Nightman Listens To – De La Soul – 3 Feet High And Rising

When I started writing this series of Listens To! posts, my idea was to:

A: Listen to the tonnes of albums I have acquired over the years that I hadn’t bothered to actually listen to yet and give my thoughts as I listened for the first time.

B: Catch up on those artists that I was aware of/liked certain songs by, but whose albums I had never listened to in their entirety.

C: Potentially get some new favourites based off what I heard or by recommendations from my billions of readers.

D: Because there are a tonne of albums which always appear on best of lists which I have never heard. As a musician, music fan, and human with working ears, I feel that I should give these a go.

To get some focus, I decided to go to 2000 Edition of ‘Colin Larkin’s All Time Top 1000 Albums’ because it looks fairly comprehensive (and there are a few extra sections listing top 100 albums by genre which cover selections left out of the main 1000 which I will also try to cover).

Greetings, Glancers! I know it’s been a while, but once again the enemy scourge has meant my time to relax and criticize classic albums has been severely limited. But on this crisp late autumn night, it just so happens that I have some time to kill; so lets get to the killing.

What I Know About De La Soul: Aside from the name, and a few vague recollections, I don’t really know anything. I know they have been around since the 80s, and I know they are a rap/soul/R’n’B act. Did they have a female singer, or a famous song where a woman sings? Yeah, I’m clutching at straws.

What I Know About 3 Feet High And Rising: Not a thing. I’ve never heard of the album, but if it’s in the Top 1000, I’ll assume I’ll recognise at least one song. Maybe….

Intro: Wow, I didn’t realise there were so many songs. I’m assuming, like this intro, that a few will be spoken word skits. This is in the vein of a cheesy gameshow poking fun at… idiots. It’s all very funny and unusual, though the production, on the version I’m listening to, is a little tinny. Will we return to this gameshow?

The Magic Number: Well, of course, everyone knows this. Isn’t this a Beck song? Oh well, Beck is for Hipsters. He’s probably in the Top 1000 list somewhere. This song always irratated me a little, though I’ve never listened to it properly before. The rhymes come thick and fast and I imagine it would take a few listens to fully absorb the lyrics. On first listen I’ve no idea what it’s all about. A fine song, obviously a hit, though musically it’s a little too bare, all percussion and not a lot else.

Change In Speak: Now this sounds familiar too, but I don’t know if it’s because the intro is maybe a sample? I get a James Brown feel from it. Again, the lyrics are dense and it’s not easy to follow them on the first turn. It’s funky once again, it’s a little bare once again, maybe it’s the production, but aside from the brass and the odd little flurry, it feels a little too quiet. No complaints though, I’m just being picky.

Cool Breeze On The Rocks: A blast of samples and weirdness, plenty of pieces I recognise, all a bit weird and pointless, and a little blast of the gameshow quips again.

Can U Keep A Secret: Whispering and funk, people needing haircuts. I’ve heard these lines being quoted before, either in a meme, or from a friend in some drunken conversation. These are important secrets, keep them to yourself. Not much to say about this.

Jennifa Told Me: An interesting one, with a lot more going on musically, not a lot of empty space here. A song about a girl, I guess, told in tongue in cheek style and with a deliberately off-tune series of notes. This one is vaguely familiar, and then it all takes a turn for the weird with a bizarro interlude, all good. I’ve probably heard this in a club or at a party, but paid it no mind.

Ghetto Thang: I don’t recognise this one. Again, it’s difficult to catch the lyrics as I’m listening and typing at the same time, but seems to be satirical, and critical of slum life and dreams. More percussion and squeezed beats, noises, and things that I’m sure have correct terms within the genre but that I have no interest to learn. It’s definitely one to move to

Transmitting Live From Mars: French nonsense. Samples apparently from the cassettes they used to use in my French classes in school. I recognise the music, but not enough to tell if it’s a sample or not.

Eye Know: Yes, I know this one, obviously. Again, this one would have annoyed me when I was younger, but I must be more tolerant these days. The whistling part in particular would have pissed me off greatly, now it’s just a thing. It’s a fine song, another one I expect I would be quite happy to sway to if I was under the influence. The guy’s voice in a little too plain, I’m used to my rappers being very expressive, in the mould of Eminem or Chuck D, or even Snoop. This is all too one level for my liking – hearing the songs as a one off would be fine, but for an album, it becomes not repetitive, but a little… boring?

