Nightman’s Least Favourite Movies Of 1995!

12 Monkeys

We’re coming in hot today, with the beloved by most 12 Monkeys, Terry Gilliam’s crazed tale of time travelling, airports, disease, and Brad Pitt’s hilarious attempts at acting. I have an amount of admiration for 12 Monkeys but a deeper look unravels what a shambles the plot is, and the twists are of the usual sort you find in time-travel movies. I came to the film late, spurred on by heaps of praise by people whose opinions usually mesh with my own. It’s good, but it’s not movie of the year good. If there’s any lesson here, it’s probably that your friends are dicks and you can’t trust their recommendations. BECAUSE THEY’RE A FUTURE VERSION OF YOU. But yeah, one of Brad Pitt’s early attempts at ‘big, real, acting’ following the much more interesting Kalifornia and Interview With The Vampire, are hilarious and I will never understand how he was nominated for any Award, never mind an Oscar.

When Nature Calls

I love the first Ace Ventura. I don’t love the second. Less interesting story, a re-tread of jokes and one-liners which were already over-stated by the time the second film was announced, but beyond that it’s simply more of the same. Normally I would say ‘bring it on’, but I would have much preferred more of the same of The Mask or Dumb And Dumber, or more of the same of Ace Ventura, but with some effort.

Assassins

I’m still not sure how you bring together 1995 Antonio Banderas, Sly Stallone, and give a Wachowski’s story about guns and killings and hitmen to Richard Donner, and make it a dull slog. It’s such a nothing story – the Wachowskis had clearly been watching a lot of John Woo movies and thought they could make their own take on homoerotic machismo (plus guns), but forgot to make it interesting, then everyone else involved didn’t bother giving it any style or attempt to flesh out the characters or assign any sense to whatever the hell was going on.

Get Shorty

Another one of the post Pulp Fiction movies which every studio was pumping out between 1995 and 2000, but this one comes with some genuine cred, based on a story by Elmore Leonard. Cool cast too. I don’t know why ‘cool’ is equated to jazz in movies, when any music fan knows that jazz actually equates to ‘shit’, so we’re subjected to a shitty score, people in sunglasses, dialogue which feels as if the characters are ripping pages from a bad book of poetry and passing them to one another instead of speaking. It’s a hideous bore too, though every time I’ve seen it has been late at night when I’ve already been tired.

Haunted

Haunted may be the most boring, sleep inducing movie of all time. There was a lot of it this year – it’s as if they knew Desperado and Goldeneye were coming out this year and thought ‘why bother’.

Moonlight And Valentino

I get there’s a market for this sort of thing – lonely, middle aged housewives for example – and because I’m not one of those, Moonlight And Valentino was never going to do anything for me. It’s not even good enough for any awkward ‘look, it’s John Bon Jovi’ laughs. As with any other year, there were a number of equally unacceptable shitty rom coms/dramas/costume nonsese that I could have added in this spot – The Englishman Who Climbed A Hill, The Scarlet Letter, Sabrina, Miami Rhapsody etc, but this one commits the cardinal crime of being such an up itself story of unrealistic soap opera relationships that you can neither take it seriously, not laugh at it. Plus it has Gwyneth Paltrow.

Nine Months

I’m surprised this didn’t have Gwyneth Paltrow, but it does have Hugh Grant which is essentially the same thing. It’s a remake of a French film where the comedy simply doesn’t translate. The story is basically about your typical bloke, drifting along, happy with his life, career, relationship who knocks up his girlfriend and begins freaking out. The Simpsons did it better in a single episode. Not only does the humour not translate, there is no attempt to attune the humour in any way, Hugh Grant will never be funny (unless he’s attacking snake people), and like every movie of its ilk you know precisely how it’s going to end from the moment the opening credits run. It’s a shame, as this year had a few decent movies in this genre – While You Were Sleeping, Waiting To Exile….. and Showgirls.

Rob Roy

What a load. Of. SHITE.

To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar!

