Hilarious Lyrics Translations – September 2014

Please note – the following hilarious translations are not the same as the equally hilarious misheard lyrics, nor are they actual translations currently out there in Pop Land. All I have done is taken a famous song and slapped the lyrics into one of the famous (ly bad) Internet Translation tools – translated from English into Korean, then back into English, with hilarious results. I picked Korean because, based on previous experience, it seems to struggle in the funniest way with the English language, and vice versa. Each week, I’m going to select some of the most famous songs of all times, of recent times, and throw in a few obscure favourites too, all for your enjoyment! Lets start the laughter right now!

You’re Beautiful

Posh twat James Blunt’ s disturbing ode to voyeurism inexplicably shot to the top of charts around the world in 200? and stayed there for a remarkable 12 years and 37 days. While clearly thieving from The Incredible Hulk theme tune, Blunt’ s warbling was pleasing to ugly people everywhere, and his message of… something… resonated with bewildered millions. I think it’s about time we reminded ourselves just how horrible this song is, and maybe get some new mileage out of it.

The Original

My life is brilliant. My love is pure. I saw an angel. Of that I’m sure.

She smiled at me on the subway. She was with another man. But I won’t lose no sleep on that, ’cause I’ve got a plan.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, it’s true.

I saw your face in a crowded place, and I don’t know what to do, ’cause I’ll never be with you.

Yes, she caught my eye as we walked on by. She could see from my face that I was fucking high.

And I don’t think that I’ll see her again, but we shared a moment that will last ’til the end.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, it’s true.

I saw your face in a crowded place, and I don’t know what to do, ’cause I’ll never be with you.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, it’s true.

There must be an angel with a smile on her face when she thought up that I should be with you.

But it’s time to face the truth, I will never be with you.

 The Translation

My life is amazing. My love is pure. I saw the angel. I’m sure of that.

She smiled at me on the subway is. She was with another man.

Cause I got a plan, but ‘will not lose sleep it is.

You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are in fact, beautiful.

I’m not sure I saw your face in a crowded place, And I do not know what. Cause I’ll never be with you.

In the example that we walked by, she caught my eye.

I could see from my face that I was fucking her.

And I do not think I can see her again, But we shared a moment lasts until it eventually.

You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are in fact, beautiful.

I’m not sure I saw your face in a crowded place, And I do not know what. Cause I’ll never be with you.

You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are in fact, beautiful.

You must be an angel with a smile on her face, I should be with you when she thinks.

But time to face the truth, I will not be with you.

The WTF

It’s difficult to imagine James Blunt taking time to care about his lyrics. In fact, it’s difficult to imagine James Blunt actually exists. Through the Spac Hole though, there exists untold versions of Blunt, and in the one above he has presented his thoughts in an ill-advised, all to rapey fashion. I can’t imagine it is overly pleasant to catch someone’s eye while passing by and realise that they are fucking you, even if it is a celeb. He does seem genuine(ly creepy) in is assertions that you are, in fact beautiful, though it’s unclear if you means ‘you’re beautiful, despite what everyon else says’ or ‘you’re beautiful, and when I was following you home I wasn’t sure that you actually were’. In the end though, he flips the Shymalan final line twist of the original where Blunt comes to the realisation that he’ll never see this woman again, this woman who apparently was made for him, and in this version deals a blow to her face by telling HER, that she must face the truth because he will not be with her. Nice.

I’ll Never Tell

Mutual hatred and mistrust is an unspoken given in any relationship, and bitter, angry old man Joss Whedon dedicates 3 minutes of his greatest work – Buffy the Vampire Slayer – to discussing this issue, via the gift of song. While unlikely to ever be played as any newly married couple’s first dance, Whedon’ s ditty is bound to lend itself well to hilarious translation.

The Original

This is the man that I plan to entangle, isn’t he fine? My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle, vengeance was mine!

But I’m out of the biz, the name I made I’ll trade for his. The only trouble is… I’ll never tell.

She is the one, she’s such wonderful fun, such passion and grace. Warm in the night, when I’m right in her tight… embrace – tight embrace!

I’ll never let her go. The love we’ve known can only grow. There’s just one thing that… no. Cuz there’s nothing to tell.

He snores. She wheezes. Say ‘housework’ she freezes. She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can’t describe.

I talk, he breezes. She doesn’t know what pleases. His penis got diseases from a Chumash Tribe.

