UK Top 40 # 26 -25

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We’re deep into the top 30 now, the destitute bog-land where hopeful one hit wonders come to shudder briefly and die.

26: Trap Queen – Fetty Wap (never heard of you)

I hope this is about toilets, will make a change from all the sex songs. Unless it’s about toilet sex. Noises. Weak-ass clicking beats. Some sort of vocals. No melody. Quadruple the beats for the chorus, but still as weak as ever. Excruciatingly poor. It’s basically a joke that no-one needs to hear, that no-one will ever laugh at, no matter how stoned, all set to the sound of a soggy plastic bag drifting over a broken fence. It appears to be about sex. And drugs. Edgy.

25: Intoxicated – Martin Solveig (never heard of you)


With a name like a Blackburn Rovers goalkeeper, I’m not expecting much from this. Holy chirping shit squawks, an actual thumping beat. Now, the rest of the song is about as poor as you could possibly imagine, but at least it has an actual beat. No real melody to speak of, poor vocals, repetitive, and hitting every single dance cliché known to man. That’s quite enough. It appears to be about sex.

Do people still listen to dance music? Not good dance music, but crap like the crap above. For pleasure? For pain? Let us know in the comments.


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