how to figure out a housewife’s schedule. There’s a lot of gentle, mocking humour as Lacey struggles to get her bearings, make small talk with neighbours she is supposed to be besties with, and love children she didn’t know existed the day before. This being Hallmark, it’s not done in a cynical matter (you can choose to read between the lines about what the story may or may not be saying about a woman’s place in the world) and you know it’s all going to work out in the end. For Lacey’s character though, just as she is getting comfortable with her new life and understanding what love and family can be like, she is switched back to her original life with her husband and kids and sweet picket fence life potentially wiped from existence. She has a choice to make.

If I have any real issue with the film it’s that it doesn’t really give valid reasons along the way for the choices Lacey’s character makes. There’s no valid reason given for Hannah suddenly forgetting this person she supposedly loves, though I concede this was on purpose. There’s no valid reason given for why she would, after ten years of working, realize after a couple of days that she wants a family – beyond the simple interactions with a loving husband and cute kids. I got the impression that, if something else came along she might just as easily abandon her family and hop on the new bandwagon. That’s nowhere near the intent of the film, but I found some of the inspiration and thought behind character choices unconvincing. These aren’t films to usually discuss script or directing, but it’s easily a step above the normal Hallmark fare in terms of story, and Amanda Tapping does a confident, non-flashy job.

It’s another sweet Hallmark movie, with the caveat being that you may actually remember this one. I expect plenty of people will be put off by the apparent message that a woman’s place is at home – not that I fully buy that this is what the film is saying – but for a simple family oriented Christmas movie you could do much much worse.

Pride, Prejudice, And Mistletoe

One thing my wife and I do every year at Christmas, is watch Lacey Chabert Christmas movies. I was a big Party Of Five fan growing up, and she was too, so we share a kind of Lacey appreciation which comes in handy at this time of the year. See, while I want to watch Die Hard or Rare Exports, she wants to watch some romantic muck I can’t abide. With me being a huge movie nerd and her…. not… we just fell into this tradition as something we can both agree upon to watch. We both know the movies are never going to be good but we can at least hope they are festive and happy and snowy and get us into the Christmas spirit. In 2020, we watched a few of these which we hadn’t seen before, starting with Pride, Prejudice, And Mistletoe.

The thing to be aware of with these movies – they’re all TV movies and are more often than not Hallmark productions. You know exactly what you’re going to get – rich white Americans with great careers, families, and friends suffer some sort of minor mishap at the end of the year, which ends up with them finding romance and living happily ever after. They’re not Cinema, so be prepared for simple plot, simple characters, not the greatest performances, and little interest given to music, direction, cinematography etc. I think Lacey is a fantastic actress who should be appearing in more mainstream and more significant works, but I completely respect the groove she is in – she’s found what she loves doing. That said, I wouldn’t be watching any of these movies if she wasn’t in them.

Lacey stars as Darcy (get it) Fitzwilliam, a rich white American with a great job, who has so far been unlucky in love. She has recently ended a relationship with a seemingly ideal man who works for her father’s Company – even though they fit from the outside, there’s that spark missing for Darcy. She heads home for Christmas to help her family who are running some sort of fundraiser for a local charity by selling fashionable Christmas trees (?), and they’re running the event out of their house (?). The only event I run from my house at Christmas is putting boards over the doors and windows so that no-one wants to visit.

Turns out the bloke who is catering the event is an old school rival of Darcy’s – a man called Luke Bennett (get it). They aren’t happy about having to work together at first, but it turns out they have more in common than they thought, and before long we’re treated to a steamy 14 minute nude scene which heavily features tinsel wrapping around things they weren’t supposed to. Possibly that last piece was in my imagination, but I’m almost positive it happens soon after the credits roll. In any case, you know they’re going to fall in love despite the measly obstacles in their way.

It’s not particularly festive even though it’s set at Christmas, but seeing the big houses and trees and scarves and snow and decorations and lights still puts a morsel of cheer in my heart. It’s not any better or worse than any of these types of movies and you probably won’t remember if you’ve seen it or not by the time Christmas rolls around again. There’s little or nothing to do with Jane Austin, most of the performances you won’t care about, but at least there is time spent on Luke as an individual with aspirations and a history when in most cases the love interest doesn’t get much consideration beyond looking pretty.

Let us know in the comments if you’ve seen this one!

