Hilarious Lyrics Translations – June 2015

All About That Bass

I’ll be honest, and proud, at the outset to say that I’ve never actually heard this song. I’ve heard pieces of it, and I’ve caught snippets of the video, and those crumbs have been enough for me to know that it’s terrible. Any song with a title like that is already off to a bad start because nothing is ever about bass. Insert bass beer pic with ‘except this’. Also, all those pastel colours and smiling and dancing makes me want to whip out the old hockey mask and go Voorhies on them all. But maybe it’s all ironic… irony still exists in pop music, right? Surely not everything glossy in the top 40 is shallow and pretty and about humps and booty and swag – note to self – contact Michael Mann and see if he would entertain the idea of a movie featuring a bank heist perpetuated by a sinister group of Dromedary and Bactrian camels.

EVERYBODY ON THE FLOOR NOW, HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACKS! HOOOOONNNK!

I am aware that Trainor has made some other song with a similar video, so I assume these colours and dresses and smiles are just her thing, or the thing which her publicity team tells her should be her thing. Not to be a complete testicle, lets give the lass the old college try and read through the lyrics to see if we can gleam any insight into what it means to be a successful young woman in the entertainment industry in the Genesis of our 21st Century. Maybe I’ll even listen to the song!

The Original

Because you know I’m all about that bass, ‘Bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble. I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass

Yeah it’s pretty clear, I ain’t no size two, But I can shake it, shake it like I’m supposed to do
‘Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase. All the right junk in all the right places
I see the magazines working that Photoshop, We know that shit ain’t real, Come on now, make it stop
If you got beauty beauty just raise ’em up, ‘Cause every inch of you is perfect From the bottom to the top
Yeah, my momma she told me don’t worry about your size, She says, boys they like a little more booty to hold at night
You know I won’t be no stick-figure, silicone Barbie doll,
So, if that’s what’s you’re into, Then go ahead and move along

Because you know I’m all about that bass, ‘Bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass

I’m bringing booty back Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches Hey
No, I’m just playing I know you think you’re fat, But I’m here to tell you that,                                                                          Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top Yeah, my momma she told me don’t worry about your size                                                                                                                                                                                             She says, boys they like a little more booty to hold at night                                                                                                      You know I won’t be no stick-figure, silicone Barbie doll, So, if that’s what’s you’re into Then go ahead and move along

Because you know I’m all about that bass, ‘Bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass

Because you know I’m all about that bass, ‘Bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass

Because you know I’m all about that bass, ‘Bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass

The Translation

Because you know I’m around the bass, ‘Bout the bass, treble, I’m all’ bout the bass, ’bout the bass, treble.

I’m all ’bout the bass,’ bout no bass, treble, I’m all ’bout the bass,’

Yeah, it’s pretty clear bout the bass, I is not size two, but I can do it, shake it, shake like I ‘and m ‘Cause I boom boom all boys chases.

Because you know I’m bout that base, “I’m all about the base, there is no treble
I base that bout, ’bout the base’ bout all that bass’, the bass bout, “I’m more treble, but not all, there is no treble
That bout base ‘, the bass bout’ all I

Hey, I’m going to get the loot back to their skinny bitches
No, my mom told me not to worry about her, I just know I’m playing I think you fat, but I tell you that I am your size here perfectly all of you from the bottom to the top. Yeah, she inches The boys are a little more loot what’s next move if you go with him, you know I can not hold a night stick figure more silicon Barbie dolls, like so says

Because you know I’m bout that base, “I’m all about the base, there is no treble
I base that bout, ’bout the base’ bout all that bass’, the bass bout, “I’m more treble, but not all, there is no treble
That bout base ‘, the bass bout’ all I

Because you know I’m bout that base, “I’m all about the base, there is no treble
I base that bout, ’bout the base’ bout all that bass’, the bass bout, “I’m more treble, but not all, there is no treble
That bout base ‘, the bass bout’ all I

Because you know I’m bout that base, “I’m all about the base, there is no treble
I base that bout, ’bout the base’ bout all that bass’, the bass bout, “I’m more treble, but not all, there is no treble
That bout base ‘, the bass bout’ all I

The WTF

The human body is inherently disgusting. I know we can’t all be Adonis-like, but even at our most pure and fit, we’re still little more than flesh held together by oozing, bacteria covered cellophane with more damp, dark unmentionable places than on the face of the planet. I understand that this is yet another song proclaiming love for yourself no matter how you look, and how there is so much emphasis placed on image in any business these days, but particularly within the performing arts. That’s all well and good, and I applaud that part of the message, but I can’t applaud celebrating the fact – we’re all simply skeletons waiting to break free of our fleshy prison. The song also suggests than being bigger is better than skinny, so any message of self-respect goes out the window. It’s terrible that we think these things are important, but at the end of the day we like to look at things that our pretty so that our minds don’t implode at the horror of the truth.

