Heat: Heat Is Cool But Left Me Cold

Mr Man is known for his flashy 80s era MTV style films, and Heat is no different, even if it’s not the same as anything he’s done before. This film is known throughout the universe for having the largest cast of stars in history- you could play 6 degrees of Kevin Beacon with this alone! Yes, if you have a favourite actor or female actor, you can be sure they pop up here somewhere. Let’s have a closer look:

We have Alfred Pachinko starring as a disgruntled cop on the hunt for disgruntled bank robber Robin DeNiro.

DeNero has a gang of criminals under his claw;

Valerie Kilmar with her lovely donkey tail

Tim Sizeless as a disgruntled fat man

Charlston Heston as a mob warlord

Ralph Lungren as a bodyguard

John Fought as a grizzly old something

Will Smith as the wise cracking kid from the hood

Dani Trey-Ho-Tep as a Mexican smuggler

Steve Busheemee as The Man With No Plan

The list goes on. DePesci wants out of the gangster life so he divorces his current femme foetal Charlotte Theron and chases weather girl Amy Bremmennemaneman. She is his one chance at freedom, but will the love of a gangster’s life prove to much for him?

Val Killman is married to Ashleigh Dudd and has a skinny daughter called Natalie Porter. He is always cheating on his wife though with a list of women and strippers played by the likes of Angelina Jolly, Nichole Kilmer, Hank Wazarea, Grace Jones, Mad Una, and in a shocking camero Kirsten Dunce.

Al Pacman lives with his ‘slow’ brother Jimmy Depp and is getting divorced from his wife Diane Keaton. They have a suicidal daughter played by Amidala Portman. His police force consists of Paul Weller, Art Metro, Donald Sutherfield, Harrison Sierra, and Harvey Kitten.

There are a few shoot outs and some excitement moments but mostly it’s just talking and crying. I like films with lots of actions, and this is a film about cops and robbers so there should really be more shootings, cars flying over jumps, snakes in suitcases, poison darts, and pens that shoot fire etc. Plus it’s at least 4 hours long, and as there are so many characters and actors double crossing each other I just got confused. This must be based on a Shakespeare novel or something. I am very upset at this.

Best Scene: Supposedly when Al and Rob meet in the movie it was the first time they met in real life. I thought they had been in several other films with each other but I must have been wrong. There’s a first time for everything!

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