Nintendo News 24th – 31st August 2014

It has been a quiet few weeks in Nintendo land recently, an expected part of the typical post – E3 excitement and unfortunate Summer drought. As we move towards the end of the year, a raft of new games on all of the major consoles means the run in to Christmas looks to be another fantastic one for gamers of all types. We were not expecting any major Nintendo news aside from the usual snippets about upcoming games until closer to year-end, but as always with Nintendo, they aim to surprise as well as delight. Lets review the biggest stories from the past week.

New 3DS: Earlier in the week, Nintendo announced that they would be having a Japanese 3DS focused Direct. Fans waited to see some more Smash Brothers info, and maybe an unannounced game or two, but what we got was the entirely unexpected announcement of 2 new handheld consoles – the New 3DS and New 3DS XL. Boasting a number of upgrades from the predecessors, the two consoles will be available in Japan before the end of the year, with the West following some time in 2015. This seems like a shrewd, if a little cynical move by Nintendo, knowing that the Japanese market is almost completely driven by portable devices. As more information emerged on the consoles, it has become apparent that these are more than just basic cosmetic upgrades. The sizes of each has been increased, the weight decreased; there is a new circle pad, new shoulder buttons, and new button placement and design; there is an NFC reader to enable Amiibo use; the 3D hardware has been revamped to ensure easier use, and a wider range of positions to get the best full effect; the CPU and RAM seems to have undergone some large improvement, though accounts are varying on this so far; new models now use Micro SD storage, with each console coming with a 4Gb card; some new wireless and internet security malarkey. Perhaps the biggest news, and news which has annoyed some existing users, is that a bunch of exclusive games will be coming which will only work on the new console – with a port of the Wii’s excellent Xenoblade Chronicles being the first of these. Will you be getting one? I’ve been waiting for a 3DS XL to come down in price so I can pick one up, but I may wait until next year now to pick up one of these bad boys. With a huge library already, there has never been a better time to join the Nintendo handheld family.

Job Cuts: In more depressing news, Nintendo Europe have announced that over 300 jobs will be cut. Obviously this is terrible for all employees, and we wish them all the best for the future.

Mario Kart DLC: As us Western gamers ‘eagerly’ waited for the MK8 Mercedes DLC, Nintendo dropped another bombshell with the announcement of 2 upcoming DLC packages. Coming late this year, and early next year, each package will offer 4 new characters, 4 new vehicles, and most importantly, 8 new tracks making a whopping 16 – that’s basically an entirely brand new game! Nintendo has rightly been late to the DLC game, and has proven that DLC does not need to be a cynical cash in (looking at you EA). Courses based on F-Zero, Animal Crossing, and characters such as Link have been announced, and best of all, each package is less than a tenner. Fans have been naming this Super Smash Kart, and the floodgates could yet open for countless cross-overs.

Amiibo: Amiibo pre-orders have begun, and apparently are performing very well on sites such as Amazon. Although I don’t have any interest in the figures myself, I imagine there will be a big market for this, with kids wanting to pick up each, with fans like me wanting to try out one for the novelty, and the hardcore fans wanting to have them all on their shelves.

Miyamoto Speaks: Legendary designer Shigeru Miyamoto has been in fine form recently, speaking on a variety of topics. Only little pieces of his discussions have since been released, so be sure to pick up next month’s Edge Magazine. So far, Miyamoto has been vocal about Nintendo, and his own personal desire to target the core gamer audience once more, moving away from the casual market which has slowly been moving away from Nintendo, and console gaming as a whole. Nintendo have always delivered quality – large scale imaginative adventures which transport gamers out of the mundane real world, and into a joyous world of invention and excitement. As a general rule, casual gamers do not want these types of things, instead wanting a quick addictive fix on the bus or toilet – in other words, they are the type of gamer who don’t really want the sort of fully fledged experience Nintendo is known to offer. Fans have reacted positively to the great man’s words, and if it means that we get less junk and more quality, then I am all for it. Miyamoto covers a variety of other concerns, and he is known to be an always honest, humble, and entertaining interviewer, so I’m sure there will be more highlights.

Bravely Second: The first footage of Square Enix’s highly anticipated sequel was unleashed this week, presenting a gorgeous visual style and a bunch of different jobs and outfits to choose from.

