Carry On Up The Jungle: Ooh Monkey!

The Latest film in the Carry On series sees the gang(bangers) trespassing through the jungle for some reason. It’s probably set in the Elizabethean times of exploration hundreds of years ago I don’t know, I was never any good at history in school. I preferred English and Drama, telling stories, and writing stories, and then acting out those stories in front of my class to a chorus of boos. I may have been bullied quite a bit because of all this but it was all in good fun and I got my revenge later anyway.

The Carry On films taught me everything I needed to know about girls when I was growing up- the older and uglier they were, the hornier they were, and the younger and prettier they were, the more prudish and alluring they were and you really have to play a lot of persistent games with them over the course of 90 minutes before you get your (end a) way. I have had much luck walking into to pubs and gyms (and even on day trips to the Jungle) and doing my best ‘El” Sid James impression; smiling like a pervert, looking them up and down (paying particular attention to their chests), and then laughing. Sidworth gives a good example in this film:

Bill Boosey: (sees a semi naked woman. Like Tarzan-) ‘Aaawwwwaaarrraagghhhaaargggaaarhhhhhh!. Ha ha heh haa.’

I’ve received the odd slap but then I just say something like ‘ooh, you saucy mare, come here till I give you a bit of your own medicine’ and eventually they give in. Sometimes though a nearby heifer will notice and chase me around, offering to ‘massage my aching parts’ or ‘rub away my painful juices’. In that case I do my best Kenny Williams impression, but then I get lots of attention from Kenny Williams’ fans. It’s tough being me.

Best Scene: When the group are walking through the rain forest and spot a herd of giraffes. Prof. Inigo Tinkle: (To a giraffe- ‘Mmmm, that’s a big one!)

Moments Before Death By Volcano

Tell it like it is!

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