Please note – the following hilarious translations are not the same as the equally hilarious misheard lyrics, nor are they actual translations currently out there in Pop Land. All I have done is taken a famous song and slapped the lyrics into one of the famous (ly bad) Internet Translation tools – translated from English into Korean, then back into English, with hilarious results. I picked Korean because, based on previous experience, it seems to struggle in the funniest way with the English language, and vice versa. Each week, I’m going to select some of the most famous songs of all times, of recent times, and throw in a few obscure favourites too, all for your enjoyment! Lets start the laughter right now!
That’s All Right, Mama.
For our first song we go al the back to one of songs that started it all. Arthur Crudup’ s Blues Rocker was sexual, up-tempo, and featured some early guitar God fingering (good night, everybody!). Once Elvis got a hold of it, the rest of the world caught right on. Let’s take a look at the original lyrics.
Well, now that’s all right, mama. That’s all right for you. That’s all right mama, anyway you do.
But, that’s all right, that’s all right. That’s all right now mama, anyway you do
Well mama, mama she done told me, Papa told me too. They love you leavin’ son now. We’ll be there for you
That’s all right, that’s all right. That’s all right now mama, anyway you do. Yeah man
Baby one and one is two, Two and two is four, I love that woman but I’ve to let her go
But, that’s all right, that’s all right, That’s all right now mama, anyway you do
Babe now you don’t want me, why not tell me so? You won’t be bothered with me ‘Round you have no more
But, that’s all right, that’s all right, That’s all right now mama, anyway you do.
Well, now, all right, Mom, It’s all right for you. In other words, whatever you do, love, mom
However, that‘s all right, that‘s all right. That is, after all, you’re all mothers now
Then she told me to do the mom Mom. Dad told me.They leave a son now loves. We‘ll be there for you
That is, all right, that‘s all right. That is, after all, you’re all mothers now
Four people, The baby one two, one 2 is a two to four. I love her, but I let her
However, that‘s all right, that‘s all right. That is, after all, you’re all mothers now
Lady you do not want to tell me now, why? You do not bother me. “You are no more abnormal round
However, that‘s all right, that‘s all right. That is, after all, you’re all mothers now.
We seem to have turned a fairly simply tale of love, rejection, heartache, and passive aggressive acceptance into a monstrous tale about Oedipal lust and mental breakdown, one which will surely end in a women-hating, serial killing rampage. The almost passive tone of the original becomes immediately cynical with the opening couple of lines, ending with the ominous ‘You’re all mothers now’. That is the sound of a man who has made the conscious decision to see the face of his mother on every women he sees. What it is Mom did is left unclear, and could it be that there are actually two ‘Moms’? The narrator switches between ‘Mom’ and mom at will, and finally the moniker ‘Lady’ appears – clearly the narrator recognises that his next victim is not his mother, or that the mother he thought he knew is now foreign to him. But what to make of the centrepiece? Most of the song is the same few rambling, confused thoughts, but in the middle we get the clusterfuck ‘Four people, The baby one two, one 2 is a two to four. I love her, but I let her’. Who are the four people – son, Mom, mom, Dad? Who, or whose, is the baby? This is the point in the narrative process that our hero loses the plot and starts thinking in random, nonsensical equations. Perhaps we get close to some sort of reasoning with ‘I love her, but I let her’, but he stops short of explaining exactly what it is he let her do. This is a secret the man will take to the grave. And he seems quite keen to take a few more mothers with him before he blows himself away at the end of an exciting, probably naked, car chase.
Too Much Of A Good Thing.
I was praying we would get something light-hearted after that gristly ending when I hit shuffle on my iPod, but I landed on another tale of lost love, courtesy of The Sons. If any of you out there recognise this song, it’s because you heard it while watching Dumb And Dumber. One thing to note is that this song has some interesting lyrics, and poetically selected words that you would assume would not translate well between English and Korean. Under such circumstances, hilarity is bound to ensue. Here we go:
There’s a chill in the air comin’ off the river tonight, Sure am glad I chose my sweater,
Walk alone, I walk alone tonight,Yeah, I’ve felt better.
But I know, in my heart, One car in an alley is better than a vacant lot,
And you’ll see, on my face,Lines on a young man can find their place.
Baby, I have left so much behind, Until I passed the same place twice
Now I see just what ya done to me, Too much of a good thing.
Can you hold the line,another call’s comin’ in, Might be the one I just got over,
Back and forth and up again, For just a wrong number.
But to scream a good cry, Could leave me naked in some stranger’s eyes,
So I’ll whisper, a little cry, Hope this memory’ll soon pass by. Ooh.
