Greeting, Glancers! 1991 is great. Terminator 2? Beauty And The Beast? Those two alone made an indelible impact on my life. As with any other year, there’s a bunch of stinkers stanking up the place. Here are some of those.
The Addams Family
I’ve always sorely wanted to enjoy this film. It looks great, if a little cheap, features some of my favourite performers, and from a story and character perspective it’s right up my street. But… it’s a bit shit, right? It also features some of my least favourite performances, the story is not what I would place these characters in, and most of the humour falls flat. It’s also incredibly dull. I’ve seen this as a child, a teenager, and now I’ve watched it with my kids but it’s the same result every time – I just stare through the screen and try to put my finger on why it’s so naff.
I’ve never really grown out of my dislike for Irish movies and my dislike for movies which revolve around crap music. I mean, it could have been worse; it could have been about Irish music which… well I never would have watched it then. Not my thing.
Lets me honest – Michael J Fox should have been huge. He went on and became a TV star, but outside of Back To The Future he didn’t make anything I’d want to see more than once. Yes, I’m including The Frighteners in there. Doc Hollywood is a 1984 movie which somehow ended up in 1991. It didn’t work then, it doesn’t work now, and my only thought while watching it is ‘why didn’t they just keep making Back To The Future movies’.
Father Of The Bride
There has to be at least one Diane Keaton movie on my list every year. It’s a romantic comedy. It’s neither romantic nor funny. It has Steve Martin as a dad who grimaces at things deemed unsavoury. It somehow made more money than double the combined box office of The Thing, Escape From New York, and Big Trouble In Little China. It’s…..no.
For The Boys
I have to have a musical in there too. Musical biopics – we had The Doors this year – but almost without exception I don’t enjoy these movies, whether they are based on a fictional nobody, or an actual real life nobody. Bette Middler is loud… that’s about it.
It was between this and Fried Green Tomatoes. You already probably assume (correctly) that I don’t like FGT, so I’ll go with the more interesting choice. I don’t hate Freddy’s Dead. I have a soft spot for it given it was the first Elm Street movie I ever saw in full. It’s the weakest in the series (at least on par with part 2), and is basically a Loony Toons cartoon with a 3D sequence. Interesting cast and some cool ideas, and I enjoy it more than anything else on this list, but the series was a literal joke by this point.
You know how Bruce Willis only makes straight to streaming crap now? Those films which probably have names like Deadly Vengeance, or Gunshot, or I Am Bruce Willis Give me Money While I Show Up For A Single Day’s Filming And Stand On An Empty Set To Read Lines Into The Camera (Part 2). Hudson Hawk is the equivalent of those movies, except it was released at the height of his powers and I think he’s actually trying. Good cast, it’s him leaning more into comedy than his more straight action roles – he did come from a comedy background after all, but seriously, what the hell is this?
What I usually refer to as a Sunday movie. For context, I hated Sundays when I was young and any TV shows and movies they typically showed on TV on Sundays. Ironic, because when I was old enough to go to the Cinema by myself I would choose to go on Sunday as there was nowt else to do and I was usually the only person there – perfect! But The Rocketeer is one of those movies – always seemed to be on when I was already in a mood, and all it did was further dampen my mood. It wasn’t want I wanted from a superhero movie – it’s too light and fluffy, there’s a crap villain, the hero doesn’t have any particular skills, and it’s set in 1930s USA – a time period which always seems to get on my tits. Plus it’s made by perennial Least Favourite Movies Appearance Maker Joe Johnston, whose excellent Jumanji seems like an incredible fluke.
Let us know your least favourite movies of 1991 in the comments!