Another film where we have to whip out the checklist of things I don’t like; ridiculous name. Quirky camp comedy. Drag. Stockard Channing. Being tame. The only thing going for it are a few interesting cast choices and the fact that it’s a road movie, but those aren’t enough to save it.

Village Of The Damned

Carpenter was on the verge of checking out by this point. I feel like if he had achieved a hit with this, regardless of quality, he would have been more prolific throughout the rest of the decade and into the 2000s. To be fair, it had a lot of positives going in – unusual cast, the genre is precisely in Carpenter’s wheelhouse, and Carpenter has a track record of making good remakes. I would have loved Carpenter to have tackled a Bodysnatchers story, but Abel Ferrera got there first. Instead, he updates the 1960 British classic of the same name. Sadly it’s clear that Carpenter doesn’t give a shit – there’s none of his usual style or flair, the characters don’t feel like real people or even caricatures, and it’s dull. Even the Soundtrack doesn’t help. It does provide some darker twists which set it apart from the original, but it’s a disappoint on all fronts. It was a failure at the Box Office too, and so Carpenter stopped caring about movies.

Let us know in the comments what your least favourite movies of 1995 are!

Nightman’s Updated Favourite Films Of 1995!

Lordy lordy, this is going to be a long one (that’s what she said etc). 1995 is just one of those years, both formative and just simply a bad-ass year for movies. As usual, my list is eclectic with both critical darlings, commercial hits, and lesser known or foreign curios. Enjoy!

20: Braveheart (US) Mel Gibson

This was the biggie of 1995, and a bit of a surprise, lifting Mel Gibson into the pantheon of Great Directors and showcasing his skills as a leading man. It’s not my favourite Gibson movie but it’s a sublime achievement with great, epic action scenes and famous speeches.

19: Casino (US) Martin Scorsese

Casino always felt like a lesser Scorsese movie to me, the less popular younger brother to Goodfellas. As unfair as that is, I feel like it’s true. But it’s still Scorsese, and he’s still on fire, so there are very few other directors who can touch him when he’s delivering.

18: Casper (US) Brad Silberling

Casper is better than Casino! Well no, but I enjoy it more. It’s a great lead in to Horror for kids, it feels like a mini Tim Burton movie – with a little more darkness and satire this could have been a bona fide classic. It’s Christina Ricci, so I’m in regardless, but you also get Bill Pullman and Eric Idle for some reason.

17: Jumanji (US) Joe Johnston

Jumanji is that bona fide classic family movie blockbuster – the effects for the time were great, the idea was fun, and Robin Williams and Kirsten Dunst are on top form. I’m not a Joe Johnston fan – three of his movies appear on my Least Favourites lists – but this is his finest moment, mixing the story, characters, and effects seamlessly. In truth, I was always a bigger fan of the Animated TV show, but the movie is a lot of fun.

16: Dangerous Minds (US) John N Smith

It’s a stereotype now – the teacher coming in to some tough inner-city school, and turning them around thanks to a passion for (literature/art/music/dance/anything) some subject. Variants of this had been going on for decades, but this really perfected the thing. It didn’t hurt that Gangsta’s Paradise was released alongside the movie and became a worldwide smash. Great cast, great energy, and while these types of movie feel a little White Saviour-ish, I can’t help but enjoy these types of film.

15: Strange Days (US) Kathryn Bigelow

Before Bigelow became a genuine A-Lister with The Hurt Locker, she was making much more interesting high (or low) concept movies like this. This was quite revelatory in 1995 and quite a lot of the ideas and technology displayed are in regular use today. Like Near Dark, this is a gorgeous night time shot movie, albeit this one is much more focused on the indoors rather than the outdoors. Out of all of the movies on my list, this is maybe the least seen (it was a massive bomb); it stars Ralph Fiennes as a former cop/now criminal in a futuristic end of the century LA who buys and sells people’s memories (there’s a device which can record these) and who gets pulled into a wider story of love, crime, and murder. Throw in an archetypal Juliette Lewis performance, Angela Bassett, Tom Sizemore, and the always great Michael Wincott, a great mid-nineties indie/rock/techno, and at the very least you have an interesting (if cold) movie well deserving of re-evaluation.