Pokken Fighter: A few weeks back, there was a rumour that Nintendo would be announcing a shocking new Pokemon game. Naturally, everyone was hoping for a fully 3D, HD Wii U game, but this week the game that was unveiled was Pokken Tournament, an Arcade only beat-em up. Using the latest Tekken engine, the game looks smooth, but likely won’t excite too many Western games unless a Wii U port is announced.

An action packed week then – I didn’t even get to mention the Bayonetta 2 release date or the NES Remix on 3DS announcement – let us know your thoughts about any of this week’s news in the comments section!

August 31, 2014 at 8:40 pm Leave a comment

Manic Mondays – 25th August 2014

‘Democracy is an empty lie’

 

Spectators Of Suicide

August 25, 2014 at 11:52 am Leave a comment

Hilarious Translations Of Song Lyrics – August 2014 Part 2

Please note – the following hilarious translations are not the same as the equally hilarious misheard lyrics, nor are they actual translations currently out there in Pop Land. All I have done is taken a famous song and slapped the lyrics into one of the famous (ly bad) Internet Translation tools – translated from English into Korean, then back into English, with hilarious results. I picked Korean because, based on previous experience, it seems to struggle in the funniest way with the English language, and vice versa. Each week, I’m going to select some of the most famous songs of all times, of recent times, and throw in a few obscure favourites too, all for your enjoyment! Lets start the laughter right now!

Umbrella

A catchy song, no doubt, but ruined by Rihanna’s grating warbles and an irritating production, this song about staying dry during life’s storms is best avoided while listening to the excellent Manic Street Preachers cover instead. Regardless, as it is one of the highest selling songs of recent years, it deserves the translation treatment.

The Original:

Uh huh, uh huh (Yea Rihanna), Uh huh, uh huh (Good girl gone bad), Uh huh, uh huh (Take three… Action), Uh huh, uh huh

No clouds in my stones. Let it rain, I hydroplane in the bank. Coming down with the Dow Jones.
When the clouds come we gone, we Rocafella. We fly higher than weather
In G5’s are better, You know me,In anticipation, for precipitation. Stack chips for the rainy day
Jay, Rain Man is back with little Ms. Sunshine, Rihanna where you at?

You have my heart And we’ll never be worlds apart. Maybe in magazines But you’ll still be my star.
Baby ’cause in the dark You can’t see shiny cars. And that’s when you need me there, With you I’ll always share Because -

When the sun shines, we’ll shine together, Told you I’d be here forever,
Said I’ll always be a friend, Took an oath I’ma stick it out ’til the end.
Now that it’s raining more than ever, Know that we’ll still have each other.
You can stand under my umbrella. You can stand under my umbrella (Ella ella eh eh eh).
Under my umbrella (Ella ella eh eh eh).

These fancy things, will never come in between. You’re part of my entity, here for infinity.
When the war has took its part, When the world has dealt its cards, If the hand is hard, together we’ll mend your heart Because

You can run into my arms, It’s OK, don’t be alarmed, Come here to me.
There’s no distance in between our love, So go on and let the rain pour I’ll be all you need and more Because

It’s raining, raining. Oh, baby it’s raining, raining. Baby come here to me. Come here to me. It’s raining, raining
Oh baby it’s raining, raining. You can always come here to me. Come here to me

The Translation:

 My heart and we will never get a worlds apart. Maybe you’ll still be my star in the magazine, however.

Shining in the darkness and you will not be able to see the car ’cause baby.

And he said to me, I will always be with us when the sun shines, because winning is going to be here forever, you said, I’m always going to be your friends share with you took an oath when you need it, I stick to the end.

Now it’s raining more than ever, we are still going to know each other. You can stand under my umbrella.

Under my umbrella (Ella Ella eh eh eh). My under the umbrella (Ella Ella eh eh eh).

This will not come back between cool things. You’re part of my entity, here for infinity.

it was part of the war when the hands together when we can run into my arms, because you’ll mend your heart hard case has dealt its cards in the world, it’s OK not to be alarmed, I come here, there is no distance between our love, so it is;

and it’s going to be a non-call and more, simply because it’s rain, Rain. Oh, baby, rain, rain. Baby come to me, come to me. … Rain, rain, rain, rain, Oh baby. You always can come here to me. I come here.