Enough ranting, lets examine the lyrics. The original is typically modern pop poor pap with the shocking revelation that when she is talking about bass, she’s really talking about ass, which is ironic as that’s where you’d typically expect such crappy lyrics to come from. With the translation, it almost sounds as if someone who heard the song once, got drunk and angry, then began to sing and mock the song by randomly shouting bass and treble every few words. That, or a child trying to singalong and both failing and being better than the original. With the chorus being repeated so many times, you’d expect a lot of repetition, but oh no, my friends, that isn’t how online translation works. First, we get the standard ’bout that base, no treble’, but soon it changes to ‘treble, no bass’, until finally we get confused to the point that ‘bass’ becomes ‘base’ and the world folds in upon itself. The main verse hints at more thievery (caIl me, Michael Mann) as there appears to be some sort of robbery by a bunch of thin, unsavoury women, involving human trafficking and assorted toys. At least we know what this year’s top Christmas gift will be – Night Stick Figure Silicon Barbie! I have no wish to listen to the song now.

Go To Hell

 MI0003516000

Alice Cooper is a God amongst men; Between Quickenings and Gatherings, in the eternal battle of immortality he is currently on top, his blade cutting ever deeper in Keith Richards who appears now to be more dust than man. Cooper, for those who don’t know him, or know anything about him beyond Poison is the stage persona of Vincent Furnier. Furnier was the singer for the old Alice Cooper band who started in the 60s, before deciding to take the name for himself and disband the group. For six decades now he’s transcended genres and had a hand in the creation and success of psychedelia, heavy rock, heavy metal, prog, punk etc etc. When I hit shuffle on my iPod, the live version of this came up front he Brutal Planet tour, but the song comes from the 70s record Alice Cooper Goes To Hell. It’s the title track and first track from that album, not a great song but a decent concept album. A semi-autobigraphical track, but based around the antics of the Steven character, the lyrics are essentially a list of crimes followed by the punishment refrain of ‘you can go to hell’. I’m sure there will be something hilarious once we do the old English-to Korean-to English translation.

The Original

For criminal acts and violence on the stage. For being a brat, Refusing to act your age
For all of the decent citizens you’ve enraged, You can go to Hell
For gambling and drinking alcohol constantly. For making us doubt our parents authority
For choosing to be a living obscenity, You can go to Hell
You’re something that never should have happened, You even make your Grandma sick

You’d poison a blind man’s dog and steal his cane
You’d gift wrap a leper, And mail him to your Aunt Jane
You’d even force-feed a diabetic a candy cane, You can go to Hell
You’re something that never should have happened, You even make your Grandma sick

For criminal acts and violence on the stage. For being a brat, Refusing to act your age
For all of the decent citizens you’ve enraged. You can go to Hell

The Translation

Please violence and criminal behavior on stage. If the guys, refuse to act your age
For all you raging decent citizen, you can go to hell
For gambling, drinking alcohol constantly. We doubt the authority of our parents for a decision
Choosing to live obscenity, you can go to hell
There’s something you should not have happened, you are hurting your grandmother

You will poison a dog of a blind man and steal his wand
Gift wrap is going to leprosy, and aunt Jane-mail him
You will even force a diabetic candy cane supply, you can go to hell
There’s something you should not have happened, you are hurting your grandmother

Please violence and criminal behavior on stage. If the guys, refuse to act your age
You have anger for all decent citizens. You can go to hell

The WTF

Ah ha, now this is interesting. It’s another example of the translation tool completely flipping a song’s meaning on its head; with the original, some outside force is judging Cooper (or us) for our actions, but with the translation it is Cooper (and us) throwing judgements back at the accusers. It’s almost like a lost Sex Pistols song – a manifsto before they came to their senses and did God Save The Queen instead. It advocates violence, crime, and disobeying social norms, it points the finger at the obscene lives of untrustworthy parents, and says that the birth of the parent was an affront to the grandparent. Ha, take that mum and dad!

Unfortunately, the second verse treads into risky territory and shows a remarkable amount of ignorance, claiming that blind people are magic and encouraging others, like an Aunt, to get in on the act. The final line is vague, seemingly damning everyone to an eternity of torment, fire, and brimstone – who has anger for all decent citizens? You? Me? Is decent a false concept? Please discuss.

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