Take It Off: Another comedy one, poking fun at blokes…. misogyny? Something. Fine yes, but it’s not one I would listen to more than a couple of times and smells an awful lot like filler.

A Little Bit Of Soap: More recognisable notes. More funny lyrics. Probably the last two tracks could have been merged into a more coherent whole.

Tread Water: Interesting lyrics. I must say that it’s all more light-hearted than the handful of rap artists I listen to, and so far not a hint of violence or bling bullshit. Of course I can’t say for sure what any of the songs so far have been about without going back to check out the lyrics, but I think it’s obvious that this is a counterpoint to what was popular in rap both when it was released, and now. That should be a good thing of course, but as a whole it’s not something I think I’ll return to often.

Potholes In My Lawn: It gets more manic as it goes along. There’s a charm to it, and you can’t help but smile. It’s another fine track, nothing too memorable for me though – I have nothing against it, I don’t hate it, I wouldn’t moan if it was played to me all day, but it’s not something I’d choose to put on.

Say No Go: I don’t know this one, but it seems to be packed with samples and sounds, and I think I’ve heard pieces of this on Fresh Prince. It appears to be about drugs as ‘Crack’ is mentioned a few times.

Do As De La Does: An odd one. with a lot of shouting, swearing, strange timings and beats, interesting and curious, and a little bit of gameshow.

Plug Tunin: A slower track, though the lyrics still come quickly. I’ll to follow them this time. Chuck D? No, I’m not following the lyrics at all, partly because I can’t make them out, and partly because what I can make out spins all over the place, which is fine.

De La Orgee: Ok, a bunch of sex noises. I would happily blast this one from the people carrier on the school run.

Buddy: Say what? More banter. More sex words it seems. More chilled from a musical standpoint, and there seems to be a few different voices coming in here at different points. It’s ok, nothing great, nothing bad, plenty of funny lyrics from what I can make out. Jennifa makes another appearance, and a disturbing outro.

Description: 80s videogame noises. Much slower. The lyrics are deliberately slow as the group are clearly making fun of me at this point for being to white to know what the hell is going on. Have they seen the crap I upload to youtube? It seems I am more De La Soul than De La Soul are.

Me, Myself, And I: Righto, I know this one, or at least I recognise the samples, the obvious Funkadelic one standing out. Indeed, this one seems much more sample heavy than the other tracks on the album so far. That means that it isn’t as empty as others, but loses a bit of originality. The lyrics are stuttered slowly again, and the main guy’s voice really comes across as plain on this one.

This Is A Recording For Living In A Fulltime Era: At this point, yes, the same climb and fall of the vocalist is getting a little annoying – very everyline starts up here, and ends up down there. It’s almost like a white man’s bad mockery of rap, which is probably the biggest insult anyone can give. No doubt it’s still funky, but like Ive said, I prefer my vocalists to have a bit of emotion, or at least not sound identical on every track. No idea what they’re going on about here again, of course. Must be near my bed time.

I Can Do Anything: Do do. More madness.

Daisy Age: Very clicky. Lots of bin lids being jammed together. Nice lyrics. Packed with sounds and scratching, but ending a little too bland and bare for my liking. It gets more dense as it goes along, with backing singers, and ends with more gameshow banter. It’s quirky, but quirky in the way people who think they are quirky, are quirky. Is that it? Are we done?

What I Learned: That rap isn’t all about rape, murder, money, and bitches! It’s also about Mars, numbers, potholes, and monkeys.

Deserving Of A Place In Top 1000 Albums Of All Time: It’s a decent album, with many strong tracks, plenty of songs I recognise, and a lot of great ideas, funky beats, funny parts, good lyrics etc etc. I can only imagine that this was groundbreaking for the time – I don’t know enough about the genre to say otherwise, but it’s certainly among the best albums of its type that I’ve heard. I can see why critics fawn all over it, and if it was indeed influential, then it likely deserves its place. But I don’t see its influence anywhere today. I can’t say that it would make my list, but I understand why it seems to make many others. Give me your thoughts in the comments section below – is it one of your favourites? What were you doing when it was first released?