The WTF:

Not actually too different from the garbled mess of the original. There may even be an improvement over the incomprehensible Jay Zed junk. He has however managed his most cryptic yet profound rhyme yet with the eternal ‘Rihanna where the chip stacks’. Rihanna’s finest moment comes with ‘Shining in the darkness and you will not be able to see the car ’cause baby’. Cause baby what? As seems to be the way with these transalationathons, there is an inevitable descent into chaos – that spiel before the end about war and heart hard cases is a rambling disaster.

Hots On For Nowhere

A late in the day Zeppelin song, this is a song that I never paid a lot of attention too, either lyrically, musically, or otherwise. Lots of interesting phrases and twists below which will serve for hilarious translating.

The Original

I was burned in the heat of the moment, Though it couldn’t have been the heat of the day.
When I learned how my time had been wasted, (And a) tear fell as I turned away.

Now I’ve got friends who will give me their shoulder, Event I should happen to fall.
Time and his bride growing older, I’ve got friends who will give me fuck all.

(On the) corner of Bleeker and nowhere In the land of not quite day,
A shiver runs down my backbone, Face in the mirror turns grey.

So (I) looked round to hitch up the reindeer, Searching hard trying to brighten the day.
I turned around to look for the snowman To my surprise he’d melted away.

As the moon and the stars call the order Inside my tides dance the ebb and sway.
The sun in my soul’s sinking lower, While the hope in my hands turns to clay.
I don’t ask that my field’s full of clover, I don’t moan at opportunity’s door,
 And if you ask my advice, take it slower, Then your story’d be your finest reward.

Lost on the path to attainment, Search in the eyes of the wise.
When I bled from the heart of the matter, I started bleeding without a disguise.

Now everything’s fine under heaven, Now and then you’ve got to take time to pause.
 When you’re down on the ground, don’t be messin’ around, Or you’ll land in a boat without oars.
Hey babe, Hey babe, Hey babe, I lost my way.

Hey babe, Hey babe, I don’t know where I’m gonna find it.

Hey babe, Hey babe, Do you wanna know,
Do you really, really, wanna help me, yeah?

Let me tell you now, babe Let me tell you, That it feels so good that it must be right

Now my babe,Let me tell you, That it feels so good that it must be right…

The Translation

Could not be opened for two days in the heat of the moment, though I was burned. I was wasting my time, I learned how (and) The tears fell as I turned away.

On his shoulder, I need to provide an event occurs on a friend‘s fall to me now. Time and his bride growing older, I will provide all the sex I‘m a friend.

Not work well in the land of nowhere corner of Bleeker () or, The shiver that turns gray face in the mirror, and run my backbone.

So (I) looked bright work hard trying to search, the reindeer hitch roundI turned around to find that he was surprise melted snowman.

Dancing in the ebb tide to change the order of the moon and the stars inside the phone. Days of low sunk my soul, with hope in my hands turns to mud.
I, I first of all fields of clover, does not require that you do not moan at the door of opportunity, If you have asked for my advice it slow, then story’d is the best reward.

You can find the path of achieving lost, to the eye of wisdom. When I was bleeding from the core of the problem, I started bleeding without a disguise.

Now everything under the sun now well then it may take some time to pauseWhen you’re on the ground, or you do not get to the boat, around the spoiling you no no.
Hey baby hey baby, hey baby, I lost my way.

Let me see it, I‘ll find the baby, hey hey, I do not know.

I know Hey lady, I want you baby, look at. You really, really, yeah I want, do you help me?

Let me tell you that I feel so good it should be good, now let’s you baby. Now I feel that I should be good too like it, let me tell you baby

 

The WTF

An already depressing song, at least by Zep’s standard’s becomes even more downbeat and visceral – and becomes a bit of a Hero’s Journey. The narrator speaks of presumably not being able to escape from some fiery prison for two days, and eventually giving in. In a Hellraiser like twist, the narrator’s charred corpse returns with the ominous ‘I will provide all the sex I’m a friend’. It seems he must traverse some hell-dimension call ‘Bleeker’, a place of nowhere, a place of shivers, a place where reindeer become melted snowmen. Looking frantically for some way to leave this place, he does a cosmic-shattering dance, only for all hope to leave as it comes to nothing – he is then mocked for his hopeless moaning by a speaking, sentient clover field. This field leaves some cryptic advice, and a ghastly philosophical revelation – ‘When I was bleeding from the core of the problem, I started bleeding without a disguise‘. It seems that the narrator is now able to return home, finds his baby lady and has a frantic, romantic coming together as we fade to black.