Baby, I got feelin’s old and strong, I did not think they’ll last this long, Tell me why your light keeps turnin’ on,
I say too much of a good thing. Too much of a good thing.
A lonely voice finds little demand, it turns too shy and afraid to make a stand.
For one last time can’t you listen to me, Baby don’t let me go silently
You’re too much, you’re too much. You’re too much of a good thing, You’re too much of a good thing, too much
Much too, much too, much too, much too, much too, much too, much too much, You’re too much of a good thing.
The chill is in the air coming off the night today ‘river, Of course, I’m glad I choose the sweater
Walk alone, I walk alone at night, Yeah, well, I thought.
But in my mind, you know, The car is better than a vacant lot in the alley,
And you can see my face You can find their place in line to a young man.
Baby, it remains very much I until it passes the same place twice
Now, do me just what ya see The good thing is too much.
You can hold the line, Import of other currencies‘, I just got one that can be,
Maximum back and forth Just wrong.
But a good cry scream You leave me naked in the eyes of the stranger,
So, I whispered a little cry, Please memory’ll passing quickly. Right.
Baby, I‘m an old strong feeling I did not think they‘d be able to last for so long,
Turn ‘in the light of why do you say, I say too much of a good thing.
The good thing is too much.
Well, where to begin? Once again, the song takes a cynical turn – the original being more of an anguished cry of depression, and once again the narrator experiences severe bouts of confusion, mumbling over his words like a scarecrow brought to life by the blackest of magic, and then being fed magic mushrooms. To his credit, he starts of stable enough, glad he chose a sweater for a late night walk, but a glimpse of his mind shows that all is not well – ‘The car is better than a vacant lot in the alley‘. What precisely does he mean? Is this a literal statement, that a car is better than nothing? Did he see something which sparked this? Or is he thinking that a car is better than a vacant lot to perform some fell action? Whatever it is, he appears to make a swift exit as someone sees his face and he runs off. ‘Do me just what ya see’ – is this something you say to a prostitute, or something you say as a final act of defiance to a torturer? After this we get some bizarre talk of currency, screaming, nudity in front of strangers, and the haunting ‘Maximum back and forth Just wrong‘. The torture theme comes round and round again as the protagonist seems to have achieved a higher state of being – removing his spirit from his body yet not understanding why, or how ‘they’d be able to last for so long’. Who ‘they’ are, it may be best to not know.
In conclusion, my first two songs walked a much darker path to hilarity than I expected, and any laughs to be found therein are likely the laughs of a madman as he rises from behind your sofa, blade in one hand, and decapitated doll’s head on the other. Sweet dreams.
‘Prejudice burns brighter when it’s all we have to burn’
As expected, it has been another quiet couple of weeks in Nintendo land, with a mixture of good news and bad. A number of high-profile games continue to prove that the 3DS is king, while Mario Kart 8 is still riding high in the charts, though essentially on its own. Yet another AAA game will be skipping the Wii U as it continue to struggle in grabbing those Third Party titles, but it’s not too big a deal this time round – Nintendo fans got the original exclusive on the Gamecube. Capcom are re-re-re-releasing the original Resident Evil, this time it is an HD remake of the Gamecube’s updated hit. Considering the Gamecube version still looks gorgeous today, this shouldn’t be much of a miss. Still, it would have been nicer to have than not. Here’s the most recent news:
Hyrule Warriors: We recently had another batch of Hyrule Warrior News, with Nintendo seemigly hyping this one quite a bit. A Hyrule Warriors Nintendo Direct saw Ganondorf unveiled as a playable character and a new Adventure mode featuring top down classic stylings, as well as a tonne of other info on the other characters, their weapons, the maps, levelling up etc etc. The game is out in Japan next week!
Zelda Monopoly: Everyone’s favourite table-top family wrecker Monopoly finally gets a decent Nintendo themed edition, with a superb looking Zelda version. Will you be picking this up and earning a massive stash of rupees while you become Hyrule’s latest property tycoon?
Dan Adelman Leaves: The name may not mean much to the casual fan, or even those more familiar with Shigsy and Reggie, but Dan Adelman was key over the last few years in pushing the Wii U’s Indie credentials and marketing the console’s unique qualities to up and coming developers and smaller companies. However, recent months had seen some ‘outspoken’ comments from Adelman which culminated in him being banned from Twitter by Nintendo. Since leaving he has offered his opinions on Nintendo’s latest console, saying (as many others have) that the name is ‘abyssmal’ and that the console would have already sold much better with a different name. He has stated though that the console still has much to offer and has not yet sold in the numbers its quality warrants.