October 8, 2014 at 9:05 pm Leave a comment

Best Actress: 1963

Official Nominations: Natalie Wood. Leslie Caron. Shirley Maclaine. Patricia Neal. Rachel Roberts.

Again this wasn’t a very strong year in the Best Actress category and I’ve found it difficult choosing a winner because none of the performances wowed me. Neal won the award this year even though her scenes were minimal. My win goes to Roberts whose tragic character and tear-jerking role in Thi Sporting Life was eerily close to her own life.

My Winner: Rachel Roberts.

My Nominations: Elizabeth Taylor. Tippi Hedren. Julie Harris. Brigitte Bardot.

It’s fairly obvious that Liz Taylor gets my win this year, not that I’m a huge fan, but that if a 5 minute reel of film footage ever gets sent into space featuring our greatest stars and moments, you can be certain that Taylor as Cleopatra would be featured. It was the role she was born to play and it is impossible, pointless to imagine anyone else in the role. My close runner up is Tippi Hedren, who I am a huge fan of, both as an actress and a woman. She is as perfect as a ‘Hitchcock female’ as you could imagine, and is silky, sly, sexual, yet mysterious, endearing, and engaging in The Birds. Bardot gives one of her most famous efforts in Contempt where she is luscious and strong, while Harris plays an unusual horror heroine wonderfully in The Haunting.

My Winner: Elizabeth Taylor

As always, give your vote in the poll below, and let your voice be heard in the comments section!

September 25, 2014 at 10:17 pm Leave a comment

Hilarious Lyrics Translations – September 2014 – Part 1

Please note – the following hilarious translations are not the same as the equally hilarious misheard lyrics, nor are they actual translations currently out there in Pop Land. All I have done is taken a famous song and slapped the lyrics into one of the famous (ly bad) Internet Translation tools – translated from English into Korean, then back into English, with hilarious results. I picked Korean because, based on previous experience, it seems to struggle in the funniest way with the English language, and vice versa. Each week, I’m going to select some of the most famous songs of all times, of recent times, and throw in a few obscure favourites too, all for your enjoyment! Lets start the laughter right now!

You’re Beautiful

Posh twat James Blunt’ s disturbing ode to voyeurism inexplicably shot to the top of charts around the world in 200? and stayed there for a remarkable 12 years and 37 days. While clearly thieving from The Incredible Hulk theme tune, Blunt’ s warbling was pleasing to ugly people everywhere, and his message of… something… resonated with bewildered millions. I think it’s about time we reminded ourselves just how horrible this song is, and maybe get some new mileage out of it.

The Original

My life is brilliant. My love is pure. I saw an angel. Of that I’m sure.

She smiled at me on the subway. She was with another man. But I won’t lose no sleep on that, ’cause I’ve got a plan.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, it’s true.

I saw your face in a crowded place, and I don’t know what to do, ’cause I’ll never be with you.

Yes, she caught my eye as we walked on by. She could see from my face that I was fucking high.

And I don’t think that I’ll see her again, but we shared a moment that will last ’til the end.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, it’s true.

I saw your face in a crowded place, and I don’t know what to do, ’cause I’ll never be with you.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, it’s true.

There must be an angel with a smile on her face when she thought up that I should be with you.

But it’s time to face the truth, I will never be with you.

 The Translation

My life is amazing. My love is pure. I saw the angel. I’m sure of that.

She smiled at me on the subway is. She was with another man.

Cause I got a plan, but ‘will not lose sleep it is.

You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are in fact, beautiful.

I’m not sure I saw your face in a crowded place, And I do not know what. Cause I’ll never be with you.

In the example that we walked by, she caught my eye.

I could see from my face that I was fucking her.

And I do not think I can see her again, But we shared a moment lasts until it eventually.

You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are in fact, beautiful.

I’m not sure I saw your face in a crowded place, And I do not know what. Cause I’ll never be with you.

You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are in fact, beautiful.

You must be an angel with a smile on her face, I should be with you when she thinks.

But time to face the truth, I will not be with you.

