Fast Times At Ridgemount High: Just Like My School

I remember going to school some time in the 80s (91 I think) and this is exactly as I remember it. Nerds, jocks, jokers, greasers, teachers, beauty queens, cheerleaders etc. Looking into the girl’s shower rooms through a glory hole, putting dead dwarfs in the nerd’s desks, setting the teachers’ chairs on fire and other pranks, and watching girls swimming and transforming was all part of everyday life. It was fast; fast living; Fast Living at Bell End Boy’s School where I attended. Those were happy days with all my friends; Neville, Bobert, Shawsy, Wee Scott, Bunter, Fitz, Simon, Murph, Stoat, Biggles, Rodger, as well as a few girls like Jem, Lee, Gree, Corky etc. My wee brother Andy was a couple of years below me so we didn’t bother much with each other as that wouldn’t have been cool. That chump Brendan tried to involve himself in our gang all the time but we all hated him more than Coldplay so we just beat him up and played tricks on him. After a particularly horrible toilet incident we would cleanse ourselves and then lob the cleansing utensils over into the cubicle he was sitting in. Ha ha, he would scream when they landed on his head or smeared his beloved physics homework. What a chump.

This film follows in true American Apple style by following the exploits of a group of dirty young things trying to fling one out, if you know what I mean. This time the older kids are trying to help the younger kids, giving them tips on how to unhook bras with their teeth, standing back to back whilst on fire. As a rights-of-passages for my wee borther, I just showed him a few Carry On movies and sent him on his way- slice of cake! Everyone has fun, no-one gets eaten, and they all go to college. The end.

Best Scene: When Pheebee Gates jumps into the swimming pool as a nerd, swims to the other side, climbs out and strips out of her bikini only to reveal a dangling sausage that Dr Manhattan would be proud of.

Sausage Withdrawn

Tell it like it is!

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