Ichi The Killer: What The Balls!?

I had no idea what was going on here. The Director, Mike Takeshi (An American of Japanese descent) is obviously a man filled with hate and dirty thoughts. Most of his films are filled with the most disgusting scenes this side of witnessing an insane man jogging at dusk near a duck pond with a couple of chocolate fingers protruding from his ears and his slippers made from potato skins. Itchy was filmed not with a traditional camera, but one made from blood. The story if you can even call it a story involves a cry baby who likes to dress up in kinky leathers. He goes around killing people with his shoes he covers their mouths and nostrils with them until the smell overwhelms them) and crying while he does it. I think there was a ghost inside him which was controlling his body, and all the real person could do was cry while the ghost killed everyone. Meanwhile another mental in a different part of the city is looking for someone equally psychotic to fight. He likes causing and feeling pain- we see several gruesome acts he partakes in including giving birth to a cow, cutting holes in his face so he can smoke out of them, attaching a man named Frank to a pile of fishhooks and pulling his flesh off, and juggling the sawn off legs of various prostitutes. Later he goes as far as tucking his trousers into his socks and pretending to be Woody Allen in need of a toilet. This is most disturbing. Eventaully the twain shall meet and have a fight to the death for no reason on the top of a roller-coaster while men with rocket launchers in their coats watch on.

I don’t know what Mike was trying to say with this display of butchery and vulgarity. Perhaps that because we live in such a violent society we should all grab a lump of flaming coal and begin stoning everyone we see in the greengrocers. I usually like his films, but I hated this one and so far I haven’t liked any of his others. I love violence in my films, people being blown up and shot etc, but this goes too far. I don’t know anyone who wants to see an 8 minute scene of someone having their eyelids pulled open by a clothes peg and their eyes ‘soothed’ with a cheese grater. Nor do I wish to be part of the not tasteful flashbacks of crying boy’s youth where his PE teacher made him eat fireworks before the fuse finished burning and they went off in his mouth. Such things are the product of a truly sick mind; the mind of a man who has no place in this world or the next. It is the sight of a mind collapsing; a mistake. Worse than realising that you have run out of nappies after a night of curry and Guiness followed by a vicious mid morning stomach spillage.

Best Scene: The 2 guys fighting on the roller-coaster at the end, the camera swings to a wide view where they fight while jumping over the roller-coaster carts and avoiding rockets being fired at them. This was clearly inspired by Super Smack Brothers on the Nintendy.


Tell it like it is!

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