The WTF

It’s difficult to imagine James Blunt taking time to care about his lyrics. In fact, it’s difficult to imagine James Blunt actually exists. Through the Spac Hole though, there exists untold versions of Blunt, and in the one above he has presented his thoughts in an ill-advised, all to rapey fashion. I can’t imagine it is overly pleasant to catch someone’s eye while passing by and realise that they are fucking you, even if it is a celeb. He does seem genuine(ly creepy) in is assertions that you are, in fact beautiful, though it’s unclear if you means ‘you’re beautiful, despite what everyon else says’ or ‘you’re beautiful, and when I was following you home I wasn’t sure that you actually were’. In the end though, he flips the Shymalan final line twist of the original where Blunt comes to the realisation that he’ll never see this woman again, this woman who apparently was made for him, and in this version deals a blow to her face by telling HER, that she must face the truth because he will not be with her. Nice.

I’ll Never Tell

Mutual hatred and mistrust is an unspoken given in any relationship, and bitter, angry old man Joss Whedon dedicates 3 minutes of his greatest work – Buffy the Vampire Slayer – to discussing this issue, via the gift of song. While unlikely to ever be played as any newly married couple’s first dance, Whedon’ s ditty is bound to lend itself well to hilarious translation.

The Original

This is the man that I plan to entangle, isn’t he fine? My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle, vengeance was mine!

But I’m out of the biz, the name I made I’ll trade for his. The only trouble is… I’ll never tell.

She is the one, she’s such wonderful fun, such passion and grace. Warm in the night, when I’m right in her tight… embrace – tight embrace!

I’ll never let her go. The love we’ve known can only grow. There’s just one thing that… no. Cuz there’s nothing to tell.

He snores. She wheezes. Say ‘housework’ she freezes. She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can’t describe.

I talk, he breezes. She doesn’t know what pleases. His penis got diseases from a Chumash Tribe.

The vibe gets kind of scary. Like she thinks I’m ordinary. Like it’s all just temporary. Like her toes are kinda hairy.

But it’s all very well. Cuz Go knows I’ll never tell.

When things get rough he, just hides behind his Buffy. Now look he’s gettin’ huffy cuz he knows that I know.

She clings, she’s needy, she’s also really greedy. She never…His eyes are beady.

This is my verse, hello? She… Look at me! I’m dancing crazy!

You know you’re quite the charmer. My knight in armor.

You’re the cutest of the Scoobies, with your lips as red as rubies, and your firm yet supple tight embrace!
 
He’s swell. She’s sweller. He’ll always be my feller. That’s why I’ll never tell her that I’m petrified.

I’ve read this tale, there’s wedding then betrayal. I know there’ll come the day I’ll want to run and hide.

I lied. I said it’s easy. I’ve tried, but there’s these fears I can’t quell.

Is she looking for a pot of gold. Will I look good when I’ve gotten old?

Will our lives becomes too stressful if I’m never that successful?

When  I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley

Am I crazy? Am I dreamin? Am I marrying a demon? We could really raise the beam in making marriage a Hell

So thank Gold I’ll never tell. I swear that I’ll never tell.

My lips are sealed. I take the fifth. Nothin’ to see! Move it along! I’ll never tell!

The Translation

This is the man I want to do well, he entangled?

Reputation plurality mine, as though my argument was manipulated packets!

I’m in the music industry name, but I’m made ​​to change his. I do not know … The only problem is.

One such wonderful fun and she is such a passion and grace, she said.

I have full right to her warm at night … accept. Tight hug! Love you forever. We know that love can grow there.

No … this is one kind of those. I do not know. Nothing to say cuz.

He snores. Together and she wheezes. Lyrics say, he stopped. Eat this time skeezy cheeses that I can not describe her.

I talk, he winds. She can not find pleasing. With the disease in the Chumash tribe of his penis!

This thing gets scary feeling. I think I like her plain. Like all temporary. I like her hairy toes.

But it’s over very well. God knows I do not know my cousin!

When things get rough, he hides behind his Buffy. Now he ‘Look gettin mad. Cuz he knows that I know.

I’m greedy, she is poor, she is also weak. She is … The beads are not his eyes!

The Hello, Is my verse? She … Look at me! I’m crazy dancing!

You’ll find attractive lump knight in armor you pretty

You, it’s cute lips, Scoobies you like rubies and red And your firm yet supple tight embrace!

He is expanding. She sweller. He will always be my feller. I told her why I’m not a drunk.