The vibe gets kind of scary. Like she thinks I’m ordinary. Like it’s all just temporary. Like her toes are kinda hairy.

But it’s all very well. Cuz Go knows I’ll never tell.

When things get rough he, just hides behind his Buffy. Now look he’s gettin’ huffy cuz he knows that I know.

She clings, she’s needy, she’s also really greedy. She never…His eyes are beady.

This is my verse, hello? She… Look at me! I’m dancing crazy!

You know you’re quite the charmer. My knight in armor.

You’re the cutest of the Scoobies, with your lips as red as rubies, and your firm yet supple tight embrace!
 
He’s swell. She’s sweller. He’ll always be my feller. That’s why I’ll never tell her that I’m petrified.

I’ve read this tale, there’s wedding then betrayal. I know there’ll come the day I’ll want to run and hide.

I lied. I said it’s easy. I’ve tried, but there’s these fears I can’t quell.

Is she looking for a pot of gold. Will I look good when I’ve gotten old?

Will our lives becomes too stressful if I’m never that successful?

When  I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley

Am I crazy? Am I dreamin? Am I marrying a demon? We could really raise the beam in making marriage a Hell

So thank Gold I’ll never tell. I swear that I’ll never tell.

My lips are sealed. I take the fifth. Nothin’ to see! Move it along! I’ll never tell!

The Translation

This is the man I want to do well, he entangled?

Reputation plurality mine, as though my argument was manipulated packets!

I’m in the music industry name, but I’m made ​​to change his. I do not know … The only problem is.

One such wonderful fun and she is such a passion and grace, she said.

I have full right to her warm at night … accept. Tight hug! Love you forever. We know that love can grow there.

No … this is one kind of those. I do not know. Nothing to say cuz.

He snores. Together and she wheezes. Lyrics say, he stopped. Eat this time skeezy cheeses that I can not describe her.

I talk, he winds. She can not find pleasing. With the disease in the Chumash tribe of his penis!

This thing gets scary feeling. I think I like her plain. Like all temporary. I like her hairy toes.

But it’s over very well. God knows I do not know my cousin!

When things get rough, he hides behind his Buffy. Now he ‘Look gettin mad. Cuz he knows that I know.

I’m greedy, she is poor, she is also weak. She is … The beads are not his eyes!

The Hello, Is my verse? She … Look at me! I’m crazy dancing!

You’ll find attractive lump knight in armor you pretty

You, it’s cute lips, Scoobies you like rubies and red And your firm yet supple tight embrace!

He is expanding. She sweller. He will always be my feller. I told her why I’m not a drunk.

I read this story and delivering a wedding. I would run and hide I’m coming days.

I easily said, lying. I tried, but these fears can not I fighting this.

Are you looking for the pot of gold she? Will I look good when you’ve long?

What we did not value the life that I have successfully become too stressful?

When you get too worn and wrinkled, like David Brinkley I?

Am I crazy? “Where am I dreamin? I am married with the devil?

You can raise the beam to create the wedding we really hell. So you can not say that I thank God. I swear I’ll never tell.

My lips are sealed. I am the fifth in! “Nothing to see! Move it! I do not know!

The WTF

Although the problems between Anya and Xander are largely manipulated and exaggerated from genuine concerns into something much more, we can tell from the original I’ll Never Tell that the problems and fears are many, but unspoken and possibly imaginary. In the translation’s first line we find out that they are confirmed – Xander is insecure, has always been a loser, in school, and work, and he is afriad that if he doesn’t have a successful career (especially given Anya’s fanatical capitalist leanings) that she will drop him. Her first line here is telling – ‘Here is the man I want to do well’ – in other words, she does want him to be a success. Any attempt at further sense is lost as her argument becomes ‘manipulated packets’, whatever that is. She always was a little loopy. As is the way with these translations, within moments, utter insanity ensues, the 4th wall implodes, and nothing is right – ‘Lyrics say he stopped’ eh? ‘I am the fifth in’ – wha? ‘The beads are not his eyes’ – no idea.

The only genuine insights we can uncover are from Xander, although he is clearly confused – ‘I think  I like her plain’ to ‘I like her hairy toes’. ‘She is poor, she is also weak’ is fairly insulting, while ‘I told her why I’m not a drunk’ reveals more about coming episodes that he knows. All in all, it’s a mess of innuendo and bizarre cut-ups of half-falsehoods. Still, it’s pretty funny.

Tell it like it is!

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