Mario Kart DlC: August sees some great updates coming for all MK8 owners, with a comprehensive Mercedes DLC pack and, more exciting perhaps, some updates fans have been crying out for. How many times have you accidentally selected View Highlights instead of Next Race because it was the top option between races? Begone, foul concatenation! WIth the new update, Next Race will now be th default option. Alongside this momentous update, there are updates to online communication, Mario Kart TV, Scoreboard options, the game will remember your vehicle parts, and most importantly, the option to have an on-screen TV map. The free Mercedes DLC offering 3 new vehicles will be coming to the West too.
‘I miss the emptiness and the silence’
(I Miss The) Tokyo Skyline
Reading the synopsis of this episode on Lovefilm (now Amazon Prime streaming) before watching, I remembered very clearly some pieces from when I first watched it many years ago. In fact, this is the episode I previously alluded to in a previous post as remembering. Having re-watched it now, I’m not certain why it had such an impact on me, especially when I’ve enjoyed some previous episodes more than I enjoyed this one – maybe it was the first I saw. It does have its merits, which we’ll get to, but overall it isn’t a particularly good show. Then again, when you’re a man of the world, they say you always remember your first, rather than all the hundreds which follow -
A brief look online suggests that this is one of the most oft and fondly remembered episodes of the series, so it must come down to the performances, the atmosphere, and the visuals, because everything else is rather lackluster. But before we get down to business, lets see what the blurb has to offer:
‘During summer vacation, Amy visits her cousin Pam, who lives in the country. While rummaging through the old family possessions in the attic, they come across a picture of Aunt Dora, who died tragically at a very young age. To their amazement, she looks strikingly like Pam. The girls find a trunk from which a scratching sound emerges at the mention of Aunt Dora’s name’
So, as I mentioned above, the episode has some clear strengths – it has easily the best acting of the series so far, and it has a truly unique, unusual atmosphere – something more akin to Twin Peaks, Jacob’s Ladder, or a nightmare. There is a sadness ripe throughout, and this would have been a much more powerful episode had all the other vital elements been up to scratch. Sadly though, the story is a complete mess, with more hole than plot, and you’ll be left bewildered and frustrated by questions – it truly does seem to be a half-assed story which no-one understands, writers included. The basics are that Pam puts on her Aunt Dora’s old horse-riding jacket which simultaneously turns her into Dora, and opens a portal in the attic to the past/some other dimension, and the cousins/aunts/girls, try to right a past injustice before Al appears and makes some lurid wisecrack.
The whole thing seems to be about guilt, with Pam’s mother never forgiving herself for forgetting to feed the Hungry Hounds of the title – if this still doesn’t make sense, you should probably watch the episode (spoiler – it still won’t make sense). Just a note on that title – I used to live near a chippie called The Hungry Hound. Further up the road, there was a Hungry Hound II. Possibly there was some wacky inter-dimensional salt and vinegar goings on going on on that road. Regardless, both were tasty.
The episode starts with Kristen arriving late to the party, bringing her dog, Elvis, along for effect. This prompts some truly bizarre activity, including the completely absurd ‘my dad says Elvis is king’ comment, which arrives and leaves without prompting or follow-up. That was one of the most cringe-inducing moments of the series so far. Once the pleasantries are out-of-the-way, we meet Pam and Amy, cousins and friends. continuing the dual kid dynamic from previous episodes, this time the girls are actually good friends, and on a level with each other, though there is some basic city girl versus country gal fun early on which doesn’t lead anywhere. Pam loves to ride horses, but her mother tried to stop her at every turn, continuing the useless/absent parents theme of the series – early on Pam’s mother almost causes Pam to break her spine by honking on her horn as Pam is trying to mount a horse. When will these crazy parents learn that being overly cautious only leads inevitably to broken spines!?
Speaking of weird things – what’s with the weird midi file music? And why is the chest of riding gear in the attic covered by a shroud of smoke? Anyway, once the riding jacket goes on, the weird goes off, with a portal and stairs opening to another world and/or time. The image of those stairs was one which I could remember vividly, so kudos to the show for some brain-etching. The girls do a Red Riding Hood through a forest and end up in a graveyard, naturally. Pam goes for an Emmy with a lovely little speech about Foxes, hunger, and being ripped to shreds, and suddenly, a creepy old ghost appears – again, kudos for this startling and unsettling image. Unfortunately, his weird accent veers towards Irish and his voice has some cheesy vocal effect added, so the chills fade rapidly. So Giles had a heart-attack running away from the Hounds? Did Dora die when she fell off the horse? Was she eaten? The build-up to Pam/Dora opening the door is filled with tension for the young-hearted, but even the most timid child would laugh when we see the hungry hounds are a group of the least frightening, small, happy dogs you’re every likely to meet.