I read this story and delivering a wedding. I would run and hide I’m coming days.

I easily said, lying. I tried, but these fears can not I fighting this.

Are you looking for the pot of gold she? Will I look good when you’ve long?

What we did not value the life that I have successfully become too stressful?

When you get too worn and wrinkled, like David Brinkley I?

Am I crazy? “Where am I dreamin? I am married with the devil?

You can raise the beam to create the wedding we really hell. So you can not say that I thank God. I swear I’ll never tell.

My lips are sealed. I am the fifth in! “Nothing to see! Move it! I do not know!

The WTF

Although the problems between Anya and Xander are largely manipulated and exaggerated from genuine concerns into something much more, we can tell from the original I’ll Never Tell that the problems and fears are many, but unspoken and possibly imaginary. In the translation’s first line we find out that they are confirmed – Xander is insecure, has always been a loser, in school, and work, and he is afriad that if he doesn’t have a successful career (especially given Anya’s fanatical capitalist leanings) that she will drop him. Her first line here is telling – ‘Here is the man I want to do well’ – in other words, she does want him to be a success. Any attempt at further sense is lost as her argument becomes ‘manipulated packets’, whatever that is. She always was a little loopy. As is the way with these translations, within moments, utter insanity ensues, the 4th wall implodes, and nothing is right – ‘Lyrics say he stopped’ eh? ‘I am the fifth in’ – wha? ‘The beads are not his eyes’ – no idea.

The only genuine insights we can uncover are from Xander, although he is clearly confused – ‘I think  I like her plain’ to ‘I like her hairy toes’. ‘She is poor, she is also weak’ is fairly insulting, while ‘I told her why I’m not a drunk’ reveals more about coming episodes that he knows. All in all, it’s a mess of innuendo and bizarre cut-ups of half-falsehoods. Still, it’s pretty funny.

September 21, 2014 at 12:55 pm Leave a comment

Nintendo News 24th – 31st August 2014

It has been a quiet few weeks in Nintendo land recently, an expected part of the typical post – E3 excitement and unfortunate Summer drought. As we move towards the end of the year, a raft of new games on all of the major consoles means the run in to Christmas looks to be another fantastic one for gamers of all types. We were not expecting any major Nintendo news aside from the usual snippets about upcoming games until closer to year-end, but as always with Nintendo, they aim to surprise as well as delight. Lets review the biggest stories from the past week.

New 3DS: Earlier in the week, Nintendo announced that they would be having a Japanese 3DS focused Direct. Fans waited to see some more Smash Brothers info, and maybe an unannounced game or two, but what we got was the entirely unexpected announcement of 2 new handheld consoles – the New 3DS and New 3DS XL. Boasting a number of upgrades from the predecessors, the two consoles will be available in Japan before the end of the year, with the West following some time in 2015. This seems like a shrewd, if a little cynical move by Nintendo, knowing that the Japanese market is almost completely driven by portable devices. As more information emerged on the consoles, it has become apparent that these are more than just basic cosmetic upgrades. The sizes of each has been increased, the weight decreased; there is a new circle pad, new shoulder buttons, and new button placement and design; there is an NFC reader to enable Amiibo use; the 3D hardware has been revamped to ensure easier use, and a wider range of positions to get the best full effect; the CPU and RAM seems to have undergone some large improvement, though accounts are varying on this so far; new models now use Micro SD storage, with each console coming with a 4Gb card; some new wireless and internet security malarkey. Perhaps the biggest news, and news which has annoyed some existing users, is that a bunch of exclusive games will be coming which will only work on the new console – with a port of the Wii’s excellent Xenoblade Chronicles being the first of these. Will you be getting one? I’ve been waiting for a 3DS XL to come down in price so I can pick one up, but I may wait until next year now to pick up one of these bad boys. With a huge library already, there has never been a better time to join the Nintendo handheld family.

Job Cuts: In more depressing news, Nintendo Europe have announced that over 300 jobs will be cut. Obviously this is terrible for all employees, and we wish them all the best for the future.