14: In The Mouth Of Madness (US) John Carpenter

One of the last John Carpenter movies I ever got to because it’s so damn hard to find a physical copy of, In The Mouth Of Madness is one of the last great Carpenter movies. I don’t love it as much as some, but that may just be because I’m not as familiar with it. It’s unusual for Carpenter in that it’s not so straightforward – it’s a natural thematic successor to Prince Of Darkness and features a deliciously madcap Sam Neill performance as an Insurance Investigator sucked into, well, the mouth of madness. Charlton Heston pops up too. It’s very strange – there are good effects, good ideas, and Carpenter is as assured as ever, but it doesn’t always flow in a pleasing way (which may be deliberate) and the script feels lacking. But it’s still Carpenter doing Horror, and that will always be a good thing.

13: The Last Supper (US) Stacy Title

Most people have likely not seen or heard of this one, given that it is an India release with a religious sounding name. Plus, it’s a bit of a single location, very talky movie. It’s also smart, funny, and has a cool cast and even better cameos. It follows a dinner party with a group of liberal arts students whose night of privilege and culture is interrupted by the arrival of a Right Wing Desert Storm Vet with plenty of strong opinions. It amusingly breaks down barriers of class and stereotype and gets quite dark, while never losing its comedy core. Annabeth Gish and Cameron Diaz are the big names of the main players, but it’s Bill Paxton and Ron Perlman who steal the show.

12: Kids (US) Larry Clark

I don’t know many people who enjoy Kids or any of Larry Clark’s movies. I don’t know what it is – the faux realism, the dialogue, the Mean Streets style shooting, but there’s something so watchable about them to me. I appreciate that most people are going to be offended by them, and that many are going to find Kids problematic – as they should. It’s not an easy movie, dealing with a bunch of, well, scumbags, underage sex, drugs, abuse, AIDS, and other antics we don’t associate with people under 16. When’s it coming to Disney+?

11: Pocahontas (US) Disney

Pocahontas for me was a slight turning point for Disney, towards a downward turn. We’d had the second Golden Age with three legit bangers in a row. Pocahontas is not up to the same level as The Lion King, Aladdin, and Beauty And The Beast, but is at least the equal to The Little Mermaid. While it was a smash, that little dip in quality continued through the rest of the decade (outside of Pixar) and not really picking up again until Princess And The Frog and Tangled. Still, Pocahontas is light years ahead of most other animated movies and always charming even if it’s not one I revisit often.

10: Mortal Kombat (US) Paul W S Anderson

Do do- do do-do do-do do do do – MORTAL KOMBAT! I was obsessed with the games at the time, so an actual big budget martial arts movie on the big screen with people shooting fireballs and spears towards four armed monsters…what more could a twelve year old boy want? Plus, I was already the biggest Bruce Lee fan in the world. It’s not the best movie in the world, or of the year, but it’s such a lot of fun and remains one of the best videogame adaptations.

9: Now And Then (US) Lesli Linka Glatter

I never understood why this one isn’t as heralded as Stand By Me and other coming of age movies. This is a near perfect movie, with a terrific cast (the kids moreso than the adults), a great soundtrack, and a funny script. It’s gentle, heartwarming, and remains a neat little secret to whip out of the back-pocket every so often and show to someone who’s never heard of it. The film follows four long-term friends who meet up to support one of the group who is about to have her first baby. The group reminisce about their childhood in 1970, with the film flipping back between both eras as they talk about life from the perspective of coming in to adolescence and approaching middle age/middle adulthood. It’s great, it’s lovely, and it stars Demi Moore, Melanie Griffith, Rosie O’Donnell, Rita Wilson, Gaby Hoffman, Thora Birch, Christina Ricci, the late Ashleigh Aston Moore, Cloris Leachman, Bonnie Hunt, Brendan Fraser, Janeane Garofalo, Devon Sawa, and Rumer Willis.

