UK Top 40 # 2 – 1

Check out the original post here: https://carlosnightman.wordpress.com/2015/10/22/the-uk-top-40/

Well, we’ve finally made it. It took me a long time to finally find a song worth hearing more than once, and I think we’ve proven that chart music is (still) mostly garbage, pandering to flavour of the month styles, with style over substance, a shocking lack of melody and emotion, an unsurprising lack of invention and talent, and an infatuation with sex. Sex is awesome, but we’ve been doing it since the dawn of time and there’s a whole world out there with an endless range of things to sing about. Why not sing about hate? Why not sing about science, politics, education, movies, toilets, facial disfigurement, dog crap, the curious feeling of peace we get when staring cross-eyed at a wall, how one sock in a distinct pair always gets a hole in it long before the other, what it would feel like to dip a finger into lava, how railworkers are allowed and expected to strike yet the rest of us can’t, how sometimes a finger nail will get trapped between your teeth when you use it instead of a toothpick or floss, how sometimes you just can’t be fucked, how sometimes you wonder why you were ever friends with someone, how sometimes you wonder how a twat like you even has any friends, why beer tastes different last thing at night versus first thing in the morning, about supressing primal, natural urges to steal, pillage, and hurt others, about the smell of books, about cool hiding places, about fears, about needlessly run-on sentences, about the state of chart music. Those are universal. There you go, it took me about 57 seconds to think of those and type them. Come on kids, congratulations for having working sexual organs but there’s more to life than slapping them together. I think.

2: Locked Away – R City (never heard of you)

RockCity

Decent melody to start. Silent moment. Clicking beats instead of anything real. A fairly good song with an actual chorus, just too cheesy and destined to be dated with all the manufactured crap. I know I sound like an old fool, but there are plenty of songs and artists I adore you use nothing but manufactured crap, this is used in such a generic uninspired way that it adds nothing and in fact takes away what is basically a good song. It thinks it’s about love, but it’s really about sex.

1: What Do You Mean – Justin Beiber (Aware of you, but never heard any of your stuff)

Here we go, the first Beiber song I’ve ever heard. Clocking. Steeky chav noises. Weak dance beats. Laughable vocals. Average melody, but probably catchy after a few listens. Moaning about those wacky women who dare to have their own thoughts and decisions. It’s not bad, but it’s very far from good. I assume this is Beiber branching out into ‘more mature’ territory. It’s about wanting to have sex and getting stroppy when someone says no.

So, a better than expected final couple of songs, but not enough to sway me – Chart music was mostly crap in the 80s, 90s, 2000s, but at least we had various waves of decent music and artists who became popular enough to chart, and we had actual pop music pioneers in the 80s, and to a lesser extent the 90s. Am I old? No, I think the only valid conclusion to draw is that I’ve always listened to awesome music – from childhood, through adolescence, and into this mockery of maturity – just that yes I do have less time to actually hunt for new music that I’d like when I know I can fall back on old favourites, or new albums by people I already like. If you want to recommend any new artists to me, let me know in the comments. Emotion, passion, and talent are the most important things for me when it comes to music, followed by melody and how memorable the song feels to me. Know anything that fits the bill – share!

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