Mario Kart DLC: As us Western gamers ‘eagerly’ waited for the MK8 Mercedes DLC, Nintendo dropped another bombshell with the announcement of 2 upcoming DLC packages. Coming late this year, and early next year, each package will offer 4 new characters, 4 new vehicles, and most importantly, 8 new tracks making a whopping 16 – that’s basically an entirely brand new game! Nintendo has rightly been late to the DLC game, and has proven that DLC does not need to be a cynical cash in (looking at you EA). Courses based on F-Zero, Animal Crossing, and characters such as Link have been announced, and best of all, each package is less than a tenner. Fans have been naming this Super Smash Kart, and the floodgates could yet open for countless cross-overs.

Amiibo: Amiibo pre-orders have begun, and apparently are performing very well on sites such as Amazon. Although I don’t have any interest in the figures myself, I imagine there will be a big market for this, with kids wanting to pick up each, with fans like me wanting to try out one for the novelty, and the hardcore fans wanting to have them all on their shelves.

Miyamoto Speaks: Legendary designer Shigeru Miyamoto has been in fine form recently, speaking on a variety of topics. Only little pieces of his discussions have since been released, so be sure to pick up next month’s Edge Magazine. So far, Miyamoto has been vocal about Nintendo, and his own personal desire to target the core gamer audience once more, moving away from the casual market which has slowly been moving away from Nintendo, and console gaming as a whole. Nintendo have always delivered quality – large scale imaginative adventures which transport gamers out of the mundane real world, and into a joyous world of invention and excitement. As a general rule, casual gamers do not want these types of things, instead wanting a quick addictive fix on the bus or toilet – in other words, they are the type of gamer who don’t really want the sort of fully fledged experience Nintendo is known to offer. Fans have reacted positively to the great man’s words, and if it means that we get less junk and more quality, then I am all for it. Miyamoto covers a variety of other concerns, and he is known to be an always honest, humble, and entertaining interviewer, so I’m sure there will be more highlights.

Bravely Second: The first footage of Square Enix’s highly anticipated sequel was unleashed this week, presenting a gorgeous visual style and a bunch of different jobs and outfits to choose from.

Pokken Fighter: A few weeks back, there was a rumour that Nintendo would be announcing a shocking new Pokemon game. Naturally, everyone was hoping for a fully 3D, HD Wii U game, but this week the game that was unveiled was Pokken Tournament, an Arcade only beat-em up. Using the latest Tekken engine, the game looks smooth, but likely won’t excite too many Western games unless a Wii U port is announced.

An action packed week then – I didn’t even get to mention the Bayonetta 2 release date or the NES Remix on 3DS announcement – let us know your thoughts about any of this week’s news in the comments section!

August 31, 2014 at 8:40 pm Leave a comment

Manic Mondays – 25th August 2014

‘Democracy is an empty lie’

 

Spectators Of Suicide

August 25, 2014 at 11:52 am Leave a comment

Hilarious Translations Of Song Lyrics – August 2014 Part 2

Please note – the following hilarious translations are not the same as the equally hilarious misheard lyrics, nor are they actual translations currently out there in Pop Land. All I have done is taken a famous song and slapped the lyrics into one of the famous (ly bad) Internet Translation tools – translated from English into Korean, then back into English, with hilarious results. I picked Korean because, based on previous experience, it seems to struggle in the funniest way with the English language, and vice versa. Each week, I’m going to select some of the most famous songs of all times, of recent times, and throw in a few obscure favourites too, all for your enjoyment! Lets start the laughter right now!

Umbrella

A catchy song, no doubt, but ruined by Rihanna’s grating warbles and an irritating production, this song about staying dry during life’s storms is best avoided while listening to the excellent Manic Street Preachers cover instead. Regardless, as it is one of the highest selling songs of recent years, it deserves the translation treatment.

The Original:

Uh huh, uh huh (Yea Rihanna), Uh huh, uh huh (Good girl gone bad), Uh huh, uh huh (Take three… Action), Uh huh, uh huh

No clouds in my stones. Let it rain, I hydroplane in the bank. Coming down with the Dow Jones.
When the clouds come we gone, we Rocafella. We fly higher than weather
In G5’s are better, You know me,In anticipation, for precipitation. Stack chips for the rainy day
Jay, Rain Man is back with little Ms. Sunshine, Rihanna where you at?