P2

In the grand tradition of unusual Christmas movies (Die Hard, Gremlins, Lethal Weapon), P2 uses the festive season as a loose background setting, but isn’t particularly important to the plot. Once again bringing together the writing, directing, producing trio of Franck Khalfoun, Alexandre Aja, and Gregory Lavasseur, P2 is a sleeper thriller – one which I went in to with low expectations, but came out pleased. It’s a fairly typical cat and mouse thriller, but one with good performances, layered characters, and an interesting setting which enhances the feeling of claustrophobia.

It’s A Wonderful Knife

The film centres on New York businesswoman Angela who is working late on Christmas Eve and gets trapped in the parking garage after everyone else has gone home. Initially she gets help from the security guard Thomas, but when she readies herself to leave, she is drugged, tied away, and it looks like we’re in for another 90 minutes of torture porn. What we get instead is a tale of obsession and survival which, although we have seen plenty of similar tales in the past, succeeds mainly due to the strong performances and strict direction. The film never goes too overboard with deus ex machina stuff, nor is anything too unrealistic – we have a lonely psychopath taking advantage of a woman he underestimates, and a struggle to get out alive. We don’t get an awful lot of background into the characters, but anything more than what we do get may be unnecessary. We have base motives, and the fact that we don’t learn much more doesn’t make matters less tense – the last thing you think about when someone is trying to kill you is ‘why are they trying to kill me’. The setting is interesting as it appears that there must surely be a number of places to hide, or a number of ways to escape, but each of these exit routes is somehow blocked, hidden, or too dangerous to contemplate.

The two leads (Rachel Nichols and Wes Bentley) carry the film well, with only a small number of side-characters popping in for minor scenes. Both run through a range of emotions, and both go through a series of grueling scenes – they are each convincing in their roles and although we can reasonably expect a traditional happy ending in these types of films, it’s never clear who is going to come out on top. There is some violence in the movie, but nowhere near the trio’s other films such as High Tension and The Hills Have Eyes, and everything seems far from far-fetched. It isn’t going to change anyone’s life or appear on many fan favourite lists, but it’s a good film to catch for some late night chills.

Have you seen this little known slasher? Let us know in the comments what you think of this one, and in what sort of unique scenario or place would you like to see a horror movie set?

Home Alone

Home Alone

Easily the best Christmas movie for kids growing up in the eighties and nineties, and deserves to be mentioned along side the classics from previous decades. It is no small feat that this has already become for many, traditional Christmas viewing, given that it is still a fairly recent film, at least in comparison to The Snowman, It’s A Wonderful Life, Santa Claus The Movie etc. For kids, the movie has everything- action, excitement, humour, and for everyone else the story and acting are engaging.

The idea of being left Home Alone for a while, especially after your relatives have been so annoying, will appeal to kids as they will have peace to do anything they want and let their imaginations fly. Cue lots of ice cream and sled rides down stairs. The film shows depth by letting us see the initial down side to being alone- the house can be scary even for the most resourcful and confident child when it gets dark, and you know your parents are not there to help. The plot sees the massive Mcallister family planning to go on holiday for Christmas. After an unfortunate pizza incident at the dinner table, young Kevin is sent to bed and locked in. The next morning there is a rush, and the family leave for the airport without Kevin, only realising what has happened when they are on the plane. They try to find a way home, but this is not easy as it’s Chritmas, meeting snotty clerks and unhelpful fools before John Candy steps in. Meanwhile, two crooks plan to rob the Mcallister house, knowing it’s empty, but soon realise that Kevin is inside. Kevin sees that it is up to him to protect his house, and begins setting up traps for the intruders. What follows is great entertainment.

Yes it may at times be soppy, but it is a family Christmas film and much of the scmaltz is covered by some great invention and quite painful slapstick. It is much smarter than you may think, probably accounting for much of its great success, and the acting, particularly from Culkin and Pesci is impressive. O’Hara is also good while the rest of the cast, in small roles do well. The set pieces are ingenious, ensuring that every 10 year old boy will come up with their own ways to stop bad guys.

The special features are non-existent, which is poor for such a successful film. A commentary would have been good, and a making of or documentary showing where some of the ideas came from could have been interesting and full of nostalgic goodness. It may be better to buy a set with the sequel for better value.

Feel free to leave your comments on the movie-where should this appear on the list of best Christmas movies?