8: The Doom Generation (US/France) Gregg Araki

Now that I think about it, there’s quite a few movies on my list that many people won’t have seen or heard of. This is another example. Gregg Araki is a bit of a powerhouse in the Indie world, with The Doom Generation probably being my favourite movie of his. It’s one of those movies which gets thrown in with the post-Tarantino world thanks to a post-modern approach, lots of style, lots of violence, cool dialogue, foul language, gore, and bizarre bits and bops. Oh, and lots of sex. It follows two teenagers (Rose McGowan and James Duval) who are driving through the night and decide to pick up a drifter. There’s an accidental murder which leads to increasingly bizarre and violent encounters as the film turns into a road-movie-fever-dream-with-boobs. McGowan gives her best performance, Duval and Schaech are excellent, and there are plenty of weird cameos as every person in the film claims that McGowan’s character is some ex-girlfriend/wife/friend and it all ends in a massacre.

7: La Haine (France) Mathieu Kassovitz

Speaking of massacres, La Haine is a film constantly at boiling point, just waiting for something unspeakable and ferocious to happen. Another underseen classic, this is perhaps the one most deserving of an audience given its relevance, potency, and power, and simply because it is undeniably brilliant. A French film starring Vincent Cassel, Said Taghmaoui, and Hubert Kounde as three friends in an inner city crime-filled Parisian district who find a Police Officer’s gun in the aftermath of a riot in which a fourth friend was seriously injured. The three friends debate what they should do with the gun – one vows to kill a cop if the fourth friend dies, one disagrees, and one is a mediator. The three travel around the city talking, plotting, dealing with gangs and cops and the city is presented as a melting pot of violence ready to erupt at any moment. It’s super tense, shot in beautiful black and white, and features great performances across the board.

6: Die Hard With A Vengeance (US) John McTiernan

I’m getting to the point where these are the movies which probably made my favourites of the decade post. As I can’t recall which ones made it, I’m going to be brief on each of these – you should know them all anyway. This is the third Die Hard, the second best in the the series and almost on par with the original. It’s great, though the final act doesn’t live up to the rest.

5: Heat (US) Michael Mann

It’s Heat… it’s one of the best casts of all time, and with some terrific set pieces.

4: Mallrats (US) Kevin Smith

My favourite Kevin Smith movie, and a great, aimless hangout movie.

3: Desperado (US) Robert Rodriguez

Robert Rodriguez’s best movie. It’s perfect.

2: Goldeneye (UK) Martin Campbell

One of my favourite Bond movies, one of the best Bond movies.

1: Things To In Denver When You’re Dead (US) Gary Fleder

Another underseen classic, another fantastic cast, one of the finest movies of the decade.

Let us know your favourites in the comments!

Chart Music Through The Years – 1995!

Greetings Glancers. So, 1995. In many ways it doesn’t sound or seem too far away when I say it out loud. I remember it like yesterday. Though when I take a closer look at those memories I remember that I was in fact a twelve year old kid trying to navigate a post Nirvana world. It’s over twenty five years ago, and that is truly depressing. With my rose tinted thingies on, I bet the world was a much better place then: The Great Hanshin Earthquake killed over 6000 people, the Sarin Gas Attacks occurred in Tokyo, Russian soldiers massacred civilians in Chechnya, some knob killed a bunch of people in the Oklahoma City bombing, 8000 Bosnians were killed in the Srebrenica Massacre, OJ Simpson got away with it, and… yeah things were pretty bad then too.

On the upside, the Internet was kicking into gear, Windows 95 became a thing, Toy Story came out, the first E3 was held, Chrono Trigger was released, the first Worms game dropped, Die Hard With A Vengeance was the biggest film of the year, while Braveheart won some Oscars. All good things I think you’ll agree. In the world of Music, Mr Richey Edwards left his Cavalier near the Severn Bridge and was never seen again, Radiohead released The Bends, Michael Jackson gave us his last great album with History, Robbie Williams quit Take That, and Britpop began to peak with the appearance of What’s The Story Morning Glory and The Great Escape. I’m hoping therefore that the charts actually contained one or two songs worth listening to. Then again, the Great British Public have always been idiots.