You have my heart And we’ll never be worlds apart. Maybe in magazines But you’ll still be my star.
Baby ’cause in the dark You can’t see shiny cars. And that’s when you need me there, With you I’ll always share Because -

When the sun shines, we’ll shine together, Told you I’d be here forever,
Said I’ll always be a friend, Took an oath I’ma stick it out ’til the end.
Now that it’s raining more than ever, Know that we’ll still have each other.
You can stand under my umbrella. You can stand under my umbrella (Ella ella eh eh eh).
Under my umbrella (Ella ella eh eh eh).

These fancy things, will never come in between. You’re part of my entity, here for infinity.
When the war has took its part, When the world has dealt its cards, If the hand is hard, together we’ll mend your heart Because

You can run into my arms, It’s OK, don’t be alarmed, Come here to me.
There’s no distance in between our love, So go on and let the rain pour I’ll be all you need and more Because

It’s raining, raining. Oh, baby it’s raining, raining. Baby come here to me. Come here to me. It’s raining, raining
Oh baby it’s raining, raining. You can always come here to me. Come here to me

The Translation:

 My heart and we will never get a worlds apart. Maybe you’ll still be my star in the magazine, however.

Shining in the darkness and you will not be able to see the car ’cause baby.

And he said to me, I will always be with us when the sun shines, because winning is going to be here forever, you said, I’m always going to be your friends share with you took an oath when you need it, I stick to the end.

Now it’s raining more than ever, we are still going to know each other. You can stand under my umbrella.

Under my umbrella (Ella Ella eh eh eh). My under the umbrella (Ella Ella eh eh eh).

This will not come back between cool things. You’re part of my entity, here for infinity.

it was part of the war when the hands together when we can run into my arms, because you’ll mend your heart hard case has dealt its cards in the world, it’s OK not to be alarmed, I come here, there is no distance between our love, so it is;

and it’s going to be a non-call and more, simply because it’s rain, Rain. Oh, baby, rain, rain. Baby come to me, come to me. … Rain, rain, rain, rain, Oh baby. You always can come here to me. I come here.

The WTF:

Not actually too different from the garbled mess of the original. There may even be an improvement over the incomprehensible Jay Zed junk. He has however managed his most cryptic yet profound rhyme yet with the eternal ‘Rihanna where the chip stacks’. Rihanna’s finest moment comes with ‘Shining in the darkness and you will not be able to see the car ’cause baby’. Cause baby what? As seems to be the way with these transalationathons, there is an inevitable descent into chaos – that spiel before the end about war and heart hard cases is a rambling disaster.

Hots On For Nowhere

A late in the day Zeppelin song, this is a song that I never paid a lot of attention too, either lyrically, musically, or otherwise. Lots of interesting phrases and twists below which will serve for hilarious translating.

The Original

I was burned in the heat of the moment, Though it couldn’t have been the heat of the day.
When I learned how my time had been wasted, (And a) tear fell as I turned away.

Now I’ve got friends who will give me their shoulder, Event I should happen to fall.
Time and his bride growing older, I’ve got friends who will give me fuck all.

(On the) corner of Bleeker and nowhere In the land of not quite day,
A shiver runs down my backbone, Face in the mirror turns grey.

So (I) looked round to hitch up the reindeer, Searching hard trying to brighten the day.
I turned around to look for the snowman To my surprise he’d melted away.

As the moon and the stars call the order Inside my tides dance the ebb and sway.
The sun in my soul’s sinking lower, While the hope in my hands turns to clay.
I don’t ask that my field’s full of clover, I don’t moan at opportunity’s door,
 And if you ask my advice, take it slower, Then your story’d be your finest reward.

Lost on the path to attainment, Search in the eyes of the wise.
When I bled from the heart of the matter, I started bleeding without a disguise.

Now everything’s fine under heaven, Now and then you’ve got to take time to pause.
 When you’re down on the ground, don’t be messin’ around, Or you’ll land in a boat without oars.
Hey babe, Hey babe, Hey babe, I lost my way.

Hey babe, Hey babe, I don’t know where I’m gonna find it.

Hey babe, Hey babe, Do you wanna know,
Do you really, really, wanna help me, yeah?

Let me tell you now, babe Let me tell you, That it feels so good that it must be right

Now my babe,Let me tell you, That it feels so good that it must be right…

The Translation

Could not be opened for two days in the heat of the moment, though I was burned. I was wasting my time, I learned how (and) The tears fell as I turned away.

