Chauvinism ahoy! Following on from my ridiculously unpopular Bond Songs ranking posts I thought I would move on to even more misguided waters by listing all of the women who appear in Bond movies. As before, this is a personal list so nostalgia and personal preference will hold more weight that cultural importance or lack thereof, with a sprinkling of character, writing, and acting ability aiding in the ranking. Before I get started with the list, for all your purists out there THIS IS MY LIST. I am including Never Say Never Again (even though it’s tripe), I am including typical Bond girls and female Bond baddies, and I’m trying to include even the most minor character – it just needs to be someone who has had some sort of fling or naughty, nudey escapade with Double Oh Shlong – because of this I may miss a few characters – don’t hate me. Or do, I don’t care. I am not including Moneypenny as she is a regular, recurring character and I’m not including Judi Dench’s M because I’m not a GILF hunter.
At time of writing I have identified a frightening, wrist-wrenching 90 ladies. My wife tells me I have peculiar tastes when it comes to women, so be prepared for some unusual choices in my top 20. I’ll split up my posts into minors, middling, and major characters, and I’ll even share with you a lovely picture of each woman along with my alarmingly non-pervy thoughts. Won’t that be lovely? And because no blog post is complete without a list – here is the list of Bond Girls by movie which I will be including! Feel free to let me know your favourites now, or alternatively wait until I have completed my wanking. RANKING! Ahem, ranking. Ahem.
Dr No: Honey Ryder, Sylvia Trench, Miss Taro
From Russia With Love: Sylvia Trench (again), Tatiana Romanova, Zora, Vida
Goldfinger: Dink, Jill Masterson, Tilly Masterson, Bonita, Pussy Galore.
Thunderball: Fiona Volpe, Paula Caplan, Mademoiselle La Porte, Patricia Fearing, Domino Derval
You Only Live Twice: Aki, Ling, Helga Brandt, Kissy Suzuki
On Her Majesty’s Secret Service: Teresa Di Vicenzo, Ruby Bartlett, Nancy,
Diamonds Are Forever: Tiffany Case, Plenty O’Toole, Bambi, Thumper, Marie
Live And Let Die: Solitaire, Rosie Carver, Miss Caruso
The Man With The Golden Gun: Andrea Anders, Mary Goodnight, Saida, Chew Mee
The Spy Who Loved Me: Anya Amasova, Naomi, Felicca, Martine Blanchaud.
Moonraker: Manuela, Corinne Dufour, Holly Goodhead, Apollo Jet Hostess
For Your Eyes Only: Melina Havelock, Bibi Dahl, Countess Lisl
Octopussy: Octopussy, Magda, Bianca,
A View To A Kill: Kimberly Jones, Mayday, Stacey Sutton, Jenny Flex, Pan Ho, Pola Ivanova
The Living Daylights: Kara Milovy, Linda, Rubavich, Rosika Miklos,
License To Kill: Lupe Lamora, Pam Bouvier,
Goldeneye: Xenia Onatopp, Natalya Simonova, Caroline
Tomorrow Never Dies: Inga Bergstrom, Wai Lin, Paris Carver,
The World Is Not Enough: Cigar Girl, Christmas Jones, Electra King, Molly Warmflash,
Die Another Day: Peaceful, Miranda Frost, Jinx. Verity.
Casino Royale: Solange, Vesper Lynd
Never Say Never Again: Domino Petachi, Fatima Blush
Quantum Of Solace: Agent Fields, Camille, Gemma
Skyfall: Bond’s Lover, Severine
Spectre: Lucia Sciarra, Madeleine Swan, Estrella