The Dictator Hates – Play-offs.

Skeep! I warned you I would return, and returned I am! Pareep! Since arriving on this gruesome, yet promising planet, I have been observing your customs, your rituals, your ways, and have discovered a great many thinks I dislike – bruggghg. I have come to the conclusion that the human race is one sweating, wriggling mass which needs to be corrected – thankfully for you, my infinite wisdom is here to help remove the things which make you such a killable bunch.

I have spent countless (9456) earth hours watching the past-time called football. It is a highly popular sport in most of your wiser nations, watched and played by all ages and/or sexes. Some of the more popular players earn a lot of currency and spray gargantuan amounts of sex juice into the atmosphere. It is my wish to create my own team of super players when I De-throne De-throne and eat your leaders. However, I have noticed some alarming flaws in this sport which will be stamped out under my reign, and the most treacherous of these, prrfft, is the play off. For those of you who don’t know what this is, I will explain. Now.

Most countries have a number of football leagues containing a number of teams. The top league contains the best teams, and every team in every lower league is trying to reach the top. Compwakari? Towards the end of a season, a number of teams at the top of a league begin to fight for play off positions, as the winner of the play offs will earn promotion to the next highest league the following season. Skeepdapdeedapdoh. So, the team who finishes first in the league rightfully earns automatic promotion. The next four teams face each other in a mini knockout tournament known as the playoffs. This is Where I get engarggled! A typical football season lasts 10 months, with teams playing around 30-40 games. The team who finishes first may earn 88 points. The team who do finishes second may earn 87 points. 3rd gets 70, 4th 68, and 5th 61. 2nd May have beaten 3rd, 4th, and 5th twice in the season, as well as finishing with a much higher points total, yet they are to forced to suffer the indignity of the play-off where 1 bad game or unlucky defeat could render the previous 10 months worthless.  What is the point in even having the league, why not pick four teams at random, murder them all, and then select another team for promotion? That would be just as fair. Exactly so.

I wonder how many times the top finishing team put into a play off has actually won and been promoted? I bet there are stats on this, but I can’t be prrfft to check, and it would only engarggle me further. END THE PLAY-OFFS REGIME! SKEEP! Prove me wrong. I dare you.


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