On his shoulder, I need to provide an event occurs on a friend‘s fall to me now. Time and his bride growing older, I will provide all the sex I‘m a friend.

Not work well in the land of nowhere corner of Bleeker () or, The shiver that turns gray face in the mirror, and run my backbone.

So (I) looked bright work hard trying to search, the reindeer hitch roundI turned around to find that he was surprise melted snowman.

Dancing in the ebb tide to change the order of the moon and the stars inside the phone. Days of low sunk my soul, with hope in my hands turns to mud.
I, I first of all fields of clover, does not require that you do not moan at the door of opportunity, If you have asked for my advice it slow, then story’d is the best reward.

You can find the path of achieving lost, to the eye of wisdom. When I was bleeding from the core of the problem, I started bleeding without a disguise.

Now everything under the sun now well then it may take some time to pauseWhen you’re on the ground, or you do not get to the boat, around the spoiling you no no.
Hey baby hey baby, hey baby, I lost my way.

Let me see it, I‘ll find the baby, hey hey, I do not know.

I know Hey lady, I want you baby, look at. You really, really, yeah I want, do you help me?

Let me tell you that I feel so good it should be good, now let’s you baby. Now I feel that I should be good too like it, let me tell you baby

 

The WTF

An already depressing song, at least by Zep’s standard’s becomes even more downbeat and visceral – and becomes a bit of a Hero’s Journey. The narrator speaks of presumably not being able to escape from some fiery prison for two days, and eventually giving in. In a Hellraiser like twist, the narrator’s charred corpse returns with the ominous ‘I will provide all the sex I’m a friend’. It seems he must traverse some hell-dimension call ‘Bleeker’, a place of nowhere, a place of shivers, a place where reindeer become melted snowmen. Looking frantically for some way to leave this place, he does a cosmic-shattering dance, only for all hope to leave as it comes to nothing – he is then mocked for his hopeless moaning by a speaking, sentient clover field. This field leaves some cryptic advice, and a ghastly philosophical revelation – ‘When I was bleeding from the core of the problem, I started bleeding without a disguise‘. It seems that the narrator is now able to return home, finds his baby lady and has a frantic, romantic coming together as we fade to black.

August 24, 2014 at 1:04 pm Leave a comment

Amazon Vine Freebies -February 2014

In February the food feast continued, but Amazon decided I needed to start burning off all that Christmas fat by offering me an assortment of fitness related treats. It also saw the pleasing return of the free DVD.

Peacock: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Peacock-DVD-Cillian-Murphy/dp/B00GDEZLS8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=undefined&sr=8-1&keywords=peacock+cillian

A nice, understated psych-drama with a strong cast, this won’t be one for everyone, but will be of interest for anyone who enjoys slow-burning thrillers, thought-provoking dramas, and cross-dressing Irishmen.

Not For Parents Europe: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Not-For-Parents-Europe-Everything/dp/174321913X/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1408712421&sr=8-7&keywords=not+for+parents+europe

A Lonely Planet/Horrible Histories style book aimed at pre-teens covering some of Europe’s most important figures and moments. Lots of interesting information delivered in a bright and breezy manner, with plenty of gruesome tidbits to keep kids engaged.

Perfect Fitness AB Carver Pro Ultrawide Wheel – Black, Size 1: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Perfect-Fitness-Carver-Ultrawide-Wheel/dp/B00COQ2X94/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408712505&sr=8-1&keywords=ab+carver

It took a while for me to understand what the hell this was and how it worked, and after realizing I had put the handles on upside-down, I was finally able to start using it. Actually provides a stern workout, but you will look like a tool using it, especially beside the motorway if that is somewhere you would choose to workout. It’s extra wide too, meaning you can mow down both the cat and dog.

Alpen Fruit & Nuts Trail Bar 48g x 3 (Pack of 11, 33 bars in total): http://www.amazon.co.uk/Alpen-Fruit-Nuts-Trail-total/dp/B00HBR7WFG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408712781&sr=8-1&keywords=Alpen+Fruit+%26+Nuts+Trail+Bar+48g+x+3

Sore on the jaw, but good for the soul – Alpen!

August 22, 2014 at 1:07 pm Leave a comment

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