Chart Music Through The Years: 2007

Yes! Back thanks to an almost universal lack of demand, I stretch back the scalp of time and feast upon the mushy innards of the past – in this instance I return to the UK music charts. If you’re interested, you can read my original post here – https://carlosnightman.wordpress.com/2015/10/22/the-uk-top-40/

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2007… 2007… did anything interesting happen in 2007? That seems unlikely. I was a few years out of University, and one year from being married. I had started a new job and therefore was no longer exposed to chart radio on a daily basis. In my previous job we had a radio in our office which bounced between Chart Music stations and Talksport. There was an awful lot of crap emanating from the airwaves in those days, yet somehow, inexplicably Take That had suddenly worked out how to write a good song. 2007 also saw the release of the iPhone, racist scumbags and all round hateful twats showed the world their true colours on Big Brother, yet another crazy went on a shooting spree in a US University,  the Writers Strike began, and Benazir Bhutto was assassinated.

In the music world, Live Earth told us something or other about Climate Change, The Spice Girls Reunited only to collapse shortly after, Radiohead let consumers ‘buy’ new album In Rainbows for as much as they wanted, Anette Olzon joined Nightwish, and surviving members of Led Zeppelin returned for one last concert. In all respects 2007 appears to be a non-eventful and bland year in music, with manufactured crap continuing to take over, with Nu-metal taking its final gasps, and with the failed British guitar group resurgence slipping away.  Out of the 10 songs below, I only recognize one, and its one of the most irritating, grating songs I’ve ever had the misfortune of hearing (Valerie), although I probably have heard some of the others given that I know the artist. I think I know that Kanye one. <Audible Sigh> Lets be having ya.

1: Sugababes: About You Now.

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Rough

Sugababes, the only band with more members than songs. High paced flappy drum noises. I don’t recognise this one. Ah right, now I know it. I don’t think I’ve heard the whole song, but parts of it must have been used for a TV ad or some show. The chorus is fine and taking snippets of it makes it sound worse than it actually is. There’s some sort of phasing, noisy, messy breakdown in the middle. It’s throwaway pop that seems to be about regretting having sex with someone else.

2: Ida Corr Vs Fedde La Grande: Let Me Think About It. 

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Let me drink (and forget about it)

As soon as you have a Vs in the Artist name or song title, the song automatically becomes tripe. Lets have a listen though. Some drum noise. Some humming and thumps. Whispery vocals and failed melodies. Trumpetty bits. Touch me feel me. Less than 1 minute in and it’s already boring and has played all its cards. Chav music. It’s about sex.

3: Shayne Ward: No You Hang Up/If That’s Ok With You. 

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I told you, the restraining order includes phone calls

If you think I’m listening to two Shane Ward songs then you vastly over estimate my enthusiasm for masochism. I’ll go with the Hang Up one. Oh right sorry, Shayne. Weak, limp, white boy R’n’B. Bland, pleasing for mummies. He certainly has a pleasant voice. Just like 100 million other people. Dreadful beat sounds. It’s actually funny listening to this now because it doesn’t sound dated, yes yes I know it’s only been 9 years but the sounds here sound so generic of their time that you’d expect them to age badly. I think it’s because the music is so bland and uneventful and takes absolutely zero risks or has anything remotely interesting to say, coupled with the fact that chart music hasn’t really changed in the years since. Chart music needs an exterior revolution to change its style, and there has been no such revolution. Oh yeah, this song is about sex.

4: 50 Cent: Ayo Technology. 

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He’s grumpy, must need a nap

Laughable speaking. Atrocious inside 2.5 seconds. Funny blippy computer noises. Sex words. Plain chorus. Masturbation. Bland rapping. No ideas. Nothing memorable or interesting. Oh, it’s over. It’s about sex.

5: Plain White Tees: Hey There Delilah.

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Hey there! Bye there!

Strumming. Nice enough melodies, like a slowed down Green Day song. Doesn’t really go anywhere. Plain. Okay lyrics. Too repetitive and no backing. A story told a million times a year. Universal. Simple, better than the other crap though. Overlong.

6: Sean Kingston: Beautiful Girls. 

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Not a hope, mate

Yes, I thought I would know this one. Shockingly bad. Terrible vocals. Terrible lyrics. Music terrible. Almost unlistenable. In fact I’m only listening to see if it gets worse. So far it is. I suppose it’s interesting how the melody tries to follow a loose 50’s rock swing. I can see how people would get sucked into this, the chorus is catchy but replace this dick with someone who can sing and replace the noises with music and replace the lyrics with good lyrics and you might have an average song.

7: Mark Ronson Ft Amy Winehouse: Valerie.

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You, sir, are worse than Hitler

There is absolutely no way I’m listening to this horror show again.

8: Feist: 1234. 

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Colours! Smiles! Faeces!

Right, I think I’ve heard little bits of this, again probably on some advert. Annoying proto hipster manic pixie dream girl vocals.Twee, plain, has the odd catchy moment, but unnecessary fluff.

9: Scouting For Girls: She’s So Lovely. 

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It’s so bad

Oh Lord, not this. Yet another one I only know from adverts and TV shows. Deeply annoying and has all the things I despise about music (handclaps). Poor singing with silly accents. Silly lyrics. Of course it’s catchy in a repetitive way, but it’s about 90 seconds longer than it needs to be and it’s definitely not good. It’s about sex.

10: Kanye West: Stronger

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A less than average human

Wasn’t this Daft Punk? Kanye adds some words over the work that Daft Punk did. It’s fine. Nothing too special over the original, and I’ve no idea what Kanye is saying so lets just say it’s about Kanye. Or sex.

I’m struggling to think of any good albums from 2007 – I’m sure there were plenty of Indie, metal, and lesser known releases but I’ll have to use an Internet List of albums from the year to see what I remember being good. There was Dir En Grey’s latest, The Marrow Of A Bone, Kittie’s Funeral For Yesterday, Machine Head’s excellent The Blackening, one of my favourite Tori Amos albums American Doll Posse, and probably others. I’m sick of looking. I would say that the top 10 songs here are a perfect indication of the musical year as a whole – worthless. Here’s a better Top 10:

  1. Nightwish: 7 Days To The Wolves
  2. Within Temptation: Frozen
  3. Manic Street Preachers: Ghost Of Christmas
  4. Machine Head: Beautiful Mourning
  5. Porcupine Tree: Fear Of A Blank Planet
  6. Tori Amos: Bouncing Off Clouds
  7. Megadeth: Washington Is Next
  8. Devin Townsend: Hyperdrive
  9. Public Enemy: Harder Than You Think
  10. Natalie Imbruglia: Against The Wall

Which of any of the songs above do you love/hate? What are your fondest musical memories of 2007? Have I missed any important songs, albums, or artists? Let us know in the comments!

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