August 24, 2014 at 1:04 pm Leave a comment

Amazon Vine Freebies -February 2014

In February the food feast continued, but Amazon decided I needed to start burning off all that Christmas fat by offering me an assortment of fitness related treats. It also saw the pleasing return of the free DVD.

Peacock: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Peacock-DVD-Cillian-Murphy/dp/B00GDEZLS8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=undefined&sr=8-1&keywords=peacock+cillian

A nice, understated psych-drama with a strong cast, this won’t be one for everyone, but will be of interest for anyone who enjoys slow-burning thrillers, thought-provoking dramas, and cross-dressing Irishmen.

Not For Parents Europe: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Not-For-Parents-Europe-Everything/dp/174321913X/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1408712421&sr=8-7&keywords=not+for+parents+europe

A Lonely Planet/Horrible Histories style book aimed at pre-teens covering some of Europe’s most important figures and moments. Lots of interesting information delivered in a bright and breezy manner, with plenty of gruesome tidbits to keep kids engaged.

Perfect Fitness AB Carver Pro Ultrawide Wheel – Black, Size 1: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Perfect-Fitness-Carver-Ultrawide-Wheel/dp/B00COQ2X94/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408712505&sr=8-1&keywords=ab+carver

It took a while for me to understand what the hell this was and how it worked, and after realizing I had put the handles on upside-down, I was finally able to start using it. Actually provides a stern workout, but you will look like a tool using it, especially beside the motorway if that is somewhere you would choose to workout. It’s extra wide too, meaning you can mow down both the cat and dog.

Alpen Fruit & Nuts Trail Bar 48g x 3 (Pack of 11, 33 bars in total): http://www.amazon.co.uk/Alpen-Fruit-Nuts-Trail-total/dp/B00HBR7WFG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408712781&sr=8-1&keywords=Alpen+Fruit+%26+Nuts+Trail+Bar+48g+x+3

Sore on the jaw, but good for the soul – Alpen!

August 22, 2014 at 1:07 pm Leave a comment

Hilarious Translations Of Song Lyrics – August 2014 Part 1

Please note – the following hilarious translations are not the same as the equally hilarious misheard lyrics, nor are they actual translations currently out there in Pop Land. All I have done is taken a famous song and slapped the lyrics into one of the famous (ly bad) Internet Translation tools – translated from English into Korean, then back into English, with hilarious results. I picked Korean because, based on previous experience, it seems to struggle in the funniest way with the English language, and vice versa. Each week, I’m going to select some of the most famous songs of all times, of recent times, and throw in a few obscure favourites too, all for your enjoyment! Lets start the laughter right now!

That’s All Right, Mama.

For our first song we go al the back to one of songs that started it all. Arthur Crudup’ s Blues Rocker was sexual, up-tempo, and featured some early guitar God fingering (good night, everybody!). Once Elvis got a hold of it, the rest of the world caught right on. Let’s take a look at the original lyrics.

Well, now that’s all right, mama. That’s all right for you. That’s all right mama, anyway you do.

But, that’s all right, that’s all right. That’s all right now mama, anyway you do

Well mama, mama she done told me, Papa told me too. They love you leavin’ son now. We’ll be there for you

That’s all right, that’s all right. That’s all right now mama, anyway you do. Yeah man

Baby one and one is two, Two and two is four, I love that woman but I’ve to let her go

But, that’s all right, that’s all right, That’s all right now mama, anyway you do

Babe now you don’t want me, why not tell me so? You won’t be bothered with me ‘Round you have no more

But, that’s all right, that’s all right, That’s all right now mama, anyway you do.

