UK Top 40 # 28 – 27

Check out my original post here:

We’re into the Top 30 now, the songs apparently best representative of humanity’s finest musical achievements in the year of Cthulu 2015.

28: Ain’t Nobody – Felix Jaehn (Never heard of you, but I think I’ve heard this and it is one of the worst covers I’ve ever heard)

Not that the original was a great song, but it was far from bad. This is just terrible. I’m struggling to get through it all. It’s watered down pap, ripping off a decent melody, adding some generic beats, and putting in a bland vocalist who can barely string two notes together without reminding us that she’s from Town X and has to warble and gasp at every turn. This is the opposite of music. Why do people still sing like this? Well, aside from the fact that it hides the fact that you can’t actually sing, and because everyone else sang in the same style for a while. It conveys no emotion, like the husk of a beetle gliding silently out of earth’s orbit. Singers should wring each note from the pits of their souls, not simply yawn to the rhythm. What is it now with dance music being so light and airy – I used to mock dance music for having such ridiculous bass thumps, but that was considerably better than this toilet paper thin wafting. Why does it go on for four minutes? It gets it’s point across in around forty seconds, and does nothing else for the remaining time. Anyway, it’s shit. And it appears to be about sex.

27: Lean On – Major Lazer x DJ Snake (never heard of you)

Building up to be another weak dance track. Vocals building well… aaaaand it falls apart. Pop pop, weakness. Dreadful noises in the chorus, but catchy nevertheless. The vocals in the verse, well I can’t say they’re good but at least they are not weak or breathy. But she sounds no different from a hundred other singers. It’s entirely throwaway rubbish, nothing memorable, listen once and bin.

Does anyone like this stuff? Do I shit in the woods? Let us know in the comments!


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