1: Coolio: Gangsta’s Paradise: Having looked down this list, I know all of them and most of them still seem to me to be ‘modern’. I know they’re not, but I guess it’s part of having lived through them. I mean, twenty four years before 1995 was 1971, and to me in 1995 anything from 1971 seemed ancient. Gangta’s Paradise is a song everyone still knows today – it was huge, and you  hear it nowadays, mostly in movies used to some sort of ironic effect. You know it – ‘As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death’ etc. It’s one of the best one-off rap hits of the decade. Check out Dangerous Minds too, the movie it was written for – that’s one of my favourites of the year too.

2: Meat Loaf: I’d Lie For You: The 90s return of Meat Loaf must rank among one of the strangest occurrences in music. As much as I like some of his stuff, him making it big (smash hit big) in the first instance is unusual, then to disappear for a decade, and then to return with another smash hit – weird. This isn’t as grandiose or successful as I Would Do Anything For Love but you’d probably remember it too.

3: Simply Red: Fairground: One of the songs I despised most during the 90s. I never thought Simply Red was anything more than something you would wipe off your shoe before setting fire to the wipe and the shoe, leaving the town where you made the flaming sacrifice, and then nuking the town. This is the worst thing they ever did and it was played constantly in 95 and 96. Thankfully, it’s gone now.

4: Def Leppard: When Love And Hate Collide: A rare case of one of the 80s pseudo-metal/rock bands having one last shot in the decade when the torch of truth was shone upon their irrelevance. You know what? I always liked this song. It doesn’t sound like Def Leppard. I know it’s a pissy little ballad that I should be making fun of, but you should know by now that I’ve always enjoyed power ballads, pissy or otherwise. It was the last thing of worth they ever did.

5: Roy Chubby Brown: Who The Fuck Is Alice: Smokie made this song in the mid-Seventies. British Stand Up Comedian and The League Of Gentlemen inspiration Roy Chubby Brown collaborated with them this year to release a more risque version, and the rest is history. You can’t hear the song now without singing ‘Alice? Alice! Who the fuck is Alice’. It’s like, the law.

6: Eternal: Power Of A Woman: Hearing this now, it sounds like a relic from the 80s. It just barely upgrades the dated 80s sound to the dated 90s sound. It’s not good, not on par with Eternal’s better known stuff. Not saying much as they were always an average group. There’s something wholesome and innocent about it compare with today’s attempts at pop stars defining their sexuality.

7: Shaggy: Boombastic: Ugh, this piece of shit. If Meat Loaf being successful, twice, was strange, Shaggy being anything more than a drunk beggar is a miracle. No, miracle is a positive word – what’s the negative version? Curse? That doesn’t seem right. Either way, nothing Shaggy has ever recorded has been less than repellent to me, like being chased down the road by someone with a sack full of aborted cows. Seriously, think of all the truly amazing artists out there who never got a chance. This wank is what we get instead. Go gargle some cyanide.

8: Everything But The Girl: Missing: I’ve had an up and down relationship with this one. On one hand, its watered down dance music with weak sounding production, released at a time when I stoutly refused to listen to anything dance related. On the other hand, in terms of mid-90s dance it’s one of the best. It doesn’t go all in on some throbbing bass beat, and while it still hits every single cliche in the dance rule book, it doesn’t make those as obvious as most. I think what I disliked most was the singer’s vapid, bovine stare.

9: Michael Jackson: You Are Not Alone: Likewise, I’ve been up and down on this. Sometimes the fragility of the vocals and melody seems honest and powerful, while at others I watch the video and am at once embarrassed and thinking ‘MJ WTF’. In terms of the many lyrics he’s written about the intrusion of media in his life and the difficulty of fame, it’s one of his most simple, clean, and understandable. Then, it’s not really about that – it’s just a simple love song about not being alone even though you may be far from the ones you love. The backing drum stuff is too weak. In the end though, no-one else sounds like MJ and you just don’t get this sort of dedication to melody in pop music anymore, which is the number one thing pop music should be about. That final ‘heart’ note tho.