The Translation:

Well, now, all right, Mom, It’s all right for you. In other words, whatever you do, love, mom

However, that‘s all right, that‘s all right. That is, after all, you’re all mothers now

Then she told me to do the mom Mom. Dad told me.They leave a son now loves. We‘ll be there for you

That is, all right, that‘s all right. That is, after all, you’re all mothers now
Four people, The baby one two, one 2 is a two to four. I love her, but I let her

However, that‘s all right, that‘s all right. That is, after all, you’re all mothers now

Lady you do not want to tell me now, why? You do not bother me. You are no more abnormal round

However, that‘s all right, that‘s all right. That is, after all, you’re all mothers now.

The WTF:
We seem to have turned a fairly simply tale of love, rejection, heartache, and passive aggressive acceptance into a monstrous tale about Oedipal lust and mental breakdown, one which will surely end in a women-hating, serial killing rampage. The almost passive tone of the original becomes immediately cynical with the opening couple of lines, ending with the ominous ‘You’re all mothers now’. That is the sound of a man who has made the conscious decision to see the face of his mother on every women he sees. What it is Mom did is left unclear, and could it be that there are actually two ‘Moms’? The narrator switches between ‘Mom’ and mom at will, and finally the moniker ‘Lady’ appears – clearly the narrator recognises that his next victim is not his mother, or that the mother he thought he knew is now foreign to him. But what to make of the centrepiece? Most of the song is the same few rambling, confused thoughts, but in the middle we get the clusterfuck ‘Four people, The baby one two, one 2 is a two to four. I love her, but I let her’. Who are the four people – son, Mom, mom, Dad? Who, or whose, is the baby? This is the point in the narrative process that our hero loses the plot and starts thinking in random, nonsensical equations. Perhaps we get close to some sort of reasoning with ‘I love her, but I let her’, but he stops short of explaining exactly what it is he let her do. This is a secret the man will take to the grave. And he seems quite keen to take a few more mothers with him before he blows himself away at the end of an exciting, probably naked, car chase.

Too Much Of A Good Thing.

I was praying we would get something light-hearted after that gristly ending when I hit shuffle on my iPod, but I landed on another tale of lost love, courtesy of The Sons. If any of you out there recognise this song, it’s because you heard it while watching Dumb And Dumber. One thing to note is that this song has some interesting lyrics, and poetically selected words that you would assume would not translate well between English and Korean. Under such circumstances, hilarity is bound to ensue. Here we go:

The Original:

There’s a chill in the air comin’ off the river tonight, Sure am glad I chose my sweater,
Walk alone, I walk alone tonight,Yeah, I’ve felt better.
But I know, in my heart, One car in an alley is better than a vacant lot,
And you’ll see, on my face,Lines on a young man can find their place.

Baby, I have left so much behind, Until I passed the same place twice
Now I see just what ya done to me, Too much of a good thing.

Can you hold the line,another call’s comin’ in, Might be the one I just got over,
Back and forth and up again, For just a wrong number.
But to scream a good cry, Could leave me naked in some stranger’s eyes,
So I’ll whisper, a little cry, Hope this memory’ll soon pass by. Ooh.

Baby, I got feelin’s old and strong, I did not think they’ll last this long, Tell me why your light keeps turnin’ on,
I say too much of a good thing. Too much of a good thing.

A lonely voice finds little demand, it turns too shy and afraid to make a stand.

For one last time can’t you listen to me, Baby don’t let me go silently

You’re too much, you’re too much. You’re too much of a good thing, You’re too much of a good thing, too much
Much too, much too, much too, much too, much too, much too, much too much, You’re too much of a good thing.

The Translation:

The chill is in the air coming off the night today river, Of course, I’m glad I choose the sweater
Walk alone, I walk alone at night, Yeah, well, I thought.
But in my mind, you know, The car is better than a vacant lot in the alley,
And you can see my face You can find their place in line to a young man.

Baby, it remains very much I until it passes the same place twice
Now, do me just what ya see The good thing is too much.

You can hold the line, Import of other currencies‘, I just got one that can be,
Maximum back and forth Just wrong.
But a good cry scream You leave me naked in the eyes of the stranger
So, I whispered a little cry, Please memory’ll passing quickly. Right.

Baby, I‘m an old strong feeling I did not think they‘d be able to last for so long,
Turn in the light of why do you say, I say too much of a good thing.
The good thing is too much.