After somehow surviving this terrible onslaught, Amy makes it back to the attic, where it turns out Pam was hiding all along, behind a pile of jackets. Was it all a dream? Does Pam remember nothing? What was it all about? I’m still none the wiser about why Pam’s mother is so guilty and frightened of horses. Anyway, the curse is lifted and everyone lives happily ever after.
As I mentioned, the acting in this episode was the best so far, at least from the kids. Lets pay our respects. The eagle-eyed among you may have spotted that Pam is played by a young Mia Kirshner, known for her adult roles in a variety of TV shows and movies – Mandy from 24, Kenya from Defiance, Jenny from The L Word, and the titular Elizabeth Short from the poor Black Dahlia. Her successful career is unfortunately not matched by her cousin Amy, played by Jennifer Gula. Gula only has 3 other credits to her name, nothing of note. Equally short-lived is the mother of the piece, played by Ais Snyder who appeared in tiny roles in a handful of 90s films, while David Francis, who played the ghost has popped up in minor parts in big movies like 300 and in bigger parts in a number of notable TV Series like Fortier. He even returns for 2 more episodes of AYAOTD.
A strange episode then which, though messy, manages to successfully stay with you. Don’t forget to share your memories in the comments and check out my other episode reviews. Next up, we go back to school with The Tale Of The Prom Queen. Sweet Dreams!
Official Nominations: Sidney Poitier. Albert Finney. Richard Harris. Paul Newman. Rex Harrison.
The Best Actor category this year is most famous due to the deserved win of Sidney Poitier- the first black actor to win a competitive Oscar. This appeared to be a breakthrough for both society and the awards- while society was definitely on the up, the awards remained stilted with regards to race for some time after this. It remains unclear whether this was a political win but out of the nominations there is no more deserving winner. Paul Newman gives another memorable lead as Hud, a young arrogant man who wants to do things his own way and rebel against his father. It is another fine performance and one which could have picked up the win in another year. Tom Jones is a fairly unusual film with all of the nods to the camera and audience, and while Finney does command the screen and give the character plenty of effervescence, the film isn’t my sort of thing and my memory of his performance suffers for it. Harrison is one of a number of famous performers in Cleopatra and while he gives everything he can, all eyes were either on Taylor- the only performer seemingly able to stand out amongst the lavish scale of the film. Harris on the other hand does give a stand out performance full of emotion in a film unfortunately about rugby and love. Even though the film isn’t my pint of beer, Harris does make the gritty nature of the film shine through with his potent and often unspoken feeling.
My Winner: Sidney Poitier
My Nominations: Steve McQueen. Sidney Poitier. Richard Attenborough. Peter Sellers. David Niven. Marcelo Mastroianni.
Only Poitier makes it onto my picks but doesn’t pick up the win. How Peter Sellers wasn’t nominated remains a bit of a mystery given that he created an iconic character out of nothing, and while the film may not necessarily be anything special, his performance is one for the ages. Equally, Mastroianni gives arguably the definitive portrayal of the artist in trouble, a self obsessed man who can’t escape his own ambitions and fears in 8 and a half. Most other actors would have collapsed alongside the genius of Sellers in The Pink Panther,but David Niven gives just as brilliant a performance and one which he is probably most fondly remembered for. My final picks both come from The Great Escape; Some people may not agree that with such an ensemble cast that no one actor can be called a lead, but as I keep saying- things work differently in The Spac Hole. Dickie Attenborough leads the British Resistance with a stiff upper lip resolve while Steve McQueen is the yank rebel who stirs things up both for the prisoners, resistance, and guards and generally makes a nuisance of himself. The two are polar opposites yet both strive for the same goal- getting themselves and as many of their friends out of Hell. Both are standouts amongst an impressive cast and both symbolize the stereotypes which each side saw the other as, yet as a viewer we get to see the human beneath the cliché. McQueen gets the win for me as he never been more cool, more influential, and packed as much conviction into a role as he does here.
My Winner: Steve McQueen.
As regular glancers may be aware, Christmas here was a time of much free food from the Vine Overlords, but not much in the way of expensive electronics or toys. That’s fine, because it’s important to eat over the festive period, and it’s good to have a bit of variety other than turkey, chocolate, and snowmen. My December, and January lists were heavy on the stomach treats, here’s January’s loot:
Alpen Raspberry 560 g (Pack of 6): http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00F3CFYZG
Itchy scratchy tasty.
Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature Essentials Starter Kit: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00GX2UW8O
A really great set with everything you need for your impending arrival (assuming it’s a human baby).
Alpen Light Cherry Bakewell Bars 19 g (Pack of 5): http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00EY9SKS2