10: Josh Wink: Higher State Of Consciousness: This is the only one of the list where I was wondering ‘is this that one with the thing, or am I thinking about something else’. It’s actually not the one I was thinking of – it’s worse. But I do remember this, vaguely. As with most dance tracks of the day, there are about 14 million versions of this – I’ve no idea which one is the original, but it makes no odds as each is as abhorrent and useless as the one before. It’s the sort of thing which takes zero talent to create and represents that peak turning point in the music business when anyone with access to knife, spoon, and microphone could create a hit record. All you have to to is whack the knife and spoon together a few times, edit it all together, feed it to pill heads and silly young white kids, and you can live off the proceeds for the next decade before you get a job as an Uber.

In summary, the above features a couple of passable ones, a couple of better ones, and the usual eclectic mix of abominations and mistakes. How about I have a go and let the universe see that our species was in fact capable of making worthwhile music in 1995? The below songs are a much better example of the sort of talent we should be celebrating and a stronger representation of the year:

1. Deep Blue Something: Breakfast At Tiffany’s
2. Buddy Holly: Weezer
3. Cotton Eyed Joe: Rednex
4. Country House: Blur
5. You Oughta Know: Alanis Morissette
6. It’s Oh So Quiet: Bjork
7. I’ll Be There For You: The Rembrandts
8. You’ll See: Madonna
9. High And Dry: Radiohead
10. Roll To Me: Del Amitri

See, I didn’t go with the sort of picks I usually do! There was a lot of great stuff this year, so much that I didn’t need to include Alice In Chains, Michael Jackson, Manics, Oasis, Opeth, Foo Fighters, RHCP or any of the other big acts who released classics this year. Let us know in the comments what songs of 1995 made and continue to make your ears whir!

Nightman’s Top Twenty Films Of 1995

Greetings, Glancers! We continue my new series of posts which will detail my favourite films of every year since 1950. Why 1950? Why 10? Why anything? Check out my original post here. As with most of these lists the numbering doesn’t really matter much, though in most cases the Number 1 will be my clear favourite. As I know there are plenty of Stats Nerds out there, I’ll add in some bonus crap at the bottom but the main purpose of these posts is to keep things short. So!

While 1994 had more absolute top favourites than any other year, 1995 actually had even more films I enjoyed – but not loved to the same extent. You know what that means – it’s another Top Twenty! First, here’s a few that missed out: The Addiction, The Basketball Diaries, Billy Madison, Dolores Claiborne, Leaving Las Vegas, Money Train

20: Braveheart (US) Mel Gibson

19: Casino (US) Martin Scorsese

18: Casper (US) Brad Silberling

17: Jumanji (US) Joe Johnston

16: Dangerous Minds (US) John N Smith

15: Strange Days (US) Kathryn Bigelow

14: In The Mouth Of Madness (US) John Carpenter

13: The Last Supper (US) Stacy Title

12: Kids (US) Larry Clark

11: Pocahontas (US) Disney

10: Mortal Kombat (US) Paul W S Anderson

9: Now And Then (US) Lesli Linka Glatter

8: The Doom Generation (US/France) Gregg Araki

7: La Haine (France) Mathieu Kassovitz

6: Die Hard With A Vengeance (US) John McTiernan

5: Heat (US) Michael Mann

4: Mallrats (US) Kevin Smith

3: Desperado (US) Robert Rodriguez

2: Goldeneye (UK) Martin Campbell

1: Things To In Denver When You’re Dead (US) Gary Fleder

How Many Of My Films Were In The Top 10 Grossing Of The Year: Five

How Many Of My Films Were Nominated For the Best Picture Oscar: One (The Winner)