The WTF:

Well, where to begin? Once again, the song takes a cynical turn – the original being more of an anguished cry of depression, and once again the narrator experiences severe bouts of confusion, mumbling over his words like a scarecrow brought to life by the blackest of magic, and then being fed magic mushrooms. To his credit, he starts of stable enough, glad he chose a sweater for a late night walk, but a glimpse of his mind shows that all is not well – ‘The car is better than a vacant lot in the alley‘. What precisely does he mean? Is this a literal statement, that a car is better than nothing? Did he see something which sparked this? Or is he thinking that a car is better than a vacant lot to perform some fell action? Whatever it is, he appears to make a swift exit as someone sees his face and he runs off. ‘Do me just what ya see’ – is this something you say to a prostitute, or something you say as a final act of defiance to a torturer? After this we get some bizarre talk of currency, screaming, nudity in front of strangers, and the haunting ‘Maximum back and forth Just wrong‘. The torture theme comes round and round again as the protagonist seems to have achieved a higher state of being – removing his spirit from his body yet not understanding why, or how ‘they’d be able to last for so long’. Who ‘they’ are, it may be best to not know.

In conclusion, my first two songs walked a much darker path to hilarity than I expected, and any laughs to be found therein are likely the laughs of a madman as he rises from behind your sofa, blade in one hand, and decapitated doll’s head on the other. Sweet dreams.

August 13, 2014 at 11:14 am Leave a comment

Manic Mondays – 11th August 2014

‘Prejudice burns brighter when it’s all we have to burn’

 

Mausoleum

August 11, 2014 at 9:33 pm Leave a comment

Nintendo News Roundup – 4th -10th August 2014

As expected, it has been another quiet couple of weeks in Nintendo land, with a mixture of good news and bad. A number of high-profile games continue to prove that the 3DS is king, while Mario Kart 8 is still riding high in the charts, though essentially on its own. Yet another AAA game will be skipping the Wii U as it continue to struggle in grabbing those Third Party titles, but it’s not too big a deal this time round – Nintendo fans got the original exclusive on the Gamecube. Capcom are re-re-re-releasing the original Resident Evil, this time it is an HD remake of the Gamecube’s updated hit. Considering the Gamecube version still looks gorgeous today, this shouldn’t be much of a miss. Still, it would have been nicer to have than not. Here’s the most recent news:

Hyrule Warriors: We recently had another batch of Hyrule Warrior News, with Nintendo seemigly hyping this one quite a bit. A Hyrule Warriors Nintendo Direct saw Ganondorf unveiled as a playable character and a new Adventure mode featuring top down classic stylings, as well as a tonne of other info on the other characters, their weapons, the maps, levelling up etc etc. The game is out in Japan next week!

Zelda Monopoly: Everyone’s favourite table-top family wrecker Monopoly finally gets a decent Nintendo themed edition, with a superb looking Zelda version. Will you be picking this up and earning a massive stash of rupees while you become Hyrule’s latest property tycoon?

Dan Adelman Leaves: The name may not mean much to the casual fan, or even those more familiar with Shigsy and Reggie, but Dan Adelman was key over the last few years in pushing the Wii U’s Indie credentials and marketing the console’s unique qualities to up and coming developers and smaller companies. However, recent months had seen some ‘outspoken’ comments from Adelman which culminated in him being banned from Twitter by Nintendo. Since leaving he has offered his opinions on Nintendo’s latest console, saying (as many others have) that the name is ‘abyssmal’ and that the console would have already sold much better with a different name. He has stated though that the console still has much to offer and has not yet sold in the numbers its quality warrants.

Mario Kart DlC: August sees some great updates coming for all MK8 owners, with a comprehensive Mercedes DLC pack and, more exciting perhaps, some updates fans have been crying out for. How many times have you accidentally selected View Highlights instead of Next Race because it was the top option between races? Begone, foul concatenation! WIth the new update, Next Race will now be th default option. Alongside this momentous update, there are updates to online communication, Mario Kart TV, Scoreboard options, the game will remember your vehicle parts, and most importantly, the option to have an on-screen TV map. The free Mercedes DLC offering 3 new vehicles will be coming to the West too.

August 10, 2014 at 8:34